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Original poster

How often do your kids have sleepovers with grandparents?

214 replies

IsItJustMeOrWhatEh · 14/04/2023 15:47

Hi - I appreciate this is a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question, but still interested in responses.

I have two children - 6 and 4.

The eldest has had a few (five or six maybe?) sleepovers with paternal grandparents, starting when I was pregnant with our youngest (so when he was about 2.5).

Youngest has never had a sleepover.

My parents have never had, or shown any interest in having, a sleepover, with either child.

My husband's dad is now, very sadly, a widower - since MIL passed away he has had eldest for a couple of sleepovers (at his suggestion), but doesn't want to have youngest for sleepovers. We let the eldest go without her when she was too young to understand, but now she's four it doesn't really seem fair if she's not going to get the opportunity to go. She loves her grandad and will be very sad.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have grandparents literally ripping their arms off to have grandchildren for sleepovers, often for multiple nights... so I really just wondered what the norm was - as amongst our friendship group/parents we know... we feel rather like the odd ones out. One of my mum friends has come back from her third mini-break this year, while her kids were with her dad's parents... and I must admit this has got me thinking about it today (and being honest feeling a little bit jealous!).

When I was a kid I have lots of happy memories of sleeping over at my paternal grandparents house a LOT, which might be colouring my view. I didn't really have any preconceived ideas that my kids would spend nights on end at sleepovers (and nor would I really want them to), but I suppose I did hope for maybe a couple a year or something.

It's my husband's 40th this year, and mine next year, and I'd hoped maybe for a child-free night (or maybe even two) away but I can see that is unlikely to be able to become a reality. And now I am feeling a bit bummed.

Anyway, I'm really just interested to know what other people's situations are? I'm sure we're not the only parents in this position, but within our social circle we certainly are!

OP posts:
fluffiphlox · 14/04/2023 16:13

I don’t have children or grandchildren but I can remember as a child staying possibly fortnightly at my grandparents’ house. (I only had one set). When I was five-ish I stayed for a fortnight while my parents went on holiday with their childless friends. I loved it.

Nap1983 · 14/04/2023 16:14

My DD slept over at both sides of grandparents houses from a young age at least once a week until recently. She’s now 14 and prefers her home comforts but still stays occasionally if we’re away or out late. Both sides loved having her and she is very close to them.

Hummusanddipdip · 14/04/2023 16:15

Ds is 3 and stays with my parents most Friday nights, has done since he was about 18 months. He stays with my inlaws less frequently, but spends one weekday there every week and will occasionally stay that night or the night before.

I know this is an unusual set up, but that's what his grandparents asked to do.

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Families
UndercoverCop · 14/04/2023 16:16

4/5 times a year with PIL ranging between one night and 4, MIL asked me this week if I wanted to plan a night out or trip for DHs 40th this year they were happy to have DS.
My parents prefer to have DS at our house, we live in a seaside town with lots to do and they live on a housing estate with nothing within walking distance ,a stone's throw from the M25, this is also easier for us if we are going out over night or going away for a few days as it means no packing for DS and he can still go to nursery, activities/clubs etc. My mum will also happily have him for the day/evening, DF will watch him for a few hours on his own without DM if we need him (he's retired DM isn't) but is more confident with older children. Neither really have him just because, as they already look after him alternating weeks during the day for one day (used to be every week) and I don't want to take the piss, they do strange things like days out and theatre trips for him though. They're already trying to book him for weekends once he's at school and they're not providing regular childcare anymore.

He is the only grandchild on DHs side and although one of 3 on my side my mum was a nursery manager for 25 years so loves it .

