Why does no one tell you the downsides of breastfeeding?!

[SleepingBeauty7]

I'll start by saying I am extremely grateful that I have been able to breastfeed DD and am aware of the many benefits of it. What I wasn't aware of though, are the not so good parts of breastfeeding.

I'm a first time mum, so all I knew about breastfeeding were a few things I had read up about online and the information I was given in the two breastfeeding classes I went to. It was all presented as this amazing experience, which will give you an amazing bond with your baby. Which I don't disagree with, but there have been SO many things I have found difficult...

1. DD couldn't latch on for the first three days so she was initially formula fed. I spent days in tears feeling guilty that I was giving her formula as it had been drilled into me that "breast is best", which wasn't helped by the fact it actually says that on formula bottles (which I think is so bad!)
2. It is so intense and demanding. I spent the first few weeks not being able to function properly due to being awake all night while DD cluster fed and DH happily snored next to me, as there was no point him being awake anyway since he doesn't have boobs to feed our baby with!
3. Expressing doesn't work for everyone. I was hopeful that I could express some milk so that DH could feed DD from a bottle. But most of the times I try to express, I don't even get a drop of milk. Not to mention it's so painful!
4. The few times I did manage to express and put milk in a bottle, DD completely rejected the bottle and refused to have it, resulting in me having to throw it away!
5. I can't go out for more than three hours, because DD won't take a bottle/formula so I have to be back to breastfeed her, which means there have been so many outings I've had to leave early from.

I know breastfeeding is good for babies and I'm grateful to have done it, I really am. But I can't help but feel that I wish I hadn't have done it or at least tried combi feeding. Anyone else feel the same??

In my experience if you're in a relationship, like many, that has the woman as the default parent it'll happen however the baby's fed. If you're with a man who wants to co parent with you, the fact that you're doing the feeding should make him super eager to do as much of the other stuff as he can.

The reason it says breastmilk is best on formula bottles is for very good reason. Look up the nestle formula scandal in the 1970s. It's basically where "milk nurses" went round to flog nestle formula saying it was superior to breastmilk, and ended up causing a lot of illnesses and deaths as the poor countries they were advertising this in didn't have adequate sanitary prep to sterilise bottles for formula etc.

But yes BF can be challenging. Combo feeding is always an option but your supply won't be as high. It's well worth it IMO. I'm 7 months in.

@CurlewKate youre right - my dh did all the night feeds with bottles of expressed milk, night after night. He got all the lovely cuddles and special bonding time while I milked and milked and milked. It was depressing, miserable and stressful for both of us but he supported me because he knew the insane pressure I was under. He never said it but I think he was delighted when I gave up!

It’s a bit like claiming that the pictures on cigarette packets are upsetting. As a PP has said it is a basic scientific fact and a legal requirement. Any guilt people may feel or not feel is their own issue. Our breastfeeding stats in this country are woeful owing to pretty rubbish help advice in postnatal wards and with Health Visitors who often lack the expertise to offer real help and support. Of course ultimately it’s a choice and people should do whatever suits them.

How many weeks in are you, OP? I can relate to some of your post, especially expressing (man I hated that and my boobs were rubbish at getting milk out that way) and bottle refusal.

But it does get way easier after the initial bursts of cluster feeding and once they start to differentiate night and day. I would always feed every 3 hours minimum in the day (more if they asked) and then only on waking in the night. So yes, wake a sleeping baby in the day to plonk them on a boob. It really helped to reduce the night wakings. And at least in the night, it's just reach over, pop baby on boob, doze again. I'd have hated going to the kitchen to make up bottles or whatever. DH used to bring me breakfast in bed while I fed baby, it was so chilled. He would also burp and resettle for me, especially when we had twins later on.

Anyway, for me it was easier after the first 6-8 weeks and a doddle after 2-3 months. Even with my twins I still bf them both because it seemed massively easier for me. Stick with it if you are in those tough early weeks because it is so much simpler later.

The NHS push breast is best relentlessly.

Before my first DC was born I went to one NHS breastfeeding class which didn't list a single negative or possible downside of breastfeeding. They didn't mention tongue tie at all. The midwife actually said it would be a blissful, natural, wonderful experience.

They did not explain what to do if you want to breastfeed but can't. They didn't explain the difference between hospital grade breast pumps and high street ones (turns out I can only express using a hospital grade pump). They didn't explain that a cranial osteopath can help. Finger feeding breast milk via a tube was what we ended up doing to start with (under hospital guidance) but not only was that not even mentioned as a possibility in the class, when I saw the midwife at the 5 day check she'd never even heard of it.

I think the NHS is deeply irresponsible in presenting such a one sided view, glossing over the problems and missing an opportunity to explain what to do if you do have problems, and how to determine when to draw the line and use formula, and that that is fine as an option.

But that is exactly what I said in my previous post @Notellinganyone, it makes you think of the warning on cigarettes. But formula is not tobacco, nor is it analogous. Formula milk won’t kill your baby, or give her cancer. It’s not poison. In fact, without formula, for all my efforts, my DC would be dead. It was not a choice for us. It was not about ‘suiting’. Though I suppose, since she has a learning disability and will never be independent, it is possible that you will think I should just have kept futilely attempting to latch until she starved to death? After all given that it’s a basic scientific fact she had a bad start to life, maybe I should have just scrapped that attempt and gone back to ttc??

