How often do your kids have sleepovers with grandparents?

[IsItJustMeOrWhatEh]

Hi - I appreciate this is a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question, but still interested in responses.

I have two children - 6 and 4.

The eldest has had a few (five or six maybe?) sleepovers with paternal grandparents, starting when I was pregnant with our youngest (so when he was about 2.5).

Youngest has never had a sleepover.

My parents have never had, or shown any interest in having, a sleepover, with either child.

My husband's dad is now, very sadly, a widower - since MIL passed away he has had eldest for a couple of sleepovers (at his suggestion), but doesn't want to have youngest for sleepovers. We let the eldest go without her when she was too young to understand, but now she's four it doesn't really seem fair if she's not going to get the opportunity to go. She loves her grandad and will be very sad.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have grandparents literally ripping their arms off to have grandchildren for sleepovers, often for multiple nights... so I really just wondered what the norm was - as amongst our friendship group/parents we know... we feel rather like the odd ones out. One of my mum friends has come back from her third mini-break this year, while her kids were with her dad's parents... and I must admit this has got me thinking about it today (and being honest feeling a little bit jealous!).

When I was a kid I have lots of happy memories of sleeping over at my paternal grandparents house a LOT, which might be colouring my view. I didn't really have any preconceived ideas that my kids would spend nights on end at sleepovers (and nor would I really want them to), but I suppose I did hope for maybe a couple a year or something.

It's my husband's 40th this year, and mine next year, and I'd hoped maybe for a child-free night (or maybe even two) away but I can see that is unlikely to be able to become a reality. And now I am feeling a bit bummed.

Anyway, I'm really just interested to know what other people's situations are? I'm sure we're not the only parents in this position, but within our social circle we certainly are!

5yo twice (when his brothers were being born). 3yo once (when baby brother was being born). 1yo never.

The bad sleeper detail is definitely a big part of it I reckon!

I'm a granny and dgs is nearly 4, he's never slept here and not planning on having him either despite the spare room. I do childcare in holidays and he visits with his mum most Saturdays and that is plenty. Ds will babysit for dd if she want's a night out but can't imagine him wanting a sleepover at his house either. Maybe when he's a teen and likes a lie in I might reconsider.

Never except for when I was in hospital having a late missed miscarriage. Then my eldest stayed 2 nights. I’m not bothered about them staying away though.

Never. PIL stayed over night at ours the night I was in labour with DD2.

My parents are not quite how I expected them to be as grandparents TBH. They wouldn't ever ask to see the children "just because". My kids see them regularly because WE see them regularly if that makes sense. They obviously love the kids but would never go out of their way to see them. I sometimes get the impression they find the kids being with us an inconvenience. But equally they have done the odd bit of (evening) babysitting for us and the odd school holiday day, so it's not like they're totally hands off.

I think perhaps I just have a skewed perspective of what is normal due to people I know and also my experience with my paternal grandparents, who were incredibly hands on and I saw a LOT of them. My nan was one of those grandmas who really dote on grandchildren and want to see them as much as possible. Although as the eldest I do remember being side-lined a bit when my younger cousins were born. 😂

I'm feeling a bit better for having posted and had a little moan, so thank you. There are worse problems to have. I'm just bloody knackered and would like a proper rest at some point!

Ah, that's lovely. You must have a fabulous bond. 😊

A few times a year. My mum is fond of telling me things like that she has bought them a new duvet set for 'their room' at her house, or say she has a new bedtime story book or new pjs or something, but never actually offers to have them. If I do ask she'll umm and ahh about it and always have some kind of vague prior plans as to why she can't do it. Something like 'well I was going to do my food shop that evening', she has 2 weekdays off, works 3 very short days, and all weekend off, so in theory there's no reason the shopping couldn't be done on one of the other times. I understand my children aren't her responsibility, and she has her own life, but I do get fed up of her saying 'if you ever need help just let me know' then when I do ask she never will. It also irks me that she's been implying to all her friends she's a very involved grandparent and how she helps me out as a single parent so much, when in reality she barely sees her grandchildren. I know this because I know one of her good friends (who provides childcare twice a week for both her grandkids) and this friend has repeated stuff to me my mum has told her about having my children regularly, which absolutely isn't true. The irony is as a child I basically lived with her parents for weeks on end every school holiday and regularly stayed over at weekends!

