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Original poster

How often do your kids have sleepovers with grandparents?

214 replies

IsItJustMeOrWhatEh · 14/04/2023 15:47

Hi - I appreciate this is a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question, but still interested in responses.

I have two children - 6 and 4.

The eldest has had a few (five or six maybe?) sleepovers with paternal grandparents, starting when I was pregnant with our youngest (so when he was about 2.5).

Youngest has never had a sleepover.

My parents have never had, or shown any interest in having, a sleepover, with either child.

My husband's dad is now, very sadly, a widower - since MIL passed away he has had eldest for a couple of sleepovers (at his suggestion), but doesn't want to have youngest for sleepovers. We let the eldest go without her when she was too young to understand, but now she's four it doesn't really seem fair if she's not going to get the opportunity to go. She loves her grandad and will be very sad.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have grandparents literally ripping their arms off to have grandchildren for sleepovers, often for multiple nights... so I really just wondered what the norm was - as amongst our friendship group/parents we know... we feel rather like the odd ones out. One of my mum friends has come back from her third mini-break this year, while her kids were with her dad's parents... and I must admit this has got me thinking about it today (and being honest feeling a little bit jealous!).

When I was a kid I have lots of happy memories of sleeping over at my paternal grandparents house a LOT, which might be colouring my view. I didn't really have any preconceived ideas that my kids would spend nights on end at sleepovers (and nor would I really want them to), but I suppose I did hope for maybe a couple a year or something.

It's my husband's 40th this year, and mine next year, and I'd hoped maybe for a child-free night (or maybe even two) away but I can see that is unlikely to be able to become a reality. And now I am feeling a bit bummed.

Anyway, I'm really just interested to know what other people's situations are? I'm sure we're not the only parents in this position, but within our social circle we certainly are!

OP posts:
HouseofGods · 14/04/2023 17:22

At least monthly (8 and 4 now) for us to have a night out. Weekly during school holidays as it's easier for them to stay a Sunday night and then get looked after on the Monday rather than in laws getting up early and driving to us in rush hour.

Coffeepot72 · 14/04/2023 17:22

OP, be careful what you wish for …….

There are many threads where the other extreme applies!

WeightoftheWorld · 14/04/2023 17:23

Mine are 1.5 and almost 5 and very close to my DPs and see them a lot, but they've never slept over there. Eldest asked a few months ago to and we duly complied, 9pm she was still awake and asked to go home and said she doesn't want to again.

I know very few people whose (preschool) kids sleep over at their grandparents houses so maybe just depends on the circles you move in. I'm assuming as they all get older it will become more common like.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Blankiefan · 14/04/2023 17:28

Generally about once a month since DD was 8 weeks old - she's 9yo now. We've always been very grateful and she has a great relationship with hwr grandparents partly because of it.

AuntieMarys · 14/04/2023 17:28

Dh has small grandchildren...6 and 3. We never have them overnight. Not what we want.

Original poster
IsItJustMeOrWhatEh · 14/04/2023 17:36

Coffeepot72 · 14/04/2023 17:22

OP, be careful what you wish for …….

There are many threads where the other extreme applies!

Well quite - I have seen such threads myself. Usually an over-eager MIL isn't it?

My MIL was a BIT like that, but in the nicest, kindest way. She was lovely. She was so excited to have grandchildren and bloody adored them and spoilt them rotten. I'm really sad she's not around as she was a brilliant grandma and just a lovely woman really.

My DD was born on her birthday (the best present ever she said) and she passed away just after DD turned one. 🙁

OP posts:
PetitPorpoise · 14/04/2023 17:40

My 5yo son stays weekly at his GPs. Started when he was about 2; MIL preferred to collect him from nursery if she was looking after him on the Friday, as DH and I both sometimes had to be out the door by 7am. Suited me and DH as was much easier.

It's now moved to the Friday evening after they collected him from school.

My daughter only stays a couple of times per year as they're not keen on having them both at the same time and there isn't the necessity with working hours any longer.

ItsCalledAConversation · 14/04/2023 17:42

Never.

ThreeRingCircus · 14/04/2023 17:42

Never.

My parents live too far away. In laws live ten minutes away and have never even babysat. Their prerogative and to be honest I think they'd find it stressful so I wouldn't inflict it on them or DDs!

Justcallmebebes · 14/04/2023 17:50

Some of these posts are quite sad. I'm a grandmother with several grandkids and have them over regularly, either all together, a couple or 1 at a time. Luckily we all live close by so it's an informal case of whoever wants to come. It's precious and time I will always treasure and I feel v lucky, especially after discovering MM, to have been such an integral part of their lives from day 1

giantvolcano · 14/04/2023 17:51

DD1 stays regularly at both my parents and ILs (but more often at my parents).

