How often do your kids have sleepovers with grandparents?

[IsItJustMeOrWhatEh]

Hi - I appreciate this is a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question, but still interested in responses.

I have two children - 6 and 4.

The eldest has had a few (five or six maybe?) sleepovers with paternal grandparents, starting when I was pregnant with our youngest (so when he was about 2.5).

Youngest has never had a sleepover.

My parents have never had, or shown any interest in having, a sleepover, with either child.

My husband's dad is now, very sadly, a widower - since MIL passed away he has had eldest for a couple of sleepovers (at his suggestion), but doesn't want to have youngest for sleepovers. We let the eldest go without her when she was too young to understand, but now she's four it doesn't really seem fair if she's not going to get the opportunity to go. She loves her grandad and will be very sad.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have grandparents literally ripping their arms off to have grandchildren for sleepovers, often for multiple nights... so I really just wondered what the norm was - as amongst our friendship group/parents we know... we feel rather like the odd ones out. One of my mum friends has come back from her third mini-break this year, while her kids were with her dad's parents... and I must admit this has got me thinking about it today (and being honest feeling a little bit jealous!).

When I was a kid I have lots of happy memories of sleeping over at my paternal grandparents house a LOT, which might be colouring my view. I didn't really have any preconceived ideas that my kids would spend nights on end at sleepovers (and nor would I really want them to), but I suppose I did hope for maybe a couple a year or something.

It's my husband's 40th this year, and mine next year, and I'd hoped maybe for a child-free night (or maybe even two) away but I can see that is unlikely to be able to become a reality. And now I am feeling a bit bummed.

Anyway, I'm really just interested to know what other people's situations are? I'm sure we're not the only parents in this position, but within our social circle we certainly are!

GPs would have them overnight and keen, but the DCs won't go. Granny has strict rules about what time they are allowed to leave their rooms in the morning, and they must be quiet and read and the DC hate it (2 of them too young to be independent readers). Even DC who lives closest and spends lots of time with them will not sleep over.

In reality, the GPs can't cope with sleep overs (hence rules about staying in bedroom) but they won't admit it.

Never. My mum lives just up the road but cares for my dad so it would be too much. Mil is horrendous so never there either.

My mum has had my oldest 2 children stay over regularly when I lived by her and she has looked after my youngest 3 a few times a year. My oldest 2 used to stay with their paternal grandparents for weekends or for a week as I moved away and they only got to see them in school holidays. We live very close to my youngest 3s paternal grandparents and they have them after school for me as there is no other childcare available but they don't sleep over as the kids don't want to.

Every half term and holiday from school, the odd extra weekend. I go too. They do babysit the odd night if I go out to a club or bar with friends but that's maybe 2-4 times a year.

TBF, tbey are great grandparents, not grandparents. NC with my parents.

Never, and it won’t happen. Both sets of grandparents are very local (within 10mins drive) but they’re older, and not really up to it. Mine aren’t that interested in DD in general (have to be asked to chat/play/generally interact with her when they do see her, see children as different and separate from adults and not really worth talking to), and DP’s parents will take her for an afternoon or so but his mum has anxiety issues and wouldn’t cope with the stress of having her overnight.

It’s a shame as although we generally enjoy involving DD in everything we do (she’s an only) it means we basically never get child-free time together - only two evenings out together in five years. The rest of the time we’re tag- teaming it - but it is what it is.

When I only had one - all the time from about 9 months.

Since I've had another (who's now 10 months) they've had them for two nights but they stayed at our house.

Never. And I never slept at my grandparents' houses without my parents there too (they weren't local, but my children's grandparents are)

DDs are 9 and 11. The eldest had loads from a couple of months until I had my second - at least once a month, maybe more. Second was a terrible sleeper EBF so not practical. They had them both our wedding night when youngest was 1 and then a few months later for 3 nights for a mini-moon. Youngest was still a bad sleeper though so not sure if they had them again after that. Once her sleeping was better my FIL got ill and passed away. MIL didn't say she wanted them overnight on her own (which was fair enough and I wouldn't have asked)
Post covid she started asking to have them overnight. I think mostly as they are a bit older. So they have been 3 nights over the easter hols.

My in-laws have my 5 year old every Friday night and do the school pick-up 4 days a week and give him dinner.

My dad is on his own and has never taken him overnight but will watch him during the day if needed.

We are aware we are extremely lucky to have them.

My parents have the DCs for a week at a time at half terms and in the august holidays to help with childcare. This started when DC1 was 18 months old and came down with chickenpox (he was fine with it, but couldn't go to nursery and I couldn't get the time off work). Having read this thread I am even more grateful for this that I was before given so many people responding with 'never'.

DD is 4 and has had 3 nights sleepovers with PILs, but didn't really count as childcare as she literally just slept there, we did dinner and bath with her and spent time all together during the day. They live abroad so not many opportunities.

She's never been looked after by my parents either as a sleepover or during the day.

Tbh I wouldn't really want my dc to be looked after by my parents or PILs, I always organise a lot of activities for them during holidays and GPs would just do stuff at home or nearby park and the dcs would get bored.

Our Daughter is 9 and my partner's mum is quite frankly amazing! When I went back to work when she was 9 months she fitted her shifts round mine to have her for the 2 days in the week I worked until she started nursery at 3. I worked 13 hours so she had her from 8am until her Dad picked her up at 5 - tea was always ready for him and very often sent home for us!
When she started school she did 2 pick ups a week even though I'd changed roles but she still wanted to be involved. Any weekend we would like to go out she has her.
Now she is older and my work is mainly WFH she will have her for sleepovers whenever our Daughter wants to go and absolutely loves spending time with her.
We do appreciate how lucky we are and it was never asked or expected - the bond they have is also amazing. Means so much especially as my own parents are a 3 hour drive away.

How lovely of you.

Hurt is the correct word. It's especially difficult when you have friends who do have involved parents, and just don't get that the safety net they benefit from is not there. As you say, I never expected it or felt entitled to it and don't necessarily consider them spending time with their grandchildren as 'childcare', but the difference between the amount of help my parents received from their parents compared to what we get is pretty staggering. Not really sure why.