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Ruined Fathers day and feel like shit

237 replies

RuinedTheDay · 18/06/2023 20:24

I went shopping with dd, while texting other dc who were away with Dh on friday night. Booked a meal for tonight. Bought cards and wrapped presents. Gave dd her card. Put other dc card in their room. Updated all dc with plans.

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. Couldn't at the time we spoke (late sat night) so cancelled today while I was at work. As we were having issues at work, I failed to update dc. Poor communication on my part.

Dh didnt realise dc knew, so dd found out from him dinner was cancelled. And threw a massive wobbly at me via text at work and is now not talking to me. (Shes 13)

I came home and have cooked a roast. Apologised for my poor communication. Spoke to one ds who got mad, I apologised again, he apologised, all good. Plans were made to gove presents at dinner. Checked in with the eldest dc, checked plans were ok, said right tell your brother we are all agreed, make sure you get buy in from dd (who had given card at this point) as didnt want her saying I hadn't left her out in the communication.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. But that doesnt stop them saying it, but there we go. Hence the upset of everyone.

So I have cooked a meal. Set the table, reorganised plans. Made cute little menus and wrapped the silverware to make it all look a bit special and not a normal dinner. Presents sat in the middle.of the table.

I updated everyone on what i was cooking and when it would be ready. Apologised again for the miscommunication of earlier.

Dh has stopped off for a drive. I said but I am about to serve. He said, well you said 45 mins 20 mins ago. It wasnt 20 mins ago. Anyway I didnt argue cos everyone is obviously feeling a but raw.

So now, table set. Dinner ready. Presents ready.

Noone at the table and we are all waiting for dh.

I feel like shit. All because I didnt let them know I cancelled dinner. Yes, it was a mistake, but i was dealing with a lot at work and I got caught up.

OP posts:
Usernamenotavailab · 18/06/2023 20:27

Why is it all your fault when it was dh cancelled the meal?

why did he cancel it anyway after you all went to the trouble?

Greensleeves · 18/06/2023 20:30

Why the hell did he tell you to cancel it in the first place? Why did your dd throw a wobbly over it? I'm sorry, but they ALL sound spoilt rotten, selfish and unkind. You've done nothing wrong. I'm furious for you!

Lovingitallnow · 18/06/2023 20:31

Stop apologising. It's not your fault they didn't say Happy Fathers Day.

AtomicBlondeRose · 18/06/2023 20:31

You made one mistake. But why is everyone else’s mood in the whole family your problem? Why are you grovelling around killing yourself trying to make everyone happy when not one of them seems to feel any obligation to make themselves or anyone one else in the family happy? It’s your problem the kids didn’t say Happy Father’s Day? You’re the scapegoat of the family from this scenario.

ArseMenagerie · 18/06/2023 20:32

He’s not your dad. Why all the fuss. He needs to grow up.

Fantina · 18/06/2023 20:33

Does he always cause so much fuss about nothing? And same for the DC, just shrug and say ‘your dad didn’t want to go’

Fleamaker123 · 18/06/2023 20:33

Well next year I would leave the lot of them to get on with it themselves.

This is the thanks you get for trying your best, we get the blame for everything sometimes. You've done nothing wrong at all.

PaigeMatthews · 18/06/2023 20:33

Usernamenotavailab · 18/06/2023 20:27

Why is it all your fault when it was dh cancelled the meal?

why did he cancel it anyway after you all went to the trouble?


leave them too it. He isnt your father and he is being an arse.

PurplePear7 · 18/06/2023 20:34

I don’t see how any of this is your fault OP!

Iridescentsy · 18/06/2023 20:34

Eat the dinner. He’s an arse. Don’t feel guilty you’ve tried your best

HundredMilesAnHour · 18/06/2023 20:35

Sorry OP but your family sound like a bunch of spoilt brats and you're their whipping boy. You didn't do anything wrong!

RuinedTheDay · 18/06/2023 20:35

Its my fault because he didnt realise I had told the dc. And then I didn't update them. So dd found out from him and got mad saying i should have told her. They had - again, unknown to me, - made plans to do presents at dinner.

