Tired of partner with ‘Influencer’ job

[BitterSweetheart]

I just wondered if anyone can relate to this. Obviously I want to try and keep this as anonymous as possible to protect our privacy.

I’m finding myself increasingly resentful about my partner’s ’influencer’ type job. They left their 9-5 a few years back as they were unhappy and I tried to be a supportive as possible. They are now making a living of sorts with something related to their interest - it just about brings in a similar wage but a lot of it feels like smoke and mirrors (brand deal exposure type things rather than salary increases). Looks very glamorous online, lots of gifts/trips away and they’ve amassed an adoring following. In real terms it seems whilst they are happier and working less at something they enjoy, I find it all hard to take seriously. There is limited career progression, they live in a bit of a bubble and are quite detached from reality - enjoying all the ego stroking from their followers, believing all the hype. I’m finding it increasingly hard to respect them as it all feels quite narcissistic.

I am for them happy and proud of them, but I’m also finding myself more resentful at working normal hours for normal pay, no perks and certainly no glitz, gifts and trips away. That life doesn’t appeal to me and I do get job satisfaction for a role in healthcare that I’ve worked and studied hard for. However I get burned out for long hours, poor working conditions (pressures on service etc) and not much reward. They seem to swan about with everyone telling them how wonderful they are, and assuming we are rolling in it- but we’re not - we’re struggling with the CoL increases like everyone else!

I just worry I guess about how resentful I feel, how precarious their work is and that they seem quite happy to ride this train with what seems like no realistic plan on how to future proof it- what happens when the brand deals dry up?

I have tried speaking to them a bit about this but they only can see the here and now, and don’t see the point in worrying about what may happen. They are clearly enjoying riding this wave and believing their own hype, which is great I guess?

I would be grateful to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar - how to manage my feelings and be supportive of partner without letting this impact upon our relationship.

I have no respect for "influencers" and couldn't be with one as a partner.

Does your partner pay NI and contribute to a private pension? If they have no pension then definitely don't marry them as they'll be taking half of yours if you split up. I'd find it worrying if my partner wasn't thinking of the future, especially with children in the mix. How do they think they'll support themselves when they're older? "Influencer" is typically a young person's game. It's hard enough trying to find another career when you've got skills and experience. I can't imagine being 50 and telling a prospective employer I was an influencer.

Oh, glad to know that, as a female, I'm not capable of feeling jealousy!

It's hard to pin point what your actual gripe is. He's not putting in more hours or making less money, and he's doing something he likes.
Is the real problem you feel he's changed as a person and you're no longer compatible? Or are you annoyed that he's doing a job you find morally questionable? Or maybe you're just jealous?
Perhaps you could get yourself on Only Fans. He might not respect you for it but it'll generate some income.

It must be difficult living with someone who has turned themselves into a brand.

I'd be tempted to "like" their competitors' posts like crazy just to annoy them 😂.

What role does your family play in your partner's brand? Are your kids required to smile dutifully for hundreds of Insta-worthy snaps on days out? Do you have to present yourselves as the perfect accessory family? A bit like a handbag but animate.

I don’t think they are jealous at all. I think they are frustrated, feeling their partner is going down the wrong path, irritated at the online love and validation and feeling tgat they are doing the heavy lifting in the relationship. From what they said, anyway

I follow a fifty something female influencer who is pretty down to earth - but still she has to find content and journeys etc. It is hard work producing engaging content week after week

Hey Clemmie/mumofdaughters - diz you? 😉

Gosh so many replies! Thank you to everyone and sorry for not replying individually.

In terms of not naming our genders, sorry its annoyed some people, I just didn’t want it to be a giveaway - there are obviously less male influencers for example, and if I said we’re a gay couple, it might be outing. I’d rather protect our privacy. For this reason, I have asked my partner not to include our children in what they post online, but I know they have been tempted sometimes or done that annoying back of the head/covering their faces with an emoji type thing. For the most part they have respected my wishes though. Now the children are older, they have actively voiced not wanting to be a part of the ‘brand’. Childcare is not an issue really and in general we both like a clean house and chores are divided. More work has fallen to my partner when I’ve had to take on shift work, more to me when they are away on work trips. This does cause resentment but in honesty distribution of labour is pretty equal.

I feel conscious of doxxing as their corner of the internet is pretty niche and it might be obvious if I said - she has a cleaning instagram, is a handbag reviewer or he’s a youtube gamer or tiktok food reviewer or whatever. A few people have mentioned that shallowness of that type of world and I think that’s what has bothered me, it just seems quite vapid and there’s a way of looking at life as if everything is potential ‘content’, it feels quite cynical I guess. So maybe there’s some kind of snobbery involved on my part, I don’t know.

