How often do your kids have sleepovers with grandparents?

[IsItJustMeOrWhatEh]

Hi - I appreciate this is a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question, but still interested in responses.

I have two children - 6 and 4.

The eldest has had a few (five or six maybe?) sleepovers with paternal grandparents, starting when I was pregnant with our youngest (so when he was about 2.5).

Youngest has never had a sleepover.

My parents have never had, or shown any interest in having, a sleepover, with either child.

My husband's dad is now, very sadly, a widower - since MIL passed away he has had eldest for a couple of sleepovers (at his suggestion), but doesn't want to have youngest for sleepovers. We let the eldest go without her when she was too young to understand, but now she's four it doesn't really seem fair if she's not going to get the opportunity to go. She loves her grandad and will be very sad.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have grandparents literally ripping their arms off to have grandchildren for sleepovers, often for multiple nights... so I really just wondered what the norm was - as amongst our friendship group/parents we know... we feel rather like the odd ones out. One of my mum friends has come back from her third mini-break this year, while her kids were with her dad's parents... and I must admit this has got me thinking about it today (and being honest feeling a little bit jealous!).

When I was a kid I have lots of happy memories of sleeping over at my paternal grandparents house a LOT, which might be colouring my view. I didn't really have any preconceived ideas that my kids would spend nights on end at sleepovers (and nor would I really want them to), but I suppose I did hope for maybe a couple a year or something.

It's my husband's 40th this year, and mine next year, and I'd hoped maybe for a child-free night (or maybe even two) away but I can see that is unlikely to be able to become a reality. And now I am feeling a bit bummed.

Anyway, I'm really just interested to know what other people's situations are? I'm sure we're not the only parents in this position, but within our social circle we certainly are!

One of my colleagues her parents book a 2 week holiday during the school summer holidays and take her 2 kids as it helps them out with childcare!!!!

I mean that must be amazing for the kids she says they look forward to it all year round!!!

Meanwhile I pay £80 a day for 2 with the childminder all day!

Never

DS is 7, he has sleepovers with grandparents on both sides, but more often my DPs than DH’s. Maybe 4-5 times a year. Sometimes because we ask, sometimes they offer. The longest stay has been 3 nights when I was hospitalised and DH was looking after me. They’ve also had him for 2 nights at a time a few times when we’ve been away for a weekend. I’m very grateful and DS loves it because he gets spoilt rotten.

In laws have had mine once. My parents have had them probably 4 or 5 times, tend to have them most school holidays. Only ever one night at a time. DC are 4 and 5

Never, and never had them during the day at all or even a walk in the pram as babies. Both sets of GP’s live 20mins away. I must admit it sometimes upsets me a bit as I, like you, had lots of sleepovers and days at my GP’s. It’s less about childcare and more about the relationship that they don’t get to have with their GP’s but I can’t change it so I try not to focus too much on it.

Never here either. My son is autistic and won't go anywhere with either me or his dad. Although both sets of grandparents haven't offered either. Not had a night out with my husband alone since 2009 x

You can have a child-free trip without relying on grandparents. I have 2 close friends (different towns to me, and from each other) and when their kids were little I offered to go down to stay to supervise the kids, so the parents could go away for a night or two. All offers gratefully accepted and everyone happy. I willingly did a 500 mile round trip to do this, but if you have friends who are closer then it should be even easier to organise.

Never. My Mum even lied to her friends (who all do childcare) saying that she 'had DD for the day'. The uncles won't even interact with her. DD will soon be 2 and has a better relationship with some of my friends than most of the extended family.

Never. Nor do I get any help whatsoever with childcare.

My four sons have never stayed with either grandparents overnight, and they are now 17,19,22 and 24 yrs old.
The grandparents only babysat at ours in an emergency ie when I went into hospital to give birth ( my dad came round), and when one of our sons was seriously ill in hospital ( MIL or my dad came round just for an hour while husband or myself went/ returned from hospital, so that someone was always with ill son).
I never stayed with grandparents overnight as a kid , even though we spent most weekends and holidays at my nans as my mum was terminally ill, and then dad was single working parent. Always went home after dinner.

They don’t anymore but they used to.
mil is getting on a bit now, still very mobile and active and she will gladly offer to take one, two or all three of them out for the day during holidays (the older 2 are older teens so often make their own plans) but I’d not ask her do an overnight anymore. My mum doesn’t have room for them!

