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Original poster

On holiday and found out he's cheated

1000 replies

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:08

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

OP posts:
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Reallynotsure123 · 25/05/2023 06:48

I was in a similar situation a few years ago on holiday with teenagers, everything planned and paid for etc. I stuck it out because I thought it would be better for them to have their holiday regardless of parental drama. They told me afterwards that it was horrible to see me upset and feel the tension between us. So in hindsight I should have gone home I think. But the main thing I want to say is you are not worthless, this is about him and his weak character- it is not your fault.

Amuseaboosh · 25/05/2023 06:50

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:45

He swears he used protection, but thank you, I will. It's also crossed my mind.

Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. No one should have to.
Just keep talking here and keep as much distance from him as possible. He CHOSE this. You and your children didn't.

How is your 15 year old at the moment?

I've been where you are. My now 15 year old was 7 when my ex-dh had an affair. I know for a fact my now husband wouldn't survive her wrath if he did the same.

Mentionitismethinks · 25/05/2023 06:55

Reallynotsure123 · 25/05/2023 06:48

I was in a similar situation a few years ago on holiday with teenagers, everything planned and paid for etc. I stuck it out because I thought it would be better for them to have their holiday regardless of parental drama. They told me afterwards that it was horrible to see me upset and feel the tension between us. So in hindsight I should have gone home I think. But the main thing I want to say is you are not worthless, this is about him and his weak character- it is not your fault.

I had a similar experience as a kid, trapped on holiday with parents trying to keep it together. We did end up going home a day or two early but it was so notorious and stayed in our memories for all the wrong reasons!

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Relationship problems
Campervangirl · 25/05/2023 06:55

Ahh that was painful to read.
I feel so sorry for you 😞
If I were you op I'd send the fucker home as difficult as it will be.
You can spend time with the DC, regroup with your 15 yr old, have a bit of breathing space then decide what to do when you get home.
If he stays the tension will be horrendous, how will you have days out, meals together etc, really awkward.
It would also send a clear message to your eldest that you are strong and won't put up with being treated like that, that's it's not how you treat the woman you love.
Your eldest will feel betrayed too but I'm so glad he's standing up for you.
It will also send a clear message to your H that you're not going to sweep this under the carpet and the situation that he's caused is as serious/ life changing as it gets, send him home to stew and worry about what your next action is going to be.
Do not feel embarrassed about kicking off in public, if I saw or heard that I'd be rooting for you, I'd probably stand up and clap!
Be kind to yourself, send him home ❤️

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:55

Eldest went to bed a few hours ago. I still haven't slept.
I tried to eat but I threw it back up.

I'm so sad. So desperately sad and the only person I want is my husband but that man has gone.

I was so happy. So incredibly happy. I lived a wonderful life, we had a what I thought was a perfect relationship. We work hard, we do a shit tonne of stuff together we make time for us and it's still not enough.

I'm out at work getting the shit kicked out of me and he's at home wanking off to her?

And how DARE she block me. I'm so livid at that. I wouldn't even have directed my rage at her, she is a nothing, but how dare she walk away unscathed

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:56

My eldest said to me earlier that he loved my husband and thought more of his than his own dad.

They are so close. He feels so betrayed.

I'm sorry I'm just rambling. I don't know what else to do.

OP posts:
nicelyno · 25/05/2023 07:04

Given that 15 year old knows I would look into if you are able to all go home early though your husband can stay there and rot. This holiday is forever going to be ruined now so there's not really much point trying to salvage it.

booksandbrews · 25/05/2023 07:05

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. I’d also recommend the Surviving Infidelity forums - they have one dedicated to people who have just found out and how they can cope. You’ll be in shock for a while. Just try and focus on taking care of yourself and your children, and leave your husband to sort himself out (and yes, asking him to move to another place/go home is probably a sensible idea). Sending 💐

Cosycover · 25/05/2023 07:05

Keep a hold of that anger. Please don't forgive him. You will manage and things will get better. You and your kids deserve so much more.

I would go home if possible. Its not going to be much of a holiday. Will your youngest be upset if you went home?

