Ruined Fathers day and feel like shit

[RuinedTheDay]

I went shopping with dd, while texting other dc who were away with Dh on friday night. Booked a meal for tonight. Bought cards and wrapped presents. Gave dd her card. Put other dc card in their room. Updated all dc with plans.

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. Couldn't cancel.it at the time we spoke (late sat night) so cancelled today while I was at work. As we were having issues at work, I failed to update dc. Poor communication on my part.

Dh didnt realise dc knew, so dd found out from him dinner was cancelled. And threw a massive wobbly at me via text at work and is now not talking to me. (Shes 13)

I came home and have cooked a roast. Apologised for my poor communication. Spoke to one ds who got mad, I apologised again, he apologised, all good. Plans were made to gove presents at dinner. Checked in with the eldest dc, checked plans were ok, said right tell your brother we are all agreed, make sure you get buy in from dd (who had given card at this point) as didnt want her saying I hadn't left her out in the communication.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. But that doesnt stop them saying it, but there we go. Hence the upset of everyone.

So I have cooked a meal. Set the table, reorganised plans. Made cute little menus and wrapped the silverware to make it all look a bit special and not a normal dinner. Presents sat in the middle.of the table.

I updated everyone on what i was cooking and when it would be ready. Apologised again for the miscommunication of earlier.

Dh has stopped off for a drive. I said but I am about to serve. He said, well you said 45 mins 20 mins ago. It wasnt 20 mins ago. Anyway I didnt argue cos everyone is obviously feeling a but raw.

So now, table set. Dinner ready. Presents ready.

Noone at the table and we are all waiting for dh.

I feel like shit. All because I didnt let them know I cancelled dinner. Yes, it was a mistake, but i was dealing with a lot at work and I got caught up.

Am I right that your dd is the youngest then at 13?

Ffs step back and let them deal with it. Stop spoon feeding them and letting them walk all over you.

also why was your husband unable to tell the two children he was with that the meal was cancelled?

You haven't done anything wrong OP. Your blokes a dick.

Stop bloody apologising. Tell them all you won't be planning nothing next year and they can all get on with it

Go have a glass of something and eat your dinner.

I'm with the other posters here op, you did nothing wrong and your entire family should apologise profusely to you.

Kids - “boo hoo, we were going to do presents at the meal”

you - “yes, and we’re still having a meal so do the presents then.”

H - “boo hoo they didn’t say happy Father’s Day to me”

you - “tell them yourself if you’re annoyed. Or get over it. They’re giving you presents later by the way. Now let’s all have a nice dinner together and everyone stop whinging or I’m going to the beach to eat fish and chips on my own while you all bicker.”

Honesty this ridiculous! I’d tell them all this. They could still go presents at dinner at home rather than the restaurant. Tell them all to grow up!

I'm sorry, op, but your children sound like retched spoilt brats. I can't even believe the way they speak to you.

I waist there was a kind way to say this, but there isn’t. STOP BEING A DOORMAT.

They are all being completely ridiculous and taking you for granted. There was absolutely nothing there that was your fault. other than you tiptoeing around trying to be responsible for everyone else’s moods.

That kind of people-pleasing behaviour is often indicator an emotionally abusive relationship. Is it usually like this?

Why did he want to cancel the meal

You instead had to cook

Kids sound a little spoilt tbh. Throwing hussy fits coz plans changed which is all dh fault

I'm not on social media, so theres that.

Also, was working today. I said to the kids where everything was, said they didnt need to wait for me.

They chose to do presents at dinner. They could have said happy fathers day without presents.
But yes, it's all my fault.

Dont get me starts on the 13 yr old apple of her fathers eye who started this entire shit storm. There a whole.other back story there that I wont go into.

Anyway. Gotta go. The dh has returned.

Thanks for making me feel a bit better and letting me rant.

Also… you’ve got an absolute nightmare in store as your kids get older. Stand up for yourself! If they go out into the world acting like that they’re going to have a very rude awakening. I can only imagine the fuss 18 year old DD will make in first flat share/halls/job etc….she needs showing how to behave.

You Dd is 13 and treating you like that?? That's a whole other problem. Next year remind them, give them £20 each and tell them to get him something. Job done. If they're old enough to treat you like that they're old enough to organise it themselves. Terrible behaviour.

they ALL sound spoilt rotten, selfish and unkind

This.

He overspent so you couldn't afford a meal out, meaning he expected you to do all the work of cooking dinner. The kids are whiny and rude and you are taking al the blame.

Stop accepting unacceptable behaviour for what was a small, unintended mistake you repeatedly apologised for. Stop accepting this nonsense.

The children could have cooked BTW. They are well old enough.

You haven't actually explained why your 13 year-old was upset. I really can't understand why she would have any strong views on if dinner is at home or in a restaurant. Can you explain?

As for the older ones, why were you buying cards on thier behalf, thats mad.

Oh that’s rubbish ! They’re definitely old enough to arrange Father’s Day next year. This is your opportunity to step back …

This is not your fault at all and stop saying you made a mistake! You didn't. Why should you have to update a 13 year old who lives with you about where they are having tea! I though you meant they had to meet you there and turned up.

I can't believe you booked a meal, told to cancel it, cancel it, cook a replacement meal, Sort out presents and cards and put them in their room and still feel like you are in the wrong.

I'd be livid! But I'd smile and get on.

Your 13 year old has ruined Father’s Day by being a spoilt brat. You and DH have enabled it by allowing her to be a spoilt brat and taking the blame yourself. You and DH need to communicate better, and then itl pass through the family. But adults making mistakes doesn’t mean kids get to get away with being awful. DH sulking off for a drive rather than having dinner with his kids is ridiculous, guess that’s were your 13 year old gets it from!

This is so fucked up. Your family treat you like shit. You sound like Dobby the house elf.

I'd love to know what happens on mother's Day...

Tempted to say if the kids were that bothered about him they’d have done something to mark the occasion/ tell him. If DH was that bothered he’d have gone for the meal or at least showed up at home for meal 2 at a reasonable time - tell them you made the effort for them to engage with the day/sentiment and you won’t do it ever again- they can speak to each other - push it all back then go for a long soak

Why wouldn't you have told the kids the day before. Given it seems they are all teens, making sure they knew there were plans seems like the sensible option and not a mistake.

You did nothing wrong, except enable their shitty behaviour.

Good lord, an awful lot of angst for a day that’s hyped up by card manufacturers 🤷‍♀️

Im so confused by all of this. How is it your fault dh cancelled meal? Why are you apologising to dd? I don’t get why it matters which parent informed her that the meal plans had changed. What difference does it even make to dd? Baffled. Stop apologising to them all op, they’re taking you for a mug

Fathers and Mothers day are an absolute farce !! Am so glad that we have taken that view. Husband just back from a few days away and has only one card . He hasn’t even looked at it ,one son has just been away with him and not mentioned it ,husband didn’t care ,daughter who has a child rang him today apologising that only grandchild had a card for him 🤷‍♀️Husband will happily go to bed tonight in the knowledge that his children are all fine functioning adults!!

1. stop apologising

2. don't be the fall guy for them anymore. 13 and over - they sort themselves next year. It's their father.

Agree with above posters they all sound spoilt and unkind and you are being the fall guy for everything and anyone.

This is not normal OP. Read and understand the replies here. Will assume your husband has no respect for, and is modelling that to the kids.
Appalling behaviour from all of them but you've got to learn not to be such a doormat 💐

Exactly! I wonder how many of Boris offspring remembered/ cared !