Children Who Ignore Adults?

[JoJoBoZoe]

When did this become a thing and since when do parents allow this rude behaviour?

Whenever I'm on the school run or at parties and I meet with parents, I aways greet them and say hello and also hello to their child.

The amount of children that don't reply and ignore me and the parents say nothing is ridiculous! They just say " she's in a mood or she's tired "

I was raised, when an adult was speaking to me, that I answer them. If I'd have tried to ignore someone my Mother would have made me reply and would have embarrassed me.

Have all basic manners gone out of the window?

@StarShapedWindow exactly! Forcing/punishing actually has the opposite effect with children (with any human actually, I wouldn’t like to be treated like that with something I was finding difficult.) People like the op don’t want to hear that though, they’d rather kids just shut up and do as they’re told in the name of ‘politeness.’

I'm sure there are many. But their conversation skills are great and prep kids have usually fantastic conversation skills. It's a bit of a shame this doesn't get fostered at state primary. The only other kids I have seen who have very engaging communication style are those with nice, big extended families where there is a lot of chatting when people are together, not just with parents and siblings but grandparents, uncles aunts, maybe step families etc.

I hate this too and my Dd is sometimes one of the culprits. I pull her up on it every time. I tell her it’s very rude. I have no idea why she does it. It’s not how any do the adults in her life behave and it’s not what I expect from her.
Its nothing to do with ‘boundaries’. saying hello to the mother of one of your friends when they greet you doesn’t breach any ‘boundaries’. I just think she can’t be arsed and it annoys me no end. If I’m there I insist she responds.

@MogsImagination You’re replying to a thread about children being rude for not saying hello back to adults. So I presumed your response was to that scenario?

Imagine saying that about women rather than children... what good manners it is to smile whether you want to or not. If someone expected you to smile at them, or remarked you were rude for not doing so, you'd be furious.

Really? I think teaching them to say hello back is just basic manners personally!

There is your mistake.

If any human doesn't want to speak to you, they don't have to speak to you.

@MogsImagination Would you care to elaborate on what way children are acting to cause you to feel this way then? I’m very interested.

I whole heartedly agree with some of the private school super confident bores. We toured several private schools and whilst some of the children (the quieter ones) actually listened to us, paid attention and provided us with the answers that we were looking for, some were utterly obnoxious and spoke of nothing other than themselves and things that thought made them sound good or clever. I was worried that my son would be over dominated by these Uber confident types, but found a great school that said that they spent the first year of secondary turning the dial down of some children and turning the dial up of others to ensure all voices were heard. My son doesn't speak very much, but he's very bright and when he does speak , his classmates tend to listen. I think that it's about time that kids and adults proved their worth through their actual results and not through the ability to blag and brag.

I have a 5 yr old dgc rather like that. Some days when she comes to my house, she rushes in already chatting ten to the dozen. Other days, she won't say a single word to me, not even "hello", for at least ten minutes. There is nothing her parents can do about it, as no amount of coaxing will make her speak until she is ready.

Quite how the OP expects parents to force any words out of a reluctant child, I don't know. I'm quite sure that most parents have already tried coaxing, guilt-tripping (repeatedly telling the child that it is rude not to answer) enough times to know that there is no point going through the whole rigmarole every single time just to prove to the judgemental listener that they are trying.

The main evolutionary advantage that the human species has is its ability to communicate and work together as a group.
If we all stop talking to each other many things are going to become very difficult indeed. Being part of a society means accepting certain basic societal conventions. Nearly everybody needs to observe these or it all falls apart.

I also wholeheartedly agree that many adults don't know how to converse with children. Especially the ones who demand that they say hello, otherwise they judge them for it! Bending down to their level, using a quieter voice and drawing them into conversation with a non judgemental smile is by far the better approach. I wouldn't expect most of the children to acknowledge me on the school run. I'm not that important and I don't need the attention or power that comes with demanding a response.

OMG they are children! What is wrong with you? Leave them alone. I’d rather my child feel comfortable enough to not answer a stranger than be a chronic people pleasing good girl like I was brought up to be.

I will answer for her if she doesn’t want to, it’s called modelling the behaviour. When she feels safe with someone she will answer but I’m not teaching her to override her own feelings or wishes just to please a nightmare sounding, overly involved, judgemental, rude adult who could and should know better.

@Purplefoalfoot

I’d rather my child feel comfortable enough to not answer a stranger than be a chronic people pleasing good girl.

I’m not teaching her to override her own feelings or wishes just to please a nightmare sounding, overly involved, judgemental, rude adult who could and should know better.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Drives me nuts with my eldest

I certainly wasn't raised that way and I don't raise my children that way and I find it incredibly rude when she does it and always pull her up on it

She's like her father in that respect - very similar personalities so I guess there is the one nature not nurture at play

Some people have the knack of talking to children and some people don't. If you want them to respond, it's helpful to show some genuine interest in them and what they've been doing rather than trying to wring out a forced hello for form's sake.

@SerenityNowInsanityLater

I could not agree more. I have encountered many children who are confident and outgoing and happy to chat to adults. But their behaviour has been disrespectful in my home with their lack of regard for belongings and them making demands or not listening. My children may be quiet and not always have the confidence to speak to other adults off the hoof, but i am always praised by other parents and teachers for how well behaved, kind and respectful they are. Other children may be good at saying hello, please and thank you, but their general behaviour is far from respectful and they can be real handfuls.

It takes a special kind of arsehole to comment about children’s looks op. You worry about your own fucking manners.

Yes to this, I try and be nice to people but I don't feel the need to specifically greet every single person I just say a,general hello and if anyone says it back fine if not also fine

Totally!

The irony is , that there have been dozens of threads on there throughout the years about how annoying and chatty some kids are. Too needy. Too attention seeking. Saying hello, making conversation, asking questions."Just go away and leave me in peace".

It seems like some adults are even more rigid and want everything to be on their terms. A child must talk, but only when the adult wants them to and then they need to blend into the background. You can't have it both ways.

It's more entitled/pathetic/snowflakey if you get butthurt because a child didn't act in the exact manner you expect them to in order to show you the respect you think you deserve because you're billy big bollocks and over 18.

Yeah I'm not sure I agree with this. I think that if someone says hello it is polite to answer back and I would always make sure my children answered. They are very chatty kids so don't often need encouragement but I think it's basic manners.

I agree with you OP, and your posts have made me laugh. All my children greet and shake hands/kiss (different culture/community). It’s incredibly rude for a child not to reply when an adult has addressed them. I’d want the ground to swallow me up (and they’d know about it after) if one of my children ignored someone saying hello to them! I can’t believe people think it’s ok to point blank ignore someone

My now 5 year old DD did this up until a few months ago, it was because she was genuinely shy and nervous around adults especially she didn’t know. I was noticing she was doing things like pulling me away and running away when I was trying to have a conversation and when I questioned her it was because she was scared they would ask her a questions. To others that might have seemed rude. Now, after nearly a year in reception class she has really come out of her shell, but at times I can still see what an effort it is for her to say hello or answer strangers questions, but she really tries bless her. Forcing her to say hi at that age and making a big deal of it wouldn’t have helped, it would have made her more nervous and exacerbated the issue. However I did have quiet chats with her afterwards about now it’s nice to say hi, and also set an example for her. It’s not always because they are being rude, or bad parenting. It their personalities and 6 is still very young.