Ruined Fathers day and feel like shit

[RuinedTheDay]

I went shopping with dd, while texting other dc who were away with Dh on friday night. Booked a meal for tonight. Bought cards and wrapped presents. Gave dd her card. Put other dc card in their room. Updated all dc with plans.

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. Couldn't cancel.it at the time we spoke (late sat night) so cancelled today while I was at work. As we were having issues at work, I failed to update dc. Poor communication on my part.

Dh didnt realise dc knew, so dd found out from him dinner was cancelled. And threw a massive wobbly at me via text at work and is now not talking to me. (Shes 13)

I came home and have cooked a roast. Apologised for my poor communication. Spoke to one ds who got mad, I apologised again, he apologised, all good. Plans were made to gove presents at dinner. Checked in with the eldest dc, checked plans were ok, said right tell your brother we are all agreed, make sure you get buy in from dd (who had given card at this point) as didnt want her saying I hadn't left her out in the communication.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. But that doesnt stop them saying it, but there we go. Hence the upset of everyone.

So I have cooked a meal. Set the table, reorganised plans. Made cute little menus and wrapped the silverware to make it all look a bit special and not a normal dinner. Presents sat in the middle.of the table.

I updated everyone on what i was cooking and when it would be ready. Apologised again for the miscommunication of earlier.

Dh has stopped off for a drive. I said but I am about to serve. He said, well you said 45 mins 20 mins ago. It wasnt 20 mins ago. Anyway I didnt argue cos everyone is obviously feeling a but raw.

So now, table set. Dinner ready. Presents ready.

Noone at the table and we are all waiting for dh.

I feel like shit. All because I didnt let them know I cancelled dinner. Yes, it was a mistake, but i was dealing with a lot at work and I got caught up.

Blimey this is all so confusing.
And complex.

Why the hell are your kids and dh blaming you for anything
Hes not your father

If they’re old enough to blame you they are old enough to stick a slice of bread in the toaster and give their father something on toast and say ‘ happy fathers day’
one of them is 13 🤯🤯🤯

Tell them All to grow up, get a grip and stop doing it all yourself.

NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

Exactly.

Seems a lot of effort for someone that isn’t your dad OP.

It all sounds a bit over the top and dramatic for what is basically a made up Hallmark celebration day.

I think you’ve took on the role of martyr and should look to stop that. What was the reason your husband gave to cancel the meal? If it was because it’s too much of a fuss, then he sulked because there wasn’t enough of a fuss he needs to grow up. I certainly wouldn’t have cooked a roast at short notice when you had been planning a meal. Stop apologising for being busy at work and something slipping your mind. Everyone is capable of communicating with everyone else, it isn’t all you responsibility.

Your children aren’t toddlers, you’ve got a card and present for them, they should remember to say Happy Father’s Day without prompting. It is ridiculous of your husband to sulk and carry on because they didn’t.

It all sounds extremely weird…
Next year maybe keep it simple. The DC get their own cards & give to their DF in the morning. Don’t bother about presents unless something easy like wine or chocolate. Have dinner as normal.
None of this strange faffing about.

You’re doing too much @RuinedTheDay .
Step back and leave them to it for future celebrations.

Today I rang elderly df and asked if he liked the card, he said he hadn’t received it (posted first class Tuesday).
My dh didn’t get a card from either adult dc.
dd sent a text and ds rang dh.

Nobody particularly bothers here.

Your DD needs a good slap. And the rest of them can go fuck themselves.

🤣🤣🤣

What the fuck are you sorry for?

Honestly - your family sounds spoiled abd like they treat you very poorly.

Do you think you enjoy being a martyr? Most people would not go to this trouble for their husband when their children are old enough to sort this out. Why aren't the children sorting out their own cards and presents? As others have said he's not your Father.

It's not your job to bend over backwards to stop everyone from being in a mood and it didn't work anyway because they are all in a mood so don't bother trying. Next year if I was you I'd stay out of it. If they didn't say happy father's Day that's between them and him and if they are blaming you then they are batshit and you need to stand up for yourself.

Your DH isn't your father. I do fuck all for my DH on fathers day. Kids make a card and that is it.

They all sound like brats.

What do they do for Mother’s Day?

Your daughter found out the change in plans from a parent. Tough shit you were too busy at work to tell her. Presumably she wasn't stood outside the restaurant waiting for you. Zero need for an apology.

Your husband also needs to grow up and stop whining like a toddler. Next year, ensure the kids wake him up nice and early to give him their card and gift. Earlier the better!

I would really suggest some counselling @RuinedTheDay to get to the bottom of why you feel such guilt and why you think everything is your fault.

O just bought a card and got ds to write in it 🫣

Seems like you've gone to a loads of effort and it's not been appreciated by anyone tbh x

You’re the only one in this NOT to blame.

Everyone else are entitled brats

What the heck? You’ve got too much on your plate op. And stop apologising to yr 13 yo ffs, how dare she strop on you. Tell them all to bugger off and grow up including DH who sounds like a spoiled brat. Sounds like u were out there working yr arse off whilst they were in their phones. You need to work less get yr life in order but also know who’s boss and don’t neglect yourself right down the pecking order. No wonder you feel like shit if you’re bringing home the bacon and they are all bring brats.

I have read and re-read this and I really don't think everyone should be blaming you OP. So DH let DCs know the meal was cancelled before you did - but he was he one who said to cancel it and could have explained that ! Meanwhile you have booked the meal, unbooked the meal, got the DC's presents and cards for him, and had to rustle up a special dinner which you didn't know about until late last night, after being at work today.

Your family are being really very unappreciative of your efforts, and your decency in apologising.

Wow they sound incredibly ungrateful and very spoiled, your husband included. You are the one that deserves an apology! You mention one child is 13 and the others have been away at uni weekend with husband which indicates they are older. What an earth are you going to all this hassle and fuss for?

Your OP just shows a woman who is trying too hard to please everyone. Your DD should be more understanding rather than make a drama out of it, you Gad your reasons for not being there, you have explained but she is not talking to you??? Deal with that sulking unacceptable behaviour asap if you want to avoid a nightmare teenager.

Your OH shouldn’t be punishing for upsetting the little madam or because nobody said happy father day to him when he cancelled the celebration in the first place, you had arranged gifts and you have made him dinner after working all day.

Personally, I think it is you who should have walked off and gone for a drive. They sound bonkers and entitled.

Have read your posts, still don’t understand how you’ve been given such a hard time by your family about this? And you seem to have gone to so much trouble? Honestly just lose your shit at the lot of them, using you as the family scapegoat.

Basically sounds like a load of old nothing

This.

stop being a martyr

And that much apologising just shows a woman who is often walking on eggshells. Do you know excessive apologising is one of the markers of victims of domestic abuse? You may have normalised it but this is not normal at all.

Your family (husband and children) all genuinely sound terrible! I'm trying to think how to put this less harshly, but your Father's Day celebration sounds very fake and nasty.

I love over the top plans and try to organise events/surprises for celebration days, but surely the point is genuine appreciation and togetherness? Not everyone (DH and DC – do your DC happen to secretly be fathers by any chance because why are they being so entitled about it?) having a go at the woman in the family. This seems like something out of the 1800s, why are you slaving around to make them happy?

I agree.