Why does no one tell you the downsides of breastfeeding?!

[SleepingBeauty7]

I'll start by saying I am extremely grateful that I have been able to breastfeed DD and am aware of the many benefits of it. What I wasn't aware of though, are the not so good parts of breastfeeding.

I'm a first time mum, so all I knew about breastfeeding were a few things I had read up about online and the information I was given in the two breastfeeding classes I went to. It was all presented as this amazing experience, which will give you an amazing bond with your baby. Which I don't disagree with, but there have been SO many things I have found difficult...

1. DD couldn't latch on for the first three days so she was initially formula fed. I spent days in tears feeling guilty that I was giving her formula as it had been drilled into me that "breast is best", which wasn't helped by the fact it actually says that on formula bottles (which I think is so bad!)
2. It is so intense and demanding. I spent the first few weeks not being able to function properly due to being awake all night while DD cluster fed and DH happily snored next to me, as there was no point him being awake anyway since he doesn't have boobs to feed our baby with!
3. Expressing doesn't work for everyone. I was hopeful that I could express some milk so that DH could feed DD from a bottle. But most of the times I try to express, I don't even get a drop of milk. Not to mention it's so painful!
4. The few times I did manage to express and put milk in a bottle, DD completely rejected the bottle and refused to have it, resulting in me having to throw it away!
5. I can't go out for more than three hours, because DD won't take a bottle/formula so I have to be back to breastfeed her, which means there have been so many outings I've had to leave early from.

I know breastfeeding is good for babies and I'm grateful to have done it, I really am. But I can't help but feel that I wish I hadn't have done it or at least tried combi feeding. Anyone else feel the same??

Op has already come back and explained that she has to go home to feed as she is is going out without her baby. Breastfeeding is inconveniencing her time to herself.

I dont understand point 5. The best benefit of breastfeeding is that you always have your baby’s food available wherever you are, why are you cutting short your trips to go home to feed?

Whoops you’ve answered that.

I dot remember going out without my baby for a while. It wasn’t a problem.

But if it’s an issue, use formula.

Yup, youre so right. I found I wsa under a lot of subtle and not so subtle pressure to do things a certain way - natural birth + breastfeeding....not from the obstetrician but from the midwives and nurses. They painted this glowing homely picture of breastfeeding....a lot of which was true for me, as I had plentiful milk and my baby fed well....no one told me about that the production line is uber efficient - I soaked through breast pads constantly and it seemed like I always smelled faintly of sour milk.

Sometimes you might want to go out for an evening without taking the baby. I certainly did.

I've said a few times, I'm not going home to feed. I was referring to when I go out without the baby, I have to come back home to feed her after a few hours

I'm sorry if i've missed this but how old is your baby?

In my OP I've also said she now won't take formula despite having it when she was first born

Formula only works if the baby will take a bottle/drink from a cup/spoon etc.

Mine didn't. Ever. For 15 months.

I loved breastfeeding - particularly my second, but not being able to leave her with someone else was really difficult. She didn't take to solids particularly well either, so I couldn't even leave her once weaning started. It is a great pressure knowing you are your child's only source of food/drink. For months.

@bookworm44 she is 9 months. Although she's eating 3 meals a day now she still seems to want breast milk quite often

This.
In my first week of BF I was told by numerous people that ‘it’s okay not to breastfeed’ even though I hadn’t expressed any reason to want to stop.
Although I agree it is okay to stop it would have been nicer to have words of support as that is what I truly needed.
I continued to breastfeed & actually still do.
Although there are difficult times they far outweigh the bad.
I struggled to pump to OP and am not going to try pumping with my next one. I might, might, give my next baby a bottle of formula every now and then to take a break. OP I completely understand OP that you need to be you.
Keep trying with the bottle OP. It might mean you want to continue to breastfeed or to stop but that is up to you and that’s okay.
I definitely feel more positive things need to be said about BF but more importantly the support and information needs to be there for mothers that want to. We should be supporting each other rather than getting at each others throats.

9 months is a good age to get some you time. If they're eating 3 meals, they will be fine for a day without you. If the milk source isn't there they won't ask for it. They might do a mega feed once you get home, but they won't need to have milk in a bottle during the day.

@Twizbe I've never left her for long periods because as far as I understand, milk is babies main source of nutrition until one, so didn't want to leave her all day with no milk. But then I suppose is she has a big feed when I get back it's fine.

