AIBU Going on a Hen Do Abroad

[HotPotato2]

I've never been on a girls Hen Do away and this one is abroad. I got very excited when I was invited there is only 5 of us going for 3 nights so assumed it would be quite laid back. and I committed to flights without knowing the accommodation costs and itinerary and things have got out of hand! Which in hindsight I should have asked first.
I have 2 kids 12 and 9 and have never left them before, obviously they will be with their dad and well looked after so I'm terribly nervous about that. But thought maybe a weekend away would be good and be much cheaper than a family holiday as things are tight this year and we are already going away as a family later in the year. And I've never been away with the girls.

However the costs have spiralled and I feel so guilty as for the amount I am now paying I probably could have done a cheap holiday abroad with the kids.

It's £400 each for accommodation, flights £200 return
But then the activities have got out of hand, tours for £70, beach clubs for £70 each which does include some food, a meal out £70 each and I feel like I now cannot say no as I will lose the money I have already paid and I cannot exactly go and not participate in the activities for a hen do, the beach club is all afternoon and I know the drinks will cost a fortune while I'm there cos you are stuck there. I wrongly assumed that we might just explore the city during the day and go shopping or something,

My Partner is going mad about it now, but I work obviously so its not his money but in hindsight could of been better spent

I'm gutted I feel like I have completed wasted some of my savings, do think there is any way I can get out of it or am I just going to have to suck it up now? Do you think I am over-reacting and probably have a really good time??
Realistically I will probs not get to go one again abroad. Am I just being over anxious, I'm not a natural spender and definitely a saver so this is a lot for me!!

😂try not to fly then. Stop telling people what to do 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think OP has been very silly at all, I think she just felt understandably happy to be invited away with her friends and it became unexpectedly expensive. Your post is not a kind post imo. Personally I think it’s selfish of brides to expect their friends to go abroad with such an extravagant expensive itinerary, why have all the stress and worry of it and expect your friends to carry stress too?!

Do people really consider a hen weekend a "trip of a lifetime "?

I think in this context it’s meant as an unrepeatable one off, rather than something you’ve spent a long time wishing you could do for whatever reason.

I'd cancel and lose the £200

There is absolutely no need to agree to split bills. Be upfront about it. Say you hadn't budgeted so much so will enjoy the things you are doing but will stick to soft drinks.
Barcelona is a,axing. I'm sure you can still have fun.

Well it’s too late now anyway so what’s the point in worrying about it?… sometimes you have to put these things down to experience, enjoy the weekend and simply say to your husband that you didn’t realise how much it was costing, but would loose too much now so will go but have learnt a valuable lesson and in future will hold out to say yes until all the costs are clear!

Is there no way you can ask the others if some of the activities could be cheaper? £70 for a meal seems extortionate!! £70 for an afternoon club is a lot unless it includes drinks!….

Hen dos are crazy now… and so wrong that often everyone has to foot the bill for the hen too…. So she chooses daft places knowing she doesn’t have to pay a penny, I find it all quite selfish and entitled.

If you really like the bride, and can afford it, I'd go and just enjoy it as an expensive trip, but don't put pressure on yourself to keep up with drinks for the girls.

If you aren't really close with the bride, or you really can't afford it, I'd probably fess up how it's more than you expected but you realise you'll lose deposits and not go. Nothing worse than being on a group trip you're not enjoying and worrying about spends.

And at a later date arrange a more local girls only trip for people you really like. They are fun with the right crowd.

Enjoy yourself. You work and are a Mum. It's literally 4 days. Kids don't need holidays. You can have days at the seaside here and there. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Go my love! Money will return memories are forever. You sound like you would enjoy the trip away generally plus the activities are for the hen.
don’t feel guilty about the girls, they will want their mummy to be happy. I also think it’s a positive thing to show young girls that women don’t have to give up everything when they have children (unlike stereotypically the fathers).
HAVE FUN! Xx

If there are five of you going, then presumably you’re in her close bridesmaid/family/ best friend circle so there shouldn’t be an issue with telling the bride that this is a little over budget?

TBH I am shocked that the bride is happy to expect you guys to pay about a grand in total, with no consideration that you might feel obligated but not necessary able to afford it, especially with a family and especially in this current financial climate!!

Side note it does seem a bit off that you have referred to your income as your money and not your husbands too, i thought a marriage would mean joint finances rather than mine and yours. Fine if it works both ways but I can see why DH might be miffed

That makes sense March, thanks

"hi. I'm really excited about our end celebration - it's my first! I'm up foe most things but am concerned about costs. We're in a lovely location in a beautiful hotel - rather than go to a (probably crowded and not great reviews) beach pool and meals for £70, could we look at more 'local' stuff like x, y, z. These places to eat have great reviews - (give examples).

The costs are mounting and, to be honest, I can't really afford/prefer not to spend so much on beach clubs and £70 p/h meals.

If there's no cheaper alternatives then so be it bit felt I had to mention this as I'm starting to stress about the cost.

Hope you understand"

*hen

I would add that if you don't have alternative suggestions, I'd probably not say anything as it could come across as criticism ofr the sake of it and expecting everyone else to do the research for your lack of funds

This sounds very selfish of your partner. Your first ever trip with the girls and he’s not encouraging you to go and have fun? I’m in a similar situation, mid 30’s had my kids young, never been away with my best friend. She’s going through a break up and asked if I wanted to do a holiday. My husband is missing out as I’m using money that we would usually use for date nights and a little weekend away together but he has told me he wouldn’t dream of me not going. Yes the money could of probably been spent on better things but this is memories with your friends that will last a lifetime and you only live once. Go and enjoy. And if you need to worry about your kids while they are with their dad I think that is the real problem within this post.

Every couple approaches finances in their own way though. We have a shared account for bills but we also have our own accounts to do as we please.

Can you speak to your friends, you might not be the only one that is worrying about the cost. Just because you are on a hen doesnt mean you need to spend a fortune. Maybe they could tone it down a bit and find some cheaper options, cheaper bars etc

Firstly I'd tell the hen that you're sorry but you can't afford it.

Secondly I'd object to going to expensive places with bad reports.

Thirdly I'd go. Forget the expense, don't worry about the kids and bugger the dp. Just enjoy.

And if you don't go, don't dwell on it. Forget about it and go out with the family. Good luck 👍 💓