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Original poster

Ruined Fathers day and feel like shit

237 replies

RuinedTheDay · 18/06/2023 20:24

I went shopping with dd, while texting other dc who were away with Dh on friday night. Booked a meal for tonight. Bought cards and wrapped presents. Gave dd her card. Put other dc card in their room. Updated all dc with plans.

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. Couldn't cancel.it at the time we spoke (late sat night) so cancelled today while I was at work. As we were having issues at work, I failed to update dc. Poor communication on my part.

Dh didnt realise dc knew, so dd found out from him dinner was cancelled. And threw a massive wobbly at me via text at work and is now not talking to me. (Shes 13)

I came home and have cooked a roast. Apologised for my poor communication. Spoke to one ds who got mad, I apologised again, he apologised, all good. Plans were made to gove presents at dinner. Checked in with the eldest dc, checked plans were ok, said right tell your brother we are all agreed, make sure you get buy in from dd (who had given card at this point) as didnt want her saying I hadn't left her out in the communication.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. But that doesnt stop them saying it, but there we go. Hence the upset of everyone.

So I have cooked a meal. Set the table, reorganised plans. Made cute little menus and wrapped the silverware to make it all look a bit special and not a normal dinner. Presents sat in the middle.of the table.

I updated everyone on what i was cooking and when it would be ready. Apologised again for the miscommunication of earlier.

Dh has stopped off for a drive. I said but I am about to serve. He said, well you said 45 mins 20 mins ago. It wasnt 20 mins ago. Anyway I didnt argue cos everyone is obviously feeling a but raw.

So now, table set. Dinner ready. Presents ready.

Noone at the table and we are all waiting for dh.

I feel like shit. All because I didnt let them know I cancelled dinner. Yes, it was a mistake, but i was dealing with a lot at work and I got caught up.

OP posts:
speakout · 18/06/2023 21:08

What a drama.
Do people actually live like this?

Hercisback · 18/06/2023 21:08

You're not in the wrong OP, your kids are.

I wouldn't cook them dinner, they can have toast and go to bed. How rude of them.

Mariposista · 18/06/2023 21:09

Greensleeves · 18/06/2023 20:30

Why the hell did he tell you to cancel it in the first place? Why did your dd throw a wobbly over it? I'm sorry, but they ALL sound spoilt rotten, selfish and unkind. You've done nothing wrong. I'm furious for you!

Absolutely this. The only one not acting like a petulant child here is you! Wouldn't bother next year.

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Families
Daffodilwoman · 18/06/2023 21:15

I’m also confused as to why you ended up cooking a roast dinner when it was dh who cancelled the meal out.
Dies he cook you a full roast on Mother’s Day?
Your entire family sound disgraceful.
Next year let them buy their own cards and presents. Stop enabling this disgraceful behaviour. Stop apologising. If your dh means to you again tell him to grow the fuck up and speak to his child directly.
Bloody hell op how on earth do you tolerate this crap?

Lecoqdor · 18/06/2023 21:15

Too much drama for a day that was invented by people who wanted to sell shit.

DreamTheMoors · 18/06/2023 21:15

I’m with the PP who pointed out that he’s not your father.
Your kids should be planning a meal, a celebration, a whatever - not you.
When my dad was alive, the three of us always either got together and planned a meal out in honour of Dad or cooked a big meal for the family in Dad’s honour.
Our mum had absolutely nothing to do with it because Mum was his wife - not his child.

N4ish · 18/06/2023 21:16

So much fuss about nothing! They all sound like drama queens, you need to stand up for yourself and stop pandering.

NotEverORNever · 18/06/2023 21:16

We don't do Mother's Day or Father's Day thank goodness 😅.

OP, hope you end up having a nice meal and that you can put the squabbles behind you.

Thankgoodnessforabitofsun · 18/06/2023 21:18

Dacadactyl · 18/06/2023 20:35

Bloody hell.

Your husbands lucky he's not in our family.

DH got a hastily written card from the kids about 2 hours after we all got up. No presents.

I forgot to send my own dad a card, so he got a text from me and then a phone call at 7pm when I remembered again.

FIL did get a card cos he lives closer, but my MIL invited us to theirs for tea cos we'd not planned anything.

😆 sounds much like our house….

Tortiemiaw · 18/06/2023 21:19

Jesus, it's bonkers stuff like this that makes me glad my dh has absolutely no interest in fathers day or any other commercialised nonsense.

Simplelobsterhat · 18/06/2023 21:19

Hillrunning · 18/06/2023 20:44

You haven't actually explained why your 13 year-old was upset. I really can't understand why she would have any strong views on if dinner is at home or in a restaurant. Can you explain?

As for the older ones, why were you buying cards on thier behalf, thats mad.

While I agree with most posters that OP has done nothing wrong and everyone else is being spoilt etc, and OP is taking on too much of the responsibility, I don't understand the posters saying things like this.

Am I the only person with another 13 year old who would be disappointed if she'd been told she was going out for a special occasion meal and then it wasn't happening and no one had told her or explained why? Indeed, never mind 13 year olds, I'd be disappointed! I'm not saying she reacted right but she's 13 not an adult and many people struggle with sudden changes of plan.

