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Original poster

Worst mistake you ever made - regrets ?

278 replies

Kay286 · 16/05/2023 23:26

What’s the worse mistake you ever made ? Or things you would go back and change and in life ?
I’ll go first ! I met a guy on holiday when I was 19 , supposed to be a holiday fling only … I ended up moving 400 miles away from my parents to be near him. Pregnant 7 months later and he turned out to be a absolute waster and an alcoholic narcissist.
I got out when my daughter was 3 and as it turned out my life has shaped up pretty amazing !!….. but boy if I could have a word with my 19 year old self I would ! It’s meant I’ve spent my whole life not living close to my mum and I’ve made peace with it now but it does make me sad. I also constantly feel guilty I gave my daughter such a shit father which had a horrible impact on her life for a long time.

I met my husband when she was 3 and he is an amazing dad to her and we have a great life now so I do wonder if it’s destiny but I was so silly !

OP posts:
mopeymouse · 16/05/2023 23:46

My ex.
BIG MISTAKE, BIG... HUGE!

In all seriously, he IS a huge mistake one that I will eternally regret, but aside from
him, I regret not ending my life when I really wanted to. I am stuck in a living nightmare.

Original poster
Kay286 · 16/05/2023 23:52

@mopeymouse at least he is an ex now ! Awww this last bit is sad , I’m sorry you feel like that and hope things can improve for you - what is bad now if you are rid of him ? X

OP posts:
SmoothSeasDoNotMakeGoodSailors · 17/05/2023 00:01

My first boyfriend. I set the bar low and continued along that trajectory for decades. It's no exaggeration to say that despite not being interested in him initially the decision I made to give him a chance has had far reaching consequences that I still suffer from 30 years later.

Boxbedbank · 17/05/2023 00:07

I listened to the doctors and had the operation that they said was best (when I'd asked about trying a minor operation first they said no). I ended up disabled, unable to work, dismissed and living on benefits. All before my 35th birthday. Totally life changing for dc as well as me.

Original poster
Kay286 · 17/05/2023 00:47

@Boxbedbank im so sorry that’s awful :( was it medical negligence?

OP posts:
Bananah · 17/05/2023 00:52

I was unhappy in my job so I applied for new jobs. I was offered one of those jobs… then they withdrew the offer and said all sorts of nasty personal things about me and my disability to explain why they’d withdrawn it.

It totally knocked my self esteem down to rock bottom and I never dared apply for another job after that. I just stayed in my current job, being miserable and crying for years. Biggest mistake ever. I should have shrugged it off and kept applying for new jobs, and sued the bastards who discriminated against me.

Zoopadee · 17/05/2023 04:01

Having children with someone who already had kids...
I know this might be taken as an evil stepmum post but I hope not as I know it's not my SKs' fault but it has massively limited what I am able to do with and for my own children. I have had to turn down so many opportunities because we need to live close to their mum (SKs live with us and see her EOW), opportunities that would have been so beneficial to my own children. My life feels so limited because they're not my own children and we are tied to their mum (who has been the cause of so much stress and issues in our lives and caused so much trauma for my SKs).
I don't harbour any negative feelings towards my SKs for it but if I had any idea how hard my life would be as a result of becoming a step-parent then I would never ever have done it (although then my own child wouldn't be in existence so if I could go back and re-live my life I would still do it again just to have her in it).

garlictwist · 17/05/2023 05:20

Dropped out of Cambridge to go to my boyfriend's much lesser university with him. We had been together about four months and I thought he was the one.

Had a bit of a breakdown when there as instantly regretted it. Cheated on said boyfriend whilst living in a house with him and his friends so understandably everyone shunned me but I couldn't leave.

I wish I could go back in time and tell my 18 year old self not to be such a twat. I'm 40 now and it still haunts me.

garlictwist · 17/05/2023 05:22

Boxbedbank · 17/05/2023 00:07

I listened to the doctors and had the operation that they said was best (when I'd asked about trying a minor operation first they said no). I ended up disabled, unable to work, dismissed and living on benefits. All before my 35th birthday. Totally life changing for dc as well as me.

How awful. Can I ask what the op was? My mum has just been through something similar.

Oblomov23 · 17/05/2023 05:41

Made a massive massive mistake when ds1 was 9. The sadness and shame never goes away.

Mayrain · 17/05/2023 05:45

Credit cards and just not having more understanding of how money works.

Speedweed · 17/05/2023 05:55

@SmoothSeasDoNotMakeGoodSailors are you me? Exactly the same situation for me. It has devastated my life.

Jellycatbat20 · 17/05/2023 06:01

Choosing the university I did and a subject I didn't really want to do instead of the one I did want to study.

Letting a couple of good men walk out of my life.

Not buying a flat in my 20s when I could have just afforded it before house prices went nuttily high.

Turning down a very good job offer because my then partner was a twat, a bit like an emotional assault course in human form.

Taking my current job. And several others over the years particularly one in HE.

Lots of other minor things.

C1N1C · 17/05/2023 06:18

I miss happiness... I married someone with depression and various hormonal imbalances. My life is spent trying to prop someone up and treading on eggshells for fear of saying a single wrong word wrong.

Every day is the fear of coming home from work and facing at best an argument, at worst a body.

