Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Worst mistake you ever made - regrets ?

278 replies

Kay286 · 16/05/2023 23:26

What’s the worse mistake you ever made ? Or things you would go back and change and in life ?
I’ll go first ! I met a guy on holiday when I was 19 , supposed to be a holiday fling only … I ended up moving 400 miles away from my parents to be near him. Pregnant 7 months later and he turned out to be a absolute waster and an alcoholic narcissist.
I got out when my daughter was 3 and as it turned out my life has shaped up pretty amazing !!….. but boy if I could have a word with my 19 year old self I would ! It’s meant I’ve spent my whole life not living close to my mum and I’ve made peace with it now but it does make me sad. I also constantly feel guilty I gave my daughter such a shit father which had a horrible impact on her life for a long time.

I met my husband when she was 3 and he is an amazing dad to her and we have a great life now so I do wonder if it’s destiny but I was so silly !

OP posts:
SmashedApricot · 17/05/2023 10:22

Doing a 3 year college course that I realised half way through would amount to nothing. But as I was half way through I decided to stick with it . I should have changed courses . But it taught me how to manage on very little . Also not trusting my instincts more . It would have saved me a lot of heartache . Realising early on that I'm not responsible for the happiness of others. Not to take on more responsibility at work than I was paid for . I can see I was a put upon mug and I was never going to progress. In a nutshell I would have looked after Number One a lot more .

SimonsCow · 17/05/2023 10:28

Being fat for most of my 20s. Destroyed my confidence and wouldn’t go anywhere that I had to expose any skin. Clothes shopping was a nightmare and I just didn’t have the confidence to speak to men. Lost it all in my early 30s and my life has been immeasurably better since. I still feel sad that I ruined my 20s though- I travelled the world and did lots of amazing things but let my weight massively hold me back from enjoying it all.

Insideallday · 17/05/2023 10:30

Not starting to try for children sooner, let career get in the way. Have one amazing DC. Secondary infertility, Age against is. Multiply miscarriages, the boat has now sailed. Wish I was able to give my one DC a sibling.

Huge regret, wish I could turn back time.

Dwightlovesmichael · 17/05/2023 10:40

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 17/05/2023 08:24

Self harmed.

I have visible scars now that I get asked about by DS and DN and their friends. Other adults ask the question and then I think they realise and there's a very awkward pause.

I lie all the time. I still don't want to admit it.

Both my arms are covered in self harm scars from when I was 14/15 (I was into the Manic Street Preachers and there was a certain cohort where slicing up your arms like Richey) made you “cool”. I took it too far).

It took me until last year, at 42 to not give a shit. I always covered up. Now I don’t care. People ask, I tell them I used to dress as a punk, get drunk and carve band names into my arm. It shocks some people how frank I am, but honestly, if you see someone with scars and ask them what they are, then be prepared to hear something you might not like.

Misty84 · 17/05/2023 10:44

So sorry to hear this @DidyouNO. I know the pain of losing a sibling suddenly. To have argued beforehand would've been been devastating.

GG1986 · 17/05/2023 10:53

Getting into debt, not getting a better paid career, my ex when I was age 19 to 22.

mildlydispeptic · 17/05/2023 10:55

Not being braver: Tolerating situations that I should have pushed back on because I was afraid to rock the boat. At work because of self doubt and fear of confrontation, in relationships because I was afraid of getting dumped. A lot of time wasted and a lot of damage to my self esteem.

Doorydoor · 17/05/2023 10:58

My wedding reception table plan still keeps me up at night.

There are so many issues in both our families, parents not talking to each other, brothers with exes and shared children who were all invited etc. Plus people not speaking a common language.

I tried my best and mixed people up a bit. But at least 3 individuals were very upset by where and who they were sat with. Either because they were separated from the rest of the family, or were stuck with people they couldn’t talk to due to the language barrier. And they were right. We fucked it up.

I wish I could go back and change it, and not have a grey cloud over the memory of my wedding day 😞

Itisntmeitssomeoneelse · 17/05/2023 11:06

Mentioned previously, when working away there was a party I went along afterwords I went to sleep in the spare room. Woke on the bedsettee in the sitting room with one of the men from work. I did have a history of sleepwalking and other activities. OH wasn't amused when I told him less so when I realised I was pregnant a few weeks later.

gamerchick · 17/05/2023 11:07

Having kids. I'd go back and change that.

Soonenough · 17/05/2023 11:07

Not taking education seriously enough.
Drinking to try to fit in that only got me in trouble
Not saving money when I had the chance
Marrying my husband

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 17/05/2023 11:09

Over eating, hating and punishing my body for so many years.

tiger2691 · 17/05/2023 11:12

Slot machines, so much time and money wasted.

