Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Tired of partner with ‘Influencer’ job

257 replies

BitterSweetheart · 28/04/2023 17:01

I just wondered if anyone can relate to this. Obviously I want to try and keep this as anonymous as possible to protect our privacy.

I’m finding myself increasingly resentful about my partner’s ’influencer’ type job. They left their 9-5 a few years back as they were unhappy and I tried to be a supportive as possible. They are now making a living of sorts with something related to their interest - it just about brings in a similar wage but a lot of it feels like smoke and mirrors (brand deal exposure type things rather than salary increases). Looks very glamorous online, lots of gifts/trips away and they’ve amassed an adoring following. In real terms it seems whilst they are happier and working less at something they enjoy, I find it all hard to take seriously. There is limited career progression, they live in a bit of a bubble and are quite detached from reality - enjoying all the ego stroking from their followers, believing all the hype. I’m finding it increasingly hard to respect them as it all feels quite narcissistic.

I am for them happy and proud of them, but I’m also finding myself more resentful at working normal hours for normal pay, no perks and certainly no glitz, gifts and trips away. That life doesn’t appeal to me and I do get job satisfaction for a role in healthcare that I’ve worked and studied hard for. However I get burned out for long hours, poor working conditions (pressures on service etc) and not much reward. They seem to swan about with everyone telling them how wonderful they are, and assuming we are rolling in it- but we’re not - we’re struggling with the CoL increases like everyone else!

I just worry I guess about how resentful I feel, how precarious their work is and that they seem quite happy to ride this train with what seems like no realistic plan on how to future proof it- what happens when the brand deals dry up?

I have tried speaking to them a bit about this but they only can see the here and now, and don’t see the point in worrying about what may happen. They are clearly enjoying riding this wave and believing their own hype, which is great I guess?

I would be grateful to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar - how to manage my feelings and be supportive of partner without letting this impact upon our relationship.

OP posts:
Tookeffort81 · 28/04/2023 17:03

I’m guessing no children and you’re young?

in which case - head off. You don’t seem to like him or respect him very much so 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
BitterSweetheart · 28/04/2023 17:05

We’re mid- thirties and have children. I do love my partner but you’re right @Tookeffort81 that I’m finding it hard to respect their career choice. I’m finding it hard to know if I like them very much at the moment tbh.

OP posts:
Tookeffort81 · 28/04/2023 17:06

So you have children

how involved with childcare does he get involved with whilst you’re at work 4 days a week?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
Tookeffort81 · 28/04/2023 17:07

They are now making a living of sorts with something related to their interest - it just about brings in a similar wage

I am confused

Brings in a “similar wage” suggests it is not a “living of sorts”

similar to you or to previous?

Tookeffort81 · 28/04/2023 17:10

I’m finding it increasingly hard to respect them as it all feels quite narcissistic.
Believing his “own hype”

OP it doesn’t really sound like you like him let alone love him

and you never go on any trips etc with him?

it all sounds like an unpleasant environment for your children. A resentful mother and a father that you say is living in fairy land

Original poster
BitterSweetheart · 28/04/2023 17:11

@Tookeffort81 Similar to previous, but due to CoL and everything rising in real terms we don’t see much monetary gain - in fact things feel worse. When I mention this they just speak about doing more brand deals. I guess my gripe is whilst their quality of life has improved (not working so hard/commuting ) as a family we haven’t actually seen much reward. But I guess lots of families are experiencing similar things with inflation- but perhaps they have more of a feeling that they are working hard. With my partner I feel they are coasting.

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 28/04/2023 17:16

The word you are looking for is ‘jealous’.

Choconut · 28/04/2023 17:18

RunningFromInsanity · 28/04/2023 17:16

The word you are looking for is ‘jealous’.

Agreed. Not of what he does, but that he loves it.

bumpytrumpy · 28/04/2023 17:20

BitterSweetheart · 28/04/2023 17:11

@Tookeffort81 Similar to previous, but due to CoL and everything rising in real terms we don’t see much monetary gain - in fact things feel worse. When I mention this they just speak about doing more brand deals. I guess my gripe is whilst their quality of life has improved (not working so hard/commuting ) as a family we haven’t actually seen much reward. But I guess lots of families are experiencing similar things with inflation- but perhaps they have more of a feeling that they are working hard. With my partner I feel they are coasting.

