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Original poster

On holiday and found out he's cheated

1000 replies

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:08

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
EverythingsCominUpMilhouse · 25/05/2023 07:17

Whatever you need to do to make the minutes that pass by more bearable, if it's updating his pic on social media, then fine. That's nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Starting to agree with other comments, it might be time to consider coming home. Get your support network around you, get hugs and be with people who care about you and your two children.

Zarataralara · 25/05/2023 07:18

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:12

I can't sleep, which is doing me no good as I need to be ok with the little one.
The UK is starting to wake up now.

I did something I may regret. I changed his profile picture on all social media to "I've been caught cheating on my wife"

It's not big and it's not clever but I've done it now.

Have to say well done on that.
He’s treated you dreadfully.
Can only send you a hug.

Crispymandm · 25/05/2023 07:18

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:12

I can't sleep, which is doing me no good as I need to be ok with the little one.
The UK is starting to wake up now.

I did something I may regret. I changed his profile picture on all social media to "I've been caught cheating on my wife"

It's not big and it's not clever but I've done it now.

I love this!

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Relationship problems
Letsallgotothebeach · 25/05/2023 07:22

Sending a handhold, it must be utterly devastating. I'm going against the grain here and saying stay on holiday. Away from life's distractions it will a good place to get your head clear on what your next steps are. I'd also change the profile pics back, I think you will regret it. Keep venting on here to us 💐

WilkinsonM · 25/05/2023 07:23

I'm so sorry this has happened. He's obviously lying about not having feelings for her. I would make him find accommodation somewhere else and he can come and pick up the 8 year old every day for a few hours.
I would also change the profile picture back and stop doing anything so public. You are very likely to regret it.

AlwaysLuigi · 25/05/2023 07:23

Oh op I am so so sorry. Please whatever you do, do not forgive him. Do not listen to lies or promises or pleas for forgiveness. Get home as soon as you can and stick his stuff on the driveway. I am so sorry this has happened to you but you are better than this, and you will survive. He’s shown you who he really is so please listen. All the best op, i am so sorry.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:24

I probably will regret it. But it's done now. I think the world deserves to know what he's done.

I can Uber with the kids if needs be. Try and make an excuse to the little one.

The tears have dried and I'm feeling like I want to smash shit up.

OP posts:
Ladybug14 · 25/05/2023 07:25

Take a deep breath and find your inner grace. Changing profile photos, having a go at the other woman and having public tantrums is not the way forward, trust me

If I were you I'd go home with the kids

See a solicitor and start divorce proceedings

Your husband is a weak idiot and you certainly deserve way more than he can provide

nicelyno · 25/05/2023 07:27

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:24

I probably will regret it. But it's done now. I think the world deserves to know what he's done.

I can Uber with the kids if needs be. Try and make an excuse to the little one.

The tears have dried and I'm feeling like I want to smash shit up.

Revenge is a dish best served cold

User63847484848 · 25/05/2023 07:28

AnnWithoutAnnie · 25/05/2023 06:34

@manipulatrice Do you think he wanted you to find out? What has he said - will he end it or does he want to leave & go after 'loves young dream'?? Seems weird he's not got his phone locked & hasn't wiped their chat history either.

I was thinking this too!
so he had undeleted chat in his main WhatsApp, not even archived, and willingly gave you his phone to send a photo?
it does feel almost like either he’s very stupid or he wanted to be found out. Or

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 25/05/2023 07:29

If you do come home without him accidentally take his passport too or lose it! That will keep him busy for a bit!!

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 07:30

He’s a twat

but anonymous forum op. You really don’t need to do about fib about how you came across the messages ie snooping!

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:30

I think he's arrogant and cocky. Didn't think in a million years I would look at his phone. It's only because I wanted to send myself the pictures I took to send to my mum.
I saw her and thought who is this?

So I looked.

