Why does no one tell you the downsides of breastfeeding?!

[SleepingBeauty7]

I'll start by saying I am extremely grateful that I have been able to breastfeed DD and am aware of the many benefits of it. What I wasn't aware of though, are the not so good parts of breastfeeding.

I'm a first time mum, so all I knew about breastfeeding were a few things I had read up about online and the information I was given in the two breastfeeding classes I went to. It was all presented as this amazing experience, which will give you an amazing bond with your baby. Which I don't disagree with, but there have been SO many things I have found difficult...

1. DD couldn't latch on for the first three days so she was initially formula fed. I spent days in tears feeling guilty that I was giving her formula as it had been drilled into me that "breast is best", which wasn't helped by the fact it actually says that on formula bottles (which I think is so bad!)
2. It is so intense and demanding. I spent the first few weeks not being able to function properly due to being awake all night while DD cluster fed and DH happily snored next to me, as there was no point him being awake anyway since he doesn't have boobs to feed our baby with!
3. Expressing doesn't work for everyone. I was hopeful that I could express some milk so that DH could feed DD from a bottle. But most of the times I try to express, I don't even get a drop of milk. Not to mention it's so painful!
4. The few times I did manage to express and put milk in a bottle, DD completely rejected the bottle and refused to have it, resulting in me having to throw it away!
5. I can't go out for more than three hours, because DD won't take a bottle/formula so I have to be back to breastfeed her, which means there have been so many outings I've had to leave early from.

I know breastfeeding is good for babies and I'm grateful to have done it, I really am. But I can't help but feel that I wish I hadn't have done it or at least tried combi feeding. Anyone else feel the same??

I really enjoyed my breastfeeding experience….up until the beginning of the end.
Youngest DC was 2 and a half, and got to the point of every time my butt touched a seat of any description, she was on me, yanking at my clothes, pulling my boobs out. I was ready to be done, but she very much wasn’t!

Also may I add that even if we go by the 5% statistics given, 5% of mothers is actually quite a significant amount really isn't it!!

I breastfed my first for 4 months and currently breastfeeding number 2 who is a month old.

I’m not enjoying it to be honest. I didn’t last time.

Painful engorged boobs, constant leaking (soaking through breast pads), having to do all night feeds, having to wear suitable clothes when I go out, it also makes me horribly sweaty - I wake up absolutely stinking every morning (does anyone else have this?). Baby fusses and unlatches a lot, so milk sprays everywhere all over my clothes. I also get a huge wave of thirst when he starts to feed, which I’m stuck with unless I remember to constantly fill up my water bottle and have it with me. I’m getting through 3 sets of breast pads a day which isn’t good for the environment or my purse.

On the upside my nipples are fine. No pain or soreness, and baby is gaining weight very well so it’s ‘working’.

I’m weighing up my options at the moment. I’m not convinced formula feeding would make it any easier - with my last I remember a lot of screaming while waiting for bottles to cool, having to take bottles/cartons everywhere, the washing up and sterilising. Plus the expense, milk is £13 a tub here! And we’re strapped for cash.

I said to DH I’m just going to take it day by day for now and hope the sweating/engorgement etc settles down.

I BF my son for 6 months and when I was finished I said I would never BF again. Now I feel differently and probably would do it again but I totally get what you mean.
When you're in the thick of it you can get frustrated. I used to get frustrated that I had to do all the night feeds, he was colicky and could take hours to settle him(only in the beginning)
It was Covid times but I was too paranoid to take him out anywhere and feed in public as I'm quite big chested.
The cluster feeding I found quite difficult to be stuck in the one position for a few hours!

Now that's it's finished I do recall the handiness of it, that he could just settle after a quick feed during the night and right back to sleep without me having to get out of bed run downstairs to make a bottle and back up all while he was screaming the house down.
We did form a close bond, and he's very social despite him being born during Covid.

