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Original poster

Worst mistake you ever made - regrets ?

278 replies

Kay286 · 16/05/2023 23:26

What’s the worse mistake you ever made ? Or things you would go back and change and in life ?
I’ll go first ! I met a guy on holiday when I was 19 , supposed to be a holiday fling only … I ended up moving 400 miles away from my parents to be near him. Pregnant 7 months later and he turned out to be a absolute waster and an alcoholic narcissist.
I got out when my daughter was 3 and as it turned out my life has shaped up pretty amazing !!….. but boy if I could have a word with my 19 year old self I would ! It’s meant I’ve spent my whole life not living close to my mum and I’ve made peace with it now but it does make me sad. I also constantly feel guilty I gave my daughter such a shit father which had a horrible impact on her life for a long time.

I met my husband when she was 3 and he is an amazing dad to her and we have a great life now so I do wonder if it’s destiny but I was so silly !

OP posts:
lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 21/05/2023 12:07

Trusted relative strangers when they said they had my best interests at heart; trusted in religion.

Didn't go to Australia when I had the chance.

Life is good now, but it could have been very different and probably the right one for me. But it's ok because I have had some luck and made some better decisions, and I have people who love me - I am very lucky.

Manthide · 21/05/2023 12:17

I like to think the mistakes I've made, whilst messing my dc's childhood up, have made them learn from them. My 2 eldest dds ( in their 30s) both made sure they had good careers before getting married and having children. They make sure that all household chores and child caring is shared equally (they can be a bit OTT about this) and they also make sure they still go out/ on short holidays with girlfriends.

SpringHasSprung1234 · 21/05/2023 12:22

I decided not to go into higher education.
I changed jobs last year and have been utterly, soul destroyingly, life changingly miserable ever since.
I love that I had my kids young and the relationship I have with them now. But I really wished I hadn't taken the 'easy' route of settling into a convenient career when they were little. It left me with no options to get out of the work hell I am stuck in at the minute.

MarthaMC · 21/05/2023 16:03

I'd like to add a 'fixed' regret, in my early 20s I really fancied a guy in my friendship group, after nights out we always used to end up sharing the spare room at another friend's apartment but never did anything and I assumed he didn't like me like that.

After a couple of years of hanging out he moved overseas and I didnt even get chance to say bye. Shortly after a mutual friend told me 'oh yeah he's always really liked you he was just too nervous to make a move'. I was gutted!

10 years later I was newly single, matched him on bumble when he was back in the UK for a family wedding and he asked me out for a drink. I said nope just come round to mine! We talked for hours catching up, spent the next couple nights together and then he went back overseas. It was a perfect little fling and he was as cool/funny/kind etc as 10 years ago but showed me we'd never have been compatible in a serious relationship. Regret fixed!

Pr1mr0se · 22/05/2023 08:45

Dumping my ex twice and never looking back. I still don't know why I did that as he was the nicest bloke (TDH and solvent).

dotdotdotdotdotdot · 22/05/2023 12:00

Staying with my boyfriend the first time he showed me his true colours and shouted and humiliated me in public.

Getting back together with same boyfriend when he said he would change.

Moving in with him when he promised he wouldn't verbally abuse me anymore.

Buying a house with him because I had given up at that point, had low self esteem and thought better the devil you know, and life alone would be harder.

Marrying him, and now being stuck in an unhappy life with no easy way out.

I had so many signs early on, I have no one to blame but myself.

Markovenchip · 23/05/2023 10:35

Purchasing the house I've been living in the past 36 years, a former neighbour started an engineering business in his garage (adjoining ours, in the rear garden), the noise of machinery, though not always loud, was audible torture, 7 days a week sometimes, how it all ended is a long, upsetting story, involving the Council, hatred and tears, the day he moved away he came up to me and said "today is just the start of your troubles, I've paid two blokes to have your legs broken", charming !..........

Newtrix · 23/05/2023 14:08

ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 17/05/2023 09:25

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea I wonder whether just telling people the truth would help you let go of your shame about it. I know people who self-harmed in the past. They don't do it any more. I have so much respect for anyone who has managed to come through it. Please don't be ashamed. You don't have to go into detail, and I wouldn't tell children who are impressionable, but I would tell an adult - 'oh I self-harmed when I was younger. That's well in the past now though!' and move on. Doesn't have to be a huge thing.

