Our neighbour has just shout at us for having a bbq

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Honestly im quite embarrassed and can't believe this just happened but basically our DS turned 12 on Friday, he's too big for a party but wanted a family bbq with our close family ( my sister, her 2 kids, my parents and DH parents) we had just pottered about the garden and I was getting seats out, hubby was getting BBQ sorted and next thing I know my neighbour starts screaming at us over the fence. I was initially quite taken back by her and asked her what was wrong ( in a very gentle confused voice) she started screaming that she's had it up to the next of people BBQ ing and she's just out out washing and we are extremely selfish for not asking her if it was ok to BBQ! I politely said I'm very sorry to have bothered you but it's my sons birthday and this is only the 2nd time we have had a BBQ so her anger at us is misplaced. She continued screaming at me until she stormed off. I'm now feeling a bit rubbish that my guests aren't even here yet and the day is ruined.

Am I a selfish prat for not arranging this with her first? I genuinely didn't think this was a thing?!

But late to be putting washing out at nearly 8pm.
I don’t care. And on a school night. Bit late for barbecue.

I would always have a peep over the fence to see if neighbours have got washing out, before lighting a barbecue. You can pop round and let them know if so.

With the weather so hot and uncomfortable at the moment, I hope your barbecue isn't right next to the neighbours' houses? It would be torture to have to close windows in this heat. Presumably you set up at the bottom of the garden, away from houses?

I suppose it's polite to warn your neighbour so she could bring her washing in BUT....she was definitely being unreasonable.And being the petty person that I am,i would now be having a bbq every single night until September.Whatever you are cooking for tea,get it on that bbq.Infact,just randomly light it for no reason at all,just so it will be there and ready should the desire to have a bbq kick in 😁

Well she might hate BBQs but they are part if life.
Somis pushing the lawnmower, which is very nosy. People having parties etc….

The fact that there has been plenty of BBQ already is not here nor there. You can have one everyday of you want anyway.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the day and the party!!

Just why?

Nobody lets their neighbours know if they are planning a barbecue. Nobody. A party maybe.

BBQ’s smell nice! Not at all like a bonfire. I’ve had four this week. I’d be going round every two minutes saying ‘Putting 12 sausages on tonight for the kids tea, Friday my Mum and Dad are coming round for jacket potatoes and T-bone steaks.’ Not every BBQ is a big knees up. I don’t believe anyone let’s neighbours both sides aware of all these plans.

I think the logical conclusion here is that there are different types of BBQs and different levels of abilities of BBQers. And different sizes of gardens and locations of the BBQs. So different amounts of smoke.

I don't imagine the majority of posters here who are saying the smoke is bad and smells awful is lying? 🤔Why would they?

I've been to BBQs (gas and coal) which have been pretty smoke free. And others where you have to move around the garden to keep out of the smoke plume and i've come home with stinking clothes and hair.

For those saying ‘you should look if she had her washing out drying/as far away as possible ‘ blabla, are you suggesting that what the NDN wants is more important than the OP’s? So her wants go first because ???

Part of living in ‘close’ quarters is having to put with people living their life next to you.
Its a BBQ in summer, a child crying at night, someone playing the violin (badly), doing DIY etc…

Is it a pain? Well yes sometimes it is. But unless you are willing to go and live in a farm in the middle of nowehere, this is what we ALL have to cope with.

I’d go round tomorrow and knock on her door and say ‘apologies for not letting you know about the BBQ, but with the nice weather, we’ll be having them regularly. If you speak to me like that again and scream at me, we are going to fall out.’

I agree with this post completely.

Oh just to confirm-my neighbours are avid bbq-ers and never warn me first.huge bbq pushed right up against the wall that devides our front gardens.smoke and ash blowing over the wall.ive never once complained tho.just thought- "oh for fudge sake" and gone back indoors

@laiste, I wouodnt say those posters are lying.

But it is also true that some people have different sensitivity than others.

I mean you have people who have issues with their washing being ‘darken on’…. So anything but a fresh brise will be an issue.
And Ive had in the past had a BBQ with my washing still drying next to it. I’ve never felt it was stinking if smoke 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

On the other side, some people find those air fresheners lovely and I think they sticks and give me a headache.

We are all different but I don’t think imposing YOUR idea of what’s acceptable or not is ok.

I never BBQ but my neighbour always lets me know if I’ve got my washing out. The neighbour should be expecting it on a sunny weekend and should get her washing out before 9am. She’s completely out of order for being so rude

What if you had a neighbour who cooked dog on a bbq? It's a delicacy for some people. Would you object to people complaining then?

YANBU!

Even though our NDN have a bbq right under DS’s bedroom window, I would never expect them to knock on every time they were thinking of having a bbq, I’d also never scream at them over the fence! I might shut the windows and be quietly be annoyed, but I’d never shout at them!

Don’t feel bad, OP.

I think your NDN should apologise!

yeah but have you read any of the posters saying people who complain are just over sensitive? How is that not imposing their idea of what's ok and what's not ok? Or is it that's it only ok to do if it's to agree that all barbecues are perfectly fine?

Why what?why not?because if someone screamed at me I couldn't do(insert demand here)in my own bloody garden,you can be damn well sure I'm doing it 10 times more

She’s unhinged. Why can’t women ever just speak normally when they are unhappy over something. Haven’t we got enough to do without bothering what next door does?

We would let immediate neighbours either side of us if we were either having a bonfire or bbq just as a courtesy if they had washing out and wanted to bring it in.I wouldn’t dream if screaming at anyone though like you’d neighbour! I hope your DS enjoyed his birthday

Oh dear

No.

BBQs don't bother me. It's the loud screaming, screeching, shouting, music until 5am that pisses me off.
We previously have had neighbours partying until from 2pm Saturday until 5am Sunday. The rest of the road got petrol lawnmowers, hedge cuters etc out at 5.30am! The CFs complained they were trying to sleep. 😂

I have no idea what my neigbours are using, but it smells like a bonfire.

Haha yes only on Mumsnet!

Couldn't stand living next door to folk that barbecue. Its the pits.