OP posts:
MzHz · 25/05/2023 07:31

Ian so sorry

@manipulatrice i know it’s all so raw atm, but it won’t always feel like this

keep talking to is - if it helps - and hang on in there. A

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:31

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 07:30

He’s a twat

but anonymous forum op. You really don’t need to do about fib about how you came across the messages ie snooping!

Sorry, what do you mean?

OP posts:
BubziOwl · 25/05/2023 07:33

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:14

He won't say anything else. He thinks he has given me enough.

And to be frank, what will it achieve? He's cheated. I can't change it, knowing all the details won't detract from what he has done to me. It will just be more painful and that's of no gain to me.

He thinks he's given you enough?? Prick.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 25/05/2023 07:34

I am so sorry.
He is pathetic.
I would start making your plans now, so you can be sure if your way ahead once home.
Expect "The Script". He has already framed it as being your fault, and that will continue.
You will get through this, believe it xx

Butterfly44 · 25/05/2023 07:34

In your situation I would send him on the flight back and cope alone with the kids. They shouldn't have to miss out. The rest of holiday is better for everyone with him gone.

orangegato · 25/05/2023 07:34

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:12

I can't sleep, which is doing me no good as I need to be ok with the little one.
The UK is starting to wake up now.

I did something I may regret. I changed his profile picture on all social media to "I've been caught cheating on my wife"

It's not big and it's not clever but I've done it now.

Good! You do anything that makes you feel better.

I’m so sorry OP. And for your children. I’d stick the holiday out and do the trips as if you went home nothing would improve, you’d just fester in bed.

Work out how to extract this snake from your life. If he showed up at her door with bin bags I doubt she’d want him then! Make him suffer.

Reallynotsure123 · 25/05/2023 07:35

I think the undeleted chat could be because he wanted to believe in the fantasy of an affair that has no consequences in real life. Just compartmentalization- he didn’t want to think about what he was actually doing to you and the risk so he didn’t take steps to prevent you finding out. Doesn’t mean he wanted you to find out- more that he couldn’t bear to face reality. Your anger is understandable but try to focus on practical next steps.

mommatoone · 25/05/2023 07:36

Im so sorry OP , what a shower of shite they both are. You will get through this. Your 15yr old sounds amazing, what a lovely bond you have. Sending hugs.

DunkingMyDonuts · 25/05/2023 07:37

Butterfly44 · 25/05/2023 07:34

In your situation I would send him on the flight back and cope alone with the kids. They shouldn't have to miss out. The rest of holiday is better for everyone with him gone.

Not if OP has to cope with her feelings, her son's, AND the 8 year old with their needs all while she is feeling like smashing up a room and vomiting food up.

HE doesnt get a pass by having free time at home . He can stay and see the actual reality of his vile behaviour

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:37

I have that feeling where you're so angry you can feel the palpitations.

I can't even begin to think about how this will work. I told my eldest that I just need to deal with each hour for the next for days because I need to figure out what this looks like when I am not full of anger, rage and tears.

OP posts:
Xrays · 25/05/2023 07:38

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:12

I can't sleep, which is doing me no good as I need to be ok with the little one.
The UK is starting to wake up now.

I did something I may regret. I changed his profile picture on all social media to "I've been caught cheating on my wife"

It's not big and it's not clever but I've done it now.

My now ex dh left me for an ex he had found on Facebook and he’d been having an affair with her. I wish I had done something like this! (It’s now 15 years later and I’m happily remarried). So you won’t necessarily regret it! I think it’s okay to call out bad behaviour 😁😁 Looking back now I was far too dignified.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. ❤️💐

Lostinbrum · 25/05/2023 07:39

I have no advice I'm afraid but just eanna say how sprry i am that yours and your childrens lives have been turned uoside down like this. It's one of those noone would know how they would react unless they were in your situation. Your riding the storm now and keeping it together for your kids your doing amazing

Your soon to be ex husband is an absoloute piece of shit. Start thinking about next plans, finances and the house etc.

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