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Original poster

AIBU Going on a Hen Do Abroad

319 replies

HotPotato2 · 11/04/2023 08:37

I've never been on a girls Hen Do away and this one is abroad. I got very excited when I was invited there is only 5 of us going for 3 nights so assumed it would be quite laid back. and I committed to flights without knowing the accommodation costs and itinerary and things have got out of hand! Which in hindsight I should have asked first.
I have 2 kids 12 and 9 and have never left them before, obviously they will be with their dad and well looked after so I'm terribly nervous about that. But thought maybe a weekend away would be good and be much cheaper than a family holiday as things are tight this year and we are already going away as a family later in the year. And I've never been away with the girls.

However the costs have spiralled and I feel so guilty as for the amount I am now paying I probably could have done a cheap holiday abroad with the kids.

It's £400 each for accommodation, flights £200 return
But then the activities have got out of hand, tours for £70, beach clubs for £70 each which does include some food, a meal out £70 each and I feel like I now cannot say no as I will lose the money I have already paid and I cannot exactly go and not participate in the activities for a hen do, the beach club is all afternoon and I know the drinks will cost a fortune while I'm there cos you are stuck there. I wrongly assumed that we might just explore the city during the day and go shopping or something,

My Partner is going mad about it now, but I work obviously so its not his money but in hindsight could of been better spent

I'm gutted I feel like I have completed wasted some of my savings, do think there is any way I can get out of it or am I just going to have to suck it up now? Do you think I am over-reacting and probably have a really good time??
Realistically I will probs not get to go one again abroad. Am I just being over anxious, I'm not a natural spender and definitely a saver so this is a lot for me!!

OP posts:
Phoebo · 12/04/2023 03:53

Enjoy it, remember how excited you were. Life is for living, go and have a great time!

Ohrwurm · 12/04/2023 08:31

If you can afford it and are looking forward to it, I'd just go. As long as you're not getting yourself into a financial mess with it, then sometimes the experience is worth more.

Marchintospring · 12/04/2023 08:40

Barcelona?
Blimey definitely don’t pay £70 for a tour. Runner Bean tours are free in the old town and the HoHo buses are half that too. Also places like Shoko are restaurant's/ clubs on the beach, so you can eat drink and sun bathe without a cover charge.

Having been every year at least once since 2003 I’d say go but have a back up plan. It will be packed and I expect at least some of the group won’t be able to hack the pace. PM me if you’d like ( I’m on the Barcelona TripAdvisor forum quite a lot too which will give you good advice).

monsteramunch · 12/04/2023 08:57

MrsRail17 · 11/04/2023 11:26

From reading it it sounds to me like you would like to go, financially you sound quite secure but you’re feeling guilty about spending so much money and leaving your children. So if I’ve got all that right, I would go. You say you’ve never done anything like this before and you’re not really sure whether that’s your thing. You’ve spent 12 years looking after your children see it as a bit of me time (expensive me time albeit) but I’d go and recharge and have fun. You’ve nothing to feel guilty about you say it’s your money & your savings. The worst that will happen is you will not have fun, but I think if you really let your hair down you will go with the flow and enjoy it. And it will make for some great memories.
Obviously if I’ve misinterpreted your situation and this is going to cause financial hardship I might change my mind on my advice but I feel the main problem here is you feel guilty - DONT!

This.

It's the equivalent of less than £85 a year since your eldest was born and you haven't had any time away from them since then which is crazy!

I would go and cherry pick the bits you fancy doing - hopefully you have a lovely time ☀️

Ooolaaaala · 12/04/2023 09:10

If you want to do some research on better quality and value options for the restaurant, tour, beach club - why not do that and present these options comparative alongside the reviews / costs of the places they have already chosen?

They might be really delighted and grateful that you have made an effort to find better / cheaper alternatives - but present it as that you value that they have done a lot of work already, don’t want to step on anyone’s toes - just throwing this in for consideration etc…..

IDontWantToBeAPie · 12/04/2023 09:24

Will this trip deprive your children of food, clothing, warmth or other necessities for a comfortable life?

They're already getting a holiday this year.

If not don't feel guilty. You're allowed to be someone other than 'mum' and have fun as just a woman!

