Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Tired of partner with ‘Influencer’ job

257 replies

BitterSweetheart · 28/04/2023 17:01

I just wondered if anyone can relate to this. Obviously I want to try and keep this as anonymous as possible to protect our privacy.

I’m finding myself increasingly resentful about my partner’s ’influencer’ type job. They left their 9-5 a few years back as they were unhappy and I tried to be a supportive as possible. They are now making a living of sorts with something related to their interest - it just about brings in a similar wage but a lot of it feels like smoke and mirrors (brand deal exposure type things rather than salary increases). Looks very glamorous online, lots of gifts/trips away and they’ve amassed an adoring following. In real terms it seems whilst they are happier and working less at something they enjoy, I find it all hard to take seriously. There is limited career progression, they live in a bit of a bubble and are quite detached from reality - enjoying all the ego stroking from their followers, believing all the hype. I’m finding it increasingly hard to respect them as it all feels quite narcissistic.

I am for them happy and proud of them, but I’m also finding myself more resentful at working normal hours for normal pay, no perks and certainly no glitz, gifts and trips away. That life doesn’t appeal to me and I do get job satisfaction for a role in healthcare that I’ve worked and studied hard for. However I get burned out for long hours, poor working conditions (pressures on service etc) and not much reward. They seem to swan about with everyone telling them how wonderful they are, and assuming we are rolling in it- but we’re not - we’re struggling with the CoL increases like everyone else!

I just worry I guess about how resentful I feel, how precarious their work is and that they seem quite happy to ride this train with what seems like no realistic plan on how to future proof it- what happens when the brand deals dry up?

I have tried speaking to them a bit about this but they only can see the here and now, and don’t see the point in worrying about what may happen. They are clearly enjoying riding this wave and believing their own hype, which is great I guess?

I would be grateful to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar - how to manage my feelings and be supportive of partner without letting this impact upon our relationship.

OP posts:
MissLucyLiu · 28/04/2023 17:53

There is a bit of envy going on here I am glad you are being honest with yourself. Do you ever worry that he might be cheat on these luxury away trips that’s paid for ?

On the other hand …How is this a ‘real job’ if he’s not improving the quality of his family’s life?

growgrowinggrown · 28/04/2023 17:55

I think you do sound jealous.

The cost of living crisis would have hit regardless of whether your partner was an influencer or in their original job, so you'd still be feeling the squeeze.

Do you think they'd be resentful of you if you managed to cut your commute or got a pay increase & reduced hours or would they be pleased for you?

I'd rather my partner was happy and thriving in something they enjoyed as that energy comes back into the family home and the kids get to see a happy work-life balance.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 28/04/2023 18:00

snowydays10 · 28/04/2023 17:43

I think the angst here might come from the fact that you know in the long term you will have to provide for the family and your partner. I imagine an influencers career is short lived (ie they won’t be able to sustain it for decades like your career), meaning you will always have to support the children and carry the financial burden.

Okay, so once the money dries up, they can just...go and get a job, can't they? The same as many people do when their work dries up or the business goes bust and they find themselves redundant.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
Bunnyhair · 28/04/2023 18:00

This would drive me nuts as well.

Any serious conversation you try to have about this will end with them telling you to raise your vibration because your negativity is blocking their abundance from manifesting.

coffeeisthebest · 28/04/2023 18:05

Were they always quite narcissistic OP? Perhaps this is just exposing a side of them that has always been there and now it makes it more vivid and uncomfortable to live with

MMBaranova · 28/04/2023 18:06

What’s the career progression? There doesn’t have to be, but I’d wonder where things might be in say ten years.

Similarly, pension provision.

’Influencing’ is a thing. The two I know seem to be having a great time, but it does seem to be shallow. One appears to be doing OK enough, while I think the other just about gets by.

I would hope that if I was living with someone in some sort of spotlight, I’d enjoy the glow, but I suspect I will never know.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 28/04/2023 18:09

My husband hates his job but would struggle to find something else that paid the same.
It is miserable some weeks because he hates it so much.
Try to enjoy that your husband loves what he does.

InSpainTheRain · 28/04/2023 18:14

Do you both contribute equally? For example, if you work FT with a reasonable wage, are they working PT but doing all the childcare/pickups etc? Meaning you don't have to spend on childcare? If not, and it's just a PT wage with no firm income I'd be pissed off.

I was waiting for someone the other day whilst a couple were doing insta pics as she was an influencer (I heard from the convo). I did think to myself that I could not put up with that! So YANBU. I don't see how it can not affect your relationship. If they don't contribute equally I'd be wanting them to get a job so influencing is just a side job.

phoebebrigade · 28/04/2023 18:22

Why all the secrecy about your partner’s sex? 🙄

50Pence · 28/04/2023 18:23

mintich · 28/04/2023 17:24

I thought it was a man speaking about a woman.....I don't know why though!

I think it is too (the avoidance of specifying pronouns is a giveaway, presumably OP is a man who thinks he'll get a rougher time on mn if he admits it!)

Either way, I sympathise with you OP, I couldn't be doing with an influencer partner. I had a friend who went this way and it was cringey to watch.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 28/04/2023 18:26

If your partner is earning roughly what they did before, there hasn’t been a change to your family’s quality of life (unrelated increases in cost of living aside) - if anything, surely your partner being happier does filter into a better life for your family?