I'm not saying Op is the wrong here, she was in work,she wasn't the one who changed the plan, so not surprising she didn't think to update everyone, but I do think people are being too harsh on the 13 year old on that particular point. Also, why are people ever paying to eat out of they can't see why someone would have a view on which they'd prefer! Of course eating out is more of a treat to most people.

VisionsOfSplendour · 18/06/2023 21:20

I'm stressed just reading all that, what a load of unnecessary dramatics over a made up day

Is your life line that everyday? Who could be bothered with all that?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 18/06/2023 21:20

Dacadactyl · 18/06/2023 20:35

Bloody hell.

Your husbands lucky he's not in our family.

DH got a hastily written card from the kids about 2 hours after we all got up. No presents.

I forgot to send my own dad a card, so he got a text from me and then a phone call at 7pm when I remembered again.

FIL did get a card cos he lives closer, but my MIL invited us to theirs for tea cos we'd not planned anything.

My 3.5yr old wrote his card out in front of DH 😁

Jenjen21 · 18/06/2023 21:20

Honestly I'd tell them all where to go and order myself a Chinese!

Folklore9074 · 18/06/2023 21:21

No good deed goes unpunished OP! Next year stop overmanaging everyone, it’s Father’s Day, he’s your husband not your father. Leave it up them what they do or don’t do. No need to be the communications hub on this. Mothers Day/Fathers Day is a lot of nonsense my opinion though, and I say this as a mother.

GoldDuster · 18/06/2023 21:22

Your children have learned how to treat you by watching their father.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 18/06/2023 21:22

Simplelobsterhat · 18/06/2023 21:19

While I agree with most posters that OP has done nothing wrong and everyone else is being spoilt etc, and OP is taking on too much of the responsibility, I don't understand the posters saying things like this.

Am I the only person with another 13 year old who would be disappointed if she'd been told she was going out for a special occasion meal and then it wasn't happening and no one had told her or explained why? Indeed, never mind 13 year olds, I'd be disappointed! I'm not saying she reacted right but she's 13 not an adult and many people struggle with sudden changes of plan.

I'm not saying Op is the wrong here, she was in work,she wasn't the one who changed the plan, so not surprising she didn't think to update everyone, but I do think people are being too harsh on the 13 year old on that particular point. Also, why are people ever paying to eat out of they can't see why someone would have a view on which they'd prefer! Of course eating out is more of a treat to most people.

Show quote history

Op has immediately gone on the apologising overdrive.
She should have said DH didn't fancy the meal so told her to cancel it. At least then the girls anger would be directed towards her father since it was he who actually cancelled going out. No op who just rang the restaurant to let them know. Jeez

3luckystars · 18/06/2023 21:23

But he is not YOUR father? Why were you doing anything at all??

I understand when children are very young, you might help them
with a card but what is all this about? It’s their dad, and not your place to be doing all
of this.

It sounds like you are like a servant in the house, running around trying to make everyone happy. Stop that.

good luck.

EmeraldFox · 18/06/2023 21:23

Simplelobsterhat · 18/06/2023 21:19

While I agree with most posters that OP has done nothing wrong and everyone else is being spoilt etc, and OP is taking on too much of the responsibility, I don't understand the posters saying things like this.

Am I the only person with another 13 year old who would be disappointed if she'd been told she was going out for a special occasion meal and then it wasn't happening and no one had told her or explained why? Indeed, never mind 13 year olds, I'd be disappointed! I'm not saying she reacted right but she's 13 not an adult and many people struggle with sudden changes of plan.

I'm not saying Op is the wrong here, she was in work,she wasn't the one who changed the plan, so not surprising she didn't think to update everyone, but I do think people are being too harsh on the 13 year old on that particular point. Also, why are people ever paying to eat out of they can't see why someone would have a view on which they'd prefer! Of course eating out is more of a treat to most people.

Show quote history

I might expect an eight year old to make a fuss but not a 13 year old! Thirteen year olds understand things like finances being tight.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 18/06/2023 21:23

Oh mate, you really need to learn to fuck it and stop taking responsibility for anything and everything. You didn't ruin the day, they did. With spoilt, demanding, childish behaviours. I guess the kids could be excused for being childish since they're you know, kids.

However, they don't get to strop and fuck up and be rude , while you're running around after everyone, apologising and tickling their little egos.

Fuck it.

Killingmytime · 18/06/2023 21:26

Sorry op none of this was your fault, i agree that all your kids and dh sound ungrateful, rude and spoilt.
i would not have cooked a roast nor apologised.
they need a fucking telling.

Bellagio40 · 18/06/2023 21:27

Ridiculous

Somethingintheattic · 18/06/2023 21:28

Just don't get involved in Fathers Day again - he's not your Dad. The DC are old enough to do this themselves.
Couldn't live like this - the level of drama is rediculous.

Matronic6 · 18/06/2023 21:30

Don't see why the two oldest are doing uni visits but they can't buy their own father's day card. Or why they had to wait until their evening meal to even acknowledge father's day.

Your family sound very high maintenance OP, I would leave them to organize it themselves next year.

Somethingintheattic · 18/06/2023 21:30

...made cute little menus...just why?