I have an arm covered in scars due to an accident. People assume it's self-harm scars but I don't cover it because I don't think people with self-harm scars should be ashamed anyway.

Just wanted to say that I thought that was a really lovely comment, and you're right they absolutely shouldn't be ashamed.

NoJusticeJustUs · 23/05/2023 15:17

Being fat, I lost half my body weight in my 40s and although I have my life back, my body looks disgusting. I still can’t wear what I’d like to.

Oldbeep · 23/05/2023 17:38

Getting married , i have had 44 years of unhappiness.

mrsblueskyeye · 23/05/2023 17:56

I've had a think and I'm not sure if I have one. I would normally say my ex, but had I not met him I wouldn't have had eldest DS, and due to the circumstances of that, met my now DH and had DS2.

Perhaps staying with him 3 years longer than I should have.

Reading some of these I realise how bloody lucky I have been.

Bunny44 · 23/05/2023 18:29

dotdotdotdotdotdot · 22/05/2023 12:00

Staying with my boyfriend the first time he showed me his true colours and shouted and humiliated me in public.

Getting back together with same boyfriend when he said he would change.

Moving in with him when he promised he wouldn't verbally abuse me anymore.

Buying a house with him because I had given up at that point, had low self esteem and thought better the devil you know, and life alone would be harder.

Marrying him, and now being stuck in an unhappy life with no easy way out.

I had so many signs early on, I have no one to blame but myself.

I almost married a guy like this but then backed out. I even went back to him for a bit but then it was more of the same. It was so hard leaving him because I liked so many of the other aspects of our relationship and sometimes I still miss him, but I have to remember how unhappy the verbal abuse made me.

Years later I've ended up a single mum after an even worse relationship and I still have those moments of wondering if I should have stayed as it was still the best of the bunch, but then I'd be 'settling' which isn't fair on him either.

Here's hoping it can still get better 🍷

Thinkingofmovingtosea · 23/05/2023 21:38

@C1N1C - this is really tragic - do you have kids at all? I suspect that her friends do know.... that she is mentally unstable etc... perhaps there are some friends who have distanced themselves from her over over time that you could talk to/ confide in? Also what do you think has caused her levels of depression - has she always been like this or did something happen over the years to make her depression spiral etc.. Thinking of you.

Nily4567 · 24/05/2023 11:02

That is a hard one as I feel I’ve made so many mistakes.

probably the key mistake is not being kinder or more empathetic with myself - the regret is the self hatred that has driven most of my mistakes.

I now realise, in my 50s, that I’m not (just) a crap human that never really understood life, I have ND issues and issues from childhood that explain a hell of a lot about me, what goes on in my head and why I have got it so wrong so many times.

its heartbreaking reading this thread, but it is reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who feels very disappointed by the way their life has gone and guilty at the apparent waste.

I’m really really trying to accept who I am, better or worse, and to let go of the past (finding that very difficult to do tbh)

If you are having an hard time genuinely feel for you - it sucks and the constant rumination over the past is a pointless, destructive obsession, but do hard to stop.

Hang in there.

Stewball01 · 31/05/2023 13:08

On 7.7.70 I married my ex. A great mistake. I stood under the canopy telling myself it's not too late, I can still stop this but I didn't. It took me 22 years to divorce. A very friendly divorce paid for by him. I have 2 glorious kids.
20 or 30 years ago his business collapsed and he had no money. I told him you'd better come home. He did and he's still here.
Unfortunately he has become very bad tempered. My daughter doesn't want to come in case he exploded. Same with my son but they come for me.
I'm 79 this year. How much longer must I suffer.

catlovingdoctor · 31/05/2023 13:15

Studying dentistry over medicine. I regret it every day.

CrazilySensitive · 02/07/2023 05:54

Just found this thread. Sorry, I know it's a month old, but recent enough to not justify starting another one the same.
I'm very very prone to regret, and guilt too. I honestly would say that guilt and regret are my greatest sources of suffering. The things that send me to bed with depression. The things that keep me awake at night. I've got a number of mental health issues, including OCD, and that's probably why.
I regret almost everything! One of my first big regrets is not leaving a school where I was being horribly bullied, earlier than I did (I left eventually). I was embarrassed about the bullying and lack of friends, also scared of the alternative. It profoundly affected my academic performance. Which improved dramatically when I left. It's ruined much of my life and self-esteem. It ultimately led to me dropping out of studies and not getting a degree. I also regret allowing it to define me for so long.
I regret being so terrified of marrying the wrong person that I've ended up single. I longed to be a wife and mother.
I regret not seeking treatment for my mental ill health earlier. I lived a half-life for years.
I regret many much smaller things. I create new regrets daily. I regret wasting so much time wallowing in regret, but genuinely feel I can't help it. Honestly, my life's disastrous!

