Children Who Ignore Adults?

[JoJoBoZoe]

When did this become a thing and since when do parents allow this rude behaviour?

Whenever I'm on the school run or at parties and I meet with parents, I aways greet them and say hello and also hello to their child.

The amount of children that don't reply and ignore me and the parents say nothing is ridiculous! They just say " she's in a mood or she's tired "

I was raised, when an adult was speaking to me, that I answer them. If I'd have tried to ignore someone my Mother would have made me reply and would have embarrassed me.

Have all basic manners gone out of the window?

Of course you respond to someone who says hello to you as an adult in a social setting. It’s “required” by social norms. Sorry if that doesn’t fit your world view but not responding when someone says hello to you is rude, no matter what culture, time, setting. How hard can it be to say hello? Usual caveats about strangers cat calling in the street, safety, etc. But in a social setting, as an adult, to another adult you know, yes it’s “required”. Not feeling like it, nope, just rude.

a bugbear of mine too OP.

I doubt you've met many parents Jo or else you'd realise it's often nothing to do with parenting

Your child will have to go out into the big wide world one day and they will struggle. It amazing how many 17 years olds that can't speak too other adults, they can't work because talking to grown ups cause anxiety. And the reason it causes anxiety is because their parents failed to socialise them.

I volunteer with Beavers (ages 6-7)

Since the pandemic I find children of this age group are quite different.

They are shy, less confident, have less social skills, more challenging behaviours and are playing catch up.

Look at the early evidence coming out of the Covid enquiry that a whole generation has been affected

Yet many adults expect children to snap back, behave as they would if this had not happened or blame parenting as per this thread

We're going to be experiencing this for a long time.

It is my experience that British primary aged dc who are being educated at state school do not know how to speak with adults so they don't.

There is a huge different in the behaviour of prep school kids and state school ones. Mine are at state school a leafy, naice one with many cultural opportunities and excellent results. Most parents are pretty well off. But their kids have the same closed off behaviour as kids from less privileged state schools. The culture at state primaries is one of crowd control, there is no time to engage students in conversion to develop their communication skills. The prep kids I know are very confident and interesting to speak to, state school ones don't say much unless tehir parents are very, very involved and have a large extended family where said kids interact with a range of adults that are not mum and dad.

I'll add to this that I ma trying hard but my own dc have a tendency to be tight lipped with other adults. It's so rude but it's cultural and due to a lack of opportunity to converse with adults.

to engage students in conversation, bloody predictive keyboard.

Being taught basic manners has ZERO to do with boundaries. That's just an excuse for lazy parenting.

Being polite to a check out person or fellow parent in the playground isn't going to make your child susceptible to having no boundaries. What it does do is teach them to be disinterested, lack of social skills, and also zero awareness of others.

I agree, if your child cannot bring themselves to utter hello, a nod or a smile is just as good. If there is no SEN surely your child can actually acknowledge someone talking to them. It honestly is extremely rude.

You're setting your kids up for failure if you can't teach your shy child to say hello. Not a full conversation. Just basic social interaction of greetings and farewells. Hello. Bye.

Do you think they will just magically be able to one day?

When did this become a thing

For teenagers, it's been forever.

My kids would say hello to most people but both had certain people they wouldn’t say hello to as they didn’t like them. I can’t say I blamed them and they were good judges of character. One of my children would try to avoid speaking to lots of people as they got older as they felt uncomfortable. It’s not always bad manners. Don’t take it personally, does it really matter if a child doesn’t speak to you?

My son is 13, due to his autism and anxiety this type of communication simply isn’t possible for him.

we have much bigger things in life to worry about that judgemental people feeling upset he didn’t say hello!

“Hello” is hardly going to invoke a response from an adult let alone a six year old. If you actually want dialogue then maybe ask a more open questions, especially if it’s at pick up when they are tired, hungry and hot. “How was lunch today”, “Did you enjoy x,y,z”.

At 10-11 you might be luckily to get a “Hi” in response but honestly your expectations are too high - you get out what you put in OP 😁

Mine generally speak but if they don't I'll say 'say hello' or whatever once or twice - but not more than that. I don't want to make a performance of it or drag it out - most people are busy anyway. I know I wouldn't want to hang around while a child was forced to say hello or thank you.

Every culture has greeting customs. It is part of the social contract to participate in them. In England, it is 'hello'.

I feel like maybe something happened in the not too distant past that has made socialising our children harder than it would have been otherwise...

My oldest doesn’t even respond to other family members talking to him, unless his been in their company for a good hour then he opens up a bit.

My middle would chat the ear off anyone you’d be begging to get away.

My youngest would cling to me like a limpet and act like you was trying to abduct her I swear. She still cry’s going into school times especially if it’s the wrong teacher and she’s 7.

I haven’t raised any of them differently. Well youngest missed loads because of covid when little but yeah.

Funnily enough, I was thinking about this on the bus earlier. A girl of around 16 got on, said the name of the stop she wanted and then took her ticket. The driver said thank you, but she didn’t. My niece and nephew (who have super polite parents) never say please and thank you, and often don’t acknowledge being spoken to. I don’t get it!!

I was just giving my opinion no need to come across so aggressive. I said this is what I do with my children not what you need to do with yours

I think it’s a social norm in many places. But the school playground is an odd place.

My now 10 year old would have shut like a door if you had said “Hello” to her at seven. If you knew her, you’d asked her a question to help relax her. If you didn’t know her, you’d get nothing. Now she happy to engage and speak to adults. The parents we were friendly with were helpful and encouraging.

Lockdown has had a huge impact but also, being friendly helps hugely.

Thankyou for your opinion but none of my children struggle socially and will happily chat someone’s ear off if they’re in the mood too.
I just force them to have conversations they choose not to.

My DD wouldn't talk to most people as a small child, I asked why she wouldn't talk to her preschool teacher and she said we haven't been introduced, still makes me chuckle. But it was a big problem the teachers thought she knew nothing because she wouldn't talk to them, I took them in a tape to prove she did actually talk. You couldn't stop her talking at home, or with people she knew. I still don't know if it was shy or stubborn.

At 6 they may be very shy? Or who knows, you’re a common denominator here maybe it’s you they don’t like?!

I agree. Mine (teen) has SN and I do this too. Sometimes, she repeats it, other times she doesn't. If not prompted, she wouldn't say anything.

Occasionally she happily says hello, bye or waves to someone on her own without prompting.

My daughter was very shy at that age. I taught her she only had to say 4 ‘words’ and I didn’t expect anything else. Those words were hello, bye, please and thank you. I think that’s reasonable. Ignoring someone is rude. Not saying please and thank you is rude. Expecting a lengthy conversation from a shy six year old is unhelpful.