Worst mistake you ever made - regrets ?

[Kay286]

What’s the worse mistake you ever made ? Or things you would go back and change and in life ?
I’ll go first ! I met a guy on holiday when I was 19 , supposed to be a holiday fling only … I ended up moving 400 miles away from my parents to be near him. Pregnant 7 months later and he turned out to be a absolute waster and an alcoholic narcissist.
I got out when my daughter was 3 and as it turned out my life has shaped up pretty amazing !!….. but boy if I could have a word with my 19 year old self I would ! It’s meant I’ve spent my whole life not living close to my mum and I’ve made peace with it now but it does make me sad. I also constantly feel guilty I gave my daughter such a shit father which had a horrible impact on her life for a long time.

I met my husband when she was 3 and he is an amazing dad to her and we have a great life now so I do wonder if it’s destiny but I was so silly !

Sold my house and never got back on the property ladder again.

Every relationship I've had so far.

Starting the spiral of constantly eating sweets when I was about 11. I was a fit sporty kid and started eating shit when I was miserable in about year 6. It's not ended and it's more than 30 years later.

Self harmed.

I have visible scars now that I get asked about by DS and DN and their friends. Other adults ask the question and then I think they realise and there's a very awkward pause.

I lie all the time. I still don't want to admit it.

I have loads of regrets, but if I hadn't been through those experiences I would not have grown as a person and possibly would not be where I am now - pretty happy!

I regret trying to people please so much as a young teenager and in turn, sleeping with anyone who would have me. The lack of respect I had for myself was really sad and as an adult looking back, I realize I was desperate to be loved and approved of.

I also regret years or drinking and drugs. this, coupled with the lack of self esteem as a kid, has resulted in mental health problems that have shattered my life.

Self esteem, approval, safety and security are the things I hope to give any future children I have in abundance to stop history repeating its self.

My two big relationships. I should have chosen better, marriage to the wrong people has one of the biggest impacts on life and I wish I had known that I deserved and could get better.

All the fallout, being a single mum, having to put my career on hold to better care for my kids, or having to juggle my career with mortgage whilst stressfully also trying to take care of my kids, the split families - it all stems from not having made a good choice of partner.

Persuading my Australian boyfriend to come back to the Uk with me. I should've left him where he was, instead we got married (quickly so he could stay here) and he was a terrible husband and father. He's still a fucking thorn in my side 7 years after he was dragged out of the house in handcuffs.

Being very hard up and coming out of Local Government pension scheme to get a couple of hundred quid. I rejoined after 10 years but lost so much pension.

Married someone I didn't love as I had self esteem issues. He was a 'good' bloke supposedly but found multiple times that he'd been posting online trying to cheat on me. He then assaulted me and we ended the marriage.

He impacted my career badly as he had health issues so I was expected not to advance my career as I needed to be available to him. He worked for years on reducing my confidence so I didn't feel able to progress my career, while he sat on his arse.

Now several years later I'm still stuck in a job I don't like but can't leave as I'm now an older mum with very young kids so need the flexibility it gives me.

I have a second one - weight.
I was slim and healthy before I met my ex-h (he's my first regret).

His unhealthy eating habits and insistence on certain foods gave me a bad relationship with food that I've struggled with since. I'm huge and don't seem able to do anything about it. I don't think it currently affects my life but I don't want to be that mum who is too fat to play with her kids.

If I'd never met him I don't think I would have got into that mindset.

Not trusting my instincts when I KNEW I didn’t want to be involved with my first boyfriend. All he did was see other girls behind my back and when challenged gave me a black eye. I still hope he rots in hell even 40-odd years later.