DD (8) has had 4 sleepovers at DHs parents I think, and 2 or 3 at my parents.

Only had the first one when she was about 4.

DHs parents will have any of the grandkids if asked and if they're asked by one of their kids they'll sometimes offer to have the other grandkids (e.g. if DHs sis asked them to have her 2 kids, they might offer to have ours and his other siblings too).
My parents don't offer, they have to be asked.

I never had sleepovers at any of my grandparents.

Meanwhile, in the real world, most grandparents want to be with/spend time with their grandchildren.

Never had the grandparents help here either and now they are too old but my children now adults. Whenever my children do go onto to have their own children I'm absolutely going to be offering sleepovers so that they do get the support

Should add that MIL looked after all of the grandkids as childcare at some point too before starting school.

DD was a mix of 3 afternoons a week, to 2 full days a week.

And I feel very lucky to have had that support. I'm very lucky with my in laws that I really like them so I'm grateful the kids have had that time with their grandparent.

Rarely, once a year. Always, always have to be asked.

In laws in particular, love to tell us about amazing restaurants and shows etc and how we would love them but never offer to babysit so we can try them out.

It is so bizarre because both DH and I used to have weekly sleepovers at our grandparents from around the age of 7 to 14. We don’t necessarily want this for ourselves, however if both sides had them once every couple of months it would mean we had the opportunity to go out.

Children are now 11 and 8. It’s never going to happen.

My DD is 5. MIL was great in the early days and used to have DD overnight weekly for a period of about 6 months...but she has distanced a bit (due to age and other factors). She now has DD overnight only if we ask well in advance, about once every 2/3 months.

My parents have had DD twice overnight ever, both when she was little and nothing in about 3 years. In fact they barely have her for a couple of hours these days.

I too am surrounded by friends and neighbours who have kids who are always staying over at GPs,sometimes for days on end. It can be tough to accept if yours don't, when they are all reasonably fit and well and live locally.

I never went to my grandparents' for a sleepover and my dd (10 year old) has never been to her grandparents for a sleepover. My parents would probably have her for a sleepover if we asked them but it's not something that they've ever asked to do. My MIL would like to, but she lives 3-4 hours away and tbh as it's not something that I grew up with it's not something that I've considered as the norm or something that I'd considered doing.

EXDH parents never as they live abroad.
My parents had them if we asked (unfortunately my sister would always get in there first 😄), but never offered. My mum would help out for emergency care but didn't want to be 'tied down' to childcare when I split up with my ex. I wasn't asking them for help anyway 🤷‍♀️

My two Dc (age 2 and 4) sleep at my parents house every Friday night. I do realise I’m lucky to have this!

Never, and I don’t expect it to be honest. I never slept over at my grandparents’ houses as a child either, so it isn’t the norm for me.

Really interested in the variation on this thread!

My partners parents never, although they wanted and expected it, and I dodged it - because they are 60 miles away, not in brilliant health (Gpa drinks heavily, Gma poor eyesight and mobility), their house not remotely childproof and in my view really grubby. I got lots of guilt trips but it was a hard no.

My mum (younger, 20 mins away, vigilant re safety and clean house) had my now 7 year old a handful of times when he was 1 and for three nights when I was admitted for emergency c section and ended up on life support. I detest being away from kids overnight and I actually discharged myself from ITU so I could get home to co-sleep so I’m probably on the extreme end (bit mental).

Two little boys now 7 & 3 and I could theoretically let seven year old sleep at either grandparents but leaving out the little one seems mean, and it certainly wouldn’t be a “break” for me. My mum could prob handle both but I would feel like I was putting on her as she already does a say a week with youngest.

Partner is 40 next year and maybe we will do one night away and let them stay at my mums but I will secretly dread it!

I think maybe 4 nights with mine and about the same with in-laws and mine are 12, 15, 20. I envy people who have very involved grandparents.

Never, and it angers me a lot! Both sides are able, but just refuse. mine are also 6 & 4 and both sets of grandparents just say it’s too much for them. I slept out constantly when I was young as did my husband, so the fact they refusing to provide us with the same courtesy really bothers me. My husband and I also both work full time and have been renovating our house for the last few years on evenings and weekends, and they don’t even have them for a few hours to help us out that way. I can’t think about it because it just infuriates me 😂 they’re such lovely kids as well so I just don’t get why they don’t want that quality time with them!

Never and live 25 mins away. Both early 70's and 3 bed house so essentially 2 spare rooms