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Original poster

If you found out you had a half sibling

187 replies

Aphrathestorm · 20/03/2023 08:01

I was talking to a friend yesterday and I said my DF was in his late 30s when he had me so it's not beyond imagination that I could have an older half sibling out there somewhere. Especially as he lived in different places.

I'd be really interested in meeting them. I'm an only child and would love that link to someone else.

But my friend said she wouldnt want to know! That she wouldnt feel any connection and would t want the disruption to her family dynamic.

So who's view is most typical.

I thought most people would be at least curious?

OP posts:
BeanzToastie · 20/03/2023 18:06

I wouldn't want to know, let alone meet them. For me, it would mean that my dad wasn't the man I thought he was.

I do however have a good friend who found out that her mum had given up a baby for adoption several years before she went on to marry and have her "real" family. The mum was already dead by the time this came to light and friend was utterly flabbergasted but very pleased to meet her sibling and they have become quite close.

TheFTrain · 20/03/2023 18:12

I have a half sister.

It's weird that I know about her, I know her name and the area she lives in, the name of he husband and the fact she has kids but she doesn't know I exist. What would be the use of getting in touch with her? It's probable that my father has kept me a secret - I've had no contact with him since I was a young child - and by contacting her I'd be stirring up a huge amount of trouble.

Perplexin · 20/03/2023 18:13

I have a half sister. She's 9 years younger than me, lives in the same town as me (although she spent most of her life elsewhere but now lives with our father) and I have absolutely no intention of talking or meeting with her.

She did message me on Facebook a while ago but I didn't respond. I know her name, sort of what she looks like and where she works but that's it (thanks to my full-Sister).

I doubt I will ever regret my choice in having no contact.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Fenella123 · 20/03/2023 18:14

I would be interested but cautious. I met some distant-ish cousins for the first time in adulthood and felt an instant connection. However I can't say that all my biological relationships are sunshine and roses. I'm well aware that biology is important but no magic wand. I'd be prepared for a wide range of outcomes - including a relationship which is good enough to stay in touch but nonetheless quite frustrating and irritating off and on!

I can understand that someone, with a particular family background and set of experiences, might just nope out of the whole thing.

InSpainTheRain · 20/03/2023 18:15

I think there may be another branch to my family as my Nan seems to have been with a different man to the person I knew as my Grandad when she gave birth to my Mum. I won't pursue it though and I wouldn't meet them if they contact me. Relationships are not just about what's on the paper they are built over years.

Comii9 · 20/03/2023 18:16

@Perplexin some interesting views. Do you not speak to your father?

spelunky · 20/03/2023 18:19

I'd be curious I think and would want to at least meet.

I wouldn't expect anything of it though. Certainly wouldn't be expecting a connection like I have with the siblings I grew up with.

But I'd be interested to see if we had anything in common and might get on.

Auntieobem · 20/03/2023 18:20

I have a half brother, from my "father"'s second marriage. I haven't seen my father since my parents divorced when I was 2 (46 years). My father dies a few years ago. I have no wish to meet my half brother.

Perplexin · 20/03/2023 18:40

Comii9 · 20/03/2023 18:16

@Perplexin some interesting views. Do you not speak to your father?

I don't but interestingly enough isn't the reason I've chosen no contact.

My full sister is close to our father so met our half sister many years ago. My half sibling ended up living with my full sister after telling her that her maternal grandparents (who she lived with then) were abusing her, stealing money and not feeding her.
6 months after taking in our half sister, she was overheard saying on the phone that my sister was doing exactly the same thing as her grandparents - word for word.

It later transpired that she'd originally told her maternal grandparents the same lies about her own mum. My sister kicked her out and our father took her in.

Makes me all the more glad that I never responded before this all happened.

user1471538283 · 20/03/2023 18:49

I would be really upset if the person was my DFs because he had no secrets and he would have told me. If the person was my DMs I would be very surprised because she didn't even want me. And where were they when I was going through a lifetime of shit with her?

I think my DGM may have one somewhere but we haven't got a clue where to even start looking and she didn't question it when her DF was alive.

CiderWithLizzie · 20/03/2023 19:04

I was adopted as a baby and always wanted to find my birth family and was encouraged to do do by my parents. Luckily I have found an amazing half sister on my birth mother’s side. She lives overseas and I recently visited her for a week. I couldn’t be happier and luckily she feels the same!

GotABeatForYouMama · 20/03/2023 19:05

I have 3. 2 I grew up with (1 older and 1 younger than me), and 1 I have never met. I have no desire to meet her nor do I have any interest in the man that fathered her and me. The 2 I grew up with have the same dad....the loveliest man who ever lived and he will always be my dad.

Only4nomore · 20/03/2023 19:25

My DH recently discovered his father wasn't his father due to an ancestry DNA test, he has reached out to someone who could be his maternal Aunt or even half sister based on the results but they have not responded. He would love to know who his Father is just to see what he may look like he isn't really interested in a relationship with them as pp have said it would be very strange this late in life to try and bond with someone.

