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Original poster

How often do your kids have sleepovers with grandparents?

214 replies

IsItJustMeOrWhatEh · 14/04/2023 15:47

Hi - I appreciate this is a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question, but still interested in responses.

I have two children - 6 and 4.

The eldest has had a few (five or six maybe?) sleepovers with paternal grandparents, starting when I was pregnant with our youngest (so when he was about 2.5).

Youngest has never had a sleepover.

My parents have never had, or shown any interest in having, a sleepover, with either child.

My husband's dad is now, very sadly, a widower - since MIL passed away he has had eldest for a couple of sleepovers (at his suggestion), but doesn't want to have youngest for sleepovers. We let the eldest go without her when she was too young to understand, but now she's four it doesn't really seem fair if she's not going to get the opportunity to go. She loves her grandad and will be very sad.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have grandparents literally ripping their arms off to have grandchildren for sleepovers, often for multiple nights... so I really just wondered what the norm was - as amongst our friendship group/parents we know... we feel rather like the odd ones out. One of my mum friends has come back from her third mini-break this year, while her kids were with her dad's parents... and I must admit this has got me thinking about it today (and being honest feeling a little bit jealous!).

When I was a kid I have lots of happy memories of sleeping over at my paternal grandparents house a LOT, which might be colouring my view. I didn't really have any preconceived ideas that my kids would spend nights on end at sleepovers (and nor would I really want them to), but I suppose I did hope for maybe a couple a year or something.

It's my husband's 40th this year, and mine next year, and I'd hoped maybe for a child-free night (or maybe even two) away but I can see that is unlikely to be able to become a reality. And now I am feeling a bit bummed.

Anyway, I'm really just interested to know what other people's situations are? I'm sure we're not the only parents in this position, but within our social circle we certainly are!

OP posts:
AllIwantforChristmas22 · 15/04/2023 19:31

BritInAus · 14/04/2023 15:50

Never - we don't live in the same country. Very envious of those with local, involved, retired, healthy parents.

Same here. Would love two nights away with DH. Will never happen

Covidwoes · 15/04/2023 19:47

Never! They don't live locally. They have come to our house though to have the DC overnight a couple of times. DC are only 2 and 4.5 though, so one night max!

Pinkclouds80 · 15/04/2023 19:53

@mindutopia have to say hats off to you for protecting your kids and for having this mindset when it sounds like you’ve had to parent yourself, and then some. Solidarity for the cycle-breaking 💗

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Purplefoalfoot · 15/04/2023 19:55

Never! It breaks my heart as spent every weekend with my grandparents and two nights mid week and I adored them so so much, though of them as second parents.

can’t understand why my parents won’t do the same for my children when they had so much support, maybe they just never liked kids that much!

Harrysmummy246 · 15/04/2023 20:00

DS is now almost 6, he's an only. He's spent 2 nights at my parents' house each week of the easter hols, at their suggestion. He'll be with them a weekend next month.

He hadn't stayed with them without us til this time last year as covid struck about the time we'd have started maybe considering it.

He will probably spend parts of the summer holidays with them, and maybe with my sister in london or margate too.

But my mum is very keen to do this as paternal grandparents for me were never very hands on and sadly her parents passed away when DSIS and I were pretty small.

CommanderSeven · 15/04/2023 20:02

Late (and much loved/missed) MIL had DS a few nights in her old place and once in her new place (no spare room). Less than 6 nights total. She had DD for one night in her new place. If she'd had a spare bedroom they'd have stayed over regularly I'm sure.

That's it. The total.

My Dad has 2 spare bedrooms and has his wife's family and friends over to stay all the time - often for weeks. His wife's daughter's child is younger than my two...but he's never, ever had my DC to stay.

My DC and now 17 and 13.

His step grandchild lives in another country and is 6. He's spent more time with his step grandchild than he's spent with his blood related grandchildren (who are much older) and we live only 10 minutes away by car.

He has a car and drives.

Go figure.

He wants to take my DC on holiday with him but neither are keen - they barely know him and don't really understand his foibles.

rhow · 15/04/2023 20:13

Twice a month at a minimum. We see them at least 4 times a week with them collecting the children from school twice a week. They have the children twice a week during the school holidays, sometimes more. Both fit, healthy, early 60s, retired.

MathsNervous · 15/04/2023 20:21

Never. Complete opposite to my own childhood.

Rustdior · 15/04/2023 20:25

As this thread shows, having actively involved GPs doesn't always mean child free time. We have 2 DC. My ILs have never had them to stay without us due to distance and various health issues. My parents have been very involved- they are local and had eldest DC for sleepovers about 2 x a month from a very young age which both she and they loved. DP and I were able to go out on those nights and we all benefited I think. When DC2 came along, my DPs waited until we all felt she was old enough and then attempted a sleepover with both girls a couple of times but like a PP, it didn't really work. They woke each other during the night on and off (shared the one spare room) and my DPs were shattered from not sleeping well listening out for them. Oldest still goes from time to time, younger DC is going to go on her own soon and she'll love having that one to one time too. There's a chance they may be able to both go together again one day but then again, I know my DPs find things more tiring than they used to and I would never want it to become a burden so I keep a close eye.

Teresa777 · 15/04/2023 20:31

I find some of the posts on this thread really sad and feel quite disgusted by some people's parents. Similar threads in the past have riled me a bit because a lot of posters have come across as very entitled and expected the help even if their parents were quite elderly, but it seems a lot of you are genuinely hurting because your parents simply don't seem to want a relationship with your kids, or don't seem to realise you just need some time out. We both work full time but have as many sleepovers are we can with our grandkids, they're our absolute world, all of them. I wish we could babysit for some of you that clearly need the break!

