Our neighbour has just shout at us for having a bbq

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Honestly im quite embarrassed and can't believe this just happened but basically our DS turned 12 on Friday, he's too big for a party but wanted a family bbq with our close family ( my sister, her 2 kids, my parents and DH parents) we had just pottered about the garden and I was getting seats out, hubby was getting BBQ sorted and next thing I know my neighbour starts screaming at us over the fence. I was initially quite taken back by her and asked her what was wrong ( in a very gentle confused voice) she started screaming that she's had it up to the next of people BBQ ing and she's just out out washing and we are extremely selfish for not asking her if it was ok to BBQ! I politely said I'm very sorry to have bothered you but it's my sons birthday and this is only the 2nd time we have had a BBQ so her anger at us is misplaced. She continued screaming at me until she stormed off. I'm now feeling a bit rubbish that my guests aren't even here yet and the day is ruined.

Am I a selfish prat for not arranging this with her first? I genuinely didn't think this was a thing?!

Really? I don’t tend to have barbecues but various neighbours always do and have never asked me for permission nor would I expect them to.

I think in the summer BBQs are just expected. I've never been told by a neighbour nor informed anyone either. I looooove the smell of the coal and firelighters type. 😍

I really like the smell and when we lived in London never closed my windows against it. None of them were gas, just standard charcoal.

I think it depends a bit on area and location. If you never talk to your neighbours it seems a bit odd to tell them, if you know Jill and Ted next door, you’re far more likely to say ‘oh heads up, we’re having a barbecue Saturday’ in general chat. I do think it’s usual to think about where the smoke’s blowing and position it away from washing etc.

Quite frankly, I’m amazed at the question as I am about some of the responses almost supporting the neighbour’s reaction.

I would never expect my neighbours to let me know if they have a BBQ- unless they wish to invite me, which alas has never happened!

BBQ’s smelling nice is a matter of opinion. As a non meat eater, the smell of burning/cooking flesh is abhorrent to me. Personally I would prefer to smell a bonfire.

She needs to be told to get an actual grip on herself!!! None of my neighbours notify us they're having a BBQ and we don't notify them; in fact I think they would think we were quite mad if we did!!! It's not the norm. She needs to fuck off and wind her stupid neck in.

Do you live beside the sistine chapel?

I don't think anyone is talking about the smell of meat cooking. I don't think that particular smell travels far because I've never noticed it. It is the smell of the charcoal burning that is nice.

Agree 100%. Yesterday my neighbours started a BBQ early afternoon. It was right against our wooden fence, and took about 30 minutes before it stopped smoking and stinking of half burnt lighter fluid, i presume the charcoal was old and damp. And yes, I had laundry hanging about 10 feet away which they could clearly see as the fence is only waist height. Not a word was said either way.

As a perpetual greedy person I quite like the smell of cooking burgers and sausages, so have no issues with a properly set up BBQ. But the prevailing wind was such the house was filled with the stinky acrid fumes. I did nothing apart from shut the closest windows and privately moan to DH (and check the hose pipe was already attached to the outside tap should the fence catch fire). I did hear other neighbours complaining loudly in their garden though. 😁

i live in back to backs noone tells anyone theyre having a bbq

theyd have to knock on at least four houses

washing should be in the airing cupboard/inside airer late evening otherwise spiders willies start on it!
i do hope you enjoyed your bbq in the end.

If I saw my neighbour had washing on the line I would knock and tell them that we were going to have a bbq.

People are absolutely nuts on here, however back in the real world, I've never been warned someone's having a bbq and I've never warned others!

Hope you had a lovely bbq OP 😊

You don't have to tell them or ask if it's ok. Since when did all this making sure it's ok with the neighbours become a thing. Fuck that.

In your situation, I'd have quite happily told the neighbour to fuck off.

Only here could people be so worked up over a bbq.
Literally never have myself or neighbours mentioned if we are having a bbq.

‘BBQs smell nice’ is what was said. BBQs by their very nature involves cooking something or other, so the smell is also a smell of whatever is being cooked. I assume you are a meat eater and therefore don’t notice the smell of meat. The smell of cooking meat does travel quite a distance and quite easily from a garden next door.

Things are weird these days.. everyone gets pissy over everything. Slightest inconvenience, smells, noises and they hit the roof.

Tbf I panicked when we lit our disposable BBQ. It was so smelly and smoky 😭 we are so close to neighbours.. luckily they didn't complain I just cooked what I needed then put it out haha but I'd imagine them being irritated but they are too polite and nice.

I don't remember it being this intense. When I grew up people would have bonfires, fireworks, kids out playing, animals. never heard anyone in the village complaining to each other 😂 now where I am the neighbours have a petition they are sending to the council about one family around us kids having a noisy game in the garden haha I'm not bothered as it's only for a couple hours in the afternoon they play.

You don't ask your neighbour if it's ok to BBQ.

Let her scream and stomp. She is probably jealous.

Can you get a higher fence? One she can't scream over?

Yeah people are pissy at life nowadays, because they are jealous.

Imagine how sad your life is if you scream over people in their gardens in the summer?

Unless you can afford a secluded detached house you just have to put up with people life noise and smells.

We have small yappy dogs now almost every garden, so we just turn the music up to drown them out. Nothing we can do, and our gardens are quite mature and decent sized. We have BBQs, fires, wood burners in the winter, what to do, get pissy or just let life carry on?

As long as you started after 5pm, it's fine. As all washing should have dried and been put away. I don't think you did anything wrong, and you handled it well. Sounds like she has issues with her other neighbours bbq. Possibly they bbq at lunch time, making her bring in her washing. Then hung it out later, which conflicted with your bbq. But you did absolutely nothing wrong, at all. We have a gas one now, and it doesn't smell bad.

Where do you bbq in a back to back?

Saturday evening I was lying on the bed reading, bedroom is at the front of the house.
I could smell smoke and burning, thought oh shit and ran on to the landing as I thought a fan had over heated and had set on fire.
my sons room, at the back of the house was filling with smoke.
Looked out of the window and smoke swirling everywhere. The neighbours had lit a charcoal bbq by the fence practically under my sons window.
I shut the window, went downstairs and had to shut the kitchen window as it was blowing in there too. They would’ve heard the windows being shut.
Swore about them being silly buggers lighting the bbq right under the window, but to myself, and waited for the smell and smoke to go.
Thought about saying something to them, but what could they have done- was too hot to move and they hadn’t cooked anything thus far, so wouldn’t have chucked water on it - will mention in passing could they do it further from house next time

Ours wants to come round to discuss the smoke and smell. I’ve only agreed because otherwise she’ll embarrass us by moaning over the fence when our friends are here on Sunday. Gah!

As long as you started after 5pm, it's fine. As all washing should have dried and been put away.

No it shouldn't.

Get pissy?

What

She's being a twat but I always tell neighbour through our group chat in advance of a BBQ