Why does no one tell you the downsides of breastfeeding?!

[SleepingBeauty7]

I'll start by saying I am extremely grateful that I have been able to breastfeed DD and am aware of the many benefits of it. What I wasn't aware of though, are the not so good parts of breastfeeding.

I'm a first time mum, so all I knew about breastfeeding were a few things I had read up about online and the information I was given in the two breastfeeding classes I went to. It was all presented as this amazing experience, which will give you an amazing bond with your baby. Which I don't disagree with, but there have been SO many things I have found difficult...

1. DD couldn't latch on for the first three days so she was initially formula fed. I spent days in tears feeling guilty that I was giving her formula as it had been drilled into me that "breast is best", which wasn't helped by the fact it actually says that on formula bottles (which I think is so bad!)
2. It is so intense and demanding. I spent the first few weeks not being able to function properly due to being awake all night while DD cluster fed and DH happily snored next to me, as there was no point him being awake anyway since he doesn't have boobs to feed our baby with!
3. Expressing doesn't work for everyone. I was hopeful that I could express some milk so that DH could feed DD from a bottle. But most of the times I try to express, I don't even get a drop of milk. Not to mention it's so painful!
4. The few times I did manage to express and put milk in a bottle, DD completely rejected the bottle and refused to have it, resulting in me having to throw it away!
5. I can't go out for more than three hours, because DD won't take a bottle/formula so I have to be back to breastfeed her, which means there have been so many outings I've had to leave early from.

I know breastfeeding is good for babies and I'm grateful to have done it, I really am. But I can't help but feel that I wish I hadn't have done it or at least tried combi feeding. Anyone else feel the same??

Is this a sponsored post?

IME midwives are very pro BF/natural birth and don't talk about any of the struggles. I suppose the aim is to be encouraging but I think it can be very off putting if you encounter any issues. They seem completely adamant about how giving a bottle/dummy early on WILL affect BF.

On here and IRL I find people are very open about the struggles. I suppose it depends where you get your information from!

Some of you on Mumsnet love to try and play detective and you're not very good at it.

I agrée @SleepingBeauty7
Even though my dcs were born a long time ago, I had the same message.

That included the ‘if your nipples are sore it’s because you’re not doing it right. It’s not supposed to hurt’….
Well I’ve learnt that some Women like me, with big boobs, it will be. Because the nipple is too big for the baby’s mouth and it will not be resolved until baby has grown.

The whole thing made me feel like I was failing. Both when I didn’t bf (dc1) and when I did for 1 year (dc2)

I hated breastfeeding and the associated emotional blackmail and guilt. I ff my second from day one and they’re both older teens now and incredibly healthy. Both my dh and I are ff babies from the 70s with no health issues at all. If it doesn’t work for you don’t do it. No regrets from at all.

Your experience is actually backed up by science fyi - this American study showed very little variation in long-term health outcomes for siblings where one was BF and one was FF: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4077166/

I had many of the issues you had, plus some others. I breastfed my son for 3 months before coming to a stop all together because it was getting too stressful, and being a new mum is hard enough without that self inflicted stress.

I remember covering breastfeeding at my antenatal class and at the end of the class reviewing it as helpful (they asked for a review after each session) because I thought I'd learnt more about BF. In hindsight, all they did was show the positives, or any challenges were overcome instantly. I mean, they even showed the process of breastfeeding with a video of a midwife using a fucking KNITTED BOOB. I'm a grown woman who had sex and got pregnant, I can cope with seeing an actual breastfeeding woman FFS. I wish I could go back and tell them their video it shit and they should provide a much more balanced outlook on BF - with advice on how to overcome it all.

I'm not in denial about anything, no idea what you by that.

Obviously I know that being with my baby is important, but I'm entitled to have a few days out with my friends every now and again if that's what I want to do, just like DH does. As stated in my OP, I was hoping to be able to pump alongside BF and offer feeds from a bottle. I was unaware that breast fed babies can flat out refuse to take a bottle so that is why it was unexpected for me.

No idea what you mean by that*

the point of having a baby is to be with them pretty much constantly especially in that first 6-12 months so I don’t understand why you’re finding that so unexpected?

not heard of ‘work’ then…

@justwantobeamum "And the point of having a baby is to be with them pretty much constantly especially in that first 6-12 months so I don’t understand why you’re finding that so unexpected?"

Blimey. What planet are you from?

Breastfeeding journey 🙄

Another one wondering why you had to return home from outings to feed.

@bookworm44 not sure why many people are finding this hard to understand... when I leave DD with DH, I have to return from outings after 2-3 hours so that she can be fed, as she doesn't take a bottle or formula. Obviously if I'm out and she's with me I don't return home. I BF while out

@SleepingBeauty7 my second wouldn’t take a bottle either. It is very frustrating but as hard as it is it does pass. Eventually when I had to got back to work at 6 months the nursery had to gently syringe the milk into his mouth and he would just spit the bottle teat out. No way around it as after buying about 100 different bottles and teats he wasn’t having it! Still a stubborn sod to this day!

