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Original poster

Adult children and use of the shower

459 replies

Bluemuf · 19/05/2023 09:36

DS1 22yo, employed in a good job, pays his way, does his bit around the house, good company to have around, no bother to anyone.

However, he's just spent 45 monutes in the shower. That was a "quick" one, as he needed to be at work. It can't carry on, apart from the cost, the bathroom is always wet, the condensation is causing paint to peel and woodwork to rot, despite daily use of a dehumidifier.

We live in the SE so no realistic prospect of him having his own place soon, which I know would be most people's solution, but he is otherwise a model housemate.

I've obviously tried talking to him, tried getting mad. He's always sorry and understands but then does it again next day. Mostly I can't even yell at him because I'll be at work so I dread to think how long he's in there when I'm not here.

Has anyone found a solution?

OP posts:
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10
TrashyPanda · 19/05/2023 09:57

Problem is, you can’t trust him to behave like a responsible adult.

so now he has to bear the consequences.

Unscrew the shower head and hide it

tell him it will go on when you are in the house and can ensure the shower goes for no more than 10 mins

LittleCity · 19/05/2023 09:58

If he won’t have shorter showers, there’s not much you can do. Tell him to open windows and dry everything well and that he better get used to repainting as he’ll be doing it often

I have no idea how long my kids are in the shower, but as long as they dry the floors etc, I don’t care.

TrashyPanda · 19/05/2023 09:59

Bluemuf · 19/05/2023 09:54

He could probably manage a house share but then he'll never save any money. I'm not sure why anyone would choose that for their child?

usually it is the young persons choice and has nothing to do with what their parents want

They move out because they want to live their own life and be independent.
They move in with mates because it’s fun and splits the bills

Original poster
Bluemuf · 19/05/2023 10:01

TrashyPanda · 19/05/2023 09:59

usually it is the young persons choice and has nothing to do with what their parents want

They move out because they want to live their own life and be independent.
They move in with mates because it’s fun and splits the bills

Show quote history

OK, so it's not the solution to this issue then?

OP posts:
rainraingoawaay · 19/05/2023 10:02

Ask him to contribute more to the house? If he's a model housemate apart from this, you're not there because of work to turn the shower off etc would it work if he contributed a bit more?

Although I think maybe something could be looked at in the bathroom, that sounds quite extreme for paint to be peeking / woodwork rotting because of long showers? Perhaps better ventilation or maybe a coat of proper moisture resistant bathroom paint? At his expense 😂

Yfory · 19/05/2023 10:02

5 minutes maximum. Anything longer than that is an appalling waste of water. Show him some videos about water poverty in other countries!

CreationNat1on · 19/05/2023 10:03

Can you guilt him about the water wastage and environmental impact?

Tell him to leave bathroom door open so that the steam can disburse more easily, open more windows near the bathroom.

user1492757084 · 19/05/2023 10:04

Insist that, in support of decreasing water consumption and sustainability of our planet, your son keeps his showers to under four minutes. Give him an electric egg timer.

Suggest that he takes a long soaking bath every now and again - this uses much less water that a 25 minute shower.

He could also consider taking a shower at his gym or sports ground after training rather than such a long shower at home.

TheOrigRights · 19/05/2023 10:10

He's always sorry and understands but then does it again next day.

Is he like this with other aspects of his life?
What annoys you most? That he's disrespectful, the cost of the water/heating or the state of the bathroom?

The second you can sort out - ask him to pay more towards the bills.

I'm curious about the state of the bathroom - they are designed to cope with steam and condensation so with good ventilation it should be OK.

The disrespect - that harder and obviously depends on your relationship with him and how you manage other contentious issues.

If he understands then would he be supportive of you treating him like a child helping him to find ways to NOT forget and do it the next day? e.g. as PPs have suggested - a timer?

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 19/05/2023 10:10

If he understands that the damp bathroom is a problem, raise his contribution by enough to pay someone to come in and remedy it every so often. That might make him think?

Outdamnspot23 · 19/05/2023 10:11

He knows what the problem is, he doesn’t want to solve it. You don’t want him to move out. Sounds like you’re stuck with it until he gets a different shift pattern or grows out of long luxurious showers.

You could insist he pays for all the household bills unless he gets a grip? Talk to him about the climate crisis?

otherwise you just have to try to get over it and chill, there isn’t a magic answer. On the plus side he sounds like a nice boy and there are far worse vices than hot showers.

jannier · 19/05/2023 10:12

Motnight · 19/05/2023 09:49

This simply isn't the norm at the moment.