IDontWantToBeAPie · 12/04/2023 09:59

And yes accommodation wise between five you could've got a beautiful Airbnb for about £36 each per night!

Like this one: https://www.airbnb.co.uk/rooms/plus/937331?adults=5&children=0&enablem33privateroom=false&infants=0&pets=0&checkkin=2023-11-06&checkout=2023-11-11&federateddsearchid=92d96a5a-d7b8-407c-83b6-6f3c00554fee&sourceeimpressionid=p3316812899485obuFbru7NlqzIRv

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/04/2023 10:13

IDontWantToBeAPie · 12/04/2023 09:24

Will this trip deprive your children of food, clothing, warmth or other necessities for a comfortable life?

They're already getting a holiday this year.

If not don't feel guilty. You're allowed to be someone other than 'mum' and have fun as just a woman!

This!!

don’t see how anyone could argue with this

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/04/2023 17:45

Mirabai · 11/04/2023 23:44

You’re paying for private beach, so it’s all clean and swept, and your own beach hut to put all your stuff and your own comfy sun loungers with umbrellas, and outdoor sofas under awnings, cafe, bar, restaurant for your Frito Misto and cocktails, pedalos and little boats to rent, sports stuff. Some have pools.

Show quote history

I'm still struggling to see the need. Most decent public beaches are clean and swept each morning though with sunloungers and umbrellas you can hire for about 10 euros. There are bars, restaurants and cafes all along public beaches for cocktails and food. I like the informal chinguito style myself, but perhaps that style is not considered posh enough for the beach club lovers? I've also never been on a nice public beach that didn't have pedaloes and boats and other watersports available to rent. I really just don't understand what your £70 beach club entrance free is buying you if you still have to pay for food, drink, boat/pedaloe hire on top. Seems a lot for a more padded sunlounger and a locker for your stuff.

H007 · 12/04/2023 17:49

If you want to go just go, don’t feel guilty. Sometime we have to do things that are just for us.

Ooolaaaala · 12/04/2023 17:51

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/04/2023 17:45

I'm still struggling to see the need. Most decent public beaches are clean and swept each morning though with sunloungers and umbrellas you can hire for about 10 euros. There are bars, restaurants and cafes all along public beaches for cocktails and food. I like the informal chinguito style myself, but perhaps that style is not considered posh enough for the beach club lovers? I've also never been on a nice public beach that didn't have pedaloes and boats and other watersports available to rent. I really just don't understand what your £70 beach club entrance free is buying you if you still have to pay for food, drink, boat/pedaloe hire on top. Seems a lot for a more padded sunlounger and a locker for your stuff.

Show quote history

Think the OP said that the £70 included a meal and a drink.

CottonSock · 12/04/2023 17:52

I think it sounds amazing. If you want to go don't let your partner make you feel guilty.

Jack80 · 12/04/2023 18:16

I would voice my concerns and say look I’m worried about paying for Tue beach club and the meal with the reviews being so bad. I will do x activity but not all. My husband went to a stag party in this country and it was a cottage they were staying in bring own booze and go karting. My husband his brother and their friend not the groom got bored as the others they didn’t really get on with so they went home a day early and went to Alton Towers.

LoisLane66 · 12/04/2023 18:41

Even if I was a millionaire, I wouldn't be spending £800++ on three days celebrating a hen do. Youll no doubt have to shell out more for the actual wedding including a hotel, meal and outfit plus a present.
All this nonsense has got out of hand.

Missingpop · 12/04/2023 18:45

Oh my lovely I’ve just had this last weekend a hen party in the middle of nowhere organised by a bunch of idiots it cost a small fortune; but I dug deep & joined in I can’t say I enjoyed all of it; I didn’t; but I just made sure I smiled at all times & drank my weight in alcohol & made sure I kept up the pretence until I got home 😆😆
Go along with a open mind you’ve committed yourself now so just go with the flow; drink join in & be jolly it’s a weekend child free just take care of yourself & don’t drink too much & be-aware of your surroundings at all times. 😆😆😆 good luck sweetie x

restingbitchface30 · 12/04/2023 18:50

My Partner is going mad about it now, but I work obviously so its not his money but in hindsight could of been better

I couldn’t get past this comment sorry! You are married, your money is joint surely. My partner has just refused to go on a stag do as we could do something better with the money. I’m not surprised yours is losing his shit.

