What minor laws would you introduce?

[JustKeepSlimming]

lighthearted

If you were put in charge of Everything for a few weeks, what minor laws would you introduce? I'm thinking things that would be really easy to implement, and would make people's lives easier.

I would make it the law that manufacturers of electronic devices had to indicate on the outside of the product which batteries it needs (type and how many). I'm fed up of having to take the battery cover off, check what's in there, and then either put the cover back on (fiddling with a tiny screwdriver), or leave it off somewhere (to inevitably lose it) until I can get new batteries for the thing.

While they're at it, they can make the cover permanently attached to the device so it doesn't get lost. But not attached in a way that makes it impossible to reach the batteries.

No SUVs within the M25.

Arm the CSA (not because I necessarily want them to shoot anyone but because it would encourage recruitment of people with a can-do attitude).

All children to be fitted with non-hormonal LARC at age 11 (we can work out the details later) to be removed only if you pass an oral exam consisting of three questions.
1 What is your name?
2 Do you want to have a baby?
3 Do you want to be personally and financially responsible for a child to the age of 18?
Answers to be recorded and filed with the CSA next to the gun cupboard.

Love the 'forced ownership of 3 cats' aspect! 😂😂😂

Personally I’d like to see a law stating that if you’re privileged enough to have a garden, you’re required by law to accept that animals will pass by from time to time. All the people saying they don’t want cats in their garden, don’t seem to know how cats work. They don’t just stay in their garden, because they go out and about. If you can’t accept this then you shouldn’t be allowed a garden in the first place.

More traffic Police, all vehicles fitted with cameras at a variety of angles.

People caught driving and using their phone to have their car confiscated on the spot. Be shown video proof that they were using their phone and have it taken away and given to charities, which provide freebies to remote third world people. SIM destroyed on the spot.

8 mile walk in the pissing rain to the nearest bus route? Tough shit.

If texting / updating insta, get Tasered in the bollocks / boobs, as applicable.

If you don't vote for 3 elections in a row, you lose your right to vote

Chasing pigeons made illegal

People found not cleaning up after their dogs should be made to smear it on their shoes with their bare hands and walk around their houses until it’s all come off.

😀at the dog shit clean up!

People who zoom up the left hand lane near me only to try and cut in at junction to turn right (avoiding the at least a mile long queue -beach) to have their cars taken off them and electro shocks to the testicles.

Looking at phones, speeding etc all get an automatic £1000 fine. If you can’t pay the vehicle is sold to pay the fee.

All dogs on leads in public so I can relax on a walk with my toddler. Some dog free parks, some child free parks.

Anyone violent to a paramedic/police/nurse immediate 1 week prison sentence and £1000 fine that goes to the paramedic.

No calling your parents mummy and daddy over the age of 30.

Magpie cull to let the little birds in my garden nest in peace.

Cars to be fitting with some sort of tracker/GPS thing that works out your speed and sends a notification to the police/DVLA if you break the speed limit by a certain percentage. There'd be a bit of leeway if you have to floor it for a few seconds to pass a big lorry or something, but otherwise your car grasses you up. Sliding scale of penalties based on engine size and your car's wankermobile rating. Fines doubled for speeding in built-up areas and near schools, and it's electrodes to the gonads for anyone tampering with the tracker. Because it will be blokes who do that.

30??? More like 3!

Only if it became illegal for parties to use negative campaigning. In other words, if they don't have anything positive and constructive to say and all that comes through your door is scaremongering and them bitching at one another, then I reserve the right to sit out the playground bickering. The whole "Only a vote for us can stop that shower of bastards" mindset is helping absolutely nobody.

The demolishing of the town centre flats where I live. Only those who work or are retire to live anywhere near the town centre. Hopefully this would reduce the number of scrubbers I encounter on a daily basis who stagger out of their flat and walk about spitting/shouting/smoking/drinking: generally offering nothing positive to the town.