The replies have given me lots of food for thought. I think I have admitted the rather unkind feelings I am struggling with that people have named here - resentment, jealousy, bitterness (its there in my username!) but also that I’d like to find a way of managing my feelings so it doesn’t sour our relationship. I think part of being in a long term relationship is that you do change and I suppose I’m struggling with this new glossy version of my partner that doesn’t quite sit with the ordinary struggles of daily life. It’s hard to relate to them as our world’s feel so different, I often feel like muting their social media posts if I’ve had a hard shift, for example. Thats not to say I don’t love them, or love my job - I work hard in my role and its very rewarding, but I suppose in a quieter, less visible way.

I suppose I was hoping there may be others are in similar positions and could say - this is normal, it doesn’t spell the end of your relationship, perhaps its just a phase. There’s part of me that worries we are just fundamentally too different and it’s becoming harder to connect in the way we once did.

I've a friend who does YouTube and is finding some success. They thought they were the bee's knees before, now it's just ridiculous. The money in exchange for my privacy wouldn't cut it, but they seem to enjoy the spotlight.

You sound a bit envious and rather judgemental...

Your partner enjoys what they do and makes money out of it. It also gives them a good work- life balance.

What is the problem with that?

Ultimately a lot of jobs ultimately are shallow and pointless...not everyone is out there saving the world, feeding orphans or performing brain surgery...

No job is really ''future proof' either. You could lose yours tomorrow. It happens to many people in supposedly secure jobs.

You have a job too. If you want more money why not increase your own wages & focus on your own career?

This is exactly what I was thinking!! Ha

In terms of not naming our genders Gender is made up woo. Your sexuality and that of your partner are your business and have nothing to do with the regressive stereotypes of gender.

The factual and immutable sex(es) of you and your partner may have something to do with your feelings and views of your partner's choices at this time and how you're dealing with those choices.

It's sad that you're not connecting as you have in the past especially as you have children, but you'll need to decide whether you want to maintain the relationship with someone you may not respect as you have in the past. Life is hard and the adulation of strangers won't always make up for the daily slog, but you must decide how to deal with this.

Me too. All respect would fly out the window.

It’s deffo Clemmie!

So what if they make shitloads of money?? They could make millions, it's still a pointless job - unless they are "influencing" important legislation, politics or similar. But brands and trips impressing 14 old olds and the ultra-vacuous, no thanks.

I’m baffled by some of these comments! OP, if he’s (sorry, they) is bringing in similar money to what they were on now - isn’t that a good thing? You sound quite selfish and only appear to be thinking of yourself.

No job lasts forever, hopefully they’ll capitalize on their capital. Worst comes to the worst, they can go back to their 9-5 job… (assuming they’ve left on good terms).

You know there are many pointless jobs yet people still do them?
Do you suggest someone who’s earning a good salary from this pointless job to give it up to go back to their boring 9-5?

This.

First replies were mad - this is not Jean. @BitterSweetheart is a realist. As is required in life!

YAWWWWWWWWWWWN 🙄

@BitterSweetheart my H has a very interesting job that doesn't exactly involve saving the planet. It can be fun but a lot of it is hard work and definitely involves selling and maintaining 'a brand. ' I guess I feel a bit different as I work in it too- but I do the back end- we earn reasonably well and have been doing it 20 years now.

I think the thing is that these days there are so many ways to make money and not all involve 9 to 5 jobs and a great many are the kind of things people say 'you get paid to do that' ? Personally I would just go with it and think 'well if it makes them happy' and they've made it work ! Actually there can be a lot of transferable skills and if they need another job at any point there is a lot of work in digital marketing these days.

I wouldn’t want to be with an influencer. I don’t respect it as a ‘career,’ and I think it’s an unhealthy lifestyle. I also think it can lead to a hugely overinflated ego and leave them out of touch with the actual world they’re in. I would need to respect my partner’s life choices and lifestyle. Posting pictures of the back of my kids’ heads for money would not be it for me I’m afraid.

But then that’s not me saying I think influencers are necessarily bad people. I also wouldn’t be with someone who played a lot of video games or was into football or drank a lot. But they’d make a good partner for someone else. In this case maybe you are just not aligned anymore.

Are you just annoyed because they do less work than you in the traditional sense, but still earn the same salary as they did in a job with set hours?
If that was my husband, I'd be happy that he was enjoying a job that brought in a decent income (which if it's similar to the previous job like you said it was, then it must be decent). Yes it may become unviable as an income stream eventually, but why not just enjoy that he's enjoying himself AND bringing in an income with this job at the moment?
What exactly is your issue with it?

@GirlOfTudor The 'issue' is pure jealousy.

If it wouldn’t change your opinion, why do you need to know?