One set almost every week while I work a night shift (before someone asks why DCs’ dad isn’t looking after them, he died). They offered. I didn’t ask or expect them to do this.
The other set, very rarely, DC don’t want to go without me.

My eldest has sleepovers every few weeks with my parents. They'd have him more but he stays with his dad some nights so he'd never be home if he was sleeping over a lot! DD's Dad prefers her to be home (she's only 2) but my parents would bite our hands off if we wanted them to have her overnight or for a weekend. I know people in both boats - those with grandparental support and without. DP's parents don't really do sleepovers with grandchildren but probably would if asked. Would your parents have DD while DS goes to FIL or would that be hard for both of them?

One night in 15 years between them. And one aftenoon of day time.

Maybe try and get them into Beavers/Cubs/Scouts - lots of camps to go on and they may end up on one at the same time. Really helped DS when he went on his Yr 6 residential that he'd already done some 1 and 2 night trips with Cubs.

Never. I think he probably finds it over whelming having both, especially as they're very young. I think I'd allow it, until the youngest gets upset by it.

Never. They haven't really got space for them all to sleep.

Dad would have had DD anytime I asked, I just never did.
Ils never had DD overnight until I separated from their son. It was one of the reasons they hated me, they were desperate for her to sleepover right from birth.

We have one DD almost 3. She's never slept out, neither set of grandparents have offered a sleepover and we have not asked them to. However both sets have had DD 3 days a week between them for me to work which I am very grateful for and have babysat for us to go to weddings / parties and we have come home around midnight x

Dd3 has a sleepover with my mum and day one day a week sometimes more depending what we're doing. Has stayed at least once a week since she was 18months.

It's her fav day of the week.

Twins nearly 2 stay once every few months and that's only because they don't sleep through the night 🤦‍♀️

Just to add to that, my mum and dad are the ones who want to have her, not because we ask, and it is usually a week night.

Monthly from about 12 months old. DM complained DMIL had had DS overnight more than her, last month I asked if she would like to have him overnight (no expectation by the way) and then she complained for a week afterwards. He’s a toddler, not yet 2, so yes, he can be exhausting.

My mum isn't with us anymore but my parents never did sleep overs nor regular childcare. Totally understandable as Dad worked FT (still does) and there were lot of grandchildren of a similar age so it was much easier / fairer to provide ad hoc childcare for us all.

In-laws have helped us with childcare (x3 days per week) for the past 7 years. I'd have not been able to go back to work otherwise. Given how much they help us I rarely ask for anything outside what they already do. So I'd say the older 2 have the occasional sleep over in the holidays but not often. Youngest is disabled and has a medication every night so sleep overs don't work.

I am beyond grateful to the help my inlaws give us (they are both retired but relatively young and in good health). Mine are all at school now so they do less childcare [me and DP always try to cover the holidays between us etc]

In my circle I don't know anyone who gets as much help as us. I do have a friend who's kids go to her mums every Friday and another friend who has her mum come over to help with childcare every few months for a week or two (they live in different countries)

Never. My parents are in another country and in poor health.

DH has a complicated family setup, but my in-laws have two death trap houses between them and a very lax attitude to safety. I'd have them stay overnight in our home to look after DS, but would never EVER send him to their houses unsupervised while he's little.

Never.

MIL had DS often after school, and they had a lovely bond, but as we lived nearby there was no need for a sleepover.

DM has never ever offered to babysit, and made it clear the couple of times when childcare fell through that not even in an emergency would she trouble herself to help me. She's far enough away that when I visit it's usually overnight and sometimes DS comes, but as he's gotten older prefers to stay home with dad.

I have an amazing SIL who happily does the rare sleepover maybe once a year if DH and I go to a gig. And another one who's done it once and offered to do it again. And several friends who would host DS on a sleepover with their kids or happily help me out in an emergency so I don't need DM. Ironically, she's the one increasingly needing me.

Never- my parents are dead, my husbands mum lives abroad but wouldn’t do it anyway, fucking shit grandmother.

Interesting reading the replies that it seems to be quite divided into either:

• lots of sleepovers/babysitting or
• non/very little

And not a huge amount in between!

I should add I don't normally dwell on this stuff much, but I am feeling exceptionally knackered today!

Also I have just remembered that later this month I am having a (child-free) sleepover at my mum and dad's house. Is that irony? I'm not sure! 😂