MamaDollyorJesus · 20/03/2023 19:26

I have 2 half brothers & a half sister from my dad's second marriage but I grew up with them & we have a shared history/bond & I couldn't imagine my life without them.

I've known since I was about 20 that my dad got his girlfriend pregnant when he was 16 & she moved away with her family before the baby was born & my dads never had any involvement - all we know is the baby was a girl. I have no interest in seeking her out & I have no idea if she knows anything about my dad & the circumstances of her conception/birth.

ToriLynn · 20/03/2023 20:16

I'd be interested to meet them but it would depend how that meeting went as to whether or not I'd want to get to know them. I have 1 brother (younger) but we've never got along so it would be nice to have another sibling I could potentially have that connection with

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/03/2023 21:03

My son wants to meet his, but so far hasn’t done anything about it. We know that his father had three other children. We’ve no idea whether they know about him or not. I think I’d want to meet them, but it has to be his choice.

Daniella12 · 20/03/2023 21:18

Mum was adopted and, with my help (20 years ago) discovered that she had 7 half siblings. One maternal; six paternal. Because her father was Jewish and the mother Scottish Presbyterian, she was not wanted by either family. This was the early 30s. She was dumped in an orphanage and eventually adopted by an elderly couple. The mother would verbally abuse her, taunting her for being a ‘b•••tars’ and Jewish. With the help of the internet, she discovered that her father had been a psychiatrist, and American, who died young, leaving a family of six. Her mother had one son. She never met the American relatives, but corresponded with one. They welcomed my brother who visited them at a family gathering in Maryland. Lots of doctors and nurses. My mum trained as a nurse and ended up managing an entire hospital. She inherited an interest in medicine from her father, but could not afford to train as doctor. Her brother on her mother’s side was a kind, gentle giant, but they had nothing in common. The sad thing is, she met him just after her biological mother had died. What hurt her was that neither parent mentioned her, not even on their death beds. She had been completely erased. The irony is that my younger brother looks just like her dad, and she looks very similar to her biological mum. I am still angry that she was sent to an orphanage, where she ended up with rickets. She also found out that another member of her biological mother’s family got pregnant, and the baby was kept - because it was not Jewish. My mum wore a Star of David for the last few years of her life …

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 20/03/2023 21:25

Yes, I would.

Cakeorchocolate · 21/03/2023 08:13

I was in my teens when a younger half sibing I had no idea about got in touch with me. I wasn't interested. Over 20 years later I'm still not.

I replied to their message it turns out the dad who left my family when I was 4, and never saw again after I was 5 at most, actually stuck around for her life. I don't resent that but it doesn't make me have anything in common with her either.

The same way I'd have zero interest if he ever tried getting in touch with me either.

Original poster
Aphrathestorm · 22/03/2023 09:25

So many sad stories here.

I know someone else who was adopted and knew from at least her 20s that she had bio siblings.

She met them in her 30s.

She became estranged from her adoptive family and even took back her birth surname.

She considers her bio siblings her true family now.

They are just like other adult siblings.

I assumed from this that most people would try to establish relationships with bio siblings that are estranged for no reason they themselves are responsible for .

It seems odd to me to punish the child for the fathers wrongs.

OP posts:
704703hey · 22/03/2023 09:37

I'd love it, I'd want to know if they were like my father! Also curious for medical history reasons. But sad if they didn't want to meet me.

Next door were adopted, they didn't like their adoptive parents so when they were put in contact with their biological family they severed contact with them. I'm not sure if he's just looking at it differently now but they are quite hurt apparently and would like contact.

704703hey · 22/03/2023 09:38

704703hey · 22/03/2023 09:37

I'd love it, I'd want to know if they were like my father! Also curious for medical history reasons. But sad if they didn't want to meet me.

Next door were adopted, they didn't like their adoptive parents so when they were put in contact with their biological family they severed contact with them. I'm not sure if he's just looking at it differently now but they are quite hurt apparently and would like contact.

I wish you could edit on here - I'm not sure if he blamed them for adopting him.

He got 10 GCSEs at grade A so it doesn't sound like they neglected his education.

SpinningFloppa · 22/03/2023 09:44

Because some of us have been in the situation so know siblings aren’t always a blessing, I have 4 half siblings (1 full) but they are on my mums side and I grew up with them but I don’t have a relationship with any of them. Why would I need another? I know siblings aren’t always a good thing and my life is fine as it is there is nothing missing I wouldn’t feel any urge to have a relationship with someone that is a stranger to me.

davegrohll · 22/03/2023 09:54

I knew I had a half brother since I was a teenager but my dad never properly admitted that he was his. He was adopted when my dad was very young and signed the papers... my dad did finally admit he was his dad eventually.
My brother killed himself a few years ago and I felt such regret and guilt at never reaching out to him.

704703hey · 22/03/2023 10:05

davegrohll · 22/03/2023 09:54

I knew I had a half brother since I was a teenager but my dad never properly admitted that he was his. He was adopted when my dad was very young and signed the papers... my dad did finally admit he was his dad eventually.
My brother killed himself a few years ago and I felt such regret and guilt at never reaching out to him.

I'm sorry to hear that 🙁

You weren't to know something like that would happen