CheshireCat1 · 17/05/2023 11:17

Not being confident enough when I was younger.
Only having three children

KeepSmiling89 · 17/05/2023 11:23

Going back to my controlling abusive ex after staying in Women's Aid refuge for 2 weeks with my DD. I left again in February this year and haven't gone back. He's still trying to control me but I'm NOT going back ever again.
I would say getting together and marrying him was my biggest mistake, but I wouldn't have my beautiful DD if I hadn't done that. It wasn't until I had DD that I realised what he was like, how controlling and abusive he actually was. In a way, she helped me see what was actually going on and that I was being abused. Things are still tough, but I can see a brighter future for me and my DD now and I'm much happier now than I was when I was with him.

wherethecityis · 17/05/2023 11:23

I had a termination. I can see all the positives to not having had a baby at 19, and my life probably wouldn't be how it is now if I'd continued with the pregnancy. But it still screwed me up so much that 22 years later I'm not over it and don't think I ever will be.

IDidntWearASmileToday · 17/05/2023 11:27

Getting married at 19, and I hugely regret the groom too

AlwaysTheGoodGirl · 17/05/2023 11:30

In no particular order...

  1. getting into debt at 18 and still paying it off at 40, ignoring the fact that credit cards are not actually free money
  2. giving up my PGCE after a couple of months. I think about what could have been every single time I take my child to school
  3. ignoring my gut instinct and making do with DH
OhComeOnFFS · 17/05/2023 11:32

Itisntmeitssomeoneelse · 17/05/2023 11:06

Mentioned previously, when working away there was a party I went along afterwords I went to sleep in the spare room. Woke on the bedsettee in the sitting room with one of the men from work. I did have a history of sleepwalking and other activities. OH wasn't amused when I told him less so when I realised I was pregnant a few weeks later.

Oh no! Whose baby was it?

GreenDressy · 17/05/2023 11:33

I try not to believe too much in regrets and to accept that things are how they are.

However...since my mum died I have spent a lot of time wishing I'd spent more time with her, been more patient, rung her more often, been more loving. She wasn't the easiest mother but we did love each other very much. Now that my own children are adults I'm on the receiving end of similar behaviour from them and I wish I had been more thoughtful and demonstrative with her.

VerasRaincoat · 17/05/2023 11:36

I received an inheritance of 40k at 18 and wish rather than spending it on education I’d spent it on property.

It may seem stupid but I came from a wealthy family and expected I’d marry ‘well’ and not need to worry about money. To be fair this is what all my friends did however I moved to the U.K. and married someone working class who I adore and cherish, but I do now see why my mother opposed it. She was frustrated that I didn’t marry into the aristocracy as I had a few posh boyfriends, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Struggling for money as we are both academics and my being the higher earner in a relationship is tough and not the slightest bit romantic.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 17/05/2023 11:38

Going outside the club with a guy I fancied for a song in the car park, this was a mistake. I was 16 and a virgin, he raped me.

it took decades and a skilled drama therapist and group therapy peers to help me finally let go of the guilt and self blame. My whole attitude to sex and love was completely fucked up and lined me up for some terrible decisions in life.

I don’t regret my DCs at all but I really don’t like having to explain that both the father of DD and the father of DS ended up killing themselves. Even though I was divorced from first DH I still find it far more complicated than I’d like it to be.

To everyone struggling on this thread, I hope that things improve and you’re able to live a happy , fulfilling life.

AsphaltGirl · 17/05/2023 11:38

C1N1C · 17/05/2023 09:56

A whole list of wrong reasons... I believe in marriage, I don't want to be a divorcee, her friends don't know and the embarrassment would likely drive her to suicide, she finds a modicum of enjoyment in her job and if it got out she'd lose her employability and end up going the same way, she has said I'm the only good thing in her life (pressure), the loss of assets and my dogs, family love her...

Show quote history

Your first post resonated with me. He's an ex now. He didn't kill himself. And I don't live like that any more.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 17/05/2023 11:39

Ah, autocorrect and no edit button, I went out for a snog that should say.

Piccalillipromises · 17/05/2023 11:40

My life isn't all that great but I have no regrets so far, because I promised myself when my children were born that I would never regret anything up to that point.

My grandmother went on and on about all the things she regretted, most of which would have resulted in my not existing, and it hurt, a lot. So I promised myself I would never do that to my children or grandchildren, never regret what led to them.

I might have plenty of regrets for mistakes I've get to make though!