Tired of partner with ‘Influencer’ job

[BitterSweetheart]

I just wondered if anyone can relate to this. Obviously I want to try and keep this as anonymous as possible to protect our privacy.

I’m finding myself increasingly resentful about my partner’s ’influencer’ type job. They left their 9-5 a few years back as they were unhappy and I tried to be a supportive as possible. They are now making a living of sorts with something related to their interest - it just about brings in a similar wage but a lot of it feels like smoke and mirrors (brand deal exposure type things rather than salary increases). Looks very glamorous online, lots of gifts/trips away and they’ve amassed an adoring following. In real terms it seems whilst they are happier and working less at something they enjoy, I find it all hard to take seriously. There is limited career progression, they live in a bit of a bubble and are quite detached from reality - enjoying all the ego stroking from their followers, believing all the hype. I’m finding it increasingly hard to respect them as it all feels quite narcissistic.

I am for them happy and proud of them, but I’m also finding myself more resentful at working normal hours for normal pay, no perks and certainly no glitz, gifts and trips away. That life doesn’t appeal to me and I do get job satisfaction for a role in healthcare that I’ve worked and studied hard for. However I get burned out for long hours, poor working conditions (pressures on service etc) and not much reward. They seem to swan about with everyone telling them how wonderful they are, and assuming we are rolling in it- but we’re not - we’re struggling with the CoL increases like everyone else!

I just worry I guess about how resentful I feel, how precarious their work is and that they seem quite happy to ride this train with what seems like no realistic plan on how to future proof it- what happens when the brand deals dry up?

I have tried speaking to them a bit about this but they only can see the here and now, and don’t see the point in worrying about what may happen. They are clearly enjoying riding this wave and believing their own hype, which is great I guess?

I would be grateful to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar - how to manage my feelings and be supportive of partner without letting this impact upon our relationship.

I completely agree with this. As for the pps confused by what gender the ops partner is can I ask why does it matter? It has absolutely no relevance.

You are Mr Hinch and I claim my £5.

If she’s making loads of money and getting freebies and is happy she’s probably doing better than most people she went to school or uni with. Why slog your guts out doing 12+ hour days in finance or whatever when you can make tiktoks and get stuff for free?

I doubt they are “the same as a gazillion others”, influencers have to think of new ideas and engaging content to actually get work, then film it, edit it etc. it might not be saving lives but it is a job that does require work, and I’m sure she’d find a career in digital marketing very easily if and when it dries up.

Most comments on here just seem to misunderstand or not realise that there are a lot of genuine, well-paid careers available in digital content creation and social media. And there’s no reason OP’s partner wouldn’t be paying tax and into a pension like most self employed people do.

That's the thing at times unless your either a medical practitioner, in politics or finance, or in a factory ect then it's not proper job.

Most comments on here just seem to misunderstand or not realise that there are a lot of genuine, well-paid careers available in digital content creation

I think many people realise that being an influencer only lasts as long as you remain popular. Put one foot out of line and you can lose your income overnight.
There are comparable jobs such as being a model, or child actor. You have to make the most of them while they last. They may lead somewhere else but there is no guarantee.

But you will also pick up hugely transferable skills that are highly sought after in a number of careers now.

Building an audience, creating content, editing, increasing and maintaining engagement, working with brand partners and collaborators, sourcing sponsors etc.

Valuable skills that someone can show tangible evidence of if they have had a successful influencer account themselves.

I meant as in jobs they can do after being an influencer, such as working in a digital or ad agency or managing social media for a brand, or being a video editor, or brand manager, digital PR, or something related to their specialism as an influencer. I really don’t think it would be difficult to find a job.

I do a bit of modelling and have done a few shoots where influencers have been present. The difference is that I get paid for my modelling but from what I have seen, a lot of influencers don’t seem to get paid and are either working for free on ‘collaborations’ in return for freebie products and ‘exposure’. It’s kind of like an exchange system - the company approaches an influencer and says if you shoot this content for my company then we will promote you on our social media and vice versa! So I get what you mean op, about it being smoke and mirrors and brand deal exposure. I imagine a lot of their trips away are pretty much the same.
I have never seen an influencer make much money from brands if I’m honest. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule and there are the select few who will make money but I cannot imagine the majority of influencers make a decent enough living wage.

I find much of their content they post is fake as I have seen them create content whilst on shoots where they have already been at the shoot location all day but decide to walk outside of the building as if they have just arrived on set and record themselves saying “hi guys…. Sooooo I have just arrived at this amazing location where I am going to be shooting with xyz for the day” when they really hadn’t ‘just’ arrived and had been there hours.
The influencer world just seems extremely shallow and superficial and full of wannabe celebrities pretending to live this happy, wonderful, amazing lifestyle and feeling like they have to record every aspect of their whole day in videos and pictures so I can understand your frustration OP.

I get it OP. It's a combination of such an unstable career coupled with the fact that you no longer seem to be able to recognise your partner.

It's strange that you're a 'model' but consider your shoots to have more integrity than those created by content creators and that you think creating content and staging a shoot is somehow fake. I don't know anyone in the modelling world who thinks that way. If they did, they wouldn't model.