You're doing a great job, your feelings are defo valid and just think it's not forever and you're doing something amazing for them I💓

@EarringsandLipstick both my babies have had bottles of expressed milk from day 2 or 3 and never had problems breastfeeding as well. Nipple confusion hasn’t been proven, it’s just a theory. If babies don’t learn to take a bottle early then they go on to completely refuse it in my experience

I think the trouble is you really can't offer this sort of advice with breastfeeding as babies are so different. I introduced a bottle alongside breastfeeding on day 2 and at 12 weeks my DD starting refusing it ... She never took one again, despite me going back to work when she was 7 months old .. she would literally starve herself all day and then breastfeed all night! She is still very stubborn now at 5!

Plus no matter what position I feed in, there’s a certain amount of having to hold the baby at a certain angle and it’s knackered my arms and shoulders/back.

Fantastic comment. So accurate but yes, no one will tell you this.

ditto: long maternity leaves

I had a similar experience. My dds are now teens, but rarely get ill now and the years of no sleep are a distant memory.

@BubziOwl I often think this too. There are something like 300 babies born on average every week where I gave birth so, even if you go with the 1% figure, it would still be "normal" for three mothers every week to not be able to BF. Surely enough to warrant an acknowledgment of it if nothing else.

This resonates with me too, I had a very similar experience. The thing I get frustrated with is the lack of research into actually how many women have supply issues, how these are caused, and what can be done to help. So many people state that a tiny minority of women physically can't breastfeed but apparently this is from data from decades ago and probably has no bearing on our current population. Maybe if we knew more about risk factors for having issues more tailored help and advice could be given rather than the blanket positive message from NCT groups and health professionals.

Having a baby is a huge adjustment. However you feed baby you'll find pluses and minuses. Whatever milk you feed your baby doesn't stop your baby behaving like a baby.

On an individual level all the matters is that the pluses outweigh the minuses.

On a personal level I've not found breastfeeding has made me the 'default' parent.

It’s an utterly batshit experience that is hard to understand if you haven’t done it. I’ve EBF two DC and it affected my sleep, autonomy, etc. It was INCREDIBLY difficult getting feeding going with DC1 and it honestly sent me a little doolally. Much easier this time round. It absolutely does get easier as they get older. DC2 is now dropping feeds left right and centre in favour of food and I’m staring down the barrel of going back to work and then only feeding morning and at night. Still, utterly mad.

I'm sorry that you found it to be a negative experience / wish you hadn't done it. I wonder if you had more support from your partner if it might have helped. In those cluster feeding days, I did nothing besides sleep, feed the baby, and occasionally shower. DH did everything for the house, changed the nappies, took the baby when he wasn't feeding so I could sleep, and made me food and drinks whenever I needed. While he voilent provide the boobs, he could (and did) do everything else.

I also hate expressing. I did a bunch of it and he never took a bottle. I used it for milk baths for him. I'm starting to pump again now so he can take milk to nursery when he starts in a month. Pumping sucks.

I also can’t go out for more than three hours, but I honestly don’t mind. I don’t like being away from my baby that long anyway. If I am going to be out longer, I bring him along. I’ve found all the best breastfeeding spots in central and west London!

Nearly everyone I’ve known that had trouble breastfeeding was trying combi-feeding or exclusive pumping. For us, exclusive nursing has been amazing. I do love the bond. My son and I are so attached.

The convenience is great too. When we’re out, I don’t have to pack bottles or keep anything cold/heat anything up. I don’t have to plan my day ahead of time. I just pop him in the buggy, grab the nappy bag, and off we go.

Now that he’s on solids three meals and two snacks per day, I’m also really missing those breastmilk-only nappies! I understand that formula poo is much smellier than breastmilk poo. For so many reasons, I’m missing the breastmilk only days. It’s so fun to see him explore food, but things were so much simpler before.

It’s never perfect. I have a rather painful bite puncture in my right nipple at the moment. But I’ve found it very worth it and I’m so happy I’ve done it.

I’m planning to pump at work and send milk to nursery and to nurse him morning, night, and weekends. I hope to continue as long as he wants. I think I’ll be really sad when it’s over.

Yep. The ‘oh it’s so convenient just stick them on the boob and job done’ just isn’t what I’ve experienced at all.

@Coffeeandbourbons I don’t know how long you breastfed for but that bit didn’t come for me until a good couple of months in. Getting a tiny baby to latch and sometimes stay on is really hard and they do cluster feed in those early days so you feel like they’re constantly attached.

