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Original poster

AIBU Going on a Hen Do Abroad

319 replies

HotPotato2 · 11/04/2023 08:37

I've never been on a girls Hen Do away and this one is abroad. I got very excited when I was invited there is only 5 of us going for 3 nights so assumed it would be quite laid back. and I committed to flights without knowing the accommodation costs and itinerary and things have got out of hand! Which in hindsight I should have asked first.
I have 2 kids 12 and 9 and have never left them before, obviously they will be with their dad and well looked after so I'm terribly nervous about that. But thought maybe a weekend away would be good and be much cheaper than a family holiday as things are tight this year and we are already going away as a family later in the year. And I've never been away with the girls.

However the costs have spiralled and I feel so guilty as for the amount I am now paying I probably could have done a cheap holiday abroad with the kids.

It's £400 each for accommodation, flights £200 return
But then the activities have got out of hand, tours for £70, beach clubs for £70 each which does include some food, a meal out £70 each and I feel like I now cannot say no as I will lose the money I have already paid and I cannot exactly go and not participate in the activities for a hen do, the beach club is all afternoon and I know the drinks will cost a fortune while I'm there cos you are stuck there. I wrongly assumed that we might just explore the city during the day and go shopping or something,

My Partner is going mad about it now, but I work obviously so its not his money but in hindsight could of been better spent

I'm gutted I feel like I have completed wasted some of my savings, do think there is any way I can get out of it or am I just going to have to suck it up now? Do you think I am over-reacting and probably have a really good time??
Realistically I will probs not get to go one again abroad. Am I just being over anxious, I'm not a natural spender and definitely a saver so this is a lot for me!!

OP posts:
romdowa · 11/04/2023 08:39

Surely pulling out and loosing 200 quid is far better than spending maybe triple that on a weekend away.

thimblewomgee247 · 11/04/2023 08:45

It's so hard when there's things get out of hand. I think some people just get carried away. You won't be the only once thinking it, it's worth saying something

Quitelikeacatslife · 11/04/2023 08:49

It'll be a grand once you've done . If you can afford it and decide you can then stop the guilt and enjoy it. Going away with friends is really life affirming

Dartmoorcheffy · 11/04/2023 08:51

Just go and enjoy yourself.

Valid8me · 11/04/2023 08:52

I'm not why you expected a hen party abroad to involve exploring a city and shopping tbh Confused

Velvian · 11/04/2023 08:54

Can you sell some things on Vinted or do a car boot sale to raise some funds?

Original poster
HotPotato2 · 11/04/2023 08:54

I've already paid for accommodation and flights!

OP posts:
Original poster
HotPotato2 · 11/04/2023 08:55

Yeah I've made £100 on vinted last month so I'm really thinking about how I can make some money xx

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 11/04/2023 08:56

If things are tight I wouldn’t enjoy spending that much money either.

Find out what activities and optional - surely you’ll be asked your opinion before they commit? You need to be assertive and possibly do some research yourself to make alternative suggestions.

Original poster
HotPotato2 · 11/04/2023 08:56

Bcos I haven't been on one Valid8me but thanks for being helpful

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 11/04/2023 08:58

I would either just say no to some of the activities, or cancel. You can’t spend that much if you don’t have it.
can you change the dates on the flights and accommodation?

Hoppinggreen · 11/04/2023 08:59

Do you actually want to go?
If you do then just go and enjoy it. It sounds to me like you are being put off by your OH whinging about it but as long as it doesn’t cause the family financial hardship and you doesn’t to go then do it

SunshineAndFizz · 11/04/2023 09:00

These things always end up costing more than you think, it's never just the flights and accommodation costs, spending money can be a lot.

If you have the money and don't think you'll ever go on one again, I'd say go and have a ball. Don't feel guilty, mums need some fun too.

snitzelvoncrumb · 11/04/2023 09:01

Are you sure everyone is going to do everything?

WoWsers16 · 11/04/2023 09:02

I totally understand! I'm going to Ibiza in September with my friends for 3 nights and the original costs were crazy!! (My friend thought £900 for flights and accommodation was a bargain!) however we carried on researching and got it to £600 all inclusive.
I've 2 children ages 8 and 11 and so totally understand about the amount I'm paying on myself I'm guilty about however I've done 2 months of hard side hustles which meant I haven't used money from the family pot as such!
Maybe you should voice your opinion to the group now like /
'Wow this is all sounding great but I'm now reaching my total budget so I have to be careful with what's booked now' xx

Lyricallie · 11/04/2023 09:03

Some of the activities you could say no to. I’ve been to hen dos where some people have been like this specific activity isn’t for me but I’ll wait for you here. Admittedly UK hens. When I went on a girls holiday they all went banana boating and I absolutely hate boats so I was like I’ll hold the bags and waited by the pool. Nobody cared. So if you’re really struggling you could maybe skip one. However sounds like great fun! I hope you go an have a whale of a time :)

Original poster
HotPotato2 · 11/04/2023 09:03

Can't change accommodation I'm sharing a room with the Hen in a hotel so can't really pull out of the accommodation
I'd like to pull out of going to that beach club but then I'm on my own all afternoon and will.look like a right boring twat.
I was really looking forward to it but now I'm having second thoughts I'm worried I'm going to spend all that money and not enjoy it

OP posts:
Arapawa · 11/04/2023 09:03

Why couldn't you all just have gone out for a curry locally instead of spending obscene amounts of money going abroad. Why are people still flying when they don't need to? We have a climate crisis as well as everything else. Grrrrr.

Oblomov23 · 11/04/2023 09:04

Very silly for not checking the costs before you agreed. Just cancel and tell them the truth that you can't afford it.

Bobbybobbins · 11/04/2023 09:06

Options:

Cancel completely
Go but don't do expensive activities eg beach club
Go but limit spends eg don't buy drinks at beach club
Go and do everything

Personally I would be upfront that you are finding the activity costs high. Others may then agree. Personally I would go but not do expensive activities and just chill on beach by myself that afternoon!

Meandfour · 11/04/2023 09:07

Arapawa · 11/04/2023 09:03

Why couldn't you all just have gone out for a curry locally instead of spending obscene amounts of money going abroad. Why are people still flying when they don't need to? We have a climate crisis as well as everything else. Grrrrr.

🙄

Original poster
HotPotato2 · 11/04/2023 09:10

I appreciate all the comments 😊 some very positive - I think a lot of is down to guilt but I also have read some of reviews of the places we are going and they are awful so I just feel a bit gutted that I'm spending that much and what I will get for my money is going to be disappointing. The beach club has horrendous reviews! And the £70 meal out place we are going to has awful reviews too

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 11/04/2023 09:11

Just go. The fact you're so worried about leaving kids that age for one weekend shows how much you need to do this. Don't think of it as a lot of money for one short trip. Think of it as an absolute bargain after over a decade of zero independent jaunts! Stop worrying and go enjoy yourself. DH can have his own weekend away if he likes. Time to start getting your lives back beyond pure parenting responsibilities.

Skyliner1 · 11/04/2023 09:11

Personally I'd love an afternoon by the pool or on the beach by myself whilst everyone else went to the beach club and I'm pretty sure I'd not like a beach club, so I'd drop out of that activity and save a chunk of money. I know I would find it hard to say actually, I don't think I'd enjoy this/I can't afford this so I'll see you after though.

pinkdelight · 11/04/2023 09:13

(If you're going then I'd also quit googling all the reviews too. Take it as you find it!)