Our neighbour has just shout at us for having a bbq

[arrivalpending]

Honestly im quite embarrassed and can't believe this just happened but basically our DS turned 12 on Friday, he's too big for a party but wanted a family bbq with our close family ( my sister, her 2 kids, my parents and DH parents) we had just pottered about the garden and I was getting seats out, hubby was getting BBQ sorted and next thing I know my neighbour starts screaming at us over the fence. I was initially quite taken back by her and asked her what was wrong ( in a very gentle confused voice) she started screaming that she's had it up to the next of people BBQ ing and she's just out out washing and we are extremely selfish for not asking her if it was ok to BBQ! I politely said I'm very sorry to have bothered you but it's my sons birthday and this is only the 2nd time we have had a BBQ so her anger at us is misplaced. She continued screaming at me until she stormed off. I'm now feeling a bit rubbish that my guests aren't even here yet and the day is ruined.

Am I a selfish prat for not arranging this with her first? I genuinely didn't think this was a thing?!

They must have a gas one.

No. Close area also. We send a quick message, heads up to take in washing etc. Not permission but it's always appreciated.

Just to say if this didn't happen I wouldn't be shouting over the fence!

My neighbour is current having a barbecue and I'm not joking I can no longer see the end of his back garden for the smoke coming off the barbecue. Even though it's really hot we have to have all the windows shut or the house stinks of it.

The day is not ruined at all. Ignore the stupid twat and enjoy your barbie. She has no right to try and dictate what you do in your own garden.

Honestly, I can tell that loads of barbies are lit at the moment round here. Nobody bats an eyelid and nobody bothers advertising what they are doing to the neighbours. We all just get on with it.

I'd have told her to go and fart somewhere.

It would have been helpful to her if you had warned her about the barbeque though.

On Friday one of our neighbours popped round to tell us he was planning one, and he'd noticed we had washing on the line. No problems, we took it in. He also said that if he and his friends got a little loud, then we should tell him and he'd take the party indoors.

By 10:45pm it had got a little loud and was disturbing out dog, who kept barking. So we spoke to neighbour, no problems, he took the party inside.

With goodwill and a bit of thought, there really is little need to fall out. Of course, there will always be people whose mental health gets in the way of courtesy, but most people in my experience respond well to a bit of forethought.

So do I

YANBU X

This MN myth that you have to let the whole neighbourhood know you're using the barbecue, and need to plan around the times they are doing the washing is bloody ridiculous, and very British. I'm in Australia (now) we all seem to be able to have a combination of swimming pools, hot tubs, basketball rings and barbecues without our neighbours being distressed or needing three weeks warning........

I agree it depends on your bbq. So next door have a charcoal one, they never warn me. Sometimes it doesn’t smell that bad but last weekend it was terribly Smokey so not sure if they were having problems but yes my washing smelled Smoky. But I didn’t scream at anybody.

I always let neighbours know if I’m bbqing- very rare nowadays if I’m honest.
My next door neighbours never inform me. They have their bbq set up against my fence, the smoke always, always blows into my garden and they do it when I have washing on the line.I think it’s twattish behaviour.
I’m not saying you are the same op.

I wouldn't mind the smell at all if it wasn't for the smoke but when you can literally see the rest of the terrace of four houses go inside and that your smoke is drifting into all your neighbours gardens that's the time to show some consideration. I have relatives that use gas barbecues and they're great, so much more considerate it's great people are using they're garden but it's a balance in not stopping others using there's

Id be out there bbq’ing everyday after that! 🤣 What a psycho!

This

You're clearly not a proper Mumsnetter if you leave your washing out when you have guests 😂

I shouldn't imagine she was screaming. They always say "screaming" on Mumsnet - it helps with the drama

Ha! Pants and everything flapping about for PIL to admire. I don't even have a massive salad with my barbecues, just an ordinary one. I'd better hand in my membership.

This is exactly why when sons move out I'm selling family home and looking for a tiny one bed property miles away from anyone. I can finally enjoying garden in peace.

Our neighbours have had the bbq on every day since the nice weather. I’ve had washing out every day. Not once did I ever think to bring my washing in and not once did it smell of bbq (and they have an old fashion charcoal one). Some people need to get a grip. I for one love the smell and the notion of people being out, enjoying the weather and cooking outside. And personally I can’t think of anything more hassle than having one myself. Don’t let a nutter like her ruin your day 🫠

Got a new neighbour a couple of years ago and he’s BBQ crazy.
It’s right up by the fence, near my washing line but he always knocks first if I have washing out. I’m grateful for the chance to rescue my laundry.

It’s not about asking permission, just a polite heads up.

Christ, of course you don’t ask your neighbours before you BBQ!

At a push, if I noticed my neighbours had washing on the line I’d give them a knock if I spotted it.

I get on really well with my neighbours, we all have BBQs at some point, and we all hang washing out - not a single strop between us.

While I wouldn't have shouted at a neighbour over the fence we do let our neighbours know if we're having a bbq so that they can avoid hanging washing out just before. (I've been in the situation of hanging a full wash load out only to have to take it in 5 minutes later due to smoke, so I can see how it's inconvenienced her). While you don't have to change your plans to suit others I do think it's considerate to acknowledge that the decision to have a bbq affects other people too.

Literally never shut my windows once when others have a bbq, or when we do 🤷‍♀️

oh yanbu
on my facebook community there was a vegetarian complaining aobut bbqs. because she didnt eat meat!

it is absolutely never worthy of a complaint

You haven't done anything wrong OP

Same. Back when normal people had manners it was usual to pop next door and tell people you were going to light the Barbie, rather than blowing black smoke on their clean washing.