Cats banned
Dogs in leads unless in designated places
Min age of driving 21. Then they are only allowed a certain type of car, slower no music inside.
Cars won't start if using mobile phone snd if it detects one whilst driving, it automatically informs police and you are banned for a year
Cyclists given own lane so they're not a nuisance
Motorcycle banned unless emergency service
Education for nurses drs and similar free if you work x number's of years in NHS.
No idling while parking...immediately fined
Alcohol will be really expensive in shops
No offers on shit food in shops
Price of fruit and veg to come down
No plastic shit in shops
Compulsory cooking classes in school.
Free school meals for all children
No topless men allowed in shops.
Wider streets in New housing estates with proper driveways...then making it illegal to concrete over lawn
Ban artifical grass
Compulsory dog training classes
Men convicted of domestic violence should have a tag put in his neck so other women can scan them
Burglars and other likes have a gps tracker put inside them until they have not committed any offences for 10 years, then it gets removed
Sex offendersfull term prison.
1 holiday abroad every two years only

I was thinking that the dog owners should be given the choice of eating up the mess with a spoon or putting it back into the dog, but your idea is better!

That's probably what York Council has in mind.

No dogs allowed inside anywhere at all (apart from assistance dogs).

Fines for people who let their dogs jump up others whilst bleating about them "being friendly".

No chewing gum.

Ooh this is fun I’m still going 😂

Any taggers leaving their stupid doodles in public places have it tattooed on their face.

If you attack a police animal (horse/dog) the crime is sentenced as if they are a person.

If you are a company that build a load of houses and then back out of building the gps/school/park you are meant to also be building you will be held in prison until it is done.

Landlords to own a maximum of 100 properties. If they die 90% of these must be sold rather than handed down (via company or inheritance.)

The punishment wouldn't affect non voters

All power tools to be banned at certain times of day - some days it feels like the f*ckers are on a rota just so we never have peace and quiet

But would stop them having a voice in things like Brexit

And might ensure the "ehhhh I'll do it later" voters actually go and vote.

Only if cat owners pay a tax to pay for some of the damage their pets cause. If a dog wandered into people's gardens, destroyed their property, piss and shit all over their garden, attacked their children and murdered their pets or other wildlife and left the remains for others to clean up, I don't think anyone would question why people would not want them there. Suddenly it's a cat and you seem to expect people to put up with your pets shitty behaviour. By all means have a cat, but keep it on your property. Your choice to own an animal should not cost your neighbours time and money dealing with the consequences..... And yes I feel the same about dogs (and I love dogs).

@startrek90 How exactly would someone go about keeping their cat their property only? That’s what I don’t understand about all these people saying it. Cats don’t observe that sort of thing, they go wondering around gardens and their local area etc, because that’s how they work? If you have an actual solution to that then go right ahead.

Also, people who hate cats will come back as mice in their next life ;)

We need a law prohibiting wacky descriptions on food packaging. You know the kind of thing.

"Hi! We're the salted peanuts inside this sexy bag of wholesome unicorn-blessed goodness, and not only are we organic, orgasmic and totally good for you, but we've been delicately caressed and frotted with the hunkiest, funkiest, chunkiest, most sodium-tastic Cornish sea salt to give you the ultimate snacky nibble when you're chilling out in front of the TV watching repeats of Mrs Brown's Boys. Go on, eat us, savour us and love us!!! And then hit up the beautiful people who dry-roasted our swollen nut-gonads with a big shoutout on Insta, Facebook, Twitter and MySpace!!! We're on Friends Reunited too!!!"

These people should fuck right off. Ingredients, nutritional content, the email address for complaints and a bit that says "This contains nuts" and that's it. That's all we need.

I don't hate cats I just hate the entitlement of their owners. If you can't stop your cat leaving your garden (cat proof it, it's pricey but why should I pay for it) then don't let your cat out at all, or only take it out on a lead. If you don't want to do that then don't have a cat. Why do you think YOUR pet has the right to destroy others property? Why does YOUR pet have the right to attack people? My garden is my property, I pay for it why the hell should I be denied the right to enjoy that space because of someone else's pet? In the last month alone; my children have been scratched by cats for wanting to play on their toys in their own garden, I have had to replace numerous plants in my garden that cats have dugs up, cleaned up the dead animals that said cats have left strewn about the patio, not to mention clean up the shit that cats have left all over my garden. Can you explain why that's ok? Why should I waste my time and money, not to mention the risks to my children's health because of YOUR pet? If this was a dog you would probably be one of the first to say that it was unacceptable but now that it's a cat I am supposed to accept it? By all means have a cat if it makes you happy but keep it on your property. If you can't afford the space/cat proofing then you can't afford a cat. If you think it's cruel to keep a cat indoors then don't get a cat. It's not compulsory. I thinks it's cruel to keep birds in cages so I don't have pet birds. Same could be said for cats.