Why does no one tell you the downsides of breastfeeding?!

[SleepingBeauty7]

I'll start by saying I am extremely grateful that I have been able to breastfeed DD and am aware of the many benefits of it. What I wasn't aware of though, are the not so good parts of breastfeeding.

I'm a first time mum, so all I knew about breastfeeding were a few things I had read up about online and the information I was given in the two breastfeeding classes I went to. It was all presented as this amazing experience, which will give you an amazing bond with your baby. Which I don't disagree with, but there have been SO many things I have found difficult...

1. DD couldn't latch on for the first three days so she was initially formula fed. I spent days in tears feeling guilty that I was giving her formula as it had been drilled into me that "breast is best", which wasn't helped by the fact it actually says that on formula bottles (which I think is so bad!)
2. It is so intense and demanding. I spent the first few weeks not being able to function properly due to being awake all night while DD cluster fed and DH happily snored next to me, as there was no point him being awake anyway since he doesn't have boobs to feed our baby with!
3. Expressing doesn't work for everyone. I was hopeful that I could express some milk so that DH could feed DD from a bottle. But most of the times I try to express, I don't even get a drop of milk. Not to mention it's so painful!
4. The few times I did manage to express and put milk in a bottle, DD completely rejected the bottle and refused to have it, resulting in me having to throw it away!
5. I can't go out for more than three hours, because DD won't take a bottle/formula so I have to be back to breastfeed her, which means there have been so many outings I've had to leave early from.

I know breastfeeding is good for babies and I'm grateful to have done it, I really am. But I can't help but feel that I wish I hadn't have done it or at least tried combi feeding. Anyone else feel the same??

I find the opposite. I became scared to admit how easy breastfeeding was for myself and my two babies. I was a peer supporter for a short time and my experience was marred by predominantly vocal grans who didn't support their daughter's/daughter in laws choices. I wasn't strong enough to deal with that and arguments were the last thing I wanted.

Ten years down the line since I fed my last baby and I don't even mention breastfeeding anymore - even if it pops up in conversation - without being shouted down by defensive mothers who were unable to or didn't want to breastfeed. I live in an area with some of the lowest breastfeeding rates in Scotland and although I think rates are slowly improving thanks to better education and better access to help, it's still something that is scoffed about.

@Japanesejazz "Formula milk fed babies are more likely to develop cancer" does not mean that formula is the reason for that increased likelihood.

It’s only on Mn that other people are so invested in how you fed your baby. I’ve never been asked and there no way by looking at DC’s to tell they were 100% formula fed. They are healthy- now in their early 20’s - it’s all that matters.
Regardless of whether you ff or bf, they will still eat too many McD’s and drink too much beer .

In what way was being formula fed not good for your health?

Literally everywhere you read anything about bf-ing: it is about how hard it is.

@helloimnew123 Eczema, allergies, ear infections, dental issues, fat baby, toddler and kid. I was quite sickly as a child, always had low iron.
My breastfed DC have none of that.

But how do you know it's not genetic?

I know adults who have symptoms you have described who have been breast fed and people who have been formula fed.

I knew you were going to do this when you asked. So predictable. The research is out there. Only my siblings who were bottle fed have these issues.
You don't have to believe me. I know how it went for myself and siblings and can see it with my own children and other children in my life. The studies are all on google if you want to know, including the childhood cancers one which is really scary actually.

I've only heard negative stuff about it. Breastfeeding is really hard though, but it is what's best for the baby. There's excellent alternatives though, that are completely fine to feed your child and won't cause them harm. Just switch to that and enjoy your baby if BF is causing you problems that are too much. Most people BF for 6 months and wean to normal food and milk anyway.

My formula fed DC’s have no allergies, had no baby illnesses , still have no dental fillings and haven’t had any weight issues.

I think a big part of this is that a lot of women who want/plan to BF and can’t (for anyone of the millions of reasons) and are often so upset by it that they then become really defensive and angry towards anyone that it works out for and dares to say anything positive. Any comment about persevering through the cluster feeds etc… is taken as a personal attack to someone who didn’t manage to do that.

