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Original poster

Tired of partner with ‘Influencer’ job

257 replies

BitterSweetheart · 28/04/2023 17:01

I just wondered if anyone can relate to this. Obviously I want to try and keep this as anonymous as possible to protect our privacy.

I’m finding myself increasingly resentful about my partner’s ’influencer’ type job. They left their 9-5 a few years back as they were unhappy and I tried to be a supportive as possible. They are now making a living of sorts with something related to their interest - it just about brings in a similar wage but a lot of it feels like smoke and mirrors (brand deal exposure type things rather than salary increases). Looks very glamorous online, lots of gifts/trips away and they’ve amassed an adoring following. In real terms it seems whilst they are happier and working less at something they enjoy, I find it all hard to take seriously. There is limited career progression, they live in a bit of a bubble and are quite detached from reality - enjoying all the ego stroking from their followers, believing all the hype. I’m finding it increasingly hard to respect them as it all feels quite narcissistic.

I am for them happy and proud of them, but I’m also finding myself more resentful at working normal hours for normal pay, no perks and certainly no glitz, gifts and trips away. That life doesn’t appeal to me and I do get job satisfaction for a role in healthcare that I’ve worked and studied hard for. However I get burned out for long hours, poor working conditions (pressures on service etc) and not much reward. They seem to swan about with everyone telling them how wonderful they are, and assuming we are rolling in it- but we’re not - we’re struggling with the CoL increases like everyone else!

I just worry I guess about how resentful I feel, how precarious their work is and that they seem quite happy to ride this train with what seems like no realistic plan on how to future proof it- what happens when the brand deals dry up?

I have tried speaking to them a bit about this but they only can see the here and now, and don’t see the point in worrying about what may happen. They are clearly enjoying riding this wave and believing their own hype, which is great I guess?

I would be grateful to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar - how to manage my feelings and be supportive of partner without letting this impact upon our relationship.

OP posts:
PollyPeptide · 29/04/2023 03:41

Life's short. If they're enjoying their life and it's not really impacting on you, other than you resent them avoiding getting burnt out, I don't see why you wouldn't be happy for them. It might turn out to be a short-lived career but then they'll need to go get a job. But why not spend a few years doing something that gives them pleasure before returning to the rat race?

Morghulis · 29/04/2023 05:41

I don’t think I could deal with the lack of authenticity. I imagine it would be quite hard to talk about life’s problems with someone who was constantly portraying life as ideal for their followers. It’s hard enough at times to detach yourself from the fakeness of social media without having to see your own life portrayed in that way. It would depend on the type of influencer but social media can be toxic and I would take moral issue with a partner who was making money perpetuating the negative (ie fake) side of it.

AppallinglyReheated · 29/04/2023 05:45

Whats with all the 'clever' comments about the OP not revealing the correct pronouns for their partner.

Is it not blindingly obvious they don't want people to work out who their partner is?

OP - I would struggle, and a lot of my work is content based, social media reliant, and fairly precarious freelance stuff (it also pays in real money and no one knows who I am!). For me it would be the fakery, the contrast and conflict between real life and what they're portraying online. Maybe I too would be a bitter jealous person or that reveals some other personality flaw in me but I would realllllly struggle with it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
ExhaustedPigwidgeon · 29/04/2023 06:23

So incredibly tedious that people can’t cope with a vague post using they pronouns. Op has good reasons for doing it - get over yourselves.

if I had the choice between your traditional job working all hours in a demanding job, or bringing in the same money being an influencer I know what I would pick. I think it shakes up the world view that everyone is always taught. You go to school, you go to college and/or get a job, then you work forever. To find out that actually you can make good money doing non traditional work can be difficult to accept because it’s different from what you’ve been told the rules are. I think there’s a sense of “it’s not fair nobody told me I could do that too.”

I think in this over saturated market of influencers where people are becoming jaded about what they do and what they offer, to be able to make the equivalent of a wage is pretty good going actually. They clearly work hard at it - it’s not their fault you don’t attribute any value to it. Maybe you aren’t as happy in your worthy job as you say you are?

anotherscroller · 29/04/2023 06:29

Tookeffort81 · 28/04/2023 17:03

I’m guessing no children and you’re young?

in which case - head off. You don’t seem to like him or respect him very much so 🤷‍♀️

Oh for goodness sake. These LTB trolls need to just put a sock in it. It gets so boring.