I had also put the card for the eldest two on the desk, but then eldest had taken it. Middle ds text me asking where it was, i told him, he found it. So that was a drama.

Dh mentioned the not saying happy father day to me when i got home. So I mentioned it to the eldest two, who then said it was my fault as they had made the present plans for dinner. And i didnt update them.

Shit communication all round i think. But everyone is mad at me.

Dinner was cancelled cos of the cost. Dh had just spent more than expected on a uni visit trip with the two eldest.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 18/06/2023 20:35

Bloody hell.

Your husbands lucky he's not in our family.

DH got a hastily written card from the kids about 2 hours after we all got up. No presents.

I forgot to send my own dad a card, so he got a text from me and then a phone call at 7pm when I remembered again.

FIL did get a card cos he lives closer, but my MIL invited us to theirs for tea cos we'd not planned anything.

FadedRed · 18/06/2023 20:35

PaigeMatthews · 18/06/2023 20:33


leave them too it. He isnt your father and he is being an arse.

^This again with bells on! Are you always the fall guy for everyone else’s rudeness- stop doing stuff that they should be doing themselves.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/06/2023 20:36

Are they all normally such arseholes? Fucking hell. I can't believe the drama this has caused you. I'm raging on your behalf. You need to have some very firm words with your husband and your children about the way they have treated you.

Liamgallaghersparka · 18/06/2023 20:37

I think you've gone above and beyond, OP, actually.
Hes being a twat.
Don't blame yourself a moment longer.
Next year leave them to get on.

eandz13 · 18/06/2023 20:38

Wtf, I don't even see an issue. He didn't want to do dinner, you cancelled it, perhaps everyone was informed a bit last minute but it's just one of those things, who cares?!?

magicstar1 · 18/06/2023 20:38

Next year they can all buy their own cards, and sort out dinner. None of this was your fault….he cancelled the dinner, and none of them bothered to wish him a happy day earlier.
My parents were coming for dinner this afternoon, but I still phoned my dad this morning to wish him a happy Father’s Day.

MadamWhiteleigh · 18/06/2023 20:38

FFS why is it all so complicated and over the top and everyone making a fuss about things that really aren’t a big deal. Is this your normal family dynamic?

neilyoungismyhero · 18/06/2023 20:39

Would have been nice to have the meal out both for FD and so you didn't have to come home and cook today. You've already sorted their cards and presents out for dad by the sounds of it. Instead of asking if there's anything they can do to help they've all had some sort of strop...they sound pretty entitled and rude and now you're sat there waiting for the prattish guest of honour.

RuinedTheDay · 18/06/2023 20:39

X Posted with loads, sorry.

I tried. Yes I made a mistake. But it was genuine. There is a LOT going on at work.

Dd said some really really nasty stuff to me so I also forgot to get paper towel from work so was late home as getting that. Was also texting dh saying i was upset. He was like it's also still fathers day here. And i was like, yes, the children are WITH their father and he was all it's meant to be a family day. Basically annoyed at me as i was late, dd was upset etc.

OP posts:
Needcoffeeimmediatley · 18/06/2023 20:39

Sounds like a lot of drama over nothing to me! This would have caused 0 issues in my house.

princessconsuelobananahammock · 18/06/2023 20:39

Honestly this sounds bonkers, how dare a 13 year old child have a go at you for not updating her. Who does she think she is?!

Pkhsvd · 18/06/2023 20:39

It sounds like everyone over reacted and quite honestly if your DC are teens you shouldn’t have to be organising it all like this and certainly shouldn’t have to remind them to say happy Father’s Day. I’d be habing a word with them about taking personal responsibility

Polik · 18/06/2023 20:39

I think you are overthrowing it and making it seem "social media worthy".

It just needs

  • child gives Dad card and says happy fathers day upon waking.
  • have nice breakfast (with token help from children)
  • children jointly give gifts when last one is awake in the morning.
  • continue day as a normal Sunday.
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