Adult children and use of the shower

[Bluemuf]

DS1 22yo, employed in a good job, pays his way, does his bit around the house, good company to have around, no bother to anyone.

However, he's just spent 45 monutes in the shower. That was a "quick" one, as he needed to be at work. It can't carry on, apart from the cost, the bathroom is always wet, the condensation is causing paint to peel and woodwork to rot, despite daily use of a dehumidifier.

We live in the SE so no realistic prospect of him having his own place soon, which I know would be most people's solution, but he is otherwise a model housemate.

I've obviously tried talking to him, tried getting mad. He's always sorry and understands but then does it again next day. Mostly I can't even yell at him because I'll be at work so I dread to think how long he's in there when I'm not here.

Has anyone found a solution?

Fwiw he did sand and repaint all the peeling paint (natural consequence 😆) but it didn't change his behaviour and wasn't long before it started peeling again.

Set the lower water temperature, maybe this will keep his showers short.

If it is a pump shower, turn off the electricity supply to it after 10 (or what ever you deem acceptable) minutes.

I'm guessing you have spoken to him about this and he doesn't care - so you need to stop caring and act.

He's 22, working, why can't he manage his time better for heaven's sake!

He just needs to use a timer. 10 mins max, it goes off, he gets out. Not rocket science.

Five minutes is all he needs.

I used the egg-timer thingy when Victoria was in drought. Here's the UK version. shower-timer

We used to turn the hot water off mid shower when this happened.

Sorry OP but you know what he’s doing in there right 🤣 how are the drains?

I think it’s difficult to come hard on it now. When I was a teenager my parents used to turn the hot water off if my shower was too long. They only did it once or twice but it was enough to encourage more reasonable showers. But it different doing that with a 14 year old than someone in their 20s.

Does he contribute towards bills I would probably start by increasing the monetary contribution he makes so that atleast you aren’t out of pocket.

Another approach could be to embarrass him by talking about what he could be doing in there for 45 minutes and encourage him to take his shower activities to his bedroom. Then embarrassment might be enough to stop the excessive showers. I’m not sure if I’d take that approach or not though

Unscrew the shower hose and give him a bucket of water to wash in instead. 45 minutes is ridiculous and unsustainable and the damp will be damaging the house on a deeper level than just some peeling paint.

You can also turn the boiler off so that the water goes cold.

Is he a member of a gym or sports club ? Can you suggest he showers there ?

He can move to a houseshare like everyone i know did in their 20s.

"Break" the shower, quick baths from now on?

Yeah, he’s not just showering for that long 😂

dd can take about 45 minutes in the bathroom (curly hair, maintenance needed) but she’s actually very careful with water usage - she’ll turn off the water for eg while she shampoos/conditions her hair as she knows it takes a while to get these tasks done properly, and she recognises it’s just a waste of water to leave it running.

😆 I hadn't thought of just asking him to be quicker. We've had that conversation many many times. For whatever reason he can't/doesn't manage it.

I'm not here to police it or turn anything off most of the time.

Our bathroom light switch happens to be on the wall outside the bathroom. That speeds things along for my teens, although I do fear I've turned into my dad.

This simply isn't the norm at the moment.

I suspect actually he's got the shower "warming up" while he "quickly" checks his phone and we know how time runs away when you do that. I'm not sure he's actually in the shower at all.

He makes a good contribution to bills.

I have turned the boiler off on occasion but mostly I'm not there while he's showering.

What on earth is he doing in there? Actually…I don’t want to know 🥴😂

Takes me three minutes to do a non-hair wash shower. Six if I’m washing my hair, but even then I turn the water off in between shampooing and conditioning!

My mum had this same problem with my youngest brother. Eventually she just started shutting the water off after 15 minutes. Literally nothing else worked, he was just incapable of showering for less time and all the woodwork was rotting and needing replacing.

😂😂😂😂😂🤮

also best advice yet

All the suggestions about turning thing off! I'm not there!. I go to work at 7:30 he doesn't start until 11 most days.

It is for everyone in a rural area (actual rural areas, nor the countryside of Surrey) who has to move away for graduate jobs. But I don't think that makes it the right thing for her son who is presumably trying to save money.

I don't think embarrassment would make any difference at all. He'd probably find it funny more than embarrassing but either way, it wouldn't change anything.

Can you get a Nest or Hive thingy so you can turn water heating off remotely?

@Whataretheodds i mean have you been living in some alternative reality?

@Motnight is right, house shares in that area are through the roof, there’s folks in their 30s in good jobs struggling to afford one.

He could probably manage a house share but then he'll never save any money. I'm not sure why anyone would choose that for their child?