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Original poster

Ruined Fathers day and feel like shit

237 replies

RuinedTheDay · 18/06/2023 20:24

I went shopping with dd, while texting other dc who were away with Dh on friday night. Booked a meal for tonight. Bought cards and wrapped presents. Gave dd her card. Put other dc card in their room. Updated all dc with plans.

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. Couldn't cancel.it at the time we spoke (late sat night) so cancelled today while I was at work. As we were having issues at work, I failed to update dc. Poor communication on my part.

Dh didnt realise dc knew, so dd found out from him dinner was cancelled. And threw a massive wobbly at me via text at work and is now not talking to me. (Shes 13)

I came home and have cooked a roast. Apologised for my poor communication. Spoke to one ds who got mad, I apologised again, he apologised, all good. Plans were made to gove presents at dinner. Checked in with the eldest dc, checked plans were ok, said right tell your brother we are all agreed, make sure you get buy in from dd (who had given card at this point) as didnt want her saying I hadn't left her out in the communication.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. But that doesnt stop them saying it, but there we go. Hence the upset of everyone.

So I have cooked a meal. Set the table, reorganised plans. Made cute little menus and wrapped the silverware to make it all look a bit special and not a normal dinner. Presents sat in the middle.of the table.

I updated everyone on what i was cooking and when it would be ready. Apologised again for the miscommunication of earlier.

Dh has stopped off for a drive. I said but I am about to serve. He said, well you said 45 mins 20 mins ago. It wasnt 20 mins ago. Anyway I didnt argue cos everyone is obviously feeling a but raw.

So now, table set. Dinner ready. Presents ready.

Noone at the table and we are all waiting for dh.

I feel like shit. All because I didnt let them know I cancelled dinner. Yes, it was a mistake, but i was dealing with a lot at work and I got caught up.

OP posts:
Heyhoitsme · 19/06/2023 18:39

Bloody hell. What a spoilt DH you have. Mine got a text off one child and the other sent a voucher. DH was fine I think. Its not your responsibility to organise fathers day. It's your children's.

BodegaSushi · 19/06/2023 18:41

Its my fault because he didnt realise I had told the dc. And then I didn't update them. So dd found out from him and got mad saying i should have told her. They had - again, unknown to me, - made plans to do presents at dinner.

What a load of bloody faff, it's not his birthday! Good lord people make rods for their own backs

Winnipeg23 · 19/06/2023 18:44

You are trying WAY TOO HARD.
Just remind kids to say happy father's Day on the day and get them to sign a card. The end. What a palava. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

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Winnipeg23 · 19/06/2023 18:45

BodegaSushi · 19/06/2023 18:41

Its my fault because he didnt realise I had told the dc. And then I didn't update them. So dd found out from him and got mad saying i should have told her. They had - again, unknown to me, - made plans to do presents at dinner.

What a load of bloody faff, it's not his birthday! Good lord people make rods for their own backs

Yes x 1000 . Spot on!

onlywayissussex · 19/06/2023 18:50

Blimey! You're too mind

Next year, step back and dont bother

Teenagers can sort their own cards and gifts

onlywayissussex · 19/06/2023 18:50

Too kind

Toomuchtrouble4me · 19/06/2023 18:59

RuinedTheDay · 18/06/2023 20:24

I went shopping with dd, while texting other dc who were away with Dh on friday night. Booked a meal for tonight. Bought cards and wrapped presents. Gave dd her card. Put other dc card in their room. Updated all dc with plans.

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. Couldn't cancel.it at the time we spoke (late sat night) so cancelled today while I was at work. As we were having issues at work, I failed to update dc. Poor communication on my part.

Dh didnt realise dc knew, so dd found out from him dinner was cancelled. And threw a massive wobbly at me via text at work and is now not talking to me. (Shes 13)

I came home and have cooked a roast. Apologised for my poor communication. Spoke to one ds who got mad, I apologised again, he apologised, all good. Plans were made to gove presents at dinner. Checked in with the eldest dc, checked plans were ok, said right tell your brother we are all agreed, make sure you get buy in from dd (who had given card at this point) as didnt want her saying I hadn't left her out in the communication.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. But that doesnt stop them saying it, but there we go. Hence the upset of everyone.

So I have cooked a meal. Set the table, reorganised plans. Made cute little menus and wrapped the silverware to make it all look a bit special and not a normal dinner. Presents sat in the middle.of the table.