Cocteautriplet · 17/05/2023 06:26

A lot of my problems in life resulted from having undiagnosed additional needs. I always felt different and struggled in school but never sought help because it was the 80’s and things were so different then support wise. There was such stigma associated with being different in those days. Instead I masked and tried to fit in convincing myself I was just a bit lazy and stopped trying because it made it easier to deal with rather than facing the truth that due to poor working memory / neurodiversity, I would probably have struggled anyway without specialist help.

Instead I went totally off the rails when I left home: sleeping around, binge eating, taking drugs and drinking too much. I got into debt and my self esteem was in tatters. I got myself sorted out in my 30s although I still have poor self esteem and eating issues but I wasted so much of my life drinking and trying to avoid reality … I think my life would have been so different if I’d had my struggles properly recognised and supported by school / parents. I’m 50 now and I’m pretty much a full time carer to my kids who also have AN and my elderly mum who has dementia. I’d have loved to have a proper career instead of a load of shit jobs where I was taken advantage of and never progressed up the ladder.

DaughterLaFontaine · 17/05/2023 06:29

Getting married to a man I wasn't even in love with because my self-esteem was so rock-bottom that I genuinely believed it was either that or staying forever alone.

We've been divorced for 9 years at this point - and just yesterday, he was still trying to mess with my employer just because it's my employer and because he (mistakenly) believes I left him in order to "be with my job". I didn't. I just wasn't going to give up on yet another job I loved, having done it twice already, because he was jealous of my work. Not even a man at work, literally just my work.

WeekendInTheBoondocks · 17/05/2023 06:31

Being talked into going on a date with my ex. I wasn’t interested, he wasn’t my type, too short and too oily, but I relented and 8 miserable years later I finally left him. They were the worst years of my life BUT in a way I had to go through those shitty years to bring me to where I am now, married to the absolute love of my life with the most beautiful baby boy. I now have the most amazing life.

I am still a little wounded by the emotional abuse I experienced, and yes, it WAS abuse, and I still sometimes have nightmares but they are lessening. My wonderful DH and baby and my beautiful dogs have healed my soul ❤️‍🩹

Shirty48 · 17/05/2023 06:34

I have two: the first is university- I studied 3 subjects in my first year and picked the one I though would be easiest rather than the one I enjoyed the most and as such was demotivated and didn’t work hard enough. I’d love to go back and study the right subject but I’d never afford it.

The second relates to weight. I lost a lot of weight in my early 20s but it all back on and more and haven’t been able to shift it ever since. It’s the one thing in my life that I can’t seem to get on top of. If I’d managed to keep the mindset of my 20s I’d be a lot healthier and happier now.

peachicecream · 17/05/2023 06:43

I don't have any big regrets in life.

Everything is a learning experience and I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't done what I've done.

sandgrown · 17/05/2023 06:46

Letting my dad talk me out of further education and ending up in a”job for life”. Letting ex husband withdraw all our money when we split after his affair and having to work multiple jobs to keep myself and the children instead of insisting the court enforced his maintenance. But it’s been a learning curve and I have a great relationship with my adult children . I also regret not realising youngest son was ND and not just naughty , disorganised and lazy. It took a very observant teacher to realise when he was 15 but due to Covid he couldn’t get support. He is settled now and has an apprenticeship but he could have had more support at school.

Summerpetal · 17/05/2023 06:47

Cocteautriplet · 17/05/2023 06:26

A lot of my problems in life resulted from having undiagnosed additional needs. I always felt different and struggled in school but never sought help because it was the 80’s and things were so different then support wise. There was such stigma associated with being different in those days. Instead I masked and tried to fit in convincing myself I was just a bit lazy and stopped trying because it made it easier to deal with rather than facing the truth that due to poor working memory / neurodiversity, I would probably have struggled anyway without specialist help.

Instead I went totally off the rails when I left home: sleeping around, binge eating, taking drugs and drinking too much. I got into debt and my self esteem was in tatters. I got myself sorted out in my 30s although I still have poor self esteem and eating issues but I wasted so much of my life drinking and trying to avoid reality … I think my life would have been so different if I’d had my struggles properly recognised and supported by school / parents. I’m 50 now and I’m pretty much a full time carer to my kids who also have AN and my elderly mum who has dementia. I’d have loved to have a proper career instead of a load of shit jobs where I was taken advantage of and never progressed up the ladder.

Wtf are u me ,I thought I wrote that for a second

blibblibs · 17/05/2023 06:56

Leaving boarding school when I was 12. Although at that age it wasn't really my choice, although I'm told it was. However I think DM never wanted me there and just wanted me home.
Ended up in a shit school, bullied relentlessly supporting DM through a difficult divorce.
Decent qualifications, which I would've gotten if I'd stayed would have changed my life. I don't know what I'd be doing but it wouldn't be the over worked under paid shite I've spent most of my life doing.

Cocteautriplet · 17/05/2023 08:03

I love to hear your story Summerpetal. Please pm me if you’d like to chat x

Dwightlovesmichael · 17/05/2023 08:04

Everything I’ve ever done. Seriously, I’ve been the master of my own downfall just by making stupid decisions.

I’m 43 now and I’ve fucked everything up. I now try to just stay at home and do nothing to mitigate any more damage.

Clawdy · 17/05/2023 08:10

Getting engaged aged 18, and staying at home to be near fiance, rather than going to teacher training college in Exeter, hundreds of miles away! Engagement was over a year later and I was by then at a local college. Those three years in Exeter would have been so different, I've never lived anywhere other than my home town.

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