Why does no one tell you the downsides of breastfeeding?!

[SleepingBeauty7]

I'll start by saying I am extremely grateful that I have been able to breastfeed DD and am aware of the many benefits of it. What I wasn't aware of though, are the not so good parts of breastfeeding.

I'm a first time mum, so all I knew about breastfeeding were a few things I had read up about online and the information I was given in the two breastfeeding classes I went to. It was all presented as this amazing experience, which will give you an amazing bond with your baby. Which I don't disagree with, but there have been SO many things I have found difficult...

1. DD couldn't latch on for the first three days so she was initially formula fed. I spent days in tears feeling guilty that I was giving her formula as it had been drilled into me that "breast is best", which wasn't helped by the fact it actually says that on formula bottles (which I think is so bad!)
2. It is so intense and demanding. I spent the first few weeks not being able to function properly due to being awake all night while DD cluster fed and DH happily snored next to me, as there was no point him being awake anyway since he doesn't have boobs to feed our baby with!
3. Expressing doesn't work for everyone. I was hopeful that I could express some milk so that DH could feed DD from a bottle. But most of the times I try to express, I don't even get a drop of milk. Not to mention it's so painful!
4. The few times I did manage to express and put milk in a bottle, DD completely rejected the bottle and refused to have it, resulting in me having to throw it away!
5. I can't go out for more than three hours, because DD won't take a bottle/formula so I have to be back to breastfeed her, which means there have been so many outings I've had to leave early from.

I know breastfeeding is good for babies and I'm grateful to have done it, I really am. But I can't help but feel that I wish I hadn't have done it or at least tried combi feeding. Anyone else feel the same??

Really? All I ever see is negative things said about it! Saying that none of the things you listed was an issue for me.

My experience was exactly the same as you’ve described OP and I persevered and my first was EBF. My second, straight to formula. I found it incredibly difficult because as you say, it’s drilled into you that breast is best and you’re somehow a weakling failure if you formula feed. I can happily say that’s a load of bollix and there is absolutely no difference between my EBF child and formula fed child 10 years down the line.

you think your baby won’t take a bottle, but they will if you persevere and fully decide to switch. You’re not in the mummy Olympics and whether you breastfeed or not is entirely up to you and your own feelings- your baby will be healthy either way so ignore the pressure and do what you think is best.

I think there is a strong link between breastfeeding and becoming the default parent, personally. It’s not insurmountable but for as long as it’s not talked about there won’t be progress.

What’s good for babies isn’t always good for women, but lots of mums are shamed if they mention that.

“Why does no one tell you the downsides” probably because the downsides are different for everybody. Every breastfeeding journey is very different and I personally didn’t experience any the issues you have listed. Other people will have experienced different “downsides” which are all just as valid too. I have no regrets about my breastfeeding journey personally. There is no possible way to encompass every persons experiences within a couple of classes or information sheets.

Formula has to put breast is best, it's not 'so bad' it's a fact and a legal requirement. Breastfeeding was very hard, very painful at times. I didn't have a full night sleep for over a year with mine but I'm glad I persevered with it. I was formula fed and it didn't help my health so I was determined to do everything I can to breastfeed.

Y did u have to go home if on an outing?

Also with this nobody tells you type of posts.. really, people don't wanna hear it or know about it. They physically cringe when you tell them the boring trials and tribulations of parenthood. Single, childless people don't wanna know they'd rather gossip about work or sex life or fashion. Nobody wants to know how your episotomy is healing or how you have nipple thrush and baby woke you up yet again 5 thousand times. If you want to know you could have asked beforehand but nobody cares until it happens to them.

I also think that there are lots of negatives about breastfeeding that are widely available. There are plenty more than you have mentioned as well. However, as with so many things, there are also plenty of positives. The huge number of negatives of breastfeeding are the biggest reason behind why our feeding rates are so low in this country and I’m really surprised you were so unaware of them.

I agree.

Of course everybody's journey is different and some people won't experience the things that I have, but I think it would have been useful for the classes I went to, to have included this info in a 'this is what could happen' way and offer advice such as introduce a bottle to baby early so that it's a bit easier further down the line

There's a lot of negative stuff about breastfeeding on MN alone.

Very little positive stuff.

The breastfeeding is anti-women bit makes me quite angry.

As a mother who breasfed her DC for a total of 4 years I actually had formula pushed on us. Nobody patted me on the back for breastfeeding and in fact they were always asking when I'd stop when baby was 6 months and over. I felt judgement for breastfeeding a DC over a year. Formula was pushed as the norm, the modern mother solution and like I was doing something primitive or clingy to be breastfeeding like I was being a selfish parent to be responsible for all the feeding or a bad feminist for being the one who does the night feeds and wakes up with baby...lol it's crazy... so no I don't recognise your experience op but you probably dont recognise mine either.

Just read Mumsnet for a bit, you will see nothing but negative comments about breastfeeding.

Especially on MN there is so much negativity towards breastfeeding I’m surprised the op hasn’t seen any!