I updated everyone on what i was cooking and when it would be ready. Apologised again for the miscommunication of earlier.

Dh has stopped off for a drive. I said but I am about to serve. He said, well you said 45 mins 20 mins ago. It wasnt 20 mins ago. Anyway I didnt argue cos everyone is obviously feeling a but raw.

So now, table set. Dinner ready. Presents ready.

Noone at the table and we are all waiting for dh.

I feel like shit. All because I didnt let them know I cancelled dinner. Yes, it was a mistake, but i was dealing with a lot at work and I got caught up.

Bloody hell. What do you do for birthdays!
We had a cooked breakfast, card and token gift (Shortbread and socks) and that was that. Job done.

Gagaandgag · 19/06/2023 19:15

Aquamarine1029 · 18/06/2023 20:36

Are they all normally such arseholes? Fucking hell. I can't believe the drama this has caused you. I'm raging on your behalf. You need to have some very firm words with your husband and your children about the way they have treated you.

Yes! Bloody stand up for yourself! Stop taking this shit

GlomOfNit · 19/06/2023 19:36

OP, without wanting to be narky, your micro-managed plans for a day that is really not that widely observed past getting a card for dad, is a bit bonkers! Grin I've never heard of such a to-do over Father's Day. My own dad (who isn't from the UK) is always genuinely surprised when I rang him or sent him a card, it really isn't on his radar. Dad always said it wasn't really a 'proper day' like Mothering Sunday, just a greetings card opportunity, and I'm sure he's right.

Everyone does things differently, and each to their own, I suppose, but making such an elaborate fuss, like it's a birthday - presents at the meal! individual cards! meal out! - is setting yourself up to fail a bit. And if your DC are teenagers then it's very much up to them to arrange - and finance - whatever happens, surely?

In this house, I did get DH a nice Hawaiian shirt this year (because I liked it and thought it'd look nice on my husband) and got a card from my younger son to write, because of his age and LDs, but older son was asked to get a card himself (he's 15, he needs to learn to think about this sort of thing!). That's it. Other years he's had a card and some chocolate. For the record, on Mother's Day I'm lucky enough to have a thoughtful husband who thinks of these things, and I usually get a modest bunch of flowers, a small amount of chocolate and a card. Just some years we might go to a favourite rural pub for nice beer and their very basic lunch, but we all like going there, so any excuse! But it's no huge deal. It's not my birthday, after all.

AllyArty · 19/06/2023 19:50

Twice u refer to your mistake as ‘poor communication’, your communication was not poor, it was wrong. We all get things wrong from time to time. So just apologise and u can put it behind you.

Ganainm488 · 19/06/2023 20:00

OP your only responsibility is to show them at a young age how to treat their father for Father’s Day. That’s all. As teenagers they should be doing it themselves. It’s not your fault if they do nothing. You are enabling their bad behaviour by accepting responsibility for everything that goes wrong. And by doing everything for them. They are old enough to buy or make their own cards.
It is also your responsibility to show them how to treat their mother with respect. This is your biggest mistake in my opinion. And your DH is doing a bad job of that as well.

opinionssoughtplease · 19/06/2023 20:20

Oh my, poor you! You do need to stop saying sorry, once, for the initial miscommunication, was all that was needed. Your DH does need to look at this objectively, like a grown up, and get over it quickly. Your kids also need a reminder of everything you do do for the family. If I was you I’d acknowledge their upset and explain, do not apologise again, and say it’s time to move on. Good luck OP

LovelyIssues · 19/06/2023 20:22

Wow. Your family sound hardwork!! Takeaway at 6pm next year!

Blacksheepcat · 19/06/2023 20:36

He’s not your Dad. Why on earth are you buying cards on behalf of your children? They sound like they are all old enough (you mentioned Uni visits) to be buying or making their own cards.

Twittens · 19/06/2023 20:38

Three children… youngest 13… two nearing Uni age by the sounds of it…. Should all be buying their own cards… and presents, writing and wrapping them and deciding when they would give to their father. If DH decides to cancel the meal that was booked for him he should then inform the children that he as ‘person in charge of finances’ has decided this… they are old enough to know some decisions are due to finance. DD13 needs to understand that if adults make decisions regarding finances… tantrums are not welcome especially at the ‘treat’ was not for her!
You worked all day, then came home and cooked a roast… I hope between DH and the teenagers that some prep was done and the table was laid! As for them all being in a mood with you and the need for your endless apologies, I am sorry OP your existence sounds miserable…. But some of it sounds like you are allowing yourself to be blamed…

Macinae · 19/06/2023 21:52

Your DD is being a brat. It sounds like they all are, tbh.