Homemadearmy · 14/04/2023 16:16

Once, I think with my younger children who are all in their teens now.
My own grandchild, I have whenever I am needed to. At least twice a month and her other grandparent has her too. My daughter has never been stuck for a babysitter or childcare

Freddiefan · 14/04/2023 16:17

OP, if I understand correctly, your eldest is a boy and the youngest a girl. Have you considered that your father may be uncomfortable to be unchaperoned with her in case of a misunderstanding?
My second husband would never bath my gd unless I was in the bathroom and he definitely would not change a nappy. It was a totally different experience with her brother.

cptartapp · 14/04/2023 16:17

Mine are older now but had about four one night stays from age seven or eight during half terms with PIL to date, and never with DM in 13 years. Yet I remember sleeping over at my maternal GP several times.

GregRoy · 14/04/2023 16:18

Once a week since he was 3 months old (he’s now 10). They take him away abroad once a year as well and my mum/aunties usually take him away (with other kids in the family) as well. I usually go away once a year for a week without him as well (we have PLENTY of holidays together, currently on our 3rd of 2023). It’s pretty normal in our family and I know I’m really lucky. He LOVES spending time with his Nan and grandad.

DuesExMachina · 14/04/2023 16:18

Freddiefan · 14/04/2023 16:17

OP, if I understand correctly, your eldest is a boy and the youngest a girl. Have you considered that your father may be uncomfortable to be unchaperoned with her in case of a misunderstanding?
My second husband would never bath my gd unless I was in the bathroom and he definitely would not change a nappy. It was a totally different experience with her brother.

How are you managing to post this from the 1950's?

Freddiefan · 14/04/2023 16:19

Her dad may be from the fifties.

Danikm151 · 14/04/2023 16:19

About once every other month. Always at her suggestion or if a special event is planned. 😃

Original poster
IsItJustMeOrWhatEh · 14/04/2023 16:19

I'm feeling a bit more normal reading these replies. Perhaps I just live in a bubble where everyone has very keen grandparents hanging around?!

To the PP who said "Ask them" - I really get the impression that my mum and dad don't want to do sleepovers, which is there prerogative and I wouldn't want to put them on the spot TBH. So far they've been happy to do the odd day of childcare during the school hols (one day over Easter hols, a couple of days in the summer hols last year - I really try not to ask too much of them) which is a more pressing matter than sleepovers and I don't want to take the piss or rock the boat by asking them to do something that I'm 99% sure they'd rather not.

I suppose as much as anything I'm a bit sad that they don't want to have the kids over to sleep once in a while? But I guess I'm basing that on my own childhood experience and all the happy memories I have of sleeping over with my Nan and Gramps regularly. My DH was the same too - he spent a lot of time with his mum's mum, including regular sleepovers.

OP posts:
SunnySaturdayMorning · 14/04/2023 16:20

Toddler and a baby. Toddler twice, when we’ve had pre-arranged events, and only with my parents.

Baby obviously never.

I don’t really want them to be away from me overnight tbh.

MassiveSalad22 · 14/04/2023 16:21

My parents tend to have 1 kid for a couple of nights on average once a year. We have 3 kids so not a break for us but the kids like it.

Curlygirl06 · 14/04/2023 16:22

I had my grandson (9) last night! It's on an as and when basis but I'd say a good few times a year; have had them (his sister is 3) both together a few times when my daughter and sil went away or when work times didn't match for them.
I've got 2 other grandchildren similar age to the eldest and I've had all 3 of them for a sleepover a few times recently (first time they were awake until 3 in the morning, little buggers!)
Yes it's hard work, but when they're older I want them to remember the fun they had at grandma's house, like I did with my nana. They're only young once.

To be fair, their other grandma, my sil's mum, also has them together and separately, and both my daughter and sil are aware of how lucky they are. His mum and I also do childcare for the 3 year old one day a week each, plus she looks after her daughter's 2 year old one day a week, and judging by the comments I've read about nursery charges, it's saving everyone a fortune! I do both ends off the school run one day a week on the day i look after the little one.
Both of us work, her more than me but between us all we're fine; they get the children looked after by family, we get to spend time with them building a lovely relationship. We have different views on things, for example the other grandma doesn't let them watch much TV, I'm more relaxed about it. She does different things to me but as I've said to my eldest grandson, different things means a variety of experiences and all experiences are good.