Yeah, as the 6 months of weaning happen they get more and more from the solids and naturally drop milk feeds.

One of the benefits of breastfeeding is that the baby controls how much they take. They can take more of less depending on their needs. They can have small snacks or big meals, whatever they want.

At 9 months food and water can sustain them for a day (say 9-5) and they can have milk before and after the gap.

At that age I left my bottle refuser for a day and she was totally fine. She did use a 360 cup for water and DH could have given her milk in that if she wanted, but she didn't.

Pumping and mix feeding needs to be encouraged as a valid option in the early days if breastfeeding isn’t going well.

Yes mammals breastfeed in nature, but they don’t have the medical interventions that we do that can make feeding the baby so difficult - early inductions, Caesareans, jaundiced babies, tongue ties, IUGR. And in nature if similarish issues did affect the baby, the baby would just die. So there’s no comparison really.

When you consider the amount of (necessary, for the most part) medical interventions we have it’s not surprising we don’t find it so effortless and easy.

If you have a baby that’s hard to feed, persevering with breastfeeding just stresses you both out while your supply dwindles or never really comes in properly.

If women were taught how to pump, hand express or mix feed, this would keep the supply up until breastfeeding can be established. Equally it can get women through those first really hard couple of months without giving up breastfeeding by enabling them to grab a few hours sleep here and there. Eventually as the baby gets a little older and less wakeful, and breastfeeding gets easier, women would probably ditch the pump or formula anyway.

But neither are enemies to breastfeeding, the opposite in fact.

Neither is formula a negative or a bad thing. I positively chose to use formula. Its an amazing product - happy healthy babies and happy parents. It doesn’t have to be a guilty decision.

You might have found pumping a peace of piss but it's not a good way to keep supply up and neither can a shedload of women can do it after a certain length of time. Also feeding on demand take a lot of time up so you would have to find the extra time to sit with a pump on top. So not really sure where you're getting a few hours kip from if you add pumping in.

Mix feed by all means, but pumping is just added stress rather than using formula for a lot of women.

I think everyone's bf experience is different. Some find it extremely easy, others not so. It's easy to see the downsides of what you're doing, as opposed to the alternative, when you're having a hard time of it. When I bf dd1, I found it really easy, she gained weight well, and after the initial 6 weeks where it felt constant and draining, it became really easy, and I was so grateful I didn't have to faff around with sterilising, and planning ahead with how much milk I needed. I found it so enjoyable and I fed her until she was two. With dd2 it was a different story, she didn't latch well, was extremely sickly, and didn't gain weight well, I went dairy free, and kept holding on hope that it would become easier and enjoyable like with dd1. It actually didn't really, but once I'd done the first 6 months, I just stuck to it, as didn't want to try and switch then, especially with her potential allergies. I just powered through and really the only positive was how easily I could get her to sleep with my boobs, she fed until she was three, but wasn't the lovely experience I had with dd1. We also went travelling when she was a year old, and I was grateful for it then, as she wasn't a great eater, and it made things easier knowing I could still offer breast milk if she'd had a crap day with eating. But, it's swings and roundabouts. No doubt formula feeding is easier in some ways, can let others do it, can see exactly what they're getting, can go out and leave without having to rush back etc, but I can imagine formula feeding mums also feel like it's harder than breastfeeding sometimes, as they're up in the night sterilising and cooling bottles, all the extra washing, and general expense, having to pre plan milk to take out with them each day etc. There's no prize for whichever way you do it, and I certainly don't think formula feeding is the "easy option", same as breastfeeding isn't. Pros and cons to both. It's parenting that's hard! Raising a baby/child is what's difficult, whichever way you do things!

Erm it most definitely is a good way to keep supply up - better than frantically trying to latch an unwilling baby and getting more and more stressed and tired.

As for sleep, you give bottle to partner and go to bed for a few hours. Not hard.

so many people have such weird grudges against pumping it’s bizarre

I don’t have a grudge against pumping, I just found it incredibly hard so continued to just BF. I didn’t give formula but I would consider it next time to enable me to get a break. Having said that, it’s easy to say that now.
I think pumping and BF is a massive achievement as to me it’s an extra commitment so I applaud those that can do both, genuinely. Again it all depends on whether baby will take a bottle/cup etc…

I desperately wanted to pump so I could get some rest but as @gamerchick said it’s not easy for everyone.

I do agree though @Coffeeandbourbons pumping or formula are not enemies to breastfeeding.