Children Who Ignore Adults?

[JoJoBoZoe]

When did this become a thing and since when do parents allow this rude behaviour?

Whenever I'm on the school run or at parties and I meet with parents, I aways greet them and say hello and also hello to their child.

The amount of children that don't reply and ignore me and the parents say nothing is ridiculous! They just say " she's in a mood or she's tired "

I was raised, when an adult was speaking to me, that I answer them. If I'd have tried to ignore someone my Mother would have made me reply and would have embarrassed me.

Have all basic manners gone out of the window?

So if they are in the mood they will say hello but if not they will ignore?

But why do you continue to greet them when they don't respond?

I was a shy child and I hated speaking to adults and was always relieved when teh adult just spoke to my mum and not me.

Absolutely this.

But why do you go out of your way to say hello to them when they don't want to speak to you?

I would just leave them and wouldn't waste my time.

And those 4 words are enough! 👏🏼

My preschool child has an anxiety disorder called selective mutism. It’s not just shyness, he physically can’t (not won’t) to adults in many situations, however much he wants to. Socially expected words like hello, thank you, bye are the hardest for people with SM and anxiety (which are on the rise since Covid).
People that need to know, know but we don’t broadcast it and most people, including friends’ parents, probably assume he’s just shy around adults (he’s ok with kids). Of course not every kid has SM but the point is that don’t know what’s really going on with every child so dismissing them as rude or shaming/embarrassing them is unhelpful. the best thing you can do is model polite behaviour and most kids will get there eventually.

Possibly. Some people have no idea how to talk to children, just as they have no idea how to talk to adults without being rude/self-absorbed/boastful or bloody boring.

I admit I find it amusing that there are people arguing vociferously for the importance of civility, manners etc on Mn, where there is also a disproportionately big cohort who struggle socially in the mildest social situation and feel it’s always other people’s fault.

I think its definitely a thing now days that lots of kids don't have manners! I am and always have been hot on my dc having good manners, but so many kids i see now don't even have the basics such as please and thank you! If asked the parents usually make excuses for them.

To respond politely to someone who has acknowledged you is just basic manners!

I'd find this behaviour incredible rude as an adult!

Yes they are, so are their parents for not teaching them basic social skills/manners!

My 3 year old is expected to say hello, bye, please thank you etc as well. She’s not expected to get into a conversation with anyone. I expect basic politeness, nothing more. Practice at being polite is a good thing, because we encouraged her to say hello etc she’s now comfortable putting her own order in at restaurants (can I have some chips please). I think it’s confidence building.

Sounds like you are doing a great job! 👏🏼

@MogsImagination , my Gdcs go to a state primary, and that’s not my experience at all. The children are expected to have good manners.

My child has just had a course of play therapy due to being unable to socially interact with others, in particular adults. He would clam up and it would almost seem painful for him to speak or look at the person. As a result he presented as mute around adults. This thread has made me really sad to be honest that adults are so quick to judge. It's been a long, hard few years (I'm sure lockdown is to blame but that's another matter) but I was under the false impression that perhaps adults would be understanding if he failed to communicate with them.

Have all basic manners gone out of the window?

On the whole, yes. And no doubt the thread will filll up with posters telling you that children don't have to do what they don't want to do, and how dare you speak to someone else's child and expect an answer, and in any case, you hadn't earned their respect first.

i also find this so strange, seems a recent thing.

At that age I wouldn't have spoken either. I was painfully shy and would have dreaded someone saying hello to me! But some of my friends wouldn't have had an issue with speaking to an adult.
Same with my children, my son is wary but getting more confident with gentle encouragement, my younger daughter wouldn't think twice and speaks to everyone about anything.
Perhaps the pandemic didn't help? At 6ish they were at home a lot when they might have ordinarily been put and about more and interacting with people/adults.

This isn’t my experience at all, I work in schools and the kids are all very friendly, ditto the kids on the school run. They might not want to chat but they’ll always say hello at least.

YABU. It’s not rude, they’re kids. They get shy/embarrassed easily and are still learning society’s norms. The worse thing you can do is make it a big deal and punish them.

Say hi to child and be ignored 2,3 times… take it gracefully. I bet by the 4th they’ve found their own voice and will say hi back. They get comfortable with you. Don’t force that. There’s a lot to be said for being patient with children and earning their trust rather than just expecting it because you’re an adult.

If my child didn’t say hi back I’d just smile and say ‘they’re feeling shy.’ Telling them ‘say hello now! Don’t be rude!’ Just feels…. Outdated.

I teach children this age and it has nothing to do with parenting or manners. Some are shy, some are a bit overwhelmed by adults and prefer to stand back and wait before communicating. A lot of children are more sensitive than adults and are concentrating on the tone/loudness of the voice or the smell of perfume/BO/smoke/coffee breath. Some have been criticised a lot, so play it safe and stay silent.

In my experience, a friendly smile is the politest greeting to give a quiet 6yr old.

My 4 year old will look obviously uncomfortable when an adult stranger says hello to her! She will bite her lip, look at the floor, fidget a bit…. You really think the right way to deal with that is INSIST she say hello? Why? I’m not going to make my already nervous child feel more uncomfortable because you think it’s rude. Sorry.

I was raised, when an adult was speaking to me, that I answer them. If I'd have tried to ignore someone my Mother would have made me reply and would have embarrassed me.

This stood out to me. Personally I don't want children to suffer embarrassment and would rather go without a hello.

And this is what's wrong with society. Parents shitty attitudes when raising their kids, you only have to see some replies in this thread alone. Apples don't fall far from their trees.