Whochangedmynamec · 29/04/2023 06:41

Heyanyadvicewelcome · 28/04/2023 20:56

Hey Clemmie/mumofdaughters - diz you? 😉

No actually she’s called fiftysister. She does vegan recipes, fitness, just generally being 50’s and loving it

Back2front · 29/04/2023 06:44

AppallinglyReheated · 29/04/2023 05:45

Whats with all the 'clever' comments about the OP not revealing the correct pronouns for their partner.

Is it not blindingly obvious they don't want people to work out who their partner is?

OP - I would struggle, and a lot of my work is content based, social media reliant, and fairly precarious freelance stuff (it also pays in real money and no one knows who I am!). For me it would be the fakery, the contrast and conflict between real life and what they're portraying online. Maybe I too would be a bitter jealous person or that reveals some other personality flaw in me but I would realllllly struggle with it.

This

Whochangedmynamec · 29/04/2023 06:46

JFDIYOLO · 29/04/2023 00:25

Jealousy is always difficult.

Is it jealoysy though?

influencer spends morning in bed, posts a “blessed journey” pic while you are on a12 hour day. The urge to say stfu comes into your head…

Oblomov23 · 29/04/2023 06:50

You do sound incredibly jealous and resentful.

But he sounds irritating. And he's avoiding the facts. He doesn't want to talk about the nitty gritty. And facts and £ matter. The fact is that this new swanning around isn't producing the hard cash his old job did. Take the emotion out of it and present him with hard figures. eg: You contributed £2500 before, but this income is now unreliable and you are only actually contributing £2000.

JaninaDuszejko · 29/04/2023 06:52

The job title sounds vacuous but it's just a modern version of advertising or journalism. I'm in my 50s, I follow loads of influencers in their 40s or 50s, many of whom came from traditional print media then ran successful blogs and now are doing podcasts and are on instagram etc as well. It's perfectly possible to be an influencer without exploiting your family, e.g. I've never seen photos of Mad About the House's children or husband on her instagram or blog or podcast or books. She doesn't need to do that, she's producing good quality content/journalism about interiors but the nature of the game has changed and journalists have to be on social media as well as traditional media to succeed.

justme202 · 29/04/2023 06:59

What has the op’s and their partner’s gender gave to do with any of this? it could be 2 guys, 2 women, guy/woman, woman/guy, whatever. It makes no difference for one partner being unhappy about the others’ career, no need for sexism.
Some careers can be deal breakers, and that is ok. In the end it is what you want as a person and a couple, and whether that fits!

Righttherights · 29/04/2023 07:02

Trips away? How often? Do you have to manage kids/house when he does this? Is he/she constantly working? What does it work out per hour if constantly influencing?
if they are building up a nice nest egg that’s one thing otherwise they need to grow up and plan for the coming years-which could be sooner than later. Influencers seem to get ‘cancelled’ daily for saying or doing the the wrong thing!

ExpatInSlavikLand · 29/04/2023 07:02

notsurewherenotsurewhy · 28/04/2023 17:23

I think some posters are being harsh. It's a job I'd struggle to respect tbh, and I would want to respect my partner. With many influencers, their family life is part of the image they sell - if that's the case here, it's even more understandable that OP has strong feelings about it.

Agreed. Plus, as OP has said, there's no career progression likely, and another point to consider, in the ageist world we live in, such a 'career' is going to be very finite.

Peachpicklepie · 29/04/2023 07:10

If I was your partner I'd be gutted. I'm self employed, and of course there are risks. But I work fewer hours (which I choose) and earn the same/more than before. I also (crucially) enjoy it. If you can't support them emotionally and respect them then it says more about you than it does them. They have found something that makes them happy and pays the bills - who's really the mug here?

sofamarathon · 29/04/2023 07:21

I think I'd worry about the longevity of this career. It's a new business influencing and is it here to stay?

And yes, I think id be annoyed and want them to get a real job

Whochangedmynamec · 29/04/2023 07:34

I have been fairly successful at this several years ago- you get a lot of abuse, reels that look good for one minute takes hours and it isn’t as fun as it looks. That was doing something I loved.

I also know very successful people and I am delighted for them, support them in every way and wish the best for them.

I feel the OP is getting a lot of abuse here- maybe because of pronouns, maybe because she isn’t giving specific enough examples.

