On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

With you all the way x How did your counselling session go? Any help? Don't forget the Andrew Marshall books they kept me sane x
Virtual hugs x

@manipulatrice. I have been thinking of you and your boys, take everything day at a time 💐

If you wanna talk vent we are here & have been where you are x it can be good to chat to people who've gone through the same crap experience... Think we get it & know not to judge - tell you what you should do etc xx hugs

Hope you are doing okay OP

Counselling was hard. As expected you talk about your entire life and it just brings up a lot of stuff doesn't it? I'm going to keep going. I found it liberating tbh.

He's going too, he's had 2 sessions now I believe.

Had to laugh, I was supposed to be away this weekend for a family event of his, obviously not going and neither is the eldest. Having not heard a word from his family, I've been replaced at the event it turns out, arranged by his sister. Nothing like being told you weren't wanted is there!

If the counselling is helping you clarify your feelings that's good and gives you some cognitive and emotional support. You are doing the right thing by prioritising yourself and your children. It sounds like your in laws are no loss if they can treat you so callously. Would you benefit from seeing a solicitor to give you some advice and insight around divorce etc.

What?! He brought the OW Sunday?
I'm sure he'll give his all in counselling... Stupid stupid man.

Stay strong ❤️

Exactly the same here

Counseling IS hard, but that is good! We have to get through the shitty stuff before we can concentrate on 'rebuilding'.

As far as his counseling, ignore it. Treat it as if it is not happening. If he mentions it say "I don't want to hear about it. It is your counseling to work on you. It's nothing to do with me". And obvs share NOTHING about your sessions, not even things that are directly related to his behaviour, past present or future. Anything you say to him will be stored up by him to 'use' later.

Are you saying he brought the OW to the family event? Or that the sister invited some random person/relative previously uninvited to take your place? Honestly, the latter wouldn't bother me since I wouldn't want to have been there anyway, unless is was the OW or he was told to bring some other as a '+ one'. And I don't think that 'filling a seat' as it were necessarily means that you weren't wanted. It sounds as if this event is a wedding or some sort of event where there were 'numbers', like a catered party. Maybe she's just making the best of a bad situation.

No no, sorry, not the OW. And it's a meal, that she has now invited a family friend to instead of us. Minimal numbers, 8 adults now and 4 kids.

Just made me chuckle more than anything.

Having a sense of humour at the moat challenging time of your life-I'm in awe of you.
You are doing amazingly well

Oaft let them all get on with it, he, ll have spun them a load of cack. Glad your hanging on in there. We, re all behind you. 💐

You'll be wrecked after the counselling it takes a lot out of you. So proud of you that you're able to see the funny side of things even if it's totally shitty x I'd say his family don't know how to handle it god bless them x I remember the first thing my MIL said to me was "well I don't know what we'll do if X does something to himself" lovely thanks for that... The outlaws can be interesting at times like this. Hang in there step by step.... Lots of mini treats x

It must be a horrible thing to admit that your child or sibling is a habitual cheater, and doesn’t respect his wife or kids enough to keep it in his pants.
However… I suspect his family and friends have known all along. They accept this from him as this is part of their social “culture” (for want of a better description.)
If reading threads on here has taught me anything, you can’t trust anyone from “his side”, as blood is definitely thicker no matter the behaviour.
Gather your own friends and family. Forge your own tribe and gain strength from them.

Although family may be embarrassed, disgusted about his behaviour the fact is he is blood. They will forgive him, they will continue to se him and most of the time the wife is ghosted.

OP hope you are doing okay.

Hey how are you doing this week?
Thinking of you

Also checking in with you. Hope your ok, well as ok as you can be. We, re still all here, if you need a rant. More power to you. 💐

Thank you for checking in.

I'm ok. 2nd session with the counsellor was hard, but rewarding for me as a person. I'm just throwing myself into work and my kids and seeing how each day goes. Sleep is still shocking, but the huel drinks have been a life saver.

That's all that you can do, just get through each day.
You are doing amazingly well

Things will get easier. One day (hopefully soon) there will be a breakthrough moment when you suddenly feel free, relieved and really happy. It'll be like a lightbulb switching on. I called mine the "pasta moment". Odd name but here's why.

A few weeks after I split from my EH I was going round the supermarket and they had a special offer on pasta. I looked and thought "Oh, that's a good deal, but no point getting any because EH doesn't like pasta" then BOOM! the lightbulb flicked on, I thought "I can do whatever I want!" and people must have wondered who this crazy woman was chuckling to herself and loading her trolley up with a lifetime supply of pasta.

Never has tuna pasta bake tasted so good.

Love that x you go pasta lady x @manipulatrice the counselling is tough but it gets easier x hope your kids are doing ok? How are the reacting to the split?
Sending virtual support xx

"EH doesn't like pasta" then BOOM! the lightbulb flicked on, I thought "I can do whatever I want!" and people must have wondered who this crazy woman was chuckling to herself and loading her trolley up

Haha, I had the same lightbulb moment! Different food, same excitement. Supermarkets must be responsible for a whole lot of broken-heart healing

I'm also here, cheering you on from the sidelines, @manipulatrice. It's all very scary & disorientating - also very interesting, don't you think, as you rediscover your self? Wishing you all the support, good luck, and lovely moments you may need.

Love the pasta reunion :)

My ex used to have a go at me saying I drank too much. 1 glass of wine here or there. I used to think to myself that it made better sense to have a wine box in the fridge as it would keep better and I wouldn't waste wine. I stopped myself because of that twat. eventually the penny dropped, I told my therapist about it and he was there when i had my Aha moment. Reader; I bought the wine box.

I also ate bacon, sausages and did whatever the fuck I wanted to from that point on. My now DP is adorable. 100% behind me and encourages me to better, not threatening or intimidating me. Plus he's loaded, loves wine and buys the most wonderful stuff :D

I was thinking of you and your kids today. I hope all is well.

My ex had a rage and rant at me for eating garlic (unknowingly) when I shared a supper dish at a neighbours. Said it was seeping out of my pores. Than the silent treatment.

wasn’t long after that I actually left and now I eat garlic infused dishes (delicious!) made by current husband usually, whenever I want!

freedom rules!!!