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Original poster

How often do your kids have sleepovers with grandparents?

214 replies

IsItJustMeOrWhatEh · 14/04/2023 15:47

Hi - I appreciate this is a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question, but still interested in responses.

I have two children - 6 and 4.

The eldest has had a few (five or six maybe?) sleepovers with paternal grandparents, starting when I was pregnant with our youngest (so when he was about 2.5).

Youngest has never had a sleepover.

My parents have never had, or shown any interest in having, a sleepover, with either child.

My husband's dad is now, very sadly, a widower - since MIL passed away he has had eldest for a couple of sleepovers (at his suggestion), but doesn't want to have youngest for sleepovers. We let the eldest go without her when she was too young to understand, but now she's four it doesn't really seem fair if she's not going to get the opportunity to go. She loves her grandad and will be very sad.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have grandparents literally ripping their arms off to have grandchildren for sleepovers, often for multiple nights... so I really just wondered what the norm was - as amongst our friendship group/parents we know... we feel rather like the odd ones out. One of my mum friends has come back from her third mini-break this year, while her kids were with her dad's parents... and I must admit this has got me thinking about it today (and being honest feeling a little bit jealous!).

When I was a kid I have lots of happy memories of sleeping over at my paternal grandparents house a LOT, which might be colouring my view. I didn't really have any preconceived ideas that my kids would spend nights on end at sleepovers (and nor would I really want them to), but I suppose I did hope for maybe a couple a year or something.

It's my husband's 40th this year, and mine next year, and I'd hoped maybe for a child-free night (or maybe even two) away but I can see that is unlikely to be able to become a reality. And now I am feeling a bit bummed.

Anyway, I'm really just interested to know what other people's situations are? I'm sure we're not the only parents in this position, but within our social circle we certainly are!

OP posts:
ooSarahoo · 15/04/2023 16:55

My eldest, once when my youngest was born, other than that, never.

Doomscroller · 15/04/2023 16:59

Never. DC are 8 and 2. Three households of grandparents, all living Approx 2-3hr drive away. We tend to visit as a whole family, so between 5 Grandparents there have been 2 instances of regular babysitting this year. No overnights since they were born. They aren't great sleepers and breastfeed / used to be breastfed to sleep.

Whitewolf2 · 15/04/2023 17:01

i have 6 and 5 year olds. My parents have never offered to have them overnight, they’re mid 70s and just don’t want to, but they’re kind to take them to weekly dance classes and out for the odd day trip.
My ILs have had them once so far overnight and are having them for our 10 year anniversary in May, but they don’t take them out so much. We’re just very grateful for any help!

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threecupsofteaminimum · 15/04/2023 17:03

Never. My parents are dreadful. Am mainly NC.

Billyhargrovesmullet · 15/04/2023 17:04

Never. Well my mum & dad had oldest dd a few times when she was a baby then when dd2 came they had them both a couple of times then said it was a bit much so never had them again. Mil had oldest dd once as a small baby.

Monkeytapper · 15/04/2023 17:04

Never, both my parents passed away before kids came along…..OH parents we have never asked as we know they will say no

Bryna · 15/04/2023 17:18

Never! We live with one grandparent, the other lives less than 5 minutes walk away, neither have had any interest in their grandchildren in anyway. No help what so ever, not that we expect it but both sets of grandparents dote on the in-laws grandchildren and have a lot of input with them!!!

Str3bor · 15/04/2023 17:23

Mine are 11 and 13 and my parents will have them as long as they aren’t going away or have plans BUT when they were younger like under 6 they would never be so easy to say yes and it would only be for a reason. I’ve noticed as they’ve got older and look after themselves a bit more they are more than happy to say yes

Gin1982 · 15/04/2023 17:25

We’d our first childfree night away a few months ago for our tenth wedding anniversary. I think I can count on one hand how many sleepovers my three have had - eldest is ten.

Our friends don’t understand our situation - esp as they get lots of help.

In-laws much older & sleepovers not appropriate. My parents don’t tend to offer, & we try not to ask. They have my nieces & nephews lots (weekly childcare with sleepovers, then help out during school holidays when wraparound childcare isn’t as readily available). When siblings are so heavily reliant on our parents, we don’t want to ask, nor feel we can. Our recent night away was booked in months ago to fit round parents other childcare responsibilities. We’ve asked once before (to attend a wedding) but were told, between all the other grandkid childcare, that would be their only free weekend that month, so we made other arrangements - the arrangements being other half went to wedding on their own. We don’t really have any help with our three - it’s just how it is. I have no expectations - just easier that way.