Foxface21 · 12/04/2023 19:21

Go and have some fun. You have two children so deserve to have some time away from it all. I bet your other half is just jealous. They’d never say no to a stag do. Would they!

Lozois99 · 12/04/2023 19:31

Honestly at this stage in proceedings i would just accept its a lesson learned and treat it like a once in a lifetime experience and HAVE A BALL

Chuck2015 · 12/04/2023 19:40

I can’t get over the expectations on these Hen Weekends, it feels like we are living in quite a materialistic/narcissistic world. Anyone born before 1975 just went on a night on the town! I don’t know what to suggest, maybe suck it up but lesson learnt? But I wouldn’t feel guilty about the family missing out if you can afford it and want to go?

Buffs · 12/04/2023 19:53

Okay you’ve learnt a lesson, now just go and enjoy yourself. Stop feeling guilty, life’s too short.

SingleMamaG4 · 12/04/2023 19:53

Just go! Enjoy it! In years to come you’ll wonder why you pulled out - think of ☀️ 🍹 💤 👙

Grrrrdarling · 12/04/2023 19:56

HotPotato2 · 11/04/2023 08:37

I've never been on a girls Hen Do away and this one is abroad. I got very excited when I was invited there is only 5 of us going for 3 nights so assumed it would be quite laid back. and I committed to flights without knowing the accommodation costs and itinerary and things have got out of hand! Which in hindsight I should have asked first.
I have 2 kids 12 and 9 and have never left them before, obviously they will be with their dad and well looked after so I'm terribly nervous about that. But thought maybe a weekend away would be good and be much cheaper than a family holiday as things are tight this year and we are already going away as a family later in the year. And I've never been away with the girls.

However the costs have spiralled and I feel so guilty as for the amount I am now paying I probably could have done a cheap holiday abroad with the kids.

It's £400 each for accommodation, flights £200 return
But then the activities have got out of hand, tours for £70, beach clubs for £70 each which does include some food, a meal out £70 each and I feel like I now cannot say no as I will lose the money I have already paid and I cannot exactly go and not participate in the activities for a hen do, the beach club is all afternoon and I know the drinks will cost a fortune while I'm there cos you are stuck there. I wrongly assumed that we might just explore the city during the day and go shopping or something,

My Partner is going mad about it now, but I work obviously so its not his money but in hindsight could of been better spent

I'm gutted I feel like I have completed wasted some of my savings, do think there is any way I can get out of it or am I just going to have to suck it up now? Do you think I am over-reacting and probably have a really good time??
Realistically I will probs not get to go one again abroad. Am I just being over anxious, I'm not a natural spender and definitely a saver so this is a lot for me!!

Advise everyone of the issues with some activities maybe not being worth what you are all going to pay, see if they can be cancelled & offer some other options & advise that you are at your limit for budget too.
This isn’t something I would even consider doing but I suffer with social anxiety & struggle to leave the house on a daily basis.
Try to breath through the mum guilt too. It is hard but just think how nice it will be to just have a change of scenery & some nice weather without the responsibilities of parenting.
You deserve this time away ❤

Daisyb1080 · 12/04/2023 20:41

Please stop feeling guilty about everything. You are entitled to have a break and enjoy yourself. There are lots of people who would prefer it if you sat in an empty room and watched paint dry than have fun. It’s your life go and live it.

Toadinthroat · 12/04/2023 20:59

I spent about £1600 on a once in a lifetime trip for myself this year and the memory of it is 100% worth it. I missed my kids but I left them a little treasure hunt to do when they woke up and I had gone to catch my flight and they loved it. Please go and enjoy yourself.

Geordie88 · 12/04/2023 21:01

If you genuinely can't afford it, and it will cause money issues on return then yeah, maybe it isn't wise. But if you have saved & want to go then try not to feel guilty. We put some much of our own wants and needs one the back burner for kids I'm sure they won't suffer or go without for you to enjoy a weekend with friends. Also maybe mention to the group the reviews are shocking for the activities, not in bore or stingy type of wah, just ooh i read the reviews and they sound bad, what do you reckon on looks for alternatives.. Im sure none of the group want to waste money on something they won't enjoy

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