CrazilySensitive · 02/07/2023 05:59

Stewball01 · 31/05/2023 13:08

On 7.7.70 I married my ex. A great mistake. I stood under the canopy telling myself it's not too late, I can still stop this but I didn't. It took me 22 years to divorce. A very friendly divorce paid for by him. I have 2 glorious kids.
20 or 30 years ago his business collapsed and he had no money. I told him you'd better come home. He did and he's still here.
Unfortunately he has become very bad tempered. My daughter doesn't want to come in case he exploded. Same with my son but they come for me.
I'm 79 this year. How much longer must I suffer.

Oh gosh, that sounds so hard. I can imagine that back then, the pressure to marry was much greater than now? Also much harder to separate and divorce. Could he move out now? You deserve some happiness after so many decades Flowers

Moonsun88 · 02/07/2023 06:42

Zoopadee · 17/05/2023 04:01

Having children with someone who already had kids...
I know this might be taken as an evil stepmum post but I hope not as I know it's not my SKs' fault but it has massively limited what I am able to do with and for my own children. I have had to turn down so many opportunities because we need to live close to their mum (SKs live with us and see her EOW), opportunities that would have been so beneficial to my own children. My life feels so limited because they're not my own children and we are tied to their mum (who has been the cause of so much stress and issues in our lives and caused so much trauma for my SKs).
I don't harbour any negative feelings towards my SKs for it but if I had any idea how hard my life would be as a result of becoming a step-parent then I would never ever have done it (although then my own child wouldn't be in existence so if I could go back and re-live my life I would still do it again just to have her in it).

What stress does their mother cause you or is because you're more limited? I understand it must be hard for you and totally get you're tied to that place.

Zoopadee · 02/07/2023 07:02

Moonsun88 · 02/07/2023 06:42

What stress does their mother cause you or is because you're more limited? I understand it must be hard for you and totally get you're tied to that place.

Show quote history

Both stress and limitations- stress wise, I don't even know where to begin but she causes so many issues for both us and my step-children that it is soul-destroying. She has just been charged for threatening and then attempting to assault my partner and I. We are now pursuing a non-molestation order. She will say awful things to the children to try to turn them against us, it doesn't work but it really messes with their heads. Their behaviour is always really bad after they have had contact with her and it's really exhausting, but I also worry about my own children growing up and seeing that behaviour and thinking it's normal.

The limitations on your own life are difficult and I hate them, for example I would love us all to go travelling as a family for a while bit we will never be able to do that (which means my own children also miss out on that experience). However, it is made so so much worse by the behaviour of their mum.

BlastedPimples · 02/07/2023 09:25

Marrying my ex.

Not maintaining a career at all.

Not divorcing my ex ten years ago.

Elphame · 02/07/2023 09:42

This thread is so sad.

Looking back there are things I could have done differently but then I would not be the person I am now and have the life I have now so I can’t really regret them.

I do wonder how my life would have turned out had I taken the job in Birmingham rather than London. That was a key defining moment for the course of the rest of my life.

Not believing in free will is a help in not having regrets.

Beezknees · 02/07/2023 09:44

Getting pregnant by a massive loser when I was 17.

I do not regret DS AT ALL but I regret the circumstances under which he came into the world. Honestly for that reason I decided not to have any more kids, I didn't want to mess up again.

CrazilySensitive · 02/07/2023 09:52

Elphame · 02/07/2023 09:42

This thread is so sad.

Looking back there are things I could have done differently but then I would not be the person I am now and have the life I have now so I can’t really regret them.

I do wonder how my life would have turned out had I taken the job in Birmingham rather than London. That was a key defining moment for the course of the rest of my life.

Not believing in free will is a help in not having regrets.

That's a good point about free will. Maybe it's all predestined and not much we can do? I actually find that comforting...

bungletru · 12/10/2023 21:46

Marrying into a narcissistic family
if I could turn back the clock, I would, as long as my son would still be my son 😂😅