Any guilt people may feel or not feel is their own issue.

And the issue of the perinatal mental health services, unsurprisingly

And at least in the night, it's just reach over, pop baby on boob, doze again.

It isn’t though. It’s position screaming baby while undoing top, remove breast pads, try to doze while simultaneously holding baby in the right position and trying to make sure they’ve latched correctly, re-latch when they inevitably come off, wind them, replace bra and breast pads (unless you want soaking sheets)… I can see how it would work with an older more experienced baby but it sounds like a recipe for stress with a newborn or small one.

Well I’m pretty honest and open about the fact that I absolutely hated breastfeeding!!
I did it for 6 months with my first, I was 19 and just doing what I was told really. Second one I fed for 3 months and then introduced bottles and third one I fed for 5 months.
Just hated the whole thing and couldn’t wait to stop with all of them. Was delighted to hand over to dh for some of the night feeds with all of them!

All you hear is how hard breastfeeding is.

This is the same as when people say noone tells you how hard being a parent is. Literally all anyone tells you is how hard being a parent is.

Breastfeeding absolutely revolted me ..gave it a go for about 4 weeks for all my children. They are all in their 20s and appear to be normal,high achieving adults!

You have done your best for your baby and you should be proud
dont hate the haters, they’re just feeling like guilt
wind them up and watch them go 😂

My DC’s only had formula - my choice and never tried bf. They were also not ill as babies or now in their early 20’s.

If you read MN for more than 5 minutes you can find thread after thread of negative breastfeeding comments.

It's hard to miss.

uhm, sounds like not the breastfeeding is the problem but the time that baby needs, as ebf stops you
leaving the baby with someone else or handing the feeds over.

I have ebf d 4 babies from birth to 12-16 months never used bottles and for me cosleeping and breastfeeding, baby carrying best combination with only benefits. Nevermind the outings etc,enjoy the time with your baby while she is such a short time that little

@Bloopsie I do enjoy plenty of time with my baby, thanks. I'm with her all day every day, playing with her, going for walks, reading to her, taking her to classes, breastfeeding her every three hours etc. I love being a mum but as we all know, it can be very exhausting at times, so if I need a break from that by going out with friends every now and again, I think that's perfectly fine and quite healthy actually.

Sure it is but if your baby is not
keen
on bottles its not a lot to ask to plan your outings around the baby with the baby for the first year (if that)- some babies will be happy to take on sippy cups before their first birthday.

I had no issues just pain cause of tongue tie once it got sorted was a breeze. I love every part of breastfeeding 😊 and had none of the issues you listed.

So I should have let her starve, is what you’re saying? Cheers

Quite a few if my friends used breastfeeding aprons or specialist clothing so they could easily feed in privacy. I just used to shove DC2 up a baggy top! With DC1 I couldn't get to grips with BF but it clicked with DC2. They are just different kids and all babies are different. There are plenty of companies making specialist clothing for comfortable BF in public. I agree with all your other points but I would say it all improves with time. But I think there's no point of BF if you have to go home to do it - that will be understandably making you feel low. I used to love not having to sterilise etc just being able to feed DD and have a coffee with a friend at the same time. Take care OP.

Many people probably found it hard to understand as your post wasn't clear. I for one didn't realise you meant it was when you were on outings without your baby. Are you shocked and struggling at the lack of sleep too as you sound rather irritable.

I knew what op meant about not being able to leave the baby for long stretches because it was one of the things that I hated about breastfeeding. I never could be independent or spontaneous. My body wasn't mine. Guilt all the time.

Often it takes an hour to get somewhere and then you're barely enjoying a cup of coffee when you have to make your way back again.
I think breastfeeding is a constant reminder even when you are away from your child that you are a mother, that your body isn't yours, the pressure of a baby depending on you for their survival. The truth is, your life will never be the same after a baby whether you breastfeed or not. The days of carefree holidays and spontaneous days out are gone as even when your child is an adult, you are never 'off' as your mind is always thinking of your child.

Nature wants us mothers to be with our children 24/7, cluster feeding on demand. This helps with milk supply. Someone said what about work, well there is maternity leave for 9 months in the uk, some places 12 months.
In general, the modern model of employment is often incompatible with our female biology not just as mothers but even with things like menopause and PMS. Modern expectations of women and mothers are incompatible with nature but most of us can't or won't yield to natural roles and so we make our choices but all choices cost something somewhere (at the expense of career, at the expense of family time... etc). Which goes back to my experience that formula is a marker of an independent woman, equal feeds with her partner, her bodily autonomy is somewhat more restored when she isn't breastfeeding.

@PottyMouthkaka

Which goes back to my experience that formula is a marker of an independent woman, equal feeds with her partner,

Formula is no guarantee of this. How many times do we see women say their partner refuses to do equal feeds or night feeds because 'they work' or some other excuse.

Breastfeeding isn't the only parenting job either. The partner of a breastfeeding mother can do all other adulting and parenting jobs. Just because they can't feed the baby milk doesn't mean they can't do anything else.