RosesofAmsterdam · 15/04/2023 20:33

My parents, 4 times in 5 years. DH parents, never.

MrsCharlieD · 15/04/2023 20:43

My mum has my boys (8 and 5) probably 4 times a year? Mum lives 5 minutes away and also has a caravan 90 minutes away so sometimes takes them there too. We rarely ask unless it's a special occasion, they offer. Dh's mum has never had them.

Newuser82 · 15/04/2023 20:44

Mine are 10 and 4, they have had about 3 sleepovers with grandparents in their lives. They never offer!

Newuser82 · 15/04/2023 20:45

OhMyCherriePie · 14/04/2023 15:52

Never, to quote my mum “you chose to have them” she lives 10 mins away but has never had them overnight

I mean she isn't wrong but that's brutal!

Babamamananarama · 15/04/2023 20:50

Mine are now 9 and 6. Both have had sleepovers with grandparents since I guess age about 3, and/or GPs looking after them in our home overnight from younger. We both frequently need to travel with work so it's been very helpful.
Two years ago we moved to the next village from my parents (used to be 5hrs drive) and they pick up from school and give them dinner once a week and will babysit or sleep overnight here whenever we ask.
Other GPs are a couple of hours drive but they are also happy to have them for a few days.

MsSquiz · 15/04/2023 21:02

Never - because my DM and MIL are both dead, I have no contact with my father and FIL wouldn't be confident enough to have children over night by himself.

I find it sad as my DM was always adamant she would have my future children over night once a week "whether we were going out or not" to give us a night together and sadly she never met either of my children.

I used to stay at my nana's every Saturday growing up, as my DM worked in a pub and I loved it. I would still often choose to stay over well into my late teens and I'm sad my children will never experience that.

Manthide · 15/04/2023 21:04

Shamsterdam · 14/04/2023 16:42

A few times a year. My mum is fond of telling me things like that she has bought them a new duvet set for 'their room' at her house, or say she has a new bedtime story book or new pjs or something, but never actually offers to have them. If I do ask she'll umm and ahh about it and always have some kind of vague prior plans as to why she can't do it. Something like 'well I was going to do my food shop that evening', she has 2 weekdays off, works 3 very short days, and all weekend off, so in theory there's no reason the shopping couldn't be done on one of the other times. I understand my children aren't her responsibility, and she has her own life, but I do get fed up of her saying 'if you ever need help just let me know' then when I do ask she never will. It also irks me that she's been implying to all her friends she's a very involved grandparent and how she helps me out as a single parent so much, when in reality she barely sees her grandchildren. I know this because I know one of her good friends (who provides childcare twice a week for both her grandkids) and this friend has repeated stuff to me my mum has told her about having my children regularly, which absolutely isn't true. The irony is as a child I basically lived with her parents for weeks on end every school holiday and regularly stayed over at weekends!

This sounds like my mum! Always tries to come across as am amazing grandma who will look after my dc at the drop of the hat but she has let me down too often. The couple of times I really needed her help she has said she was going somewhere- and then never went. Once this meant I had to take 2 under 5s on a long car journey ( one was sick and not my car) to visit a very good friend's husband in Stoke Mandeville. She does/did though normally take them on holiday for a week a year but my eldest is 31 and youngest is 15 and I can count on one hand the number of times she has babysat. PIL lived abroad and were very elderly.

ZebraKid71 · 15/04/2023 21:14

Once every school holidays they have a sleep over at my mums (5 and 4 year old, 2 year old doesn't yet as she is a crap sleeper and I wouldn't want to put my mum off!) And she has them after school once a week for tea. My dad and dh's parents never had a sleep over and probably never will.

Lindy2 · 15/04/2023 21:22

No sleepovers ever. They've never offered to have them and as they're teenagers now it's not going to happen.

The grandparents are loving and have done some occasional daytime or evening babysitting, which was much appreciated, but none of them are particularly hands on.

These grandparents doing sleepovers and regular childcare amaze me. I'm quite envious.

Roundaboutabee · 15/04/2023 21:35

11 years into this parenting lark I’m convinced that the big divide isn’t SAHPs and working parents, but between those who have dependable family for regular (even if infrequent) childcare, and those who don’t. I

Bemyclementine · 15/04/2023 21:40

Dc1 slept over at in laws once a week from about 15 months I think. (Was pregnant with dc2. ) For around a year. Unfortunately MIL backed off completely when me and exh separated.

Both DC sleep over with my parents for the odd night in school holidays, 2 nights in a row this holiday. My parents are 75 though, its a lot for them.

Mummyto3ginismyfriend · 15/04/2023 21:47

Never DCs are 7,9 and 11 and me and DH have never had a night without them. We've had nights away separately but not together.

GiveUsACwtch · 15/04/2023 21:48

My eldest has been having sleepovers at my mums pretty much weekly since he was about 18 months old....he is 16 now. DD14 and DS6 stay with her most Friday nights, mainly so she doesn't have to pick them up early on a Saturday morning if both me and DH are working. Some weeks they will stay on a Saturday night aswell.

DCs don't really have sleepovers with MIL... she lives across the road from us. She does do the school run 2 or 3 times a week though, depending on what days I am working, and splits the childcare with my mum during the school holidays.

SparkyBlue · 15/04/2023 21:56

Never. Mine are 10, 7 and 4. My parents will help with occasional emergency childcare but no overnights.

MrsHsGirl · 15/04/2023 22:04

Never. Both mums passed away and neither of our dads are the babysitting type unfortunately. I get really jealous of my friends too OP, my besties mum even offered to have her little one a night a week!