Probably once every other week at my parents' and once a month at ILs.

I have a 6 month old too though who will want sleepovers when she's older.

My parents always talk about having them together and going on 'adventures'.

electricmoccasins · 14/04/2023 17:56

Every school holiday. They ask to have DD. Both sets of grandparents. I have to timetable it.

WeeOrcadian · 14/04/2023 17:57

My parents - once, while I was birthing DC2
My ILs - never - they live on another continent

redskylight · 14/04/2023 18:00

In-laws - 2 days in 3 lots of school holidays (that's in total ever, not every year)

my parents - 1 child once in an emergency

I never stayed at my grandparents as a child either, and never realised in some families it was such a regular thing until I had my own children.

Ellemeg82 · 14/04/2023 18:01

Never (child is 5) and both sets of GP's live locally.

Theelephantinthecastle · 14/04/2023 18:05

Coffeepot72 · 14/04/2023 17:22

OP, be careful what you wish for …….

There are many threads where the other extreme applies!

Yeah but the other extreme is a lot easier ...

Overeager MIL (never the OP's mum): please can I have the grandkids every weekend?
You: no but how about .. whatever you're comfortable with

As opposed to never ever getting a night away from your children which gets quite wearing, I can tell you

DelurkingAJ · 14/04/2023 18:07

My DM has DSs separately for three or four nights each in the summer holidays and has had them both occasionally for DH and I to go to events. If we stay with her or she stays more than a single night with us she’ll shoo DH and me out for dinner. DPIL have had DS1 a couple of times when we asked and would probably have them both these days (DSs are 10 and 7) if we asked. Neither set live locally and with DPIL we’d have to drop them off…DM comes up on the train and whisks them away.

Isitthathardtobekind · 14/04/2023 18:08

My parents, who are local, have them if we ask them to baby sit. They prefer to have them sleep over at their house rather than come to ours to sit with them which is great!

My husband’s parents live 3hrs away. They say about having them at theirs or having them to stay at their friend’s holiday home which is near to us but so far has never happened and they are now 12 and 10.

pretendingtobezen · 14/04/2023 18:12

Neveeeeer. Until son started nursery at 14 months we hadn’t even had anyone but me or DH do a nappy.

Total sympathies with the unavoidable comparisons - those who save £10,000s on regular childcare for work plus special occasions/sleepovers.

StopGrowingPlease · 14/04/2023 18:16

I think it depends on what everyone wants really. We have a toddler and whilst I’m sure both sets of grandparents would do a sleepover neither of them have ever even had him on his own in the day time. I’m a SAHM and don’t need any childcare so it just doesn’t happen even if they wanted it to 😂 He is only little though but it will be his choice either way when he is older unless it’s an emergency.

MRSRUDEBOX · 14/04/2023 18:18

I'm a Nan and have my GC for sleepovers, as often as possible. I love having them to stay.And they love staying over.

Most of the time, I request them to stay. It is only the odd time that DD and DSIL ask.

I think it stems from DH and I not having regular babysitters/ kids on sleepovers when ours were little. Parents of little ones deserve a break.

Teresa777 · 14/04/2023 18:23

We do a kind of rotation with all of them (all under 8) around 2/3 weeks out the month, more during holidays. We'll occasionally do a 2-nighter during the holidays but only for the older ones. Occasionally we'll place a full ban on any child getting past our front door for a fortnight just for a break. 😅

I realise this is probably a bit more than the norm, but we're both very young as GP's and very active so maybe your FIL is just waiting for the 4 year old to be a bit more self-sufficient and less hard work? Also think PP has a good point that he might just not feel so comfortable looking after a wee girl.

Curlygirl06 · 14/04/2023 18:26

My grandson asks to have sleepovers here with his cousins (they're the ones who were up until 3 in the morning!) His parents and his cousins parents think that's a good idea! Otherwise, sometimes I ask, sometimes the kids ask, sometimes the grandchildren ask, especially in the holidays. My dh was away last night, so my grandson ended up sleeping with me, he loves it.

Skybluepinky · 14/04/2023 18:30

Never, we went to visit every weekend so no need for them to stay over.

Fundays12 · 14/04/2023 18:32

Once in the last 5 years. Kids are 11, 6 and nearly 4. My mum doesn't want too have them or any grandkids overnight. Her and her DH still work and are tired. My MIL is only interested in her favourite grandchildren to the point she is obsessive over them (ours are not favoured as they are the "wrong" sex in her eyes). You should ask though as it sounds like they might have them. We get virtually no help and pay for all childcare. This is preferable in our situation as the dynamics in DH family are not healthy.