My second was a bottle refuser despite introducing them in the same way as I had for my combi fed eldest.

It's was annoying at the time to have to plan stuff around feeds, but looking back it was such a short amount of time. She weaned really well so by 7 months I could be away from her 10am - 3pm. By 9 months I could go out for the whole day and she was fine with just food.

She stopped feeding herself at 17 months. She's 4 now so I've already been able to leave her longer than I had to be with her all the time.

With breastfeeding education it's such a fine line to tread between giving enough info and info overload. One of the reasons I liked the book Your Baby Week By Week was that it gave you the information you needed when you needed it.

To become a breastfeeding councillor it's a year's university course. To become a breastfeeding peer supporter it's 3-6 months of study. It can take 5 years to become an IBCLC. There's ALOT of information out there about how breastfeeding works.

What is really missing is inter generational knowledge in the community, and qualified breastfeeding support for new parents. A lot of midwives and HVs are not breastfeeding specialists. If they don't have any qualified support to refer a mother to though there is a real limit to what they can do.

@SleepingBeauty7

You must know that most people don't feel the way you do. It wasn't presented to me as this amazing experience. You sound naieve. I found it tough and had to go for help with latch, but enjoyed it. I didn't have most of the issues you mention.

But surely you know that. You can't be naive enough to think that everyone has the same breastfeeding experience or the same birth experience.

You're not alone OP. I also was only given positive information about breastfeeding and none of the negatives.

Where have I stated that I think everyone has the same breastfeeding experiences? At the end of my post I asked if anyone has had the same experiences me. You sound condescending and rude

I fed all 3 of mine for a year.

The first one I had a ton of milk, but she was an absolute bottle refuser and honestly that I found that really hard going. Plus I had milk that went off as soon as it was frozen so ruled it out for the most part. When my milk came in my breasts where huge and my nipples flattened and I got mastitis. Hard going.

The next two (twins)I didn't even try on the bottle but I remember they hit a couple of weeks of cluster feeding in the evening which nearly broke me.

Overall I am pleased I did it and glad I'll never have to do it again.

That's great that worked for you.

It's not possible to 'prove' this either way, obviously but all relevant research suggests it is generally important to ensure the baby feeds from the breast as exclusively as possible - it is a fact that they need to work harder to suckle at the breast than a bottle where the milk comes nearly effortlessly.

The other important point is milk supply. Expressing won't do the same job as a baby feeding, and each feed (in the early days) that is from a bottle is one less feed from the breast, possibly impacting supply.

One of the understandable but problematic things some new mothers do is express so their partner can give the night feed. However prolactin levels are at their highest in the early hours of the morning so feeding then further stimulates supply.

@traytablestowed (love the username! 😄) that’s really interesting. I do think the health benefits of bf are hugely exaggerated for babies brought up in homes with access to clean water and good diets. And for those many many women for whom bf is fucking miserable, the mental health benefits of ff far outweigh the small difference bf makes.

I think the amount of money spent on guilting women into bf could be spent on better things if I’m honest.

When I was pregnant, none of the potential pitfalls or difficulties of breastfeeding were ever mentioned by my midwife or at ante natal classes. All that was ever said was "breast is best" and all the ailments it supposedly magically eliminates the risk of. I suppose I could have done my research but you don't know what you don't know sometimes.

So when I had bruised nipples in hospital from a tongue tied baby struggling to latch, when I was told by a senior midwife I "obviously wasn't doing it right", when I spent 3 hours at the "baby cafe" only to be sent away having not seen or spoken to anyone because they were busy and "didn't get around" to me, when I was told I had to pump for half an hour every 3 hours (getting no more than an oz or two) or my milk would dry up, when my kid lost 10% of her weight because she simply wasn't getting what she needed - none of these possibilities had ever been raised, it was just "breast is best" and it's all totally natural and happens without any issues whatsoever.

The day I cracked and gave my daughter a bottle, that she guzzled down, was a massive turning point for me. As was the last midwife I saw, who came to the house to discharge us and who said "you did your job - if everyone breastfed for the first 72 hours we would eradicate a lot of childhood illnesses" Now don't bloody jump on me for that, I didn't say it, but it did a lot to make a mother who genuinely felt she was failing at everything feel a little bit brighter.

@Coffeeandbourbons my first actually took the bottle for a few weeks and then point blank refused it from then on. I don't think she was confused, just flat out stubborn and knew what she wanted.

My primary plus to breastfeeding was that it requires less planning and organisation than formula. As a parent who managed to forget to bring nappies on an outing with a newborn more than once I'm glad I could feed without having to remember all relevant components because what I needed was attached to me. Also allowed me to spontaneously extend days out that were going well rather than go home once I'd run out of bottles...

I'm not planning to judge any parents for what works for them but definitely would not have enjoyed formula feeding because I'm just not organised enough.