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Original poster

How often do your kids have sleepovers with grandparents?

214 replies

IsItJustMeOrWhatEh · 14/04/2023 15:47

Hi - I appreciate this is a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question, but still interested in responses.

I have two children - 6 and 4.

The eldest has had a few (five or six maybe?) sleepovers with paternal grandparents, starting when I was pregnant with our youngest (so when he was about 2.5).

Youngest has never had a sleepover.

My parents have never had, or shown any interest in having, a sleepover, with either child.

My husband's dad is now, very sadly, a widower - since MIL passed away he has had eldest for a couple of sleepovers (at his suggestion), but doesn't want to have youngest for sleepovers. We let the eldest go without her when she was too young to understand, but now she's four it doesn't really seem fair if she's not going to get the opportunity to go. She loves her grandad and will be very sad.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have grandparents literally ripping their arms off to have grandchildren for sleepovers, often for multiple nights... so I really just wondered what the norm was - as amongst our friendship group/parents we know... we feel rather like the odd ones out. One of my mum friends has come back from her third mini-break this year, while her kids were with her dad's parents... and I must admit this has got me thinking about it today (and being honest feeling a little bit jealous!).

When I was a kid I have lots of happy memories of sleeping over at my paternal grandparents house a LOT, which might be colouring my view. I didn't really have any preconceived ideas that my kids would spend nights on end at sleepovers (and nor would I really want them to), but I suppose I did hope for maybe a couple a year or something.

It's my husband's 40th this year, and mine next year, and I'd hoped maybe for a child-free night (or maybe even two) away but I can see that is unlikely to be able to become a reality. And now I am feeling a bit bummed.

Anyway, I'm really just interested to know what other people's situations are? I'm sure we're not the only parents in this position, but within our social circle we certainly are!

OP posts:
MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 14/04/2023 18:34

They don't.

Ds12 used to when he was younger once a month, but since we moved away they don't anymore. I go down to visit with the dc and stay as well to be fair my mum is constantly "have a lie in, I'll get up with the kids." 😂

WingingItSince1973 · 14/04/2023 18:40

I have my 8 year old dgs over every Friday and sometimes he stays the Saturday too. But my dd and him lived with us for the first 2 years of his life and I've minded him preschool and after school while she worked. We love our Fridays. He also comes during the day in the school holiday's depending on his mums shift pattern. I appreciate this is not the norm. My kids rarely slept at either grandparents though my 29 year old is having a sleepover at in-laws this weekend 😂 First since she was a teen. She's been living away and now is back so catching up.

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 14/04/2023 18:40

Dcs are now 15, 13 and 9. They've probably had 3 sleepovers with the in laws. My parents are both dead.

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Climbingthelaundrymountain · 14/04/2023 18:41

Ex MIL is wonderful in terms of school pick ups or the odd evening babysitting at mine though.

mondaytosunday · 14/04/2023 21:21

Never on either side.

HuggingtheHRT · 14/04/2023 21:35

Twice in 9 years...

Fortheages · 14/04/2023 21:38

Never.

MIL has looked after 1 of my DC for 1.5 days once, then about 6 hours another time.

FIL has looked after 2 DC for 6 hours once.

DF has probably done 1 hour of childcare maybe twice.

On the plus side, I have zero moral obligations to do any elder care 😂

Snowpaw · 14/04/2023 21:39

Occasionally, like...twice a year pehaps if that. My DD is looked after by her Nana one day a week though so I am very grateful for that and intentionally don't ask her to have her more regularly or overnight. I wouldn't want to take the mick, and she has her own life.

A friend of mine has a daughter who is picked up from school by her Grandma every Friday and then the daughter stays there overnight and they only pick her up on a Saturday lunch time, every week. It seems a lot to me, and more than the norm.

Smartiepants79 · 14/04/2023 21:42

Once a month on average.
We have both sets of grandparents living nearby now and they have always enjoyed having them for as long as I’ll allow!!

AlltheFs · 14/04/2023 21:44

Never. They are too old (all of them), not local (3 of them-1 abroad) or not interested (1).

I really don’t think it’s that important though. DD has a great relationship with MIL (abroad), they only see each other on video calls really-almost never in person but it works.
My parents are 1.5hrs away and we see them regularly and DD adores them but I wouldn’t leave DD with them alone. My Dad had a recent stroke and my mum just can’t manage. She’s healthy and active but as an example she can’t lift DD and neither can my dad post stroke. They are mid 70’s.

FIL lives very near but not interested- he was a dreadful parent and is totally disinterested grandparent but he also needs carers (late 80’s).

We don’t have any help from family but none of my mum friends do either.

BreviloquentBastard · 14/04/2023 21:48

A lot when she was little. My mam and dad had her once a week so DH and I could have a date night, she looooved her gran and grandpa sleepovers. They spoiled her rotten when she was there!