Other half & I have very little childfree time together, but that’s just the way it is for us.

Caterina99 · 15/04/2023 17:39

On average about 1 night a month at my parents. They might not stay for a few months, but then do 3 nights if DH and I go away for a long weekend. They live 5 min away, help out with regular childcare too during the week. Maybe once a year at PIL, but they are much further away. Kids are 7 and 5.

We lived abroad til last year so had no regular help with the kids or sleepovers etc so I’m keen to not take it for granted. Kids are good sleepers now which I think helps a lot

Emotionalstorm · 15/04/2023 17:41

Two or three times a week.

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 15/04/2023 17:56

Never. We don’t live close but even when we’re visiting, they are rarely alone with DC.
Oh well 🫥

DollyDoofer · 15/04/2023 18:12

I help out with childcare twice a week and during school holidays. I have never offered to have them overnight. I work part time, and have the dc on 2 days. I like to spend my free time child free.

Two days a week is more than enough. I wouldn’t want them overnight and I don’t intend to - ever. Unless it’s an emergency.

mindutopia · 15/04/2023 18:19

Mine are 5 & 10 and have never had one. Both sets of grandparents and their partners are a massive safeguarding risk. Both partners have a criminal record and there are mental health issues at play as well. I just could never trust them and we’ve been advised not to by probation officer. We only see one of them very occasionally for supervised visits. My eldest slept over at a friends from 8 and if we had normal grandparents 🙄 I would be comfortable from maybe 4-5, depending on the relationship.

cloudcett · 15/04/2023 18:25

Never, and they are 13 and 11. For various reasons, it's just never been possible. They've had sleepover at SIL a few times though

Magnalux · 15/04/2023 18:26

we’re very lucky my parents are great.. my kids have been having sleepovers since they were babies..every school holidays and half term etc they’ll go for a night or two. They’re 10,12 &13 and they love going there so as long my parents are happy to have them they’ll keep going.

Richierich77 · 15/04/2023 18:32

My DC stayed over at my ex IL’s when she was a toddler but maybe max of 2/3 times since & never at my Mums as she doesn’t want hassle of looking after a child, she has never asked & is always busy so I wouldn’t ask. I don’t have a problem with her staying with ex IL though just no reason for her to

Deadringer · 15/04/2023 18:45

Mil had dc1 a few times when she was a baby, but not since then. I don't really see the point of sleepovers tbh.

Kittycash · 15/04/2023 18:55

My dgs has stayed for minimum 2 weeks every summer since he was 6.
I asked him last week how long he wanted to stay this summer and he asked for the whole of August so we will have him approximately 4 weeks.
We love it but always check with dgs parents and they have the final say.

Beachywave · 15/04/2023 19:00

My eldest (I was a single parent - working shifts), all the time.

Since married
5 year old - maybe 2-3 times a year with my dad and every so often with aunty and cousins on DH side.
11 month old - twice but as a newborn with my step mum when he was immobile, now crawling and still not sleeping I wouldn’t inflict that on anyone so never.

Hopefully when the youngest is sleeping better we’ll be able to have a night away and someone will have them both 🙏

Noicant · 15/04/2023 19:10

Never, we live far away and grandparents are getting elderly so wouldn’t expect them to.

Sunnysunbun · 15/04/2023 19:11

Never.

Aug12 · 15/04/2023 19:16

My parents own a campervan and will sometimes take my eldest on an overnight trip somewhere with them and have a wee adventure. He loves it but it isn’t frequent, maybe 2 or 3 times per year. My toddler hasn’t ever been away from me overnight.

Darlingbynature · 15/04/2023 19:25

Never, mainly due to age related health issues and distance. Little one is almost 5. We've had one night out together in all that time when he stayed with friends.

It can feel hard, especially as a lot of our friends seem to have that support, but it's the norm for us. (And lots of others by the look of it!)

BoswellTheScribe · 15/04/2023 19:30

Never!!
We have a 14yr and 10yr. I’ve had 3 nights away from them since they were born. (One of them was in hospital).
One Grandparent lives 5 min down the road, the other about 1.5 hours away. The one further away would probably have had them overnight if they lived closer but it’s not practical for us to drive down, drop off and come home to go and pick them up the next day. We usually just all stay.

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