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Original poster

Worst mistake you ever made - regrets ?

278 replies

Kay286 · 16/05/2023 23:26

What’s the worse mistake you ever made ? Or things you would go back and change and in life ?
I’ll go first ! I met a guy on holiday when I was 19 , supposed to be a holiday fling only … I ended up moving 400 miles away from my parents to be near him. Pregnant 7 months later and he turned out to be a absolute waster and an alcoholic narcissist.
I got out when my daughter was 3 and as it turned out my life has shaped up pretty amazing !!….. but boy if I could have a word with my 19 year old self I would ! It’s meant I’ve spent my whole life not living close to my mum and I’ve made peace with it now but it does make me sad. I also constantly feel guilty I gave my daughter such a shit father which had a horrible impact on her life for a long time.

I met my husband when she was 3 and he is an amazing dad to her and we have a great life now so I do wonder if it’s destiny but I was so silly !

OP posts:
AsphaltGirl · 17/05/2023 11:41

Dwightlovesmichael · 17/05/2023 10:40

Both my arms are covered in self harm scars from when I was 14/15 (I was into the Manic Street Preachers and there was a certain cohort where slicing up your arms like Richey) made you “cool”. I took it too far).

It took me until last year, at 42 to not give a shit. I always covered up. Now I don’t care. People ask, I tell them I used to dress as a punk, get drunk and carve band names into my arm. It shocks some people how frank I am, but honestly, if you see someone with scars and ask them what they are, then be prepared to hear something you might not like.

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I am also heavily scarred from self harm (and I was also a MSP fan, but the self harm predated that and I never liked Richey!)

I've never lied or covered up, and have only been asked once or twice. There's no shame in having suffered.

ukgot2pot · 17/05/2023 11:49

Doing a PGCE
Letting shitty people walk all over me
Abusive relationship

justteanbiscuits · 17/05/2023 11:49

I don't regret 99% as without those happening, I wouldn't have the people around me I have now.

But like a PP. An op (that I really didn't need and wasn't as the consultation about) that was sold to me as quick, easy blah blah blah. It wasn't and has left me pretty much disabled, facing more surgeries, big life changes. I should never have let the smooth AF consultant talk me into it.

Itisntmeitssomeoneelse · 17/05/2023 11:50

OhComeOnFFS · 17/05/2023 11:32

Oh no! Whose baby was it?

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Not my husbands. Fortunately he stood by me. It was a bad pregnancy, I ended up very ill, the baby only lived a few days and couldn't have any more.

I really regret the pain I put him through but he came through for me and it reinforced how much he was in my corner.

Strangely the sleep issues stopped afterwards.

ToHellBackAndBeyond · 17/05/2023 11:51

Standing up for my younger sister at the cost of friendships and my own life because I was told family is everything. She spent her whole life being nasty and selfish and spiteful and aggressive and generally horrible to family. Caused divides and was vile. She died a few years ago and I don't miss her. I'm glad she's gone.
I also regret never telling anyone what my older brother did.
I regret staying close to family when I've never been good enough.
I regret school and not challenging them when they failed me and left me with a nervous breakdown and no support.
I regret never saying my piece and always being the good girl.
I regret so much but I wouldn't be me now would I?
I don't regret my own children and I don't regret my husband so that's a good thing ☺️

Emptiedout · 17/05/2023 11:54

Insideallday · 17/05/2023 10:30

Not starting to try for children sooner, let career get in the way. Have one amazing DC. Secondary infertility, Age against is. Multiply miscarriages, the boat has now sailed. Wish I was able to give my one DC a sibling.

Huge regret, wish I could turn back time.

You don't know, even if you had turned back the clock, that you could have had another child. I have one DC, I get it, but it is what it is - DC has tons of friends, I make sure they have a rich life, and I've stopped beating myself up about it. There are worse things.

SirVixofVixHall · 17/05/2023 12:01

SmoothSeasDoNotMakeGoodSailors · 17/05/2023 00:01

My first boyfriend. I set the bar low and continued along that trajectory for decades. It's no exaggeration to say that despite not being interested in him initially the decision I made to give him a chance has had far reaching consequences that I still suffer from 30 years later.

Same for me. Although my second boyfriend, now DH, was a very good choice as the initial experience made me very wary.

user1471538283 · 17/05/2023 12:02

I really regret not listening to my gut each and every time. I could have saved myself from so much in work, with friendships and relationships.

I wish I had just listened to my DF's voice in my head because he always told me that "its not how you are wired" when I was criticised.

caringcarer · 17/05/2023 12:03

Staying married to my exh for so long. I was unhappy for the last 4 years of my marriage but stupidly stayed then he had an affair and I immediately divorced him. I should have done it before he cheated on me. I was an idiot.

Seasonofthewitch83 · 17/05/2023 12:04

Def my last relationship. I was with him for all the wrong reasons. I feel so angry that I wasted half my 20s on some absolute fucking clown. Even though the break up was the catalyst for me moving to London, a new career, meeting my husband, so for that I wouldn't change it.