I'm aware that I'm very lucky that I don't work full time so have the time to do it, and that we are trusted to do what's best for the grandchildren. ( though I do spoil them a bit!) If my dh is home early on "my day", the grandchildren are so excited and he's a very hands- on grandad. We're all very lucky.

Mumof1andacat · 14/04/2023 16:22

Only have my parents. Ds is 10 now but slept at my parents once a week before starting school and now most weeks in the school holidays for a night 1 night a week. It's all for childcare for work.

mangosaregreat · 14/04/2023 16:23

Never, I don't have parents but mil lives10 mins away and hardly even see the dc's during the day so can't see her ever asking to have them over night

PuttingDownRoots · 14/04/2023 16:23

PILs reasonably regularly (every few months). But most common scenario is them coming to us if we both need to be away overnight. (I sometimes need to attend DHs work events with him for example... or they just want to give us the chance for a night out)

My parents.. unfortunately struggle now, but can manage one night occasionally.

Despite what a previous poster saying about the 1950s... I know my FIL did have worries like that when his granddaughters were 4-8ish... how could he take them to a public toilet for example. Once they were more independent it was easier for him. He could do everything else for them no problem.

Pahpahpotato · 14/04/2023 16:24

They haven’t yet but in fairness, he’s not even two yet. The in laws have said (quite a few times!!) they’re keen to have a sleepover, partly if it’s helpful for us and partly because they just want to. I don’t feel it’s necessary yet, but it’s nice they want to.
As for my side, I expect when my son is older he’ll go to stay for a night with my mother here and there over the summer as my brothers four children do.
I do think two small people for a sleepover, particularly when you’re on your own, is definitely a much bigger undertaking than with just one unfortunately.
Sorry you’re feeling a bit pants about it.

Favouritefruits · 14/04/2023 16:24

Never, my children would love too though.

xyzandabc · 14/04/2023 16:25

3 kids, eldest is 16.
Sleepover at gp houses, never.
FIL has done 1 night at our house.

MIL 2, maybe 3 nights at our house.
My parents have done 2 weekends at our house I think.
So in 16 years, it's certainly less than 1 night a year and it's always babysitting at our house, not the kids going to them.
They live 1hr, 4hrs and 12hrs drive away so not really local.

MadeInChorley · 14/04/2023 16:26

Never. No one wants to look after 3 DCs close in age. We never lived closer than 1.5 hours to any of them. No help with childcare either, other than on 3 or 4 occasions agreeing that DH and I could nip to the pub once the kids were asleep when they were staying with us anyway. That’s in 10 years.

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/04/2023 16:28

He's 4 months and he's had a sleepover every month since he was 6 weeks.

GrisleyR · 14/04/2023 16:28

I'm a gran. I pick my 8 year old GC up from school on Friday and my son picks up on Saturday afternoon.
So, sleepover once a week, perhaps twice during school holidays, but if not a sleepover, then definitely a full day care.
We've been having regular sleepovers since GC was a couple of months old - I'm very lucky🙂

Original poster
IsItJustMeOrWhatEh · 14/04/2023 16:29

Freddiefan · 14/04/2023 16:17

OP, if I understand correctly, your eldest is a boy and the youngest a girl. Have you considered that your father may be uncomfortable to be unchaperoned with her in case of a misunderstanding?
My second husband would never bath my gd unless I was in the bathroom and he definitely would not change a nappy. It was a totally different experience with her brother.

It's my FIL (sorry post was a bit rambling!)- and I don't think it's that... he will have both of them over to play during the day and will do nappies (or rather did do nappies until recently as 4 year old has finally fully cracked the toilet in the past few months).

I think it's partly favouritism (he bloody adores DS to the point of obsession), partly that he's on his own since MIL passed (and two kids is hard work on your own!), and partly because my DD has historically been an awful sleeper (although she's much better these days). I wouldn't have inflicted her on anyone until she was at LEAST three anyway.

OP posts: