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Original poster

Ruined Fathers day and feel like shit

237 replies

RuinedTheDay · 18/06/2023 20:24

I went shopping with dd, while texting other dc who were away with Dh on friday night. Booked a meal for tonight. Bought cards and wrapped presents. Gave dd her card. Put other dc card in their room. Updated all dc with plans.

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. Couldn't cancel.it at the time we spoke (late sat night) so cancelled today while I was at work. As we were having issues at work, I failed to update dc. Poor communication on my part.

Dh didnt realise dc knew, so dd found out from him dinner was cancelled. And threw a massive wobbly at me via text at work and is now not talking to me. (Shes 13)

I came home and have cooked a roast. Apologised for my poor communication. Spoke to one ds who got mad, I apologised again, he apologised, all good. Plans were made to gove presents at dinner. Checked in with the eldest dc, checked plans were ok, said right tell your brother we are all agreed, make sure you get buy in from dd (who had given card at this point) as didnt want her saying I hadn't left her out in the communication.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. But that doesnt stop them saying it, but there we go. Hence the upset of everyone.

So I have cooked a meal. Set the table, reorganised plans. Made cute little menus and wrapped the silverware to make it all look a bit special and not a normal dinner. Presents sat in the middle.of the table.

I updated everyone on what i was cooking and when it would be ready. Apologised again for the miscommunication of earlier.

Dh has stopped off for a drive. I said but I am about to serve. He said, well you said 45 mins 20 mins ago. It wasnt 20 mins ago. Anyway I didnt argue cos everyone is obviously feeling a but raw.

So now, table set. Dinner ready. Presents ready.

Noone at the table and we are all waiting for dh.

I feel like shit. All because I didnt let them know I cancelled dinner. Yes, it was a mistake, but i was dealing with a lot at work and I got caught up.

OP posts:
wetpebbles · 18/06/2023 20:51

If DH had told me to cancel meal there's NO WAY I would have then cooked for him, my DH got a hand drawn card a T-shirt and spent day out in the garden bbq beer and chill

Hugasauras · 18/06/2023 20:52

What a load of overblown rubbish. Whatever happened to just bunging someone a card and a small gift, maybe having a nice breakfast and then just getting on with the day as usual? When did it become this big hoopla?!

Alighttouchonthetiller · 18/06/2023 20:53

Polik · 18/06/2023 20:39

I think you are overthrowing it and making it seem "social media worthy".

It just needs

  • child gives Dad card and says happy fathers day upon waking.
  • have nice breakfast (with token help from children)
  • children jointly give gifts when last one is awake in the morning.
  • continue day as a normal Sunday.

This.

Let's face it, most days are bloody father's day anyway, with everyone running around after them, pandering to them and putting up with their crap and nonsense.

OP - your lot need to get over themselves. Have a glass of wine, go into another room and let them get on with it. As a special treat, your DH can do the post-dinner clearing up.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 18/06/2023 20:53

Your DH and DCs sound like stroppy arseholes who blame you regularly for everything that goes wrong

If that's even close, you need to have a family meeting and explain that this isn't acceptable.

DappledThings · 18/06/2023 20:53

This is all massively OTT. I can't comprehend at all what you think you've done wrong, or what any of them think you've done wrong or why you're going to such a huge fuss over Father's Day in the first place.

SpringIntoChaos · 18/06/2023 20:54

Your children sound rude and spoilt, and your husband is an arse! They all deserve each other!

Stop fucking apologising and tell them to find their bloody manners and respect!!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 18/06/2023 20:55

This is crazy op
Stop apologising for everything and start getting a thicker skin.
Your DH cancelled the meal so all you need to say is DH didn't fancy the meal so he told me to cancel the booking.
It's up to dad to choose what he wants to do on father's Day. Thought tits to her.

You've actually done nothing wrong.

ditalini · 18/06/2023 20:55

Fucking hell op.

Either you know perfectly well that none of this is your fault and are just wanting to be told so by everyone on here,

Or you are so down trodden by your hellish sounding family that you have actually assumed the role of mum-of-all-fault.

I hope it's the first.

LaDamaDeElche · 18/06/2023 20:57

Too much fuss for Father's Day imo. A card in the morning and an activity - meal/nice walk etc - agreed with the dad in advance. People just go so overboard on these types of days now. It doesn't need to be stressful.

hattyhathat · 18/06/2023 20:58

Is this how your daily life is? This sounds so stressful and overwrought. It's fathers day not the second coming.

RedRobyn2021 · 18/06/2023 20:59

Fucking hell

I'd stop apologising for a start

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/06/2023 20:59

princessconsuelobananahammock · 18/06/2023 20:39

Honestly this sounds bonkers, how dare a 13 year old child have a go at you for not updating her. Who does she think she is?!

@RuinedTheDay

this op! Why are you pandering to them like this?!

Kanaloa · 18/06/2023 20:59

God, sounds like a nightmare. You running round here and there cringing and apologising and organising like some professional martyr. And your kids are well and away old enough to organise a card by themselves.

Presumably DH runs round making menus and saying sorry 19 times and being abused by the kids on Mother’s Day?

Don’t let people treat you this way. Life is just too short.

Pallisers · 18/06/2023 20:59

I wonder was there this much palaver in your house on Mother's Day. Did dh get it in the neck from his children because he didn't micromanage the entire day to their satisfaction?

I think I know the answer. Tell you what, OP, people take you at your own valuation. You seem to think you have to put up with any shit from your children. Why do you let everything be your responsibility. When your dh complained they hadn't wished him happy father's day you should have said 'yes I can see why you feel a bit upset. Do you think you should talk to them about it"

you are not the director/scriptwriter of the emotional family play. you have bigger problems than a crap sunday here.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 18/06/2023 20:59

What did your dc and dh do for Mother’s Day? I bet there wasn’t this much drama or fuss.

I would be telling your dh to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a petulant child, it’s a very unattractive trait.

Why did he cancel dinner out? And why is it your job to tell dd? He was with her, he told her, what’s she making a fuss about?

I’d also be giving the dc a good talking to, they are old enough to sort out what they want to do for their df with some guidance for you. And as for the 13 year old, nip that in the bud right now. Cheeky madam!

MessyBunt · 18/06/2023 21:01

Jesus Christ, this sounds exhaustingly complicated.

Why are you buying cards on behalf of 13 year olds? Did you buy the presents too?

Kanaloa · 18/06/2023 21:02

And by the way - you presumably have a dad! My kids buy DH a card from their pocket money. When they were small they made one. DD is still very into drawing so this year did make him a card herself because she wanted to draw him a comic. He’s their father. I got a card for MY father. And it means far more to DH to open a card with pictures and messages from his kids to him than to open a card I bought and wrote and signed and left apologetically on their bedroom desk!

Gracewithoutend · 18/06/2023 21:02

This is ridiculous.
Your kids are old enough to shop with their own money.
If your husband doesn't want to go out, order takeaway.
If they all get into a row, fill your plate and go watch telly.
Stop trying to keep everyone happy and keep yourself happy instead.

Ukholidaysaregreat01 · 18/06/2023 21:02

Tell them all to Fuck Off and you go out for a drive. None of this is your fault and your DH and kids sound v. entitled. They probably learnt it from him. Buy yourself a pet so you have a nice member of the family.

amispeakingintongues · 18/06/2023 21:04

Why do you think you're responsible for any of this? So what you forgot to tell your child about a cancelled meal! Why can't they say happy fathers day in the morning like normal people.

And your dh is ungrateful.

RegainingTheWill2023 · 18/06/2023 21:04

There simply nothing normal about any of that OP. The family dynamic created by you and your dh sounds really messed up from what you've written. Step back - look at what you've written and see if you can understand why it's completely unhealthy.
Things that you seem to accept as being your responsibility (like buying the cards and presents etc.) are not your responsibility when dc are teenagers. Why is it ok fir you dh to just say "cancel the meal out". Why are you going overboard to appease every member of the family?
This isn't a father's day issue - this is a dynamic that's taken years to create and you need to take action to change it. Stop enabling the thoughtless and demanding behaviour of every other member of your family.

lunar1 · 18/06/2023 21:05

Your family need to realise you are human.

Honestly they all sound spoiled and awful.

GrannieD · 18/06/2023 21:07

Too much drama. Is mothers day as dramatic?

EmeraldFox · 18/06/2023 21:07

So one is 13 and two are old enough to be looking at uni's? Why are you organising cards for them, or pretty much anything except the meal? He's not your father, and none of this is your fault, it should be up to them.

harriethoyle · 18/06/2023 21:07

@RuinedTheDay you are the ONLY person in this scenario who hasn't behaved like an arse! You've done absolutely nothing wrong.