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Original poster

On holiday and found out he's cheated

1000 replies

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:08

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Mentionitismethinks · 25/05/2023 06:10

Oh no, this is soooo rough OP. I dont suppose it is an option to pretend to be ill and leave him out there with the kids?

Nottodaysausage · 25/05/2023 06:13

Oh OP you poor thing ❤️ how old are the children? Do you have any friends or family in the country you're in at all?
Sending you a huge unmumsnetty hug

Shoxfordian · 25/05/2023 06:17

Can you get a separate room at the hotel or rearrange flights? ❤️

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Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:17

None. It's just us 4.

I have one who is 15 who I am trying to hold back from decking him and another that is 8 with additional needs. So we are having to try and pretend that nothing has happened.

The time difference is huge. I have no one else and I can't put this on my 15yr old.

I don't know if I have ever felt this worthless. I have failed at life.

He's offered to leave and fly home but the little one just simply would not cope.

I'm so scared and alone and so utterly heartbroken.

OP posts:
Speakingofdinosaurs · 25/05/2023 06:20

Oh goodness, I’m so sorry for you! You must be devastated and feeling like your whole world has crumbled.
Can you phone your Mum, other family or friends to talk it over with them? It must be horrible to find out something like this at any time, but on holiday?!
How old are your children?
Can you send him home & have the rest of the holiday on your own?

Speakingofdinosaurs · 25/05/2023 06:23

Sorry, just seen your reply.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:24

I've spoken to mum earlier, she knows.

If my little one didn't have additional needs I would in heart beat. I can't ruin their lives as well as my own.

I don't understand how he has done this to me.
He was taking pictures or things and sending them to her and I was right next to him.
He slept with me this morning and I went to the bathroom and he text her to apologise he was late texting.

What's the point? What's the actual point in anything.

OP posts:
Amuseaboosh · 25/05/2023 06:24

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:17

None. It's just us 4.

I have one who is 15 who I am trying to hold back from decking him and another that is 8 with additional needs. So we are having to try and pretend that nothing has happened.

The time difference is huge. I have no one else and I can't put this on my 15yr old.

I don't know if I have ever felt this worthless. I have failed at life.

He's offered to leave and fly home but the little one just simply would not cope.

I'm so scared and alone and so utterly heartbroken.

You have no reason to feel worthless. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Honestly, ask yourself what would happen if he did just fly home? I know your 8 year old has additional needs, but you being in the same space as your husband right now is hell itself.
Do you think the 3 of you could get into your own groove over the next couple of days? You could tell the children he had a work emergency.

I feel for you.

nicelyno · 25/05/2023 06:27

He's offered to leave and fly home but the little one just simply would not cope. right so he's offered to abandon his family miles away from home too.

Ideas of how to get through your holiday.

Can he have a seperate room/have a "fun" sleepover in one of the kids rooms?

Can he take the 15 year old out by themselves to do something while 8 year old stays with you? Say it's an age limit thing.

I imagine your 15 year old is going to have picked up on the tension tbh so I think at some point they might ask. ß

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Speakingofdinosaurs · 25/05/2023 06:27

To be honest I’d ask your 15year old whether they’d rather go home. It must be as devastating for them to see this happen in front of their eyes and see their mother so upset and they may prefer to have their own support network of friends around them.

TrustPenguins · 25/05/2023 06:31

Does your 15 yo know then?
What a horrible situation.
I'm sorry OP.

AnnWithoutAnnie · 25/05/2023 06:31

nicelyno · 25/05/2023 06:27

He's offered to leave and fly home but the little one just simply would not cope. right so he's offered to abandon his family miles away from home too.

Ideas of how to get through your holiday.

Can he have a seperate room/have a "fun" sleepover in one of the kids rooms?

Can he take the 15 year old out by themselves to do something while 8 year old stays with you? Say it's an age limit thing.

I imagine your 15 year old is going to have picked up on the tension tbh so I think at some point they might ask. ß

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Given she's having to stop the 15 yo decking her H, I'm guessing the 15yo knows.

@manipulatrice I'm so very sorry. It's bad enough finding out at home, but at the start of a long haul holiday🥲

is it worth cutting your losses and all going home? I can't see any of you enjoying staying now.

what was his excuse for being late texting her? 'Sorry, I was busy having sex with my wife'. Nope, thought not.