I think this is about our growing relationship with Tech. If I take a picture of my partner I wonder if its for his social media and I feel like his socials PA and he is not an influencer but just hooked into the channels and the likes. Then there is being in the background if so many widely distributed other people’s shots everytime u go to something. We recently passed a car flooded in the river due to parking in a flood risk area and people were posing and getting ideas for shots captions it struck me as all black mirror and when I was with youngsters I would have to remind them they were needing to hydrate or they were so hooked they were holding the loo and its like they believe the virtual world hold the same value as the real world. The pandemic made this shift even larger I believe. Its such a chore the housekeeping of the online world I feel the slave at times not the master of it . For a start I have become hooked and am on here 🙈

. And the irony shouldn't be lost on you that they are posting on here (social media!) for free to complain about others who have monetised their own content on social media.

This exactly many people on here are feeding the machine for free. Who is organ grinder/ monkey I used to do paid market research as I felt I was giving it away for free anyway. Now after the lockdowns its all moved online into people’s homes and they look at your social content and because its mostly about selling stuff there is that element of wanting to present whatever the fantasy is when the contrast of reality can be quite depressing . No one wants the unmotivated aspect thats for sure.

I take it you know an awful lot about these industries? Also you are twisting my words!

The difference being is that a lot of these influencers seem to be self proclaimed, self declared ‘models’. The models on the other hand have had to work hard to earn their stripes. The industry is extremely tough and cut throat and models face an awful lot of rejection and knock backs, long hours, lots of travelling, fierce competition and have to go to travel miles to attend many auditions and castings to be able to secure jobs or create their own video auditions to send to a potential client. I have not come across a single influencer who has to do this. I also find that influencers are the ones who come across rather shallow and like to portray themselves as having the perfect life!

I agree. I don't see it as a "proper job". It's very precarious, has no guaranteed income and relies on promoting a facade of their life, not real life. All glitz and no graft. (Yes I know there's 'work' involved, but not like retail of healthcare, it's just not the same)

Do you like the person they portray themselves as online? Is this maybe the issue? Are they a completely different person to who they really are at home?

I know a lot of people who are in the media a few quite famous. Some started on You Tube some on other media platforms, some have been going since before the internet. Some are actors, dancers and singers, after dinner speakers and interviewers
I would say that those who have staying power are all very down to earth people. Their media presence is very much a business. They won’t turn down work but at home and outside work hours they go back to their role of mum/dad/partner/son/daughter.
Their family life is very much about being a family, taking the bins out, changing nappies, doing the school run, going out with friends etc.

I would say the best advice to give is to encourage your wife/husband in what they are doing but also get across that at some point those brand deals are going to dry up. So before they do, whilst they are popular start to branch out into other areas. They need to think about what they can do as well as the influencing.
It’s the world of business. You can’t just rely on one income stream, especially if it is very much a work to earn area. (I.e if she doesn’t work, she doesn’t earn) ATM if they are doing well then now is the time to start other projects.
By the time they realise that their influencing days are numbered their 15 minutes will be over and it will be too late to change. To put it bluntly, no one wants a has been.

You reckon?

I can totally understand this, I follow some people on SM and I see their partners getting roped in for videos and I am sure it must be so annoying. This and the fact that everything must be documented, and the pic must be perfect so it probably takes 50 attempts to get "the one". I once saw an influencer on holiday, with her partner and child and I felt so sorry for them as he was playing with the child whilst she just took selfies all day. Sorry, no advice, but I totally feel for you.

Unfollow them? 😕

@Bamboozleme Why should I unfollow people I like following? I just said I can see it might be hard on their partners / families. And the influencer I saw on holiday I didn't even know or follow. The hotel staff just told us she was an influencer and that they had been told to suck up to her so they would get good publicity out of it

, I follow some people on SM and I see their partners getting roped in for videos and I am sure it must be so annoying. This and the fact that everything must be documented, and the pic must be perfect so it probably takes 50 attempts to get "the one".

didn’t sound like you “enjoy” following them hence my suggestion to unfollow 🤷‍♀️

This is a much social media as I can cope with but my partner follows an influencer who lives practically next door and he keeps showing me her posts because its an insane privileged lifestyle she is presenting but the thing is I keep telling him to stop because it’s a bizarre form of curtain twitching and plus its opened my eyes to levels of privilege and luxury I thought were a mirage so even I am starting to be convinced it’s the truth 🙈The only off putting aspect is all the awful people u would have to hang out with to be in that world. Think constant gifting events at very special occasion places steeped in luxury and constant trips away and holidays lots of personalised place markings every time next they will be flying a plane to write her name in the clouds 😂

I think these influence roles are real career opportunities in today’s society which some people can’t quite get head around.

I think it's pushing the definition of 'career' to the limit. Its more of a lottery than any genuine career. Success can be short term, so it makes sense to make the most of it while it lasts and the majority of medium level influencers would be wise to think about their next move.

@Bamboozleme Just goes to show how wrong you are and not to make assumptions based on a simple answer to a post

To assume that someone saying that they find the influencers they follow vacuous (as they say they agree with the OP!) and then to suggest that perhaps they just don’t follow them…. Well seems a pretty reasonable assumption and suggestion to me 😂