Our neighbour has just shout at us for having a bbq

[arrivalpending]

Honestly im quite embarrassed and can't believe this just happened but basically our DS turned 12 on Friday, he's too big for a party but wanted a family bbq with our close family ( my sister, her 2 kids, my parents and DH parents) we had just pottered about the garden and I was getting seats out, hubby was getting BBQ sorted and next thing I know my neighbour starts screaming at us over the fence. I was initially quite taken back by her and asked her what was wrong ( in a very gentle confused voice) she started screaming that she's had it up to the next of people BBQ ing and she's just out out washing and we are extremely selfish for not asking her if it was ok to BBQ! I politely said I'm very sorry to have bothered you but it's my sons birthday and this is only the 2nd time we have had a BBQ so her anger at us is misplaced. She continued screaming at me until she stormed off. I'm now feeling a bit rubbish that my guests aren't even here yet and the day is ruined.

Am I a selfish prat for not arranging this with her first? I genuinely didn't think this was a thing?!

Yes, I think you should have let her know in advance.

OTH when we were young, like 30 years ago, our neighbours wrote to us to let us know that it was unacceptable to hang out washing on Sundays. We nodded and smiles. DH had a pergola thing but around the line so they couldn't see it.

They died many years ago now, and they left the children £5k each.

She's hanging out her washing this late?

Ours expects to be warned in case she is about to put washing out 🙄. She also panicked last year that our lid on BBQ was going to set the green bush on fire. I’ll warn her about next Sunday’s one when I can be arsed.

Blimey we bbq every night in the summer. I never think to inform neighbours. I wouldn’t expect them to tell me either. I always just think how nice their food smells.

I have a decent size garden but hardly acres. I can’t even see if my neighbours have washing out due to trees/fencing.

Doesn’t bother when neighbours have a BBQ, it’s noise more than smoke usually (although my neighbours are great and no complaints either way). They’re always considerate and any talking etc. stops by 10 latest at the weekend which we also follow, them’s the unofficial street rules!

I have a dual BBQ and mainly use gas. There’s no ‘telling my neighbours’ as I cook on it all the time as too hot to have the oven on all the time.

It pisses me off that our neighbour will light the barbecue when my washing is out. Of course she doesn't need my permission but just let me know so I can bring the washing in.
I wouldn't scream at anyone about it though.

Why on earth would you need her permission

i'll admit I 'stormed' out into the garden earlier when my neighbours had a BBQ. only to see if I could get offered a burger which they did

My neighbour bbq's pretty much everybday in the summer and it wouldn't occur to me to mind!

Your neighbour is a cow

Neither do mine, but it still reaches my windows.

We bbq probably 4 days a week in summer at home. And every Saturday at a relatives with all the family and neighbours.

No one has ever complained, taken their washing in or had to close windows.

The Saturday ones are generally lit around 1pm finish 10pm. As people arrive different times. Or the dcs want stuff seperatly. And when there's around 30 people it takes a long time to bbq.

It’s just basic politeness to let your neighbour know if you are planning to have a party and light a BBQ. You aren’t asking permission, you’re just letting them know.

Where on earth do you live that people lack this basic courtesy?

I can't recall ever asking permission to have a barbecue in our own garden! No one has ever come and warned us/asked if it's ok too. Never spoken about it with neighbours either, except when we're inviting each other over. Your neighbour sounds a bit unhinged unreasonable.

God this again.

YANBU OP. Even when I've had a BBQ in my own garden my clothing doesn't 'stink of smoke' so I really don't understand what it going on with people when they say this.

We've got a gas BBQ so it doesn't smell at all, but I did curse when next door got a wood fired pizza oven... that's horrendous for about an hour before they use it, and the wind is always blowing over our way so I do watch like a hawk for them lighting it so I can shut our windows/get washing in.

Do you have a gas bbq? They don't smell like a bonfire.

Literally have never lived anywhere where this was a thing. Party - maybe - family gathering and BBQ - no.

What about lighting a barbecue just for the family living there? The neighbour didn't know there were going to be guests when she started having a go at @arrivalpending

Some people are so ridiculous I wonder how they cope with life. Nobody I know tells their neighbours every time they BBQ. It's a crazy notion.

If it was a fairly large get together with music and going on into the night, then yes. A handful of family round and some stuff on a bbq, no way.

Is it polite to ask about mowing a lawn as I’ve got really bad hay fever and that’s a major trigger so I’d have to shut all my windows and bring my washing in.

Where does it end? It’s MN nonsense.

Neither do charcoal BBQs unless you live in the sort of place where people are BBQing their dinner over old newspapers and garden waste.

YANBU

Genuinely never crossed my mind to let a neighbour know I'm BBQIng. And neither fo my friends or family.

Our gardens all back onto each other and so we're quite close but I've never had to shut windows or bring in washing!?

Then again I'm in that hated MN group that let kids play in the garden pre-10am at weekends so I'm probably not a good authority here!

How would I even know if they had washing out? Our fences mean I can't see in their garden?

She's just jealous she doesn't get invited to BBQs 😜

Everyone saying complaining about s barbecue is not a thing, do all your neighbours have the same kind of barbecue as mine where there is as much smoke as a bonfire? I just don't get how people can leave their windows open and enjoy the garden with all that smoke

Also ‘tell your neighbours’ - what radius are we talking here?

Left, right and who you back on to either side, so 4-5 sets of people? As I said MN nonsense and varies by a huge number of factors so just stop saying it.