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Original poster

On holiday and found out he's cheated

1000 replies

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:08

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

OP posts:
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5
Fuckitydoodah · 25/05/2023 07:39

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Good for you doing that on his social media. He deserves the humiliation.

I don't know what I'd do about the holiday. Either make him leave, or , try and hold it all together until I got home.

Lostinbrum · 25/05/2023 07:41

Oh and I absolutely would be plastering stuff all over social media etc. why the hell shouldnt everyone else know he's a lying filthy scumbag who's destroyed his family

Catsmere · 25/05/2023 07:43

You are not worthless and haven’t failed at life, OP. He is, and has. He’s a piece of shit.

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Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:43

I can't even think about "the future" yet. That's too big for now.
I have no idea how that's going to work.

I just want to smash his face in.

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 25/05/2023 07:46

What does he do for work, does he work with her all the time or in the same industry?

Will he continue the affair or cut all ties, how will he explain to her?

Is she single

I take it there will be divorce on the cards when you return home.

Massive hug, such a shock for you x

Pipsquiggle · 25/05/2023 07:46

Sorry you're going through this.

Is getting home an option? This holiday is ruined whichever way you look at it. Everyone knows apart from the youngest, and she knows something is wrong. Is there a way you can spin this to go home.

I would encourage you to change back his profile picture.

Marchintospring · 25/05/2023 07:46

Butterfly44 · 25/05/2023 07:34

In your situation I would send him on the flight back and cope alone with the kids. They shouldn't have to miss out. The rest of holiday is better for everyone with him gone.

I think so too but I’m sure the Op won’t want him having his cake with the other woman whilst she has the kids 1,000’s miles away.

Op I think you need a bit of time to process this and think about how to proceed. Social media rants just make people think you are gobby and angry and you run the risk of people feeling sorry for him. Stay quiet and dignified and let him dig himself a hole.

nicelyno · 25/05/2023 07:48

Lostinbrum · 25/05/2023 07:41

Oh and I absolutely would be plastering stuff all over social media etc. why the hell shouldnt everyone else know he's a lying filthy scumbag who's destroyed his family

The kids might not want to be faced with pitying looks from people they know..not yet.

tigerlily0 · 25/05/2023 07:48

I think ur heart is physically breaking, it's awful awful feeling. At least u have found out. He's fully gaslighting u into thinking it's ur fault because you worked nights, how dare he! Don't send him home, straight to her. Let him be as miserable as you are right now. Plus like someone said don't give him the opportunity to sort finances and divorce etc. maybe tell him to get his own room at his own expense for the rest of the holiday.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 25/05/2023 07:50

I feel really sorry for you OP it’s a shit situation. Not sure why you are texting and getting angry atthe other woman though? She’s not the one who has been cheating on you, that’s your husband. It‘s not a great look to be going after the her, she doesn’t owe you anything and is entirely justified in blocking you.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:52

No rants. I've just changed his picture.

I don't want to be dignified. Fuck being the bigger person. Fuck being silent. I am a woman and I want other women to know we don't have to be dignified and that men, mine now included are pieces of fucking shit.

And. I thought I had a good one! I was so fucking happy. I have never been this happy. I told him that this must be madness that we are still so happy after 10 fucking years.

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:53

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 25/05/2023 07:50

I feel really sorry for you OP it’s a shit situation. Not sure why you are texting and getting angry atthe other woman though? She’s not the one who has been cheating on you, that’s your husband. It‘s not a great look to be going after the her, she doesn’t owe you anything and is entirely justified in blocking you.

I'm not. I don't have her number and when I looked her up on socials she has blocked me. I couldn't even if I wanted too.

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:55

She is a complete stranger to me that I didn't even know existed until a few hours ago.
She text him, and I replied to her on his message.

All I said was "X, X has a wife and 2 children. I'm sure you are aware we are on holiday, I suggest you never contact him again"

That's literally it.

OP posts:
WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 25/05/2023 07:56

But @manipulatrice you said

“I replied to her text to him telling her that she needs to never contact him again and that she should be disgusted with herself and she promptly blocked both of us on everything possible. “

What’s to be gained from any contact with her? She didn’t cheat on you, he did. And you can’t tell a random stranger who they can and cannot contact.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 25/05/2023 07:57

Everyone should know how scummy he is.keep the changed profile pics up.

Spacestace · 25/05/2023 07:59

You should change the profile photo for the sake of your children, not for him. Of course the other woman blocked you, why would you want to talk to her?

I'd get myself home with the children and be around family and friends personally.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 07:59

Yes I replied to her on his message on his phone.

Tbh. I don't actually care to defend my actions towards her at all. I give zero shits.
I could've sent her an essay. I didn't. She knew he was married with 2 children. She got off lightly.

OP posts:
drstranger · 25/05/2023 08:00

Omg op, fucking furious on your behalf what an absolute wanker. How tough that you're literally stuck with him in another country too. I have no advice but all I can say is focus on your children, do stuff with them and leave him to it as much as you can. Maybe try and make some friends, probably the last thing you want to do but anything to help shift your focus a little.

MumblesParty · 25/05/2023 08:00

Butterfly44 · 25/05/2023 07:34

In your situation I would send him on the flight back and cope alone with the kids. They shouldn't have to miss out. The rest of holiday is better for everyone with him gone.

I would try and do this too, with your older child helping out. I think the 3 of you could salvage something from the holiday.

PosseGalore · 25/05/2023 08:01

Of course he offered to fly home. He will fly straight into the arms of then ow. What a bastard.

FireballStarDescent · 25/05/2023 08:01

I think that you should all make the most of the holiday

Perhaps you can leave the children with him for a couple of hours & have some time to yourself & then swap

Naunet · 25/05/2023 08:01

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 25/05/2023 07:56

But @manipulatrice you said

“I replied to her text to him telling her that she needs to never contact him again and that she should be disgusted with herself and she promptly blocked both of us on everything possible. “

What’s to be gained from any contact with her? She didn’t cheat on you, he did. And you can’t tell a random stranger who they can and cannot contact.

OP can say what ever the fuck she likes to her. Why are you trying to police OP, she’s just had her whole life shattered FFS. The girl had an affair with a married man, she’s not a victim here.

So sick of women being held to a ridiculous standard when they’re in these situations. OP, you did nothing wrong and your text to her was far more polite than mine would have been.

cafenoirbiscuit · 25/05/2023 08:02

If OW is a colleague is it worth reporting it to his work? Some workplaces would stop them from working together, move one of them to another team. Wouldn’t it be terrible if your prince was inconvenienced 🙄🤣

FernGully43 · 25/05/2023 08:02

I'm so so sorry, op. What a selfish, horrible excuse for a human being your husband is to do that to you and your children

SmartHome · 25/05/2023 08:02

So sorry to hear this OP. I would have behaved exactly as you have towards him and her, you have every right to be angry with both of them. I don't know why people are defending her, perhaps they are OW themselves. I can't believe he texted her straight after having sex with you, I'd have told her that too.

What is he suggesting happens next? Realistically I think you've all got to come home?

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