But, as someone who did both, BF is more convenient once you both get the hang of it and you feel comfortable and confident doing it. That’s my experience.

I experienced all the things you mention but didn't see them as bad tbh.

The early stages of BF (up to 6 months or so) are a limited period where you're closely bonded to the baby and you're the one that provides their food, so you can't leave them for extended periods. I just accepted that, it didn't bother me that much as I knew it wasn't forever.

You don't know for sure that your baby would have been 'easier' (slept for longer, cried less etc) if formula or combi fed.

I think the main problem is that there's not enough general knowledge and understanding of bf - so there's a huge amount to learn and you can feel very isolated and upset.

You just don’t want to see breast is best on formula or your midwife to tell you breastfeeding is best for the baby so then it’s like “permission” for you to formula feed. If you want to give up and FF then do that, but don’t be in denial that BF is what’s best for baby. I’ve exclusively Bf for over a year btw so I do know what I’m talking about. Mine also doesn’t and never has taken a bottle of expressed milk (not for lack of trying). Yes you can’t be away from baby for that long but if they’re feeding 3 hourly they’re pretty young still how many outings more than 3 hours that you have to leave early from do you have? And the point of having a baby is to be with them pretty much constantly especially in that first 6-12 months so I don’t understand why you’re finding that so unexpected?

@Coffeeandbourbons, have you tried reusable breast pads? I had a lot of leakage and had great luck with these:

https://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/close-pop-in-reusable-breast-pads.html

I liked how soft they are and they wash so easily. I'd always wear a pair and carry a few in the nappy bag.

I also had the football boobs and the sweating, plus that heatwave last summer! Ick. It did improve over time though.

I hope things feel better for you soon!!

OP I agree with you that the information could be presented much more factually and helpfully, taking both sides of the issue into account and dealing with nuance and individuality. Someone upthread mentioned that NHS advice is phrased in very black and white terms aiming to be clear and understandable even to someone with limited reading comprehension - which is necessary, but perhaps insufficient. It can definitely create interesting problems when someone with a tendency toward black and white thinking (me!) runs up against this very inflexible advice. Maybe the ante-natal breastfeeding sessions need to be followed up with a couple of practical post-natal sessions that can respond to individual needs and identify the mums and babies who would most benefit from further support - though of course this is expensive.

I also agree with you about the warnings on the formula bottles. It is analogous to the way cigarettes are sold - warnings on the packaging, not allowed to buy them with loyalty points or special offers in case that is misunderstood as encouragement - which can create the impression that formula is itself analogous to smoking cigarettes - an unnecessary, uneducated and actively dangerous choice. Of course using formula and smoking are COMPLETELY different but it is really unhelpful when you have to use formula, as I did, and are already feeling guilty about it.

I hear way more more negatives than positives about breastfeeding. Even the overall positive posts here generally include statements such as the first few weeks are really hard for everyone, cluster feeding horrendous and you will be tied to the sofa for hours at a time, your nipples will be agony and you need tons of lanisoh and insist these are 100% guaranteed for everyone. None of which was my experience.

I have but as I get through several a day I would have to buy about 15 pairs and wash them a lot 😱 perhaps I can justify it as a one off expense but not sure how much longer I will be breastfeeding for… I did buy one set but the dye ran onto one of my tops (they were pink and bought from a small local business who also do reusable sanitary towels). Thanks I will take a look xx

As for the sweating glad to see it’s not just me! I’m not AT all sweaty normally, but every morning I wake up smelling of BO 🤮 not just sweaty, but full on BO. It’s absolutely horrible and makes me really self conscious, so it’s 2 showers a day, Mitchum and changing bedding every few days at the moment. Breastfeeding, low hassle? Not at all for me 😭

@Coffeeandbourbons, you're right! I think I have about 2 dozen! Now that he's 11 months old and I hardly use them anymore, it seems like a lot, but I changed them so frequently it was necessary.

I fully BF all three of mine. I loved it, I was giving them the best start, it was free, I didn’t have to mess about with making up bottles and it was always available. Did I mention that I loved it? ❤️