Starlitestarbright · 17/05/2023 12:04

I got pregnant to an abusive boyfriend who was emotionally and one occassion physically. I was only 20 still at university in my final year doing nursing. I would tell myself not to get pregnant and enjoy my 20s travelling, not changing nappies being a single parent in minimum wage whilst he did what he wanted whilst I suffered with depression. I'm married now and retrained but I'm determined not to let my own dc make life changing decisions at such an early age. I'd love to go back and change it make a different decision.

Lovemusic33 · 17/05/2023 12:05

Dwightlovesmichael · 17/05/2023 08:04

Everything I’ve ever done. Seriously, I’ve been the master of my own downfall just by making stupid decisions.

I’m 43 now and I’ve fucked everything up. I now try to just stay at home and do nothing to mitigate any more damage.

Pretty much sums up my life too, I’m 41, have made many many big mistakes from the age of 15 onwards 😬.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 17/05/2023 12:05

Not letting my narcissistic mother ruin my life by over feeding me and causing me to be bullied about my weight my whole life

smooththecat · 17/05/2023 12:06

@mopeymouse please get help of some form. I’ve been where you are. It’s hard to believe things can get better, but it happens almost while you aren’t looking. You are not defined by the bad things that have happened to you. 💜

caringcarer · 17/05/2023 12:09

DidyouNO · 17/05/2023 09:49

My biggest regret was getting upset at my brother over something very minor so barely saying goodbye as he left to meet friends. He was hit and killed by a car that night.
I was 18, he was 23.

Forgive yourself, you were young and had no idea what was in store for your brother. I bet he'd hate for you to still think of that silly argument. Remember him laughing and smiling. He would want that.

Conkersinautumn · 17/05/2023 12:11

Being naive enough to fall for a person who professed they were a "nice" guy. Massive mistake ruined my health, wealth and happiness thinking it was all necessary as relationships were "tough" he said.

Nice guys aren't, relationships should have upsides. Though I realise those things are obvious to some.

caringcarer · 17/05/2023 12:11

wherethecityis · 17/05/2023 11:23

I had a termination. I can see all the positives to not having had a baby at 19, and my life probably wouldn't be how it is now if I'd continued with the pregnancy. But it still screwed me up so much that 22 years later I'm not over it and don't think I ever will be.

Forgive yourself. You made what you thought was the best decision for you at the time. That is all anyone could do.

mrlistersgelfbride · 17/05/2023 12:11

Settling down with the first bloke in years who text me back and had a house and car. I don't think I ever loved him and I definitely don't now Still together 11 years later, although it's not what I want. He's a selfish nightmare. Can feel my life slipping away.

NoContact0 · 17/05/2023 12:13

Getting a degree. I never had the confidence to actually use it and I knew this deep down when I first applied. I wasted 3 years which could have been put to better use.
Other then that, the people I have wasted so much energy on and who really were not worth my time. I spent so long wondering what was wrong with me and agonising over them and I massively regret that.
I also wish I had had more fun in my late teens and twenties. Got out more when I was young and in good health. Would have widened my social circle too and would have meant I would have met more people and been less lonely.

caringcarer · 17/05/2023 12:14

Too many people are still blaming themselves for things years later. It is not healthy. Try to let it go.

xogossipgirlxo · 17/05/2023 12:16

The only thing I regret is studying accounting. Could have spent my student loan on some other course... It's too late now.

mae2014 · 17/05/2023 12:18

Moving country for a guy!!

ShudUppa · 17/05/2023 12:19

I regret not sleeping around.

I regret not taking more drugs.

I regret being in LTRs for the whole of my adult life from the age of 16.

I regret not learning to drive.

I regret not using sunscreen from an earlier age.

I regret that I didn't call my mum enough when I first moved away to university.

I regret that I let a girl from school take the fall for me which got her expelled.

I regret that I didn't make more effort to keep in touch with my pal from college.

I regret that I didn't start combat sports earlier in my life.

TheNine · 17/05/2023 12:20

I have lots, but try not see them as regrets and mistakes - because I simply didn’t know any different at the time, I just didn’t have the positive role models to show me a different life. For that reason I think that for all its problems, social media is essentially good thing for young people - as it offers them a ‘window to the world’ and shows then what’s out there.
I wish I’d done languages at A level and got a job involving travel. Whilst I don’t regret being a work hard/play hard party girl in my 20’s, I wished I’d done it in more exotic locations in more high-flying jobs, than going to dodgy raves with dodgy people and working for minimum wage. I wish I’d gone home earlier from nights out and done something productive with my Sundays - and wished I’d discovered the gym and sports years earlier. Most of all I regret the time I wasted in long relationships with deadbeat, often abusive men, and wish I’d got out of them and repaired my self esteem years earlier.

Muhwanda · 17/05/2023 12:22

Getting a credit card at 18. Debt overshadows every aspect of my life.