MayBeee · 25/05/2023 07:08

Yes directing your rage at her is understandable , but really irrelevant because he is the one that had wronged you and he is the one you are married to .
Him telling you she means nothing to him , is frankly an insult to your intelligence . You say he is contacting her daily , sending her photos of his day , and totally unforgivable , texting her immediately after you and him have had sex ! WOW .
Get through this time away ( note I'm not calling it a holiday ) get home , and get rid.
Flowers

AuContraire · 25/05/2023 07:08

Absolute selfish bastard.

If he's goes home himself, he'll just spend the time with her.

EverythingsCominUpMilhouse · 25/05/2023 07:09

My heart goes out to you, I am so so sorry he's done this to you.

I know it's not a lot when your world has been turned upside down, but we're all here for you 💛

Has he said any more to you about the affair?

The woman is clearly a to have been capable of cheating with a married man. You really can't expect an ounce of decency from her.

chosenone · 25/05/2023 07:10

how utterly awful for you all. I can only conclude that you’re DH has compartmentalised here. So many ‘happy’ men, and some women do. Happy home life, good sex life etc and they still do this! It’s literally having their cake and eating it. Also, a huge arrogance that they won’t get caught. Can you spend the day with the kids and try and block him out whilst you process this. Just go quiet and cold and say you’re focusing on your family? It would be a real fake it till you make it moment. He will be panicking and seeing you being strong and potentially moving on without him will show his true colours.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:12

I can't sleep, which is doing me no good as I need to be ok with the little one.
The UK is starting to wake up now.

I did something I may regret. I changed his profile picture on all social media to "I've been caught cheating on my wife"

It's not big and it's not clever but I've done it now.

OP posts:
dogmandu · 25/05/2023 07:13

Mentionitismethinks · 25/05/2023 06:10

Oh no, this is soooo rough OP. I dont suppose it is an option to pretend to be ill and leave him out there with the kids?

I guess the kids are totally unimportant, right? Sod'em!

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:14

He won't say anything else. He thinks he has given me enough.

And to be frank, what will it achieve? He's cheated. I can't change it, knowing all the details won't detract from what he has done to me. It will just be more painful and that's of no gain to me.

OP posts:
garlictwist · 25/05/2023 07:14

It's spelled "Dunkerque" in French if that helps?

garlictwist · 25/05/2023 07:14

garlictwist · 25/05/2023 07:14

It's spelled "Dunkerque" in French if that helps?

sorry, wrong thread!

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:14

No way would my eldest be with him on his own.
Not happening, no chance.

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 25/05/2023 07:15

I think your holiday is ruined now and there is no benefit to staying and having to deal with this while you are far from home with no support network.arrange to fly home, tell your husband to stay there as you need time and space to think.

Nottodaysausage · 25/05/2023 07:16

That anger will keep you going OP ❤️try to drink stuff with calories in so keep your blood sugar up.
If possible I would get your h to book another room and leave you alone apart from if 8 yo needs assistance in some way. Like a nanny.
Where are you OP? USA?

RomComPhooey · 25/05/2023 07:16

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. Being away from home and your support network must be so hard. In practical terms, if you don’t feel up to eating could you manage protein shakes to tide you over?

I wouldn’t let your husband go home early on his own. He might clear out your shared resources, whether that’s joint money or household stuff, and bog off to his girlfriend’s while you’re stuck abroad and its not as easy to block eg bank activity. In your shoes, I’d keep him where you have eyes on him for now.

Reallynotsure123 · 25/05/2023 07:16

My advice is If possible call a good friend or sister for IRL support and so that you can talk through the practicalities. Your husband may act as though he is the “injured party”- ignore him and don’t waste your energy getting into debates on right and wrong, affair details etc. it gets you nowhere and is very upsetting.

Crispymandm · 25/05/2023 07:16

What a pair of toads! People can be so rotten on the inside. I hope you let everyone know how scummy they have been. Please don’t feel shitty about yourself for your reaction , and please make sure you make him miserable for the 14 day holiday.
i think his lonely excuse is utter horseshit, I hope you have a lot of support at home . We’re all here for you op

LemonDrizzle10 · 25/05/2023 07:16

Change the profile picture back OP. It’s understandable to want to do that but you may regret it.

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