Are they contributing to the family equally?

Or are they swanning around being glam while you work and run the house / kids?

Is there a niche?! What does he/she influence exactly?! Is it possible to get a proper job again or do you think they've lost credibility in the real world?

LiliLil · 28/04/2023 17:20

Are they a he OP? You’ve been quite vague in your posts.

user1477249785 · 28/04/2023 17:22

LiliLil · 28/04/2023 17:20

Are they a he OP? You’ve been quite vague in your posts.

Does it matter?

Tookeffort81 · 28/04/2023 17:23

out of interest who earns more?

on your days in office - does he take on the children logistics?

and you work part time. Presumably can’t be on bones of arse?

notsurewherenotsurewhy · 28/04/2023 17:23

I think some posters are being harsh. It's a job I'd struggle to respect tbh, and I would want to respect my partner. With many influencers, their family life is part of the image they sell - if that's the case here, it's even more understandable that OP has strong feelings about it.

mintich · 28/04/2023 17:24

I thought it was a man speaking about a woman.....I don't know why though!

PauliesWalnuts · 28/04/2023 17:30

Friend’s daughter does it and it’s irritating as hell. Lots of trips abroad, very little money, spends a lot of time flogging her freebies on EBay. Parents enabling it by subbing her because it’ll “make her famous”. I’m currently doing a slow fade away from the friendship because 1) I caught her taking selfies with a designer handbag of mine I’d put on their kitchen counter that she was going to post on her feed and pretend it was hers, and 2) I’m sick of hearing about her from her parents. It’s all just smoke and mirrors.

LiliLil · 28/04/2023 17:34

user1477249785 · 28/04/2023 17:22

Does it matter?

Show quote history

Yes I think it does.

I think if the OP is a male and the influencer female, jealousy and feeling threatened could be at play.

chocolatehoovering · 28/04/2023 17:36

How is the childcare split?
Is your partner pulling their weight in that area too?

casingchars · 28/04/2023 17:38

God, I'd hate it if my partner ended up as an influencer. That doesn't make me jealous but I suppose it does make me judgey. Don't care.

coffeeisthebest · 28/04/2023 17:39

You are struggling to respect their career choice perhaps and it has dramatically changed how you view them as a person? I have a friend who is similar OP, and it has changed how I see her. All she cares about seemingly is her online presence. It must be a lot harder when you are married to someone lost in the void. Good luck, all you can do is go with your gut feelings I would say.

coffeeisthebest · 28/04/2023 17:41

Also, I don't think it's automatically jealousy to feel uncomfortable with someone selling their life online.

Iwrote · 28/04/2023 17:43

I can completely see your point. I'd find the life of an influencer vacuous and shallow and wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one.

snowydays10 · 28/04/2023 17:43

I think the angst here might come from the fact that you know in the long term you will have to provide for the family and your partner. I imagine an influencers career is short lived (ie they won’t be able to sustain it for decades like your career), meaning you will always have to support the children and carry the financial burden.

Meem321 · 28/04/2023 17:46

snowydays10 · 28/04/2023 17:43

I think the angst here might come from the fact that you know in the long term you will have to provide for the family and your partner. I imagine an influencers career is short lived (ie they won’t be able to sustain it for decades like your career), meaning you will always have to support the children and carry the financial burden.

"...carry the financial burden" this.

Does an influencer pay NI? Contribute to a pension? It's a long-term issue if not, and something to seriously consider.

CantGetDecentNickname · 28/04/2023 17:48

They do seem rather shallow which is why you may be growing apart. Please do tell them again that it is making you feel resentful and that you are very concerned it will end your relationship. Plus, it isn't sustainable long term so what are their future career plans? If it is for you to carry them by doing most of the work you need to set them straight on that in that they will need to contribute. Seems they've not taken you seriously when you've talked to them before. You may have to spell it out to them.

ThreeRingCircus · 28/04/2023 17:52

I get it. It's shallow and something I'd struggle to respect, as well as worrying about lack of pension and that if it all goes tits up the financial burden falls on your shoulders.