What we need in this country is good quality specialist support from birth for those who WANT to bf.

@PottyMouthkaka

I don't know why you are getting defensive?
I've asked out of interest as you've made a very bold statement.

Ask yourself though- do women like me ‘become defensive and angry’ irrationally out of the blue when breastfeeding fails? Or do we get really hurt and humiliated in a totally understandable way by people who ‘dare to say bf positive things’ like ‘you’re ff baby is going to get cancer now because of your inadequacy’. I think it’s pretty reasonable to argue back against that sort if spiteful nonsense. Babies died before formula was invented - actually starved to death.

The first fortnight was awful with each, and with my youngest continued for 4 weeks as I had a dreadful case of undiagnosed thrust.

But after that I loved breastfeeding. Free, instantly available, no planning or equipment needed, and good for us both.

I didn’t have an expectation of nights out in the first year anyway, so that didn’t bother me. Quite frankly we couldn’t afford it at first anyway.

All I ever see on MN is endless diatribes about how awful it is. It isn’t awful for everyone.

I found the inconvenience a drop in the ocean compared to the bother of bottle feeding, tbh.

I don't understand why you're going home to feed. Breastfeeding means no faff with sorting bottles out. Boobs work anywhere.

I loved bf and loved being default parent. Don't understand women who can't wait to hand their baby over to someone else.

Not all places are baby friendly - festivals, restaurants, pubs.

When I even mentioned that I might try breastfeeding about 80% of the people I told ONLY pointed out the horrible negative sides 🙈 so I stopped mentioning it and just did it, both kids until they were 2.5 years old. I rarely talk about it unless it’s with supportive people or if someone wants advice or help. The constant snide remarks about people who choose to breastfeed got old and tired very quick so I usually opt out of those conversations when they start.
I too found parts of breastfeeding very hard, I dealt with Vasospasm which was horrific. But there was also absolutely amazing parts to breastfeeding. It’s years ago now but I’ve got mainly very fond memories of it all despite the very hard parts ❤️

Thank you for illustrating my point so beautifully.

The letdown reflex being a 'gentle tingling'. No, it hurts like hell.

@AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman Absolutely, I have no issue with responding to that kind of horrible comment but I think you’ll find those are actually few and far between in amongst supportive positive things which are also shot down.

I really wanted to BF and I found it bloody awful for the first month or so, I almost stopped on an hourly basis. I’m pleased I didn’t come on here (I wasn’t aware of Mumsnet at the time) I’d have definitely stopped when people were telling me things like my baby will never sleep, I’ll be tied to baby 24/7, my baby milk must not be satisfying baby, Dad won’t be able to do any feeds, my baby won’t ever take a bottle, I’ll be uncomfortable feeding in public.

Those are the routine things that people come out with and none of them were true for me although I would have thought they were in the first months of both of my children’s lives. I am pleased I didn’t stop, not because of the possible health benefits to be honest, I was more concerned about the cost of formula and the faff of sterilising bottles as I’m a bit OCD about germs. They might be true for other people and no one needs a reason to not BF or to give up BF.

I’ve fed and seen women feeding in all of those. Also the theatre, church, on the train. Most of the time no one notices. I’m not sure what you mean?

Fine but don’t post on another thread complaining about lazy and less involved dads

Not sure if someone else has mentioned this or not but hospitals and health visitors were pushed at one point (via payment by results) to only encourage breast feeding. Which meant no one discussed the challenges of it.

The issue is that rather than focusing on what is right for mother and baby breatfeeding/not breastfeeding as a debate, is all about fashion and incentives. 45- 50 years ago babies were being fed evaporated milk. In some cultures you only breastfeed if you are poor. In others you are viewed as a lesser mother if you don't breastfeed. Mothers just can't win and meanwhile we are only ever given half the information we need to cope.

Yes there are benefits to breastfeeding but there are also lots of downsides. It is a hugely polarised and emotional and leaves us all the poorer by getting terribly judgemental.

My advice to anyone is do what is right for you and your baby. And make sure you are all healthy.