Being a people pleaser and letting “friends” walk all over me ie controlling and coercive behaviour. I’ve now weeded out all the piss takers and live a happy and comfortable life

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea I wonder whether just telling people the truth would help you let go of your shame about it. I know people who self-harmed in the past. They don't do it any more. I have so much respect for anyone who has managed to come through it. Please don't be ashamed. You don't have to go into detail, and I wouldn't tell children who are impressionable, but I would tell an adult - 'oh I self-harmed when I was younger. That's well in the past now though!' and move on. Doesn't have to be a huge thing.

I have an arm covered in scars due to an accident. People assume it's self-harm scars but I don't cover it because I don't think people with self-harm scars should be ashamed anyway.

Another university one. I wish I had taken the time to think about what I actually wanted to do instead of blindly following my college best friend to the university she chose. I think I was fixated on the whole 'time of your life with lifelong friends' things and plan my future very well.
I ended up in separate halls to my friend on a completely different campus. She made new mates and ghosted me. I didn't clap eyes on her again after freshers week. My hall mates bonded with each other quickly but I couldn't seem to settle. I tried joining clubs and socialising but I couldn't seem to find happiness and my work suffered greatly.
I dug myself deeper instead of admitting it wasn't for me. I wouldn't allow myself to be a 'quitter' and made myself miserable for 3 years. I graduated with a second class degree, no real friendships to speak of, rock bottom self confidence and certainly none of those happy memories I had wanted so badly. If only I had had the courage to admit I'd made a mistake and done something else I could have saved myself a lot of trouble. Or if I'd just had a bit more confidence and actually done what was right for myself in the first place. That's the most important lesson I learned at university!

I wish women were not put under pressure to 'give him a chance, he's a nice guy!'

You end up with someone who wasn't actually a nice guy. Before it came to that, you got to 'love him for who is is inside', but when that turns out to be Not As Advertised, you end up with someone you never actually fancied, hasn't actually done anything majorly wrong, but with whom you are joined through finances and children.

Not telling the love of my life how I felt about him and watching him move away. I was 22 and didn't have a clue but I regret it every day of my life.

I have made some of the same mistakes as people in this thread about money, boyfriends etc. But the biggest one is that I ran away from an abusive home as a teenager, ran out of money and had to go back and continue suffering on and off for years which had effects that still last to this day, I mean it's changed me for ever and cannot be undone (some people with the same experience will recognise this). If only I had had some means of contacting the council or someone for help, but mobile internet did not exist in those days and thought the internet did, it was inaccessible to someone in a hostel so a lot of information and help was effectively out of reach.

*though the internet did

Why do you stay? Serious question. You deserve happiness, life is too short to deal with such difficult situations.

My biggest regret was getting upset at my brother over something very minor so barely saying goodbye as he left to meet friends. He was hit and killed by a car that night.
I was 18, he was 23.

Buying in South London 😝

I miss North London so much!

A whole list of wrong reasons... I believe in marriage, I don't want to be a divorcee, her friends don't know and the embarrassment would likely drive her to suicide, she finds a modicum of enjoyment in her job and if it got out she'd lose her employability and end up going the same way, she has said I'm the only good thing in her life (pressure), the loss of assets and my dogs, family love her...

I don't seem to be able to have nice relationships. I wonder sometimes if it is due to my reasonably crap upbringing or maybe it's my personality😫. I regret marrying my ex but then again my marriage gave me my lovely children.

I always regret not going away to uni. Was in a relationship at the time and didn't want to leave him so went to a local college. Ended up married and having kids too early instead of establishing a career ( obviously don't regret the dc but feel like my life should have had a different trajectory, and I've always been too weak to change things)

Thanks for answering. I am sorry, that is so unfair. It's emotional blackmail, even if unintended. I truly hope things improve.

Just know though that there's nothing wrong with being divorced.

My biggest regret in life is that girls and women feel they need to be in a relationship, that they feel they need to put a mans needs and wants first, that we never walk away at the first sign, the first red fag. I regret that we take so long to demand better. I regret we get into relationships way too young, that we waste so much of our lives. Hopefully my Granddaughters and their peers spend their teens and twenties on themselves.