Well I think it is bad as there are so many mums out there who want to breastfeed but for various reason can't, and reading 'breast milk is best for babies' on formula bottles is likely to make them feel guilty and upset as I described in my OP

Interesting that so many of you say you've only heard negative things about breastfeeding. My experience has been the complete opposite. My midwife even said to me 'I'm so glad you're going to breastfeed. It's what's best for babies'

What’s wrong with her saying that?

I am currently pregnant, and my "don't want to know" isn't about selfish nonchalance.

It's because there is such a huge array of potential negatives to pregnancy, most of which are unpredictable and unpreventable, and crucially, unlikely - at least unlikely in the sense that most of the super-long list of possibles won't happen. A few will.

I don't want to spend the next six months revising potential issues with my health, or my baby's.

I'll deal with the ones that happen if they come up.

(and perhaps your friends didn't talk to you pre-children, but I have actually heard extensively about all the different issues suffered by my friends)

All the points you make are valid, and true for some people OP. I bf my 2 DC for 2 years. Its tiring, physically demanding. But the long term health benefits for DC and mums are very strongly evidenced. Look it up, it'll make you feel like a hero! Reduced risk of gastrointestinal illness in baby, less risk of ear infections, of obesity in later life, of allergies...the list goes on. Reduced risk of breast cancer for you. Your milk is specifically designed, by your body, for your baby. You can't buy that. What an amazing thing to be able to do for your DC.

Because it's pretty much impossible to understand until you experience it, and because it's different for everyone. Like most aspects of parenting.

I breastfed pretty much exclusively for 4 weeks, combined fed for another 16 weeks and then moved to FF. I felt a total failure. That story covers over an absolute mountain of experiences, some very painful, including a hospital admission and not a lot of sleep. (I couldn't express either, took me 40 minutes pumping to cover the bottom of a bottle).

When people say 'bf can be tough but it's so worth it' our eyes slide over the 'can be tough' bit because we have no concept of what that means. I don't know that it would have helped if I had known more tbh.

Start from today. You're feeding your baby and in itself, it's going well. Thats brilliant. Breastfeeding by all accounts does get easier for those who manage to get going with it. You don't have to love it- and if you want to stop, you have options. All the best.

@AnneLovesGilbert where did I say there was anything wrong with her saying that? I was just making the comment to highlight that everyone has only ever spoken to me positively about breastfeeding

But your midwife wasn’t being positive or negative. I guarantee you that if you had formula fed the likelihood is she would have said similar given the MH/PND link between breastfeeding and the difficulties involved.

I'm not sure I'd agree with that. Many fathers are back at work after a few weeks and feeding is largely left to the mum for the duration of maternity leave. This is the case where breast or formula fed.

OP, there are pros and cons to both. Formula feeding comes with all the faff of washing and sterilising bottles, and the making of bottles and waiting till they get to the right temperature (perfect prep machines can mitigate some of this but they come with their own issues). Special bottles required for reflux etc etc.

I think the bottom line is that the early days with babies are hard and feeding is a big part of this, regardless of how you do it.

Personally, I found breastfeeding very difficult in the beginning, but there came a tipping point at which whipping out a boob was infinitely easier than washing, sterilising and preparing a bottle.

I wouldn't bother with expressing though. There is often a lot of negativity from staunch pro-breastfeeding advocates about combi-feeding and how it can reduce your milk supply, but I have found combi-feeding great. Expressing is hard work, I used to just keep some formula on had and DP would feed that to enable me to have a break or whatever.

I disagree.

I think everyone is very quick to tell you the negative stuff, a lot of health care professionals included.

I found it very hard to make the choice to breastfeed. No breastfeeding support in hospital and family pushing and pushing for formula so they could feed my baby, and absolute myths about her growing or sleeping better.

I’m now facing a lot of stick for breastfeeding an 11 month old as ‘she’s too big now’.

Because the NCT driven “oh it’s so natural and easy, just pop Baby on as soon as they’re born and it will be the most wonderful experience” has been allowed to dominate and those who can’t do it are viewed as failures.

Because there isn’t good enough breastfeeding support everywhere to help new mums so it’s easier to make the Mum the problem rather than acknowledge that it’s hard.

Plenty of info out there on the difficulties but as a first time parent why would you look for it given the official advice that’s pushed?

Can you tell I’m still quite bitter about the approach from professionals and NCT when I was really struggling to feed DC1? However she ended up on expressed milk for 6 weeks and I think that was sacrifice enough. With DC2 I knew it was hard and - by fluke- was able to access really good support so they were EBF for 6 months and mixed fed until 10 months. But it was never easy and neither child had read the BF rule books. Both suffered no ill effects that I can tell.

OP you don’t say if you are still BF but my top tips for expressing are a) sniff your baby’s head or worn clothes when you are trying to express (yes really!); and b) warm the expressed milk to much warmer than you might think - obviously not scalding but warm to the touch. DC2 wouldn’t touch expressed unless the milk was really warm!