On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

This 💯

They were on the same project. She's now moved so they won't work together and he claims this would've made it fizzle out because he had no reason to see her again.

Bullshit as she still lives where his project is she just happens to work in that area too.

I can't ever trust him. How can I ever trust him? And if you can't then what's the point? I would have to look over his shoulder constantly. I work shifts and I am out of the house a lot I would have to quit my job just to know he was being loyal and that's just not feasible and who wants to live like that because I don't.

I asked him why and what his problem is, and he has no real answer.

I don't think OP cares how this "looks", she has much bigger, more important things to think about than this. OP needs support just now, not unhelpful, judgemental comments like this.

A woman who knowingly cheats with a married man is scum - end of.

Whatever you decide Op remember that your h is responsible for this, not you

Good luck.

I wouldnt send DH home early, as he's then got all access to your paperwork, house etc.

Either all leave, or stay.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

And yes, I know it's petty to change his profile picture and to have replied to her, albeit I was more than reasonable in my reply.

After 10 years I think I will wear that badge right now.

I don't want to be dignified. I'm angry.
My heart is shattered into a million pieces, I am thousands of miles from home and I am totally broken.

I'm so sorry for you OP, it must be hellish to be in holiday with him too.

Use this time to make lists in what you need to do when you get home, what documents do you need to find. Maybe even try and contact a solicitor for a free 30 minute call with them.

As for his excuse, he was lonely whilst you were at work - what an absolute twat

What a bastard! Nothing wrong with messaging her back, I did exactly the same thing when I was in your position and I've never regretted it

I don't know if going home is for the best but I certainly wouldn't be sending him on his own. I'm really sorry op

Oh OP I'm so sorry. I'm so angry for you, I don't know either of you and I'd smash his face in given half a chance. What an utterly selfish cunt he is. I sincerely hope his dick shrivels up and falls off.

I'd also have sent the message to her (and more). If she knew he was married with children then she's completely morally bankrupt and an angry text is the least she deserves. The women defending her here are doubtless other women themselves, or have been.

Can you and 15 leave 8 with him today / tomorrow depending what time it is where you are, and go get some space for a few hours? Going forward in the short term do whatever makes YOU the happiest, be that sending him home, going home yourself, or shifting him out to another hotel or apartment.

Be kind to yourself, be fucking horrible to him (out of earshot of 8 of course) and keep talking here whenever you need to x

ODFOD! OP is his wife and as his wife she has the right to text the OW and tell her to stay away from her husband.

And there's nothing undignified about making her aware that you know! They are the undignified ones for doing it in the first place

The ow may also be married for all op knows. If you know someone has a wife and kids you should steer clear. She is not the one op should be most angry with but op has every right to be angry with anyone involved in harming her children.

The ow has the right to block op but no right to complain about being told she's acted badly, even if the op had been far less polite about it. Anyone who knowingly harms children is shit.

YES 🙌

I really regret being “dignified” when my dignity was ripped away.

What you’ve done is perfect and to the point.

Don’t cause any trouble at his work, if he loses his job then it just puts you into a financial hole.

you are in the right place, anger is useful.

you need to put some physical distance between you both, even if it’s just sharing a room with your big ds instead. Focus on what you want, what your future looks like, where you want robe in 12 months. Can you start sorting out any financial stuff while you are there? Don’t give him the option of getting in first, you don’t know how the next few weeks will pan out

Youve got this.

oh and I’d be absolutely throwing his passport in the bin. On the last day. I have no shame though

I can't leave the 15yr old with him. He is not biologically his, knows what's happened and wants to kill him.

8yr old has additional needs. He cottoned on when I was undignified in public but doesn't have any idea why, thankfully, so managed to dodge that bullet, but, it made him lose it. So I am desperately trying to find ways around it all.

You’re entitled to be, he’s an utter bastard, suggesting it would have fizzled out when he’s been texting her whilst on holiday? Yeah that’s really the actions of a man trying to let things fizzle out. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. Can you make lots of plans without him to keep yourself and your kids busy for the rest of the break?

She's not married. She is free and single.

She asked how my kids were on his messages. That stung.

You actions are justified and understandable. You have every right to be angry and hurt. However you say you couldn't cope on holiday with two children. Your eldest sounds wise and at 15 would be old enough to help you with the younger one. I think you and DS15 would cope perfectly well without staying at the same hotel/holiday as your husband.

He was lonely while you were at work. Awh boo hoo, poor man. He had to stick his dick elsewhere. I'd stick out holiday, brave face for little one. You can keep an eye on him, you don't want him going home and clearing out your house. Plenty time for you to think out your next step. Keep your cards close to your chest, let him shit himself wondering your next move. He's a twat. Massive hug lovely. Been where you are, trust me it does get better.

OP you're entitled to say anything you want to either of them. What kind of woman chases after a married man with kids? She's a whore and so is he.

She asked how my kids were on his messages.

I gasped at reading that. The effing cheek of her! I wouldn't only want to "smash his face in", I'd want to do hers as well. To absolute effing cheek!! 😡

Oh fuck them both OP, they deserve each other and you should tell them as much. The novelty will wear off soon enough. I promise you, you will be happier in the long run if you bin this disgusting, lying twat off right now. All the best.

@OriginalUsername2 yes me too, I was dignified and didn't tell many people why me and my ex split, even to this day a lot of people don't know about his multiple affairs. Looking back I wish I'd not protected him as much, and told people what a cheating scumbag he was. You don't have to shout from the rooftops to let people know.

Exactly. Those calling for ‘dignity’, are actually saying “let him off the hook with no consequences or fuss, just send him off into the sunset and never speak your mind about it to anyone”. It’s bullshit, OP is entitled to express herself, she’s not crying on the floor, begging him to give her another chance - that would be a loss of dignity.

It would be so much easier if little one didn't have additional needs. Eldest is just a legend, and the 3 of us would be 100% fine, it's just finding a way that we could fool him into why daddy needs to leave.