There was nothing stopping the kids from saying happy fathers day and giving gifts at the meal at home. Why is everything your responsibility?

Tell them you'll remember this treatment next time they make a small mistake in what really is a very mundane miscommunication.

Grrrrdarling · 19/06/2023 21:53

RuinedTheDay · 18/06/2023 20:24

I went shopping with dd, while texting other dc who were away with Dh on friday night. Booked a meal for tonight. Bought cards and wrapped presents. Gave dd her card. Put other dc card in their room. Updated all dc with plans.

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. Couldn't cancel.it at the time we spoke (late sat night) so cancelled today while I was at work. As we were having issues at work, I failed to update dc. Poor communication on my part.

Dh didnt realise dc knew, so dd found out from him dinner was cancelled. And threw a massive wobbly at me via text at work and is now not talking to me. (Shes 13)

I came home and have cooked a roast. Apologised for my poor communication. Spoke to one ds who got mad, I apologised again, he apologised, all good. Plans were made to gove presents at dinner. Checked in with the eldest dc, checked plans were ok, said right tell your brother we are all agreed, make sure you get buy in from dd (who had given card at this point) as didnt want her saying I hadn't left her out in the communication.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. But that doesnt stop them saying it, but there we go. Hence the upset of everyone.

So I have cooked a meal. Set the table, reorganised plans. Made cute little menus and wrapped the silverware to make it all look a bit special and not a normal dinner. Presents sat in the middle.of the table.

I updated everyone on what i was cooking and when it would be ready. Apologised again for the miscommunication of earlier.

Dh has stopped off for a drive. I said but I am about to serve. He said, well you said 45 mins 20 mins ago. It wasnt 20 mins ago. Anyway I didnt argue cos everyone is obviously feeling a but raw.

So now, table set. Dinner ready. Presents ready.

Noone at the table and we are all waiting for dh.

I feel like shit. All because I didnt let them know I cancelled dinner. Yes, it was a mistake, but i was dealing with a lot at work and I got caught up.

If your DH cancelled meal you could have just told him to let everyone else know meal was cancelled as you were busy enough but these things happen.
You need to slow down & try to stop carrying so much.
This situation arose because your DH cancelled dinner, for whatever reason, so the one to blame here is actually him… if they all want to keep pointing fingers & blaming someone!
It is a simple misunderstanding that could happen at any time, you’ve apologised & they are all now just being poopie heads because there is literally nothing more you can do to say sorry!

alienslove · 19/06/2023 22:29

Wow just wow!
He's their father not yours, they are plenty old enough to buy and organise their own stuff... let them get on with it!

flannelbritches · 19/06/2023 22:44

Oh gosh you poor thing, you are doing everything & no one seems to be helping you or is grateful at all.

Ignore the mistake, plans get cancelled & you made an effort for a replacement.

I hope your family has fun in the end. I also hope you got a nice glass of something yummy & a hug xxx

Gg93 · 19/06/2023 22:47

Hum sounds like you are the scape goat for everything. You need to put a stop to that. Your husband is blaming you and now the kids seem to have picked up this habbit too. STOP TAKING THE BLAME. You deserve better. From now on they make their own plans .

WGACA · 19/06/2023 22:57

The drama!!! Another one assuming he organises the perfect Mother’s Day for you each year 🙄

Confusedmumannoyedson · 19/06/2023 23:01

My partner's ex wife booked a weekend away for father's dad with his 2 boys. Made sure he didn't see them on father's day. Not a pleasant woman.

Buffs · 20/06/2023 02:41

Not your fault and certainly not the end of the world.

YDBear · 20/06/2023 03:27

Who in earth celebrates “Father’s Day” anyway? More American cultural shit being imported into the UK!

FreddieMercurysCat · 20/06/2023 06:22

Fuck. This. Shit. Your family sound a bunch of arsey twats. Do you always get treated like a doormat? So they all always act like 5 year olds? My husband and son would have had very short shrift if I’d been on the end of such childish behaviour if I was trying to do something nice for them.