Eg partner spends all day trying on clothes and taking “hot” photos and I find it very annoying and shallow. She runs off to Dubai every month to drink cocktails while I have to work and manage childcare alone. Everyone is telling her how wonderful she is and how much they love her and she is constantly scrolling her phone and ignoring me. The love I give her will never compare with the validation she gets from thousands of fans- although I am the only one who is there for her in real life. I don’t get much emotional support or validation from her and all the attention has gone to her head. I feel lonely and unsupported.

Now in this fake op the issues are clear- lack of support, lack of attention, no respect for the mental load op is carrying, dumping op with the kids, vanity, etc etc.

So this is possibly just not a very well explained post. That is why people can’t get behind it

Persephonegoddess · 29/04/2023 07:36

Tbh whilst some ppl have said jealous, it sounds like your job is the stable, doing it but is work. Your partner job is the unstable and fun job. This is fine if you both agreed for this to be the case but actually if it is no longer working for you for whatever reason you need to talk about it. Jealous or resentment are how you feel and you will struggle to change that

Krabappel · 29/04/2023 07:38

justme202 · 29/04/2023 06:59

What has the op’s and their partner’s gender gave to do with any of this? it could be 2 guys, 2 women, guy/woman, woman/guy, whatever. It makes no difference for one partner being unhappy about the others’ career, no need for sexism.
Some careers can be deal breakers, and that is ok. In the end it is what you want as a person and a couple, and whether that fits!

It's jarring to read and it makes it difficult to visualise what they^^ are saying. It's not outing given how many millions of influencers there are (unfortunately!)

Meadowfly · 29/04/2023 07:41

Well there are several different issues going on. I totally agree that being an influencer is pointless- it adds no value to humanity. It must be highly irritating to witness.
but imho it depends how this came about. Before you had children and discussed your plans what did you agree? Did you agree that she’d be a sahm and this is a hobby that has grown? Did you agree that you’d be a sahp and now the main earner in your partnership has given up a high earning, secure job. Or did you both keep working….

coretext · 29/04/2023 07:42

What has the op’s and their partner’s gender gave to do with any of this? it could be 2 guys, 2 women, guy/woman, woman/guy, whatever. It makes no difference for one partner being unhappy about the others’ career, no need for sexism.Some careers can be deal breakers, and that is ok. In the end it is what you want as a person and a couple, and whether that fits!

All the "theys" are distracting and quite clearly have sent the thread on a tangent

Meadowfly · 29/04/2023 07:43

How do you manage childcare when your partner is on trips? Does it make your life difficult when he/she is on these trips?

activelyu · 29/04/2023 07:50

Think you got a bit of a hard time at the beginning of this thread OP. I can totally understand your concerns. I worked in celebrity entertainment for several years and its a mad world where everything revolves around 'me'. If somehow your partner's income disappeared overnight, I'm not sure they would be able to go back to a 'normal' job. This stuff messes with your head and your sense of 'self' sometimes leading you to think you're way more important than you actually are. Most people couldn't handle that.

I have no advice but I think it's brave to admit your feelings are a mix of fear for the future but with a bit of envy mixed in too.

activelyu · 29/04/2023 07:56

"Partners were invited to maybe 5% of the shiny things, children twice a year. It's like living on two different planets."

@GarlicGrace Think you nailed it! I worked in that world for several years too but I craved 'normality' and made my escape!

CharlotteRumpling · 29/04/2023 08:05

MN always thinks everyone is jealous. It's infuriating.

Silverrocks · 29/04/2023 08:07

The posts read like a man has written them, they're more likely to have distain for what a woman chooses to do as well, not that it really matters. It's clear whoever the OP is is letting the resentment around having to work a 'proper job' fester and turn into hatred for their partner. Presumably by what's been said if they said yeah sure ill give up this job I enjoy which gives great flexibility and although it won't be forever is enjoyable right now and brings the same money home as I used to they'd be happy which is pretty sad in a partnership really.

Not sure about the dramatics by some about never getting a job afterwards or whatever, as long as the content isn't controversial then there's no reason they wouldn't be able to. I'm sure if they're someone in the industry as it were they're more than aware that it's not going to last forever, why not enjoy it now? I'm sure if they were a defence barrister or whatever (I know they uphold the justice system blah blah) that essentially work to keep criminals out of prison in many cases they wouldn't have issues around morals as it'd be a stable job with a decent income.