Blossomed · 25/05/2023 06:32

I’m so sorry this has happened to you OP. Sending ❤and strength x

Mentionitismethinks · 25/05/2023 06:33

I think if the 15yo knows cut your losses

You absolutely gave not failed, your worth doesnt hinge on a man's ideas

AnnWithoutAnnie · 25/05/2023 06:34

@manipulatrice Do you think he wanted you to find out? What has he said - will he end it or does he want to leave & go after 'loves young dream'?? Seems weird he's not got his phone locked & hasn't wiped their chat history either.

olympicsrock · 25/05/2023 06:35

Separate hotel for DH. Space and thinking time.
have a love in with your children. Be truthful with the 15 year old.
Husband can have some day time with 8 year old to give you a break. You can speak to him only when you want to.

What an utter twat!

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:37

He does know.

He is my rock. We were on our own together for a good few years before I met husband so we have a strong bond.

He wants him gone too. We are both just trying to ease the situation with the little one who sensed the tension as I regrettably lost my shit in public. Not my finest hour and I feel shit about it.

I know I should just come home but I am trying to do the right thing for the kids and I just am not sure what that is.

OP posts:
MaidOfSteel · 25/05/2023 06:38

Oh no, OP. I'm so sorry this has happened.

Please, please get one thing straight in your head, though; you have not failed at life and you are absolutely not worthless. He is the selfish failure that has let his wife and children down. He is the one who has turned all your lives upside down. Not you.

I think I'd curtail the holiday and go home. I imagine it must be hell trapped in a hotel room with him just now. Once you're home, you can decide where you go from here.

Sending a big hug and a 'this is not your fault!'

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:40

AnnWithoutAnnie · 25/05/2023 06:34

@manipulatrice Do you think he wanted you to find out? What has he said - will he end it or does he want to leave & go after 'loves young dream'?? Seems weird he's not got his phone locked & hasn't wiped their chat history either.

No, I don't think he did.

He begun by saying it was just messages and he enjoyed the attention. I kept pushing as it felt so much more than flirty text.

I then pretended I had known for a while and had seen everything and he said the first time he just kissed her and the second time they slept together and it went from there. It's all through work.

I replied to her text to him telling her that she needs to never contact him again and that she should be disgusted with herself and she promptly blocked both of us on everything possible.

He says she means nothing. That it was for attention and because he felt sorry for himself and he was lonely. He has no feelings for her at all.

But me being me I've kept looking and I can see where he's invested.

OP posts:
Amuseaboosh · 25/05/2023 06:41

The right thing for the kids is having you with them and space from your husband. Whether that is where you are or at home, only you know. Coming home would mean support for you and routine for the kids. Staying may well be too much considering the circumstances.

PP mentioned separate hotels. That's also a great idea.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:42

He's 42, she's 29.

I am his second wife, I have not been married before. Called it off as ironically he was also unfaithful.

Him and his ex parted years before we met.

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:42

We have an apartment. So the kids are sharing a room and we have one.

The little one is none the wiser to the fact his father is on the sofa thankfully.

OP posts:
Amuseaboosh · 25/05/2023 06:43

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:40

No, I don't think he did.

He begun by saying it was just messages and he enjoyed the attention. I kept pushing as it felt so much more than flirty text.

I then pretended I had known for a while and had seen everything and he said the first time he just kissed her and the second time they slept together and it went from there. It's all through work.

I replied to her text to him telling her that she needs to never contact him again and that she should be disgusted with herself and she promptly blocked both of us on everything possible.

He says she means nothing. That it was for attention and because he felt sorry for himself and he was lonely. He has no feelings for her at all.

But me being me I've kept looking and I can see where he's invested.

Show quote history

He is a lying, manipulative, and pathetic excuse for a human.

Get an STI check when you're home.

Remember to try and eat a little and drink. I know the sounds stupid, but you matter.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:45

He swears he used protection, but thank you, I will. It's also crossed my mind.

OP posts:
EverythingsCominUpMilhouse · 25/05/2023 06:48

You have done nothing wrong - do not take on the burden or guilt for this arsehole being a pathetic cheater. He is the one who chose to cheat. He is the one who chose to lie to you, to your family and to your friends. None of this is your fault so DO NOT take on any of the guilt for this idiot’s decisions.

Do not feel shit about losing your temper in public, give yourself a pat on the back for not decking him.

I don’t know what advice to give about what to do for the rest of your planned holiday. He can get another hotel or apartment for himself? Spend his money and treat yourself and your two kids to some amazing experiences? Get early flights home and spend time with your kids, family and friends? I’m really sorry he has done this to you. He should be ashamed for being so stupid to fall for a 29 year old. I'm livid for you.

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