Show quote history

Nope lots of houses of multiple occupancy with various odd bods at £800 for a room no house shares like in Friends.

Outdamnspot23 · 19/05/2023 10:13

Does he have long hair? I often find I spend 30 mins in the shower (water not always on) with very long hair and also shaving my legs etc.

Honestly this guy is an adult. My mum tried the egg timer on me. Didn’t work.

Namechangenumber2345 · 19/05/2023 10:16

Whataretheodds · 19/05/2023 09:45

He can move to a houseshare like everyone i know did in their 20s.

This. Or a bedsit. He doesn't need to be at home still.

ShimmeringShirts · 19/05/2023 10:17

DD does the same. I very recently learned how to turn the water temp on the boiler down (it was like lava coming out the tap, turned out the temp was set at 60 degrees!!). DD would stand under the shower for 30+ mins before even getting washed, this morning she was in and out in 15 mins complaining the water wasn’t getting properly hot Grin (water was getting properly hot, we only turned it down to 40 degrees)

Original poster
Bluemuf · 19/05/2023 10:17

user1492757084 · 19/05/2023 10:04

Insist that, in support of decreasing water consumption and sustainability of our planet, your son keeps his showers to under four minutes. Give him an electric egg timer.

Suggest that he takes a long soaking bath every now and again - this uses much less water that a 25 minute shower.

He could also consider taking a shower at his gym or sports ground after training rather than such a long shower at home.

How? How do I insist? We've had various timers since DC were early teens, they've never really been used effectively. He's always liked a long shower, but it's got worse since he's had a later start.

OP posts:
Im99912 · 19/05/2023 10:18

Can you put in a smart light
in the bathroom
connect it to Alexa and keep it switched off 😂

Namechangenumber2345 · 19/05/2023 10:18

"sorry DS unless you fix your showering habits we will need ask you to move out"

Plenty of people save while living independently

Original poster
Bluemuf · 19/05/2023 10:19

Yfory · 19/05/2023 10:02

5 minutes maximum. Anything longer than that is an appalling waste of water. Show him some videos about water poverty in other countries!

Like "there are starving children in Africa". Has that ever made a child eat their dinner?

OP posts:
PinotPony · 19/05/2023 10:19

Instead of him paying you a set amount of rent or monthly contribution, make him solely responsible for the water bill. He pays it all. Every month. No matter the cost.

I suspect he'll be having quick showers when it directly affects his wallet.

Original poster
Bluemuf · 19/05/2023 10:20

Namechangenumber2345 · 19/05/2023 10:18

"sorry DS unless you fix your showering habits we will need ask you to move out"

Plenty of people save while living independently

Why though? Why would you ask a child who's otherwise a model housemate to go and pay ££££ in rent?

Can't say it unless you mean it...

OP posts:
BatFaceOwl · 19/05/2023 10:20

Your bathroom should really be up to getting wet so I'd look at that, as an aside. If it's damp and paint is peeling off then it probably needs tiling which would help a lot

As he pays his way and is no bother in any other way id be disinclined to come down too hard on this one but I would be requesting that he keeps showers to 20 mins. That seems reasonable to me but then, I've got a 16 year old that takes that long and it hasn't occurred to me that it was an issue

Original poster
Bluemuf · 19/05/2023 10:21

PinotPony · 19/05/2023 10:19

Instead of him paying you a set amount of rent or monthly contribution, make him solely responsible for the water bill. He pays it all. Every month. No matter the cost.

I suspect he'll be having quick showers when it directly affects his wallet.

No, whenever we "discuss" this he offers money.

OP posts:
NeedCoffeeNowPlease · 19/05/2023 10:21

ShimmeringShirts · 19/05/2023 10:17

DD does the same. I very recently learned how to turn the water temp on the boiler down (it was like lava coming out the tap, turned out the temp was set at 60 degrees!!). DD would stand under the shower for 30+ mins before even getting washed, this morning she was in and out in 15 mins complaining the water wasn’t getting properly hot Grin (water was getting properly hot, we only turned it down to 40 degrees)

The plumber told us the temperature must be set at a minimum of 60 degrees to kill bacteria and avoid the risk of things like Legionella.

Namechangenumber2345 · 19/05/2023 10:22

Bluemuf · 19/05/2023 10:20

Why though? Why would you ask a child who's otherwise a model housemate to go and pay ££££ in rent?

Can't say it unless you mean it...

Show quote history

Because he's an adult and at the age of 22 should be cutting the apron strings.

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