As far as I can see, it comes down to two things. You think being an influencer is fundamentally a bit naff/pointless and are somewhat embarrassed that you me partner does this. You also think you and your family should be benefiting from this somehow and aren’t (even though your income is largely unchanged) - which suggests you think your partner should have gone out to get a better paying job instead if they were going to make the change.

If you don’t make enough between you to have the lifestyle you want, you both need to decide if you’re going to stick with the jobs you’ve got and make a compromise on certain things - not just your partner. If, on the other hand, you do make enough between you, but you just find the whole influencer thing a bit cringey, the question is if it bothers you enough to become a long term issue in your relationship.

ShowUs · 28/04/2023 18:27

If he’s enjoying it and making money then I can see why he’s continuing it.

I can also see why your feelings of resentment are from jealousy.

However, I have ended a relationship for similar reasons although we were only in an early relationship and so I wouldn’t advise you end things over it.

My reasons were very similar to yours.
Yes he made good money but for some reason it annoyed me that he portrayed this fake life on SM when the reality was very different.
We couldn’t do anything without him having to take photos and post them and he was obsessed with how many followers he had etc.
He too had started getting a God complex as he’d have thousands of posters saying how amazing he was and he couldn’t help but believe it and it just gave me the ick.

In your situation I would try and see the positives - I assume you pay less childcare.
If finances are an issue then he’ll have to get a proper job and do this on the side.

Amboseli · 28/04/2023 18:29

If my partner decided to do this I would not be happy. Especially if they were going on trips away and leaving me with the DCs and generally not doing their fair share at home.

There's also the long term prospects. Pension?

You need to have a serious talk and think about whether this relationship will work for you long term.

swimlyn · 28/04/2023 18:30

I’d liken this to those women that have to put up with a husband/partner who plays video games until 4am. Fine in the early years, but growing older, with kids and responsibilities, rather different.

HE enjoys a good time while YOU have the burdens.

“I’m finding it increasingly hard to respect them as it all feels quite narcissistic.” Says it all really…

Gender of either of you irrelevant, and I feel that jealousy definitely does not come into it at all.

shivermetimbers77 · 28/04/2023 18:32

Yep, would drive me mad too OP.. sounds very shallow

RobinaHood · 28/04/2023 18:34

Are you financially valuing the benefits in kind? It doesn't sound as though you are. My friend works in the media. Their salary is ok but they never have to pay for wine, books, makeup, etc. All those perks are probably worth the same as their salary iyswim.
I can't relate to your issues with this. It sounds as though you think everyone has to have a job that feels like drudgery or they don't 'deserve' their money. It's a very puritan attitude to careers and finances.

tailinthejam · 28/04/2023 18:35

Does your partner take an equal part in household chores, child rearing and general life admin, cooking, decorating etc?

Original poster
BitterSweetheart · 28/04/2023 18:36

So much food for thought, thank you all. I will try and reply properly when kids are in bed.

I guess I agree with the posters who are saying I am jealous- I am struggling with this, and also jealous of friends who have a more ordinary set up with promotions/pay scales/security/plans for the future etc. This doesn’t seem to worry my partner.

But above other things that have been mentioned (our genders, childcare, parity of income) I think what I am finding it hard to respect that they seem to live in a virtual world and it is changing the way I see them. I don’t know how to reconcile this with my own values and I guess also a working class background of working hard at a recognised professIon. They take their job (or themselves) very seriously and I’m struggling to. I started this thread as I can see its impacting upon our relationship and I don’t like the feelings it brings up in me.

OP posts:
CwmYoy · 28/04/2023 18:40

I'd be really embarrassed if my partner became an influencer. Such a waste of space. Pointless jobs for the not very bright.

DannyZukosSmile · 28/04/2023 18:40

You do sound very jealous, and threatened by his success. Quite obvious he is a man. Why do you keep calling him 'they?'

katyperryseyelid · 28/04/2023 18:41

Choconut · 28/04/2023 17:18

Agreed. Not of what he does, but that he loves it.

Show quote history

Yes, this is what it sounds like.

Are they happy OP?

LolaSmiles · 28/04/2023 18:42

It sounds like the financial situation/lack of long term financial planning for the family is secondary to the fact that your partner has shown themselves to be self-absorbed and more interested in creating a fantasy persona online than investing in real life.
I can imagine it's hard to see someone you love show a side of themselves that isn't something you find attractive, and it's hard when two people's values and world views shift apart quite substantially.

katyperryseyelid · 28/04/2023 18:42

BitterSweetheart · 28/04/2023 18:36

So much food for thought, thank you all. I will try and reply properly when kids are in bed.

I guess I agree with the posters who are saying I am jealous- I am struggling with this, and also jealous of friends who have a more ordinary set up with promotions/pay scales/security/plans for the future etc. This doesn’t seem to worry my partner.

But above other things that have been mentioned (our genders, childcare, parity of income) I think what I am finding it hard to respect that they seem to live in a virtual world and it is changing the way I see them. I don’t know how to reconcile this with my own values and I guess also a working class background of working hard at a recognised professIon. They take their job (or themselves) very seriously and I’m struggling to. I started this thread as I can see its impacting upon our relationship and I don’t like the feelings it brings up in me.

Not everyone is bothered about progression or pay increases or the future.

It seems that you and your partner are on different pages with that.

Psychonabike · 28/04/2023 18:43

Sounds like a values mismatch; that can be hard to overcome.

SweetSakura · 28/04/2023 18:44

Why the insistence on a 'gender neutral' post.? It won't change my opinion, just makes it very irritating to read.

It sounds like a silly job with little security and I don't blame you for resenting it.