ILs lived abroad at the time so they didn't have her solo until she was 11 and she went to stay with them for a week (which she absolutely adored). They came back to the UK shortly after and she'd stop at theirs every now and then just to spend time with them.

She's 15 now and still goes for sleepovers at gran's once a month or so - my mam loves it. They bake cookies and snuggle and watch a film, they're quite adorable. I think they'll keep doing it as long as humanly possible.

I've been blessed and fortunate to have the wonderful parents and in laws that I do.

WonkeyDonkey99 · 14/04/2023 21:51

My IL’s have them once a week when I work nights and DH is away with work. My parents rarely have them to sleep but do lots in the week with them and will watch them at the drop of a hat. I realise how lucky we are, and rarely ask them if it’s not for work reasons as would never want to take the mickey.
I have friends at work whose parents take their grandchildren on holiday with them (minus the parents) and that blows my mind!! Could never see my parents or in laws doing that, and mine aren’t even super dependant little little kids anymore.

Redglitter · 14/04/2023 21:52

My Mum & Dad had my nieces at any opportunity. Usually about every month or so. My childhood bedroom was turned into their room, complete with glitter, unicorns & butterflies

Theyre now 16 & 20 respectively & still like their sleepovers at Grans

Bluevelvetsofa · 14/04/2023 21:56

When they were younger, babysitting regularly, had the eldest for a few days when parents were away, then when youngest was born. Had them overnight, for weekends and for ten days once.

They look after themselves now.

SockQueen · 14/04/2023 21:58

Never at GPs houses. PiL live close enough for it to be feasible but their house is not safe for kids - I'm happy for PiL to look after them, but their house is one endless DIY project so there isn't a safe sleeping/bathroom setup for two little kids (6&3). My parents' house is fine but is 2.5 hours away, so not ideal for a single night stay. Maybe when they're older we'd be happy for them to go for longer.

I've had my parents look after them at my house for 4 nights while DH and I went skiing though!

dizzygirl1 · 14/04/2023 22:02

Dc are 16 and 13.... sleepovers so far to date.... 0...

BeeBB · 14/04/2023 22:05

DS has slept at my parents house without me twice we live in the same town (one of these times I was in labour with his younger sister). DD has stayed there once. Neither have ever stayed at IL’s who live in another city. They IL’s never behaved very responsibly left nail clippers, penknives laying about, trip hazards shoes and books in small piles on stairs etc and disrespected me and mocked how I was raising them at every opportunity. But its their loss/losses we had children late in life but my parents could have had a lovely close relationship with my DC but they put all eggs in one basket devoting themselves entirely to my niece 16 1/2 months older than DS so they were never interested. My sister left her there so often they had no time for my two (my DS actually thought she lived with them for years as she was always at their house and she behaved like she did).

It was quite sad but they are 18 and 19 now and haven’t spent much time with either GP’s on own.

Sewfrickinamazeballs · 14/04/2023 22:06

Twice, but only after we asked and for emergencies. Never offered. We now only have one grandparent left and she is not interested at all in doing anything with her grandchildren. It's very hard.

HisOliveTree · 14/04/2023 22:13

Grandparent here. About once a month on average, whenever we're asked (we've never said no) and if we're going travelling for a while, we might also ask for an overnight stay.

shinyrainbow1 · 14/04/2023 22:17

My eldest (5) stays at my mums at least once a week, sometimes even 2/3 nights a week. My youngest (3) maybe every couple of weeks. She'll have them both if we're going out or if I'm unwell or I'm tired. I'm so lucky.

My eldest is autistic and finds his brother overwhelming so when he's struggling he always asks to ring Nanny! Youngest is a live wire and a screamer so it gets very tense here sometimes. No idea what I'd do without my Mum.

Wishona · 14/04/2023 22:20

Never

AliceTheeCamel · 14/04/2023 22:27

Never - neither set of grandparents is local (1-2 hours away). DC are 2 and 5.
Neither set have ever shown an interest in having DC overnight without at least 1 parent there. PILs in particular I think are just too old now to want to.

bluebellinthewood · 14/04/2023 23:00

I'm aware that I am quite lucky but each week my in laws alternate each boy on a Friday (they are 4&5) and my father has one on a Sunday eve into Monday (takes to school and the other on a Thursday night, again taking to school on a Friday). My dad is widowed so this keeps him young and he gets lonely sometimes. If we're going out one of the in laws will have them both. I accept this is rare and we are super blessed.

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 15/04/2023 10:34

We have our grandchildren sleepover one night a week to suit the parents.

Have done since oldest 6 weeks. We love it snd like to think they get one nice date night a week to look forward too.

My parents or inlaws were lovely but never did overnights I would have bloody loved someone to have done it for me

justanotherdrama · 15/04/2023 10:36

None
All grandparents have